


Doing the best we can

by Islandida



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mentions of past child abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2021-04-12
Packaged: 2021-04-19 03:01:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 158,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Islandida/pseuds/Islandida
Summary: The Stark siblings lives all changed two years ago with the loss of their parents. Since then Sansa has worked hard to keep her family together, leaving everything behind to become the guardian of her younger siblings.But life is tough and it doesn't help that Arya is acting out. Can the surly rude coach of the high school hockey team make a difference in all their lives? Or will they be the ones to make a difference in his?
Relationships: Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark
Comments: 1058
Kudos: 936





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I'm trying something different with this story! I'm challenging myself to not go down the fluff road, but there will probably be fluff because that's just who I am as a writer.
> 
> I hope you guys want to come along on this little story.

Sansa’s heart was racing a mile a minute as she hurried down the hall of Quiet Isle High School. Her mind had been swirling with worry ever since she had gotten the call thirty minutes ago and the rough raspy voice had told her “that her kid had gotten herself into a shitload of trouble and she should get her ass down here”.

She had dropped everything at work, thankfully Jeyne was covering for her, and had driven here as fast as the law allowed. As she looked for the office door with Mr Clegane’s name on it she couldn’t remember ever having met that particular teacher before. Was it really appropriate for a teacher to use that kind of language that he had?

She left that train of thought behind as she found the right door and knocked, praying in her head that this time wasn’t as bad as the last ones, despite knowing that it was probably futile.

When a curt voice told her to come in she pushed the door open. Her eyes instantly found Arya, her younger sister sitting slouching in a chair by the wall, her black hoodie pulled over her dark short hair. Her crossed arms and angry grey eyes glaring at Sansa told her it was bad.

_ Fuck. _

“The fuck do you want?” the sharp harsh voice Sansa jump and her eyes moved over to the man sitting behind the desk. The first thing that hit her was that he was huge, dwarfing the desk. He was seated and still looked incredibly imposing. She couldn’t help but wonder how he’d look standing up, he had to be at least 6’6.

The second thing she noticed was that one side of his face was scarred, the skin pinker than the rest of his face and raised. It pulled down the corner of his eyes as well as his mouth. He was also missing an eyebrow, the one he had being bushy and thick as it was pulled down into a scowl.

“The fuck do you want?” he growled out and Sansa realised with shame that she had been staring.

“I… sorry… I was called here. Due to Arya,” Sansa stuttered out and gestured to her sister who was still glaring at her.

“And who the hell are you?” he asked with a voice still tinged with irritation.

“I’m her sister. Sansa Stark.” As she stepped up to the desk she held out her hand for him to shake the man stared at it as if it was riddled with disease and she pulled it back as her own anger made her flush.

_ How rude! _

“Well now you are just wasting my fucking time. We’ll have to wait for your parents to get here,” he growled out. His grey eyes was practically burning a hole through Sansa’s head.

“You’re gonna be waiting a long fucking time,” Arya hissed out beneath her breath and Sansa threw a stern look over her shoulder at her sister and mouthed “ _ Language!” _

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Mr Clegane asked and Sansa sighed. She thought that all teachers were aware of their situation, but apparently not.

“Our parents passed away two years ago. I’m Arya’s legal guardian,” Sansa explained and there was a shift in the man’s eyes. She waited for the pity or the discomfort that usually followed the telling of their situation. But there was nothing of the sort in Mr Clegane’s eyes. The only reaction to speak of was that the anger fizzled into a stony calm.

“Well then ms Stark, tell your sister why I called her here.” His stone eyes moved over to fix on Arya who stared back in open challenge. His eyes darkened and that made Arya huff out a frustrated breath.

“I got caught painting a mural on the ice hockey rink wall.” Arya’s voice was bored as if she didn’t really care about what she was saying and that made Sansa almost as angry as the fact that she had been vandalising school property.

“You what?!” she gasped but before she had a chance to yell at her sister Mr Clegane held up a hand to stop her.

“And…?” he said to Arya who sighed.

“And when I got caught this dude was trying to stop me from running so I punched him in the face,” she said completely detached and Sansa had to grab the side of the desk to keep her knees from giving out beneath her.

“That dude was the hockey teams assistant coach and our PE teacher,” Mr Clegane provided and Sansa could only stare at Arya. There were no words for how she felt. “This is more than enough reason to expel you, ms Stark.”

How could she have done that? What was she thinking? Didn’t she know this was there last resort? Sansa hadn’t realised she had said it out loud until she heard Arya huff out beneath her breath.

“I don’t give a shit.” Sansa whirled on her sister then and clenched her fists at her sides not to show her sister how she was shaking.

“You should! If not about yourself then about Bran and Rickon!” she shouted and the mention of their younger brothers made Arya turn her eyes downward. “This is the fourth school in a year and a half that you’ve gone to. You know that if you get expelled from this one they’ll take you away from me!”

“Maybe I don’t want to stay with you,” Arya threw back and Sansa bit her lip to stop the tears from falling. She knew that Arya was hurting, she hadn’t been the same since their parents died. None of them had. But Sansa was trying, she was trying so hard. “I wanted to stay at our house and my old school but  _ you  _ decided that we had to move.”

“You know I did everything I could! I had to pay the legal fees somehow!” Sansa cried out angrily and she hated that Arya had made her lose her temper but it was too late now. “You can hate me if you want but it’s just one more year for you Arya. When you’ve graduated you can go and do whatever you want! But have you ever thought about what would happen to Bran and Rickon? They won’t just take you away, they’ll take them too and put them in the foster system! They’ll split us up!”

Sansa was crying now and she wiped away the treacherous tears with the back of her hand, probably smearing her makeup all over her face but she was too hurt to care. She couldn’t believe that Arya could be this selfish, only thinking of her own unhappiness and not see what consequences her behaviour would mean for what was left of their family.

“I just want my old life back… I didn’t think…” Arya said low but Sansa didn’t let her finish. She was fed up with her sister’s attitude.

“Well you can’t! None of us can! This is what we have left. And I didn’t spend almost a year fighting for permanent custody of you guys for you to throw it away!” Sansa yelled at the top of her lungs. “How can you not think of the boys? How will Bran get his physical therapy if he is in the system? What will happen to Rickon? He is only 10!”

“Hey…” there was a soft rumble behind Sansa and she was hit with a wave of mortification. In her anger she had completely forgotten all about the teacher who had been in the room with them the whole time. She had been so wrapped up with yelling and crying at her sister to notice that the large man had stood up and moved over to stand behind her.

She felt a large hand, the size of a ham, gently cup her elbow and the warmth of the touch actually calmed her despite it being a complete stranger touching her. She still felt mortified that she had thrown their pain and struggle out in the open for him to see. She usually was one to keep her feelings close to her chest, she had to be the strong one.

“I think we all need to breathe for a minute,” he suggested without removing his hand. Somehow she found strength in the contact, leaning into it, as if he was sharing his strength with her and it helped her to stem the tears and she took a shaky breath. 

When her eyes met Arya’s she saw the tears welling in her younger sister’s eyes and Sansa felt guilty. Arya had only been a kid of 15 when their parents died and she was still a kid. Sansa was supposed to be the grown up, she wasn’t supposed to put blame on her little sister like that. Arya had to carry a lot of weight with their brothers, always picking them up after school and making them dinner every night since Sansa worked two jobs to keep them afloat. Sansa could understand that she wanted her carefree teenage life back. In her weak moments Sansa wanted her carefree life back too, the life of a college girl that she had left behind.

And here she was, yelling and crying as if that would solve anything. The only thing she had done was embarrass herself in front of a complete stranger. A rude one at that.

_ Mom would be ashamed of me. _

“Like I was saying. We have valdig reason to expel you. But we won’t,” Mr Clegane said and both girls turned their heads to stare at him with shock. Mr Clegane seemed uncomfortable with their attention as he cleared his throat and stepped behind the desk again. It was strange to Sansa that she missed the feeling of his hand on her arm so acutely. It probably wasn’t his touch but the comfort it instilled that she missed. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been comforted instead of comforting. “With the conditions that you remove the mural yourself as punishment.”

Arya seemed as if she was about to protest but when her grey eyes met Sansa’s pleading blue she must have thought better of it because she resigned herself to nod in his direction.

“Also. We need to make sure that that anger of yours is put into something useful. Can you skate?” he asked, catching both sister by surprise yet again. “We have just started a female hockey team alongside another High School in the district. I know the coach and I’m sure they could use another player if you’re any good.”

Sansa knew what Arya was thinking. She had played hockey in her old school before the accident. And since their parents accident Arya hadn’t set her foot on the ice, refusing to explain why. Sansa thought it might have to do with the fact that it was their dad who had taught them all to play. He had loved hockey so much that they used to joke that it was the Stark family’s religion.

“She’s good. Damn good,” Sansa said softly but Arya shook her head angrily.

“I’m not playing.” Her voice was hard as flint and her eyes unyielding. Sansa turned her head to look at Mr Clegane but his eyes were trained on Arya. After a long tense staring match between the two he slowly nodded, as if they had come to some silent understanding.

“Fine. I’ll see if Coach Tarth can use help with materials and stuff at practice and games. If not, you’ll help our guys team out. You have to stick it out for a whole season or we will be back here. You get it?” he said and Arya nodded solemnly. “Now, wait outside while I talk to your sister.”

Sansa was surprised when Arya instantly obeyed and walked past her to the door. She didn’t look at her and Sansa couldn’t blame her for that. Sansa had lost it completely and she knew Arya was embarrassed of her. When the door closed behind Arya, Sansa turned to face Mr Clegane and she was relieved to see that he showed nothing but that stony calm. She didn’t need to see pity or worse, discomfort over her outburst. She hoped that they could pretend it had never happened, she was scared that if he tried to talk to her about it she was going to burst out into tears. And she had embarrassed herself enough.

“Thank you mr Clegane. And I’m so sorry that you had to see that. It was very inappropriate of me too put you in the middle of all of it,” she said and to her shock he scoffed at her.

“Save those chirping courtesies for someone who cares for them,” he said harshly and the way he looked at her then made some of her anger return. He was clearly judging her by the way his eyes were hard as stone as he looked at her. “All I care about is that those kids are taken care of properly. Are they?”

Sansa wanted to scream and cry and rage again with the way he was looking at her. He looked at her as if he saw a young naive girl who was trying to play house. But she wasn’t. She was a hardworking woman who had given up everything to take care of her siblings when they needed her.

_ We only have each other. _

“Mr Clegane. I work two jobs in order to be able to pay rent on the handicap friendly apartment we are renting and to pay for my brothers physical therapy. As well as anything else my siblings need.” She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to tell him all that, only that she was so tired of being judged by her situation. She was trying her best, dammit, and she wouldn’t let him think otherwise. She had to protect her family.

“You didn’t get any money from when your parents passed?” he asked crudely and she gritted her teeth.

“We did. And I’m not touching that. That is for their future. If they want to go to college or travel or buy a home they’ll be able to. Because they had their whole lives destroyed but I’m gonna make damn sure they get what they need for their future.” He looked suddenly stunned and she took the opportunity to catch her breath again and calm her raw nerves. “Thank you again, sir. I really appreciate you giving Arya another chance. Most teacher wouldn’t.”

She turned to leave when it didn’t seem like he was going to say anything else and she made it to the door before she heard him stand.

“Coach Clegane. I’m not a teacher and I’m sure as hell not a fucking sir. I’m the head coach of the hockey team,” he said surprisingly softly and she turned her head to glance back at him. “Or you can call me Sandor. That’s my name.”

She didn’t know what he expected her to say to that, so she simply nodded and left him standing behind his desk with what she hoped was a contrite look on his face. She had bigger things to deal with than a judgemental hockey coach who she had embarrassed herself in front of. She had a family that needed her and she needed to take care of them. Nothing else mattered in this world.

Not a grey eyed stoic rude man like Coach Clegane. 

_ Sandor. _


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor gets affected by the Stark's story and meets the boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
I'm slowly making progress on this story. I'm thrilled that you guys liked the first chapter and I hope I can keep your interest peaked with this new chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Sandor knew he had made a mistake and he needed to fix it. He only waited long enough to be sure that Arya Stark and her sister had walked down the hallway before he left his office and hurried towards the principal's office.

He had been pissed when Bronn had told him he had found the girl spraypainting his fucking rink, he was sick of these brats who thought the could act however the fuck they wanted. There had been several occurrences of murals on school property and he was pretty sure she was behind those too. He had wanted to make an example of her once he knew that she had punched Bronn right in the face. Looking back at it now, the fact that a tiny 17 year old had managed to throw a punch like that made his lip twitch. Bronn was definitely going to be sporting a black eye tomorrow.

He admitted to himself that knowing what he did now about their circumstance he understood and recognised the anger in the young girl. He knew everything about taking his anger out on the rest of the world. And then his mind wandered, despite his best efforts not to let it, to her sister. The woman who had just been screaming and crying out her own pain and anxiety over their situation. He felt a bit ashamed to admit that he had judged her as soon as he saw her. She was so pretty, beautiful even, with her auburn hair in a thick braid down her back and the bluest eyes he had ever seen. He had hated how he noticed everything about her the moment she entered his office. How her professional attire of a black pencil skirt and white blouse did nothing but accentuate her coloring. How he could make out a few freckles across her pale nose, meaning she couldn’t be wearing that much makeup. Because in noticing that he also noticed that her eyes had caught on the scarred half of his face and had frozen there.

It had made him angry because even though he knew she would stare, everyone did, he had wanted her not to. He had wanted her to see him despite of them but when had that ever fucking happened?

Before he was sure what had happened she had been shouting and crying and dammit if she didn’t still look beautiful even when she was hurting. He had listened to what should have been a private conversation and he had been struck by the sudden need to give comfort somehow. He had no idea why he had stood and touched Sansa. He didn’t know her so once he had realised what he had done he expected her to flinch or pull away, instead she had leant into the touch catching him by surprise.

He had heard himself speaking, telling them that they wouldn’t expel the younger sister and now he had to keep that promise. He just had to hope that the principal hadn’t left for the day yet or that he at least hadn’t filed the expulsion papers that Sandor had given him along with his account of what had happened.

He felt guilty, for judging Sansa even after hearing her story, thinking that she had taken on more than she could chew. She looked so young, what the fuck could she know about taking care of three kids? Did she know and understand the sacrifices she had to make?

She had read him like an open book, knowing what he was thinking and that had unnerved him almost as much as the surprising guilt. She had practically put him in his place, reluctantly telling him about her work and living situation and he admired her for thinking ahead, putting the future of her siblings first.

So now he just had to do his part to make sure that the Stark’s remained together, even if that meant having to deal with a moody hurting 17 year old girl on a daily basis.

_ What the fuck is going on with me? Why the fuck do I care so much? _

He saw that the light was still on in the principal’s office and he strode inside without bothering to knock. Ray looked up when he entered and the older man’s smile was a knowing one. Sandor had known Ray for almost five years now, meeting him at his anger management group that the court had sentenced him to be a part of. It had changed his life.

In those five years Ray’s hair had gone from a thick black into a salt and pepper look that matched his almost completely grey beard better. He had been the principal of The Quiet Isle High School for almost twenty years now and when he had learned Sandor used to be a professional hockey player who had lost his contract in the NHL, he had offered him the job as head coach of the schools hockey team. Ray had even contacted the court and they had agreed that he could count the hours as part of his community service.

Sandor had been skeptical to say the least, first of all he had no idea how to deal with kids and sure as hell not teenagers. And the Quiet Isle was one of those schools who took in those no other school wanted or knew what to do with. Apparently Ray had a thing for strays. But what else was he supposed to do with his life now that he had pissed it all away? So he had worked until he had done his sentenced hours and then he had stayed. He had become the permanent coach of a team of ragtag punks who barely knew how to skate and in two years he had made them state champions. A title they still held.

When the kids had held up that championship cup it had almost rivaled the joy he had felt from winning the Stanley Cup. Because he knew what those kids had been through, he had fucking been one of those kids that people had lost all hope about. He had wanted them to prove everyone fucking wrong. And they had.

_ Fuck I’m getting old and sappy. _

“Have you filed the papers yet?” Sandor asked, not bothering with courtesies or explanations. Ray’s dark bushy eyebrows rose at the heat in Sandor’s tone.

“What papers?” he asked innocently but thought better of teasing when Sandor growled at him. “Ah, those papers.”

Sandor followed Ray’s eyes as the fixed on the pile of papers sticking out of his recycling bin. Ray’s crooked smirk said it all but Sandor still turned to the older man with a scowl.

“You were never going to expel her were you?” he asked and Ray shook his head. Now Sandor understood why Ray had insisted that he should be the one to meet with the girl and her family when protocol was that Ray handled all that.

“I suspect you know of their situation now. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here to stop me from filing them,” Ray said and years of leading a support group had made him very good at reading people. Sandor knew that his face gave away enough for Ray to have an idea of what had happened. “I believe that with the right guidance the younger Ms Stark can overcome the phase she is in. But I also believe she needed a bit of a wake up call in order to see what path she was on.”

“Yeah well I suggested she’d help out with the girls team. I just have to check that it’s alright with Coach Tarth,” Sandor said and Ray nodded thoughtfully.

“You do that. I’m also sure she could be of use for your team.” Sandor recognised that tone, it wasn't a suggestion but an order. Since Sandor had already been thinking the same thing he didn’t argue. He simply nodded and Ray gave him another crooked smile in return. “Well if that’s all settled I suggested we head out for the day.”

Sandor walked out to the staff parking lot with Ray and the older man gave him a smile when they reached Sandor’s big all black Harley Davidson Softail Heritage motorcycle.

“Will I see you at the meeting tonight?” Ray asked as Sandor put on his helmet. After the day he had it was probably a good idea so he nodded as he started the engine. With one last look at Ray he sped down the road, hoping that the ride would erase the heartbroken face of Sansa Stark from his mind.

If this was to be his everyday life know he’d end up needing to go to meetings every fucking night. Sansa Stark had to be a fucking saint for not going off on her sister worse than she had.

Arya Stark was glaring at him as he held out the bucket and brush.

“Get to scrubbing,” he ordered for the second time, hating that he had to repeat himself. She crossed her arms and glared at him with her grey eyes that were covered by a ridiculous amount of smudged black makeup. He never got the trend of looking like a corpse but it was very popular at this school.

_ Fucking teenagers. _

“I didn’t do this one,” she hissed out and he gave her a deadpanned look. She had yet to clean the wall inside his hockey rink, instead he had taken her to the back of the school where a large mural of a wolf was covering most of the wall.

“You mean you didn’t get caught doing this one,” he corrected and the slight smirk at the corner of her lips was the confirmation that he didn’t really need. He had known they were made by the same person because they were all the same style and incorporated wolves somehow.

“The deal was that I removed the one at the rink,” she said and he scoffed.

“Yeah, well shit change. You’re removing them all.” He thrust the bucket into her chest and with a sigh she turned towards the mural. “You’re not leaving until it’s gone.”

“I can’t stay past five,” she said and he scoffed again.

“I can keep you here longer. It counts as detention." His voice was stern and unyielding but she still shook her head vehemently. He realised that it wasn’t a protest to the cleaning but a pleading desperation in her eyes now and it made him hesitate. “Where do you have to be at five?”

“I have to pick up Rickon and Bran from school and get them dinner,” Arya admitted sounding suddenly small.

For a second he remembered the anger and pain on the sisters faces as Sansa yelled at Arya and he needed that reminder. The reminder that she wasn’t just acting out for the sake of acting out. He knew that most kids at this school had a rough time, a rough life and Arya was trying to step up. Trying to be there for her family. He didn’t have that growing up, maybe his life would have turned out differently if he had someone that looked out for him.

“Fine. Work until you need to leave and then you’ll continue tomorrow,” he said and she nodded. “Hey, I need you for practice on Wednesday. It runs from five thirty until seven. That a problem?”

He could tell by the way she hesitated that it was and he cursed under his breath. Apparently not low enough because she raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed.

“Can you bring your brothers? They can hang out at the rink. I’ll bring pizza or something,” he offered and just for a second there was the beginning of a smile on her face. But it was gone before it had a chance to become one and she nodded solemnly.

That was why, while his team was changing into their gear, he was caring a family sized pizza and a large bottle of cola, hoping that three kids would be fine with a meat lovers pizza. When he entered the rink he was surprised to see that they were already there.

He had known that one of the boys was handicaped, he remembered Sansa saying that they lived at a handicap friendly apartment and one of her brother’s needing physical therapy. Yet the sight of the boy in the wheelchair made him pause for a second. The boy had a stoic look to him, like he had been through more than a fourteen year old boy should ever have to. He watched his younger brother, who was practically skipping as they made their way around the rink. The boys looked a lot alike, the same reddish brown hair, they younger once curly while the older brothers were straight.

The younger one was grinning and it sounded like his mouth was moving a mile a minute and Arya looked anything but happy about it. Sandor held in a chuckle as he heard the exchange between the siblings.

“Will you ever shut up, Rick?” Arya said making the kid stop short.

“You said a bad word,” he said but he didn’t sound worried or angry, he sounded fucking thrilled. As if he was enjoying Arya’s anger. The older of the two boys shook his head and then met Sandor’s eyes. They were a similar blue as Sansa’s, not that he fucking remembered the exact shade of hers.

_ Hers are a clearer blue. Fuck. _

“Mr Clegane!” the younger boy wayed a gangly arm and his shout made Sandor sigh.

_ Great, one of those bubbly kids. Oh fucking joy. _

“It’s Coach,” he said in response as they finally met up. “You guys have to be the Starks.”

“Yeah, I’m Rickon. I brought my skates,” the kid said and Sandor had to bite his tongue. He lifted his eyes to stare at Arya who looked tired.

“Rick, I told you. You are here to watch, you’re not getting on the ice.” The tone in Arya’s voice told Sandor that they had already had this conversation and that she was sick of repeating herself.

“You don’t know that. He might want help. I can help,” Rickon said with that stubborn tone that was something kids seemed to be born with. It always got on Sandor’s nerves and a few years earlier he would have probably said something mean just to make him shut up. Would probably have ended up making him cry.

_ I’m not that man anymore. _

“Hey kid,” he said with a deep stern tone that made the kid look up at him. To his credit he didn’t seem that fazed by the ugly side of Sandor’s face. He kept his eyes on Sandor’s and Rickon’s eyes were more like Sansa’s in color and depth. “You prepared to do as I say when I say?”

Rickon nodded solemnly, or as solemnly as a kid who was practically bouncing could.

“If you’re a good enough skater I’ll let you help out with setting up cones and stuff for practice. You’ll be like me assistant coach,” Sandor said and the smile his words pulled from the kids face was as if he had given him the fucking moon. “But if you don’t listen or don’t do as I say you’re off the ice.”

“He needs to eat,” Arya interjected which earned a groan from Rickon.

“Two slices of pizza. Minimum,” Sandor said and the smile was back on the kids face. Sandor put the pizza box down on the small table that usually held raffle tickets or what not during games. Both boys happily ate and passed the bottle of Cola between them while Arya looked at Sandor expectantly.

_ She’s gonna fucking love this. _

“While I’m on the ice with the guys I need you to round up all the gear that isn’t in use and wash it. And after practice you gather all the skates and take them down to Bronn to get them sharpened,” he told her and just has he expected he saw the anger rise on her face.

“You want me to be the fucking maid? Wash their fucking underwear too? Things like that?” she said with a hiss and he had to bite his cheek not to laugh at the fierce pictured she made.

“Things like that,” he answered sternly and he could tell by the twitch of her eye that she wanted to protest. Maybe even curse him, but she knew that she wasn’t in a position to act out. He was pleased with her for trying, for trying to be responsible and do as they agreed. She was trying, if not for herself, then for her family. “You’re more than welcome to help out on the ice.”

He knew she wasn’t going to do that. For some reason she refused to step out onto the ice. According to her sister Arya could skate. Had sounded as if she even could play, and he knew from experience that if you were good at hockey it was because you loved it. It was a lifestyle, a lifelong commitment to a sport and that wasn’t something you gave up on without a reason. 

He had lost his career as a hockey player. It hadn’t been his own choice but it had been his fault, his actions had caused it and now he had to live with it. He knew he could never have a life that didn’t include hockey in some way, being a coach might not have been part of the original plan but it was a hell of a lot better than nothing. Because of that he couldn’t understand her aversion to it nor her need to stay away from the ice completely.

“Hey,” he said to the older boy once they had finished eating. “I could use your help with timing the guys during an exercise. You any good with a stopwatch?”

Bran, he remembered the kid was called, hadn’t said anything as they ate. He was the polar opposite of his younger brother who struggled with keeping quiet even with a mouthful of pizza. The silent kid struck a nerve in Sandor. He had been that kid, the one who didn’t speak unless spoken to and he had used the silence to keep people at a distance. He had used it to mask his hurt and if people actually tried to talk to him, to get him to open up, he had used anger and lashed out. Willing to say hurtful things in order to hide his own pain.

Bran didn’t do that though, he just looked up at Sandor and the cold calm in his eyes worried Sandor. He knew a mask when he saw one.

“I brought homework,” Bran said and Sandor nodded. He knew he couldn’t force the kid to participate so he had to let it go.

“Alright. Well let’s get to work you two,” he said and Rickon jumped to his feet with a grin as wide as his face, making Sandor give him a stern look. “Put on a helmet.”

Rickon turned out to be a good skater and he happily put out the cones as Sandor instructed and he didn’t complain once. The guys on the team took to him at once, calling him “little coach” to the boys delight. Sandor had a nice set up of guys, some really talented, and they were good kids. Punks sometimes but on the ice he demanded complete obedience and they knew it. Those who couldn’t handle that didn’t make the cut. 

“Sam, you’re working with Gendry today!” Sandor called out and the forward nodded before skating over to their goalkeeper. Gendry was one of those kids who had a shitty start, being put into foster care at 10 when his mom died. He had never known his dad but somehow he was still a pretty happy kid at 18, and he was a damn good goalie.

He was the reason they had done so well last season, practically carrying the team at times, and Sandor knew that if he got a shot he could really make a career for himself. But the competition was even fiercer when it came to goalkeepers so he would have to work twice as hard as anyone else. Sandor had been upfront and told Gendry just that and the kid had put in the work. He was always the first one on the ice and the last one off it and Sandor had seen him running laps around the school track after practice more times than he could count. Sandor got it, it wasn’t like he had a family waiting at home for him, just the latest foster family and if you could get a moment to yourself in those homes you were lucky.

Practice was in full force and Sandor was timing the guys as they skated the course of cones that Rickon had put up when there suddenly was a shout so loud and full of pain that it made Sandor’s blood run cold. He spun around and fear gripped him as he saw the small heap of a tiny body lying on the ice, the kid crying out in pain. He hurried over and dropped to his knees in front of the small boy.

His cheeks were wet with tears but he gave Sandor a weak smile that made Sandor shake his head. The kid tried to be brave but Sandor could tell he was in a lot of pain. And the cold ice beneath him wasn’t helping.

“I’m going to pick you up and get you off the ice,” Sandor said and as carefully as he could, he put his arms beneath the boy. Despite him being as careful as he could the kid still winced and bit his lip to try and keep in a whine.

“What the hell happened?!” Arya called as she came running up to the rink and Gendry had taken off his helmet and skated over to her, trying to calm her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Sam was practicing his shots and we didn’t see Rickon come up behind the goal,” Gendry said and Arya looked like she was about to get out on the ice and punch Sam in the face. “The puck hit him on the arm.”

“We better head to the hospital to have it checked out.” Sandor’s words made Arya pale and he felt like all the warning bells in his head was just seconds from going off.

“We can’t call my sister. I didn’t tell her we were coming here today.” Arya’s admittance made Sandor’s stomach drop. He was not looking forward to having Sansa Stark’s anger turned on him but what fucking choice did he have?

An angry Sansa Stark was scarier than he imagined. At least as she was marching down the hospital corridor, her blue eyes glaring at him as she came closer. There was a slight flush to her cheeks and her auburn eyebrows were knitted together in a frown that made him swallow nervously.

He was stealing himself for an angry shouting woman but at the last second her eyes turned on Bran and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he felt relieved. The kid looked completely calm but Sandor noticed his knuckles turning white with the grip he had on the armrests of his wheelchair.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice soft and worried.

“He got a puck on his arm. The doctors did an xray and there’s a fracture on his forearm,” Sandor answered for Bran, earning an angry glare from Sansa. “Arya’s in there with him.”

Sansa was here now, in a full on yellow waitress getup that made it look like she stepped out of a 50’s movie which he figured was because she had come straight from work. Sandor knew they didn’t need him anymore and just as he was about to say just that Sansa pinned him to his chair with a stern look, her blue eyes filled with contained rage. She didn’t have to say anything, he got the message.

_ I’ll deal with you later. _

For some inexplicable reason he sat there, waiting to be yelled at by a fierce redhead for something he technically had no fault in. He had told himself several times that he could just get up and leave. That since she was in the exam room with Rickon she wouldn’t even notice him leaving until he was already long gone. But he didnt’t fucking move.

_ I must be a sucker for punishment. Why else would I still be fucking sitting here? _

Rickon came out of the room first, running full speed towards Sandor, and he figured that whatever painkillers he was on had kicked in.

“Coach, look! I’ve got a cast!” he called out even before he had reached Sandor and the large man couldn’t keep in a smile. Of course he’d be fucking elated over a cast.

“I can see that,” he said and he felt the angry heat of Sansa’s eyes on him.

“Do you think the guys on the team will sign it at the next practice?” Rickon’s blue eyes looked hopeful and Sandor was pretty sure the kid’s arm would be covered after the next practice.

“You won’t be going back there Rickon so you’ll have to get your friends at school to sign it instead,” Sansa interjected and Rickon whipped his curly head around to stare at his sister in disbelief.

“But… why?” Sandor was always confounded with how every single kid was able to turn their voices into this high pitched whine that just grated on your eardrums, and Rickon was no exception.

“Because I said so. Now go with Bran and Arya to the car. I’ll be right there.” Rickon gave Sandor a pleading look but he could only shrug at the kid.

_ What the hell am I supposed to do about it? I'm already in enough trouble as it is. _

Sansa watched as her siblings made it down the corridor and it wasn’t until they were out of sight that she whirled around and pinned Sandor with her glare yet again. A sense of survival instinct kicked in and he held up his hands, palms facing her, in hopes of calming her before she went off on him.

“Hey. He’s alright. In a few weeks he’ll be as good as new.” His attempt to calm her was met with an angry scoff and he knew he was in trouble.

“He wasn’t even supposed to be there. Why the hell did you think it was a good idea to put a kid on the ice with you when you had 20 players to keep track on?” There was a dark sense of warning in both her eyes and voice, his instincts telling him to tread carefully.

“I had a deal with Arya that she was going to help out at practice and she said she couldn’t come because she had to take care of your brothers. I was just trying to help out.”

“My brothers had nothing to do with the deal with Arya,” she said angrily and he felt himself stiffen at her tone.

“She needs to be there if she’s gonna stay out of trouble and they became a part of the deal since apparently Arya the one caring for them on a daily basis.” The hiss in his voice made her flinch and then her eyes turned even darker.

_ Shit. _

“If you had bothered with asking Arya she could have told you that our neighbour, Mrs Boone, had agreed to look after the boys when Arya needed to be at the rink.” Her voice was an angry whisper and that somehow was scarier than if she had been yelling at him. “But you was just so sure that I put everything on my little sister, when I am very aware of what she agreed to.”

“Are you aware of the fact that Bran is hurting? And I don’t fucking mean just his body. That boy needs to see a therapist,” he said and when she put her hands on her hips and stared at him he felt like a small child being scolded. That didn’t sit well with him so instead he let his anger flare up and stood in order to tower over her. Usually when he towered over someone like this they caved but Sansa held his eyes, glaring up at him with her own anger rolling off of her.

“You’ve only met them once and you’re already so sure that you know exactly what they need and that I don’t? Don’t you dare try and tell me what my family needs. It’s easy to stand on the outside and tell someone all the things they are doing wrong.” Her words hit him like a fist square in the face and his anger fizzled out when he noticed that angry tears filled her eyes. “I’m the one who stuck around and picked up the shattered pieces of this family. I’ve been fighting for them, it’s all I’ve been doing for the past two years.”

There was something so vulnerable, so hurt in her expression that he almost reached out to touch her like he had the first time he had seen her like this. It was as if she could see the thought on his face because she stepped back, creating a wider distance between them.

“I was just trying to help.” The words sounded as weak as his voice and they were not met with understanding. No, she scoffed at him.

“Oh yeah? It seems to me that what you were doing was a whole lot of judging. Again.” Her words hit him like another fist to the face because she was right.

What the fuck did he know about stepping up and caring for three other people in the moment of your greatest grief? His world had been shattered by his own making and what had he done? He had gotten drunk and had stayed drunk for days, fighting and drinking some more just to keep from facing what he had done to his life.

She had lost everything, her safe place, her parents and her home life in one fell swoop and despite it all she had put that aside and fought to take care of what was left of her family. She was probably the strongest person he had ever met, even if she was infuriating.

“Who left?” he hadn’t realised that the words had left his lips until he saw her flinch back.

“What?” all the anger she had held onto seemed to have left her and her eyes were avoiding his.

“You said you were the one who stuck around. Who left?” he asked again and with a hitched breath she glared up at him, fresh tears burning in her eyes.

“Mind your own damn business,” she hissed as she strode past him, hurrying down the corridor. He turned to watch her, her fiery red hair swaying as she walked and he wondered why the hell he even cared at all.

_ Who left you to do this on your own? _


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sundays were supposed to be Sansa's day off. But this Sunday isn't spent like she usually would. Can she and Coach Clegane actually be around each other without snapping?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so blown away by your guys reaction to this little story of mine. Thank you so much for every single encouragement.
> 
> Here is another chapter from Sansa's perspective. I hope you like it!

Sundays were Sansa’s day off. She didn’t have to get up at five to get everything and everyone ready. She didn’t have to drive her siblings to school and she didn’t have to go into the lobby of the Royce Hardyng law firm and sit at the reception desk for hours, giving out smiles and courtesies to everyone. She didn’t have to hurry and drive to the diner and change in the back before spending another seven hours on her feet before she went home, fell into bed after having showered and then slept until she had to do it all over again.

Saturdays were usually slower, she worked the breakfast shift at the diner and then when she got home she’d do everything that needed to be done at the apartment. She’d clean and do laundry and make the dinners for the coming week that she put in the freezer for Arya to heat up for her and the boys.

But Sundays, that was her day. The day were she stayed in bed until Rickon woke up and asked for breakfast and then they’d hang out or if the weather permitted he’d go outside and play in the fenced in backyard that all their neighbours had access too and she’d sit on the small bench they had put on their small stone patio. She usually brought a book with her and she’d enjoy the sound of her brother laughing with the other kids who lived in their building and things would be calm. She would feel like she could breath and take a minute for herself until Arya and Bran woke up. The one perk with them being teenagers were that they seemed to be able to sleep until noon if she let them. And on Sundays she did.

That was how it usually went so she was more than a little surprised when she woke at nine on a Sunday.  _ Nine!  _ Not by her youngest brother shaking her, but because of the smell of coffee and the sound of whispered voices coming from the kitchen. She grabbed her bright pink robe, a memory from an earlier life, and wrapped it around herself. It was ridiculously girly, in a way she had quickly grown out off, with her name embroidered on the back in sparkling silver letters, the robe frayed and worn but it was the last birthday present her mother had ever given her so no matter how threadbare it would become she would probably never be able to throw it away. With slow careful steps she made her way towards the kitchen.

The reason they had moved to this apartment was that it was on the bottom floor and that it was adapted for a wheelchair. The hall was wide and the bathroom had bars that helped Bran with feeling a little more independent. It also had enough bedrooms so that they could each have their own, even if Sansa’s technically was a closet that they had just put a bed and a dresser in.

The best part, according to Sansa, was the open floorplan that made up the kitchen and living room. All of the kitchen cabinets covered one wall and at the other end of the room, by the door leading out to the patio, stood their couch and tv. 

Sansa had cried when she knew that she had to leave behind the large wooden table that they had sat at during every meal or family gathering. Their grandfather had made it with his own hands but it had been too large to fit in their new place. She knew it wasn’t the table in itself that it had hurt to leave behind but all the memories it held. She couldn’t let herself get caught up in sentimentality when she had her siblings to take care off so instead they had a simple white table and chairs. It was fine. Not the same, but fine.

Sansa stopped in the doorway to the kitchen and watched her siblings. Bran was cutting fruit at the table while Rickon was running around setting it. It seemed to take him a while since he couldn’t carry a lot with his one arm being in a cast. Arya stood by the stove, frying what looked and smelled like pancakes. It felt almost like an alternative reality in how it was so normal, so like something they would have done  _ before _ that it made Sansa’s eyes tear up. She remembered how they had done things like this for their parents, wanting to surprise them.

She felt a mix of affection and sadness as she watched them. Affection because they were doing this for her and sadness because she used to be a part of this. She used to be one of the kids who wanted to surprise their parents. But with the events of the last two years she had to become the adult, the one who held all responsibility and it had created a distance between her and her siblings that hadn’t been there before. She felt that change strongest with Arya. Not that they had ever been super close, Sansa had found her to be annoying and Arya had thought her stupid and silly growing up. But being her new authority figure made the rift between them wider and Sansa wasn’t sure if there was any way to change that.

“Good morning Sansa!” Rickon practically shouted when he noticed her lingering in the doorway. His bubbly happy smile had always been contagious and she found herself smiling back at him. “We’re making you breakfast!”

“That’s so sweet you guys,” she started as she moved towards the stove to help Arya but her sister gave her a stern glare holding up the spatula in warning and it made Sansa stop halfway there.

“You grab a cup of coffee and sit down.” The harsh tone in Arya’s voice made Sansa pause but she didn’t take offence. She understood that Arya just wanted her to sit down, that she wasn’t allowed to help. So Sansa did as she was told.

Once they all sat down and started eating there was a heavy silence and Sansa watched with cautious curiosity as her siblings eyes flickered between each other and her. What surprised her the most was the insistent look that Bran gave Arya. He had been so stoic, so distant ever since the accident that to see him animated like this made Sansa want to cry.

“Out with it.” Sansa’s teasing smile made Arya huff but there was a twitch of her lip that made Sansa’s smile widen.

“There’s a home game later today. Coach Clegane asked me to come down and help out. Apparently they need someone to stand at the entrance and take admission. And in between periods they need someone to help with selling cakes and coffee and sh...stuff,” as Arya spoke Sansa nodded. She had figured that was the kind of thing Coach Clegane had meant when he said that Arya had to help out at games. In Sansa’s experience that was the kind of thing parents of players helped out with but perhaps there wasn’t that many volunteers.

“Alright, you go ahead. Thank you for letting me know.” The last was added as a peace offering, and maybe just maybe, it was a little jab at what she had done the other day. Taking the boys down to the rink with her might not have been such a big deal, if not for the fact that she had left them under the care of a complete stranger. A stranger who had forgotten all about the kid on the ice and who then had the nerve to judge  _ her  _ and tell her what her family needed.

What really unnerved her was how he seemed to see everything. He saw Rickon’s need to be seen and validated, he saw how Bran was hurting in silence. He saw that Arya needed help to deal with her anger and he somehow saw that Sansa was struggling. He managed to hit her where it hurt with how he questioned the things that haunted her and maybe that was why she reacted as strongly as she did to his judgement. He somehow saw her weaknesses and prodded at them without caring if he hurt her. He saw how alone she felt and it made the loneliness even worse. Because she had no one she could talk to about any of this. No one who understood and no one who really could or had ever made the effort of trying too. Nobody really wanted to hear anything but “fine” when they asked how she was doing. Somehow he had caught that and he had asked who had left and she had snapped at him, the wound still so fresh after all this time. How dared he. Why did no one else dare to?

_ No, don’t go there. Just forget all about that man. _

She didn’t want to let thoughts of him, or how worthless he made her feel, darken her good mood so instead she focused on the new serving of pancakes that Arya had managed to only burn slightly and poured a generous amount of syrup on top of her raspberry covered pile.

“Actually, we’d all like to go.” Bran’s voice was soft, barely there but it rang out like a shout in her head. Her head snapped up and she tried, really tried to hide her astonishment. She could barely remember the last time that Bran had said that he wanted to do something. He usually stayed quiet and followed their lead, never voicing his opinion or wishes unless prodded. Sansa had her suspicions that her little brother felt like a burden and that he didn’t want to put more on her. So many nights had that thought made her cry herself to sleep.

“You wanna go to the game?” she asked and made sure to look at each of her siblings in turn and both boys nodded. She remembered a time where they all went to Robb’s games on Sundays, the whole family in the stands cheering for his team. She pushed her mind away from thinking of him, not wanting to lose herself in the hurt and grief thinking of her older brother always took her. Instead she focused on the brothers she had with her, their hopeful faces lightening her chest. How could she ever deny them something they wanted when she, for once, was able to give it to them?

“Since I’ll be helping out I can’t watch Rickon…” Arya made a real effort in making her words sound casual but they still made Sansa flinch. So  _ that  _ was what this breakfast was about. There was no way they could have not noticed how she did not get along with Coach Clegane and therefore they had assumed that she’d be against the idea of going to the game.

But if she let him keep her from doing this with her family, when it was something they really wanted, it was like admitting that she cared about his opinion of her. And she wasn’t going to let that happen.

_ Not like I have to talk to him. He’ll be busy coaching. _

“We’ll all go.” The grin on Rickon’s face wasn’t unexpected, what threw her off was the slight twitch of Bran’s mouth and the light glint in his eyes. She had made him happy and she had to bite her cheek to keep herself from crying.

It was that elated feeling that had her so ampt up that she ended up making two dozen banana muffins and two dozen raspberry cupcakes with white chocolate frosting. It wasn’t that she was agitated by the thought of having to interact with  _ that _ infuriating asshat again and that baking was her way of destressing. Nope, that was not it. She just wanted to bake. And she didn’t want to end up eating all of the baked goods.

That was why she and Arya was carrying all of it inside the hockey rink while Rickon skipped ahead, going on and on about how he was gonna ask the team to sign his cast, Bran silently trailing close behind them.

“Hey Coach!” Rickon called out just as they got inside and Sansa clenched her jaw as she saw the towering man whip his head around towards them. His eyes were wide with shock as he took in the sight of them coming closer.

Sansa felt herself tense as his eyes found hers but she didn’t see judgement in his grey eyes, not this time. Instead there was just surprise and confusion to be found there. So she kept her face neutral and nodded down to the boxes in her arms. Trying desperately to seem indifferent to his presence.

“Where do you want these?” she asked and he startled as if he hadn’t expected her to speak to him. She had hoped she wouldn’t have to but apparently she was shit out of luck.

“What is it?” he managed to grumble out after a moment and Arya sighed, drawing his attention to her. He gave her an annoyed scowl that Arya met head on with a scowl of her own. The similarities between the two almost made Sansa smile. Almost.

“Sansa went crazy and made a huge amount of cupcakes and muffins for us to sell,” Arya said and his eyes widened as they returned to stare at Sansa. She found herself slightly uncomfortable with his surprised stare. It was as if he was trying to pry into her head and she wished he’d stop. It had hurt too much last time when he had pushed at the cracks in her walls.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he settled for saying and Sansa shrugged.

“Well I did.” She gave him a stern look, daring him to be rude or ungrateful but now it was her turn to be surprised when he simply nodded and motioned for them to follow him. He took them to the side of the stands where there was a small counter that housed a few candy bars and store bought cookies. There was also a large coffee thermos and a water cooker.

It made Sansa’s mind go to the café that had been connected to her school’s hockey rink. They definitely had a different standard here and it made Sansa frown. The kids at this school deserved just as much as any others but she supposed that was the harsh reality. Private schools and public schools just weren’t the same.

“You can just put them here,” he said and when Sansa started pulling the muffins and cupcakes out of the boxes and displaying them she saw his eyes widen. “You made these?”

“Yeah. It’s banana muffins and raspberry cupcakes with white chocolate frosting,” she told him and when his hand reached out to snatch one of the banana muffins her hand slapped it away. 

She gasped as she realised what she had done and he looked just as shocked as she felt. She mentally prepared for him to get angry or scowl at her but his face kept it’s surprised expression as he stared at her.

“Ten bucks, big man,” Arya cut in with an obvious amused tone in her voice that had Sansa fighting the urge to scowl. Coach Clegane didn’t fight his urge though as he turned towards Arya.

“What?”

“They are ten bucks,” Arya persisted and his scowl turned even darker. “Trust me, they are worth every penny.”

“Doesn’t the money go towards the team?” Sansa interjected and his head snapped to the side to look at her. She was surprised to see that his scowl eased up a little as he fished his wallet out and handed Arya the money.

Sansa would never admit that she watched him as he put the whole muffin in his mouth in one bite, waiting for his reaction. It wasn’t like she cared what he thought personally, she just wanted to make sure that the muffins had turned out right.

When he groaned almost happily, she turned her head away to focus on putting away the boxes but in the corner of her eye she saw him hand Arya another bill before picking up two more muffins. She didn’t smile at that but it did make her feel a little lighter. At least she seemed to have done something right in his opinion, even if it was just something frivolous as baking.

“Arya, don’t forget that you have to be at the door and charge everyone,” Coach Clegane reminded, making Arya sigh before she slowly nodded.

“Coach, can I be assistant coach today too?” The hopeful tone in Rickons’s voice made a smile pull at Sansa’s lips. Her youngest brother’s apparent eagerness seemed to baffle the large man as he rubbed the back of his neck for a long time before sighing.

“That’s up to your sister, little man,” he finally settled for saying. It caught Sansa off guard and when Rickon’s blue pleading eyes turned on her she knew there was no way she was going to deny him.

She also appreciated the fact that Coach Clegane hadn’t promised anything without checking with her, maybe this was his way of showing her that he realised that he had overstepped before when he tried to meddle.

The hurt part of her wanted to sneer at him and tell him it was too little too late but even if she had lost her temper and control in her previous interactions with him she was still her mother’s daughter. She wasn’t going to act rude out of spite. And she was definitely not going to make her dislike of the large man ruin her brother’s day.

“Only if you promise to listen to Coach Clegane and behave,” she said and Rickon started jumping up and down with glee as he practically screamed his promise to behave, making the coach flinch and Sansa couldn’t keep in a slight smirk.

_ You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into. _

“Maybe you’d like to help out too?” Bran’s eyes snapped up towards the man as he spoke and Sansa held her breath as her brother frowned in confusion. “We usually have one guy doing all the announcing and one keeping track of all the penalties, goals and stuff like that. But we are one guy short. Do you think you’d be up for any of that?”

Sansa couldn’t help but wonder if they really were a guy short or if this was the Coach’s way of trying to include Bran. Her brother seemed to be thinking the same thing as he kept the man’s gaze. After a long moment Bran nodded slightly, it was barely there but to Sansa it felt huge.

“I guess I could keep track,” Bran said and there was a slight twitch at the burned corner of the Coach’s mouth, it almost looked as if he was fighting a smile.

“Good. Come one, I’ll show you what you need to know,” he said and Bran followed the man’s large frame as they made their way towards the announcer’s booth. Rickon ran after them, shouting about how he wanted his cast signed. Sansa shook her head at Arya but couldn’t help but smile.

“You okay with manning the counter? Just while I take admissions?” Arya asked and Sansa nodded.

For some reason it felt good, having her family involved in something again. Even if it was just helping out at a High School hockey game at least they were becoming a part of the community. This was something normal after two years of trying to just keep themselves from completely breaking.

By the end of the second period Sansa was really enjoying herself. She had never been as hockey crazed as her father or the rest of her siblings but she did enjoy watching a game as good as this. It was apparent that Quiet Isle Stingrays where the better team and that Coach Clegane was a very hands on coach. Even at the stands, on the other side of the rink, she could hear him bark out instructions or encouragements to his players. He both looked and sounded aggressive as he coached but the kids didn’t seem scared or uncomfortable by it. She figured they were used to his rough appearance and coaching style.

She had read somewhere that they were reigning state champions so she was surprised that the game hadn’t drawn a bigger crowd. There were people there, just not as much as she would have expected. The lack of people made it apparent that most kids on the team didn’t have family that were able to come see the games. Having to work two jobs herself she understood that you missed a lot of your kids lives having to work. At least she hoped that was the reason why she seemed to see so little family here.

At least the people who had come had all bought her cupcakes and muffins, the principal had beamed so wide at her when he came up to the counter that she had felt uncomfortable. He was a kind looking man but he had looked at her as if he was so pleased to see  _ her,  _ like it meant  _ something.  _ Sansa hadn’t been sure what he might have been thinking but as he bought a muffin and a cupcake he had given her a knowing smile that made her want to frown in confusion.

But she had manners that had been ingrained in her by her mother so she had smiled politely and kept her annoyance hidden. She wasn’t even sure why he had annoyed her. Maybe she had gotten to sensitive in the last few years, always expecting to be judged or looked down on.

_ Just let it go. _

She focused her eyes on the announcer’s booth where Bran was sitting next to a man with light brown hair and a slight scruff. The announcer had a sense of mischief around him that could be heard in his voice and his grin was just on the heavier side of cocky. He said something to Bran and Sansa’s eyes widened when she saw Bran smile. It was small, barely there but he was smiling and it lingered on his lips for  _ seconds _ , making her heart jump in her chest.

_ Things might actually be getting better. Slowly, but surely. _

The Stingrays won and Sansa was smiling as she put the few remaining cupcakes and muffins in a box. Arya was cleaning out the stands, she was scowling and muttering under her breath but she was doing it and not complaining too much so Sansa thought that was a win.

“Sansa!” Rickon’s shout made her jump and within seconds he was in front of her holding up his arm with a huge grin. “Look! Everyone signed it!”

She couldn’t keep in her own smile as she saw that his white cast was almost completely covered in scrawling black text. She could make out a few words of encouragement and a lot of names and she couldn’t help but reach out and ruffle her little brother’s hair affectionately. The horrified look on his face pulled a laugh from her just as the Coach came up to the counter, Bran following close behind him.

He looked at her almost wide eyed for a second before his face pulled into an expression of cold indifference. Her laughter died but she refused to scowl or show that he made her feel uncomfortable. Instead she pulled out her “secretary face” and gave him the same polite smile she gave people at work to hide the fact that she found them annoying.

“You all did good today,” he said once Arya joined them and it wasn’t a thank you but at least it was something. Sansa decided to not put too much meaning into it, he was still a judgemental asshat, and handed him the box of baked goods.

“These were left over.” She made sure to keep her voice and face civil but void of any real emotion as she turned her focus on her siblings. “Come on, we should head home.”

He seemed stunned, staring down at the box now in his hand, before he suddenly snapped into action and took a step closer to block her from stepping out from behind the counter. The nerve of him trapping her like that made her want to bristle but she kept her cool and made herself look up at him expectantly.

“I usually take the team out for dinner after the game. We are only going to a burger joint but you guys can come if you like,” he said and his voice was surprisingly soft. She could only remember hearing his voice gruff and biting so it made her hesitate for a second.

“No thank you,” she responded despite sensing her siblings protesting glares. He gave a curt nod before he stepped back and she walked past him, heading towards the exit. She needed to get home.

This was supposed to be her day off, her day to relax and that did not entail having to spend any more time than necessary with Coach Clegane. Even if he had at least been civil with her  _ today _ .

She could feel her siblings stares as they all got in the car but nobody said anything. Until Rickon broke the silence.

“Did you guys know that Coach Clegane used to play in the NHL?” he asked but didn’t wait for anyone to respond before continuing. “He played for six seasons, won the Stanley Cup once. He still holds the record for highest amount of penalty minutes in a season.”

Sansa was surprised to hear that the coach wasn’t just a coach but an actual accomplished hockey player. She wasn’t sure if she was that surprised by the record he held, although she hadn’t felt that type of aggression from him. Of course she didn’t really know him and she knew things could get heated out on the ice, so it didn’t have to mean that he was an aggressive person even if he obviously didn’t seem to be the most gentle.

“People called him The Hound because if he got into a fight with someone he didn’t stop until the other guy was out.” Sansa couldn’t help but frown at Rickon in the rearviewmirror. She did not like the admiration in his tone. The kind of behaviour he was describing was not something to be proud of. It was unsportsmanlike and definitely beyond the usual aggressiveness that could flare up on the ice. 

“Violence isn’t something to be admired Rickon,” she said and her brother gave a tired sigh. “That kind of behaviour isn’t cool. He hurt people and that is wrong.”

“Yeah yeah, that’s what he said when I asked him about it,” Rickon answered with a sigh and that made Sansa pause in her judgement of the man.

It couldn’t be healthy carrying around the kind of anger that would explain such behaviour. Maybe he had grown and learned from his mistakes. For some inexplicable reason she hoped so, for his sake.

“Well what he really said was that he had been a fucking idiot who had let anger ruin his fucking life and that I shouldn’t want to fucking turn out like him.” Sansa released a horrified gasp that had Arya clamping her hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter.

“Rickon!”

“What? He’s the one who said it,” the boy protested but his protests died when his eyes caught Sansa’s stern glare in the rearview mirror.

“Well you don’t repeat it,” she scolded causing him to give a heavy sigh as he crossed his arms over his chest. The stare he gave her back made her worried about the fact that she would soon have another teenager on her hands.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

Even in her mind she wasn’t able to use the same crude language as Coach Clegane seemed to have no qualms of using, even in front of children. 

_ That good for nothing asshat. _

In the corner of her eye she caught Arya smiling, a real toothy grin that instantly lessened Sansa’s irritation.

_ Fine, maybe not good for nothing. But still an asshat. _


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor is becoming more involved in the Starks, because for some f*ing reason he can't seem to help himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Thank you so much for the wonderful reception of this story. Here is another chapter for you guys. It kind of got away from me so it's on the longer side - didn't want to split it up into two chapters. Don't think you guys mind though right? ;)
> 
> Anyways - I hope you guys have a great Monday!

“Hey Stark!” Sandor called out as he saw Arya pass by his office. She instantly stopped but didn’t bother with entering, instead she just stuck her head through the door and Sandor had to bite back a growl at her flippant attitude.

“What?” she said with an air of defiance that made him bristle but he took a deep breath to keep his cool.

“I just heard back from Coach Tarth, she’s the coach of the female hockey team,” he said and she nodded. At least she was listening to him. “She said they had an opening on their team if you’d be interested.”

He saw the hesitation and a part of him wanted to push and prod at it. Because it wasn’t the outright refusal he had expected from her. He had a feeling that the more you tried to get Arya Stark to do something, the harder she fought it. So instead he remained calm and just stared her down, waiting for her response.

“Are they any good?” she ended up surprising him with her question and he cleared his throat to try and hide it.

“It’s their first season. Four girls from our school joined their team so they finally got enough players to sign up,” he told her and he tried really hard to keep the pleased feeling in his chest from showing on his face as she stepped into his office.

He must have done a shitty job of it because she frowned at him and he cracked his neck to busy himself with something, hopefully distracting her somewhat.

“I’m not saying that I’m going to play. I’m just asking,” she broke the silence and he nodded in understanding.

“It would beat having to play maid to the guys team though wouldn’t it?” he said teasingly and he could see the twitch of her lip that made him smirk at her.

“They aren’t all that bad.” He could have sworn there was a slight tint of pink on her cheeks then and his mind scrambled to try and figure out which one of his punks who could have caught her attention.

_ Please don’t let it be Karl Tanner. I’m going to have to beat the shit out of him if he tries anything. _

Sandor was surprised by the sudden flare of protectiveness he felt for the Stark girl. Tanner was a punk who had raved in the locker room about how many girls he had slept with and the things he had gotten them to do. The kid wasn’t even eighteen and Sandor knew he was mostly talking shit but he still wouldn’t stand for it. A dark smirk pulled at his lips as he remember how the kid had nearly shat himself when Sandor had screamed in his face about speaking about women or girls in any deragatory way in his fucking locker room.

It might not have been the best way to go about it but the kid had been out of line and hopefully he had learnt his lesson. Sandor at least never caught him speaking that way again but that didn’t mean that the kid’s view on women had changed.

“Tarth said you were welcome to join their practice on Thursday,” he cleared his mind from the dark path it had taken to focus on the here and now. “I expect you to be there. Just check it out, alright?”

“Does it have to be on Thursday?” she asked and he gave her a stern glare. “It’s just that Bran has therapy and I have to watch Rickon and then pick Bran up.”

Sandor ran a hand over his face and he suddenly felt defeated. He wanted to help the girl, he had hoped that getting her to play hockey could be an outlet for her and that connecting with her teammates would help with her feeling of being on the outside. He knew all about that and hockey had been what made his life better, until it didn't anymore. But he didn’t let his thoughts linger on that, this moment wasn’t about his shit. It was about the young girl in front of him who had to deal with a lot of responsibility for her 17 years.

“Alright, I’ll go with you to practice and I’ll keep an eye on Rickon. Can’t Bran take the bus home?” Sandor thought it wasn’t that unreasonable of him to think that the kid could manage that. A lot of handicaped people rode public transportation after all and he wasn’t that young. But the horrified look on Arya’s face told him how wrong he was.

“We don’t leave Bran home alone,” she said after taking a moment. She seemed to weigh her words carefully and he sensed that there was more to it than she was saying.

“Why not? He is fourteen years old, I’m sure he can manage on his own for a few hours,” he insisted but she shook her head violently. “Why the fuck not?”

He hadn’t meant to let his frustration show but he was running out of ideas and it was fucking frustrating. He saw the anger rise on her face and with her hands clutched into tight fists she glared at him.

“We just can’t, alright? Just fucking leave it alone,” she growled before she turned and stomped out of his office. Leaving him sitting at his desk feeling fucking confused and then the possibilty of what she meant made dread spread in his chest.

_ Fuck. _

* * *

It was the third 50’s diner he was stepping inside of that evening and if she wasn’t here he was going to call it a night. Who knew that this town had a thing for fucking 50’s diners? He hadn’t.

He quickly scanned the booths and counter and thankfully she was there. Her red hair stood out, even when tied up into a neat bun at the top of her head like it was now. She was serving coffee at a corner booth and without giving himself a moment to change his mind and run the fuck out of there he took a few long strides up to her.

“Can I talk to you?” his deep rasp must have caught her off guard because she jumped and almost spilled the remaining coffee in the pot she was holding, saving it at the last second before she whipped her head around to look at him over her shoulder.

“What are you doing here?” she hissed out in a frazzled sounding voice and he took a step back to give her some space.

“I need to talk to you about Arya.” She frowned up at him and he tried to make his face impassive. He didn’t want her to worry that he was here to judge her or tell her what to do. Like he apparently had made a habit of before, according to her.

“I’m working.” He followed her back to the counter and sat down on one of the stools as she walked behind it. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Do you get a break?” With a heavy sigh she put down a cup in front of him and filled it with coffee. He hadn’t asked for coffee, didn’t really want it, but he still found himself wrapping his hands around the cup and taking a big gulp.

“I do. But not for another two hours,” she told him and he nodded.

“I’ll wait.” He felt as surprised about his response as she looked. He hadn’t planned on spending his evening in a chliché 50’s diner with black and white checkerboard floors and a jukebox playing Elvis Presley, waiting to have a conversation with the guardian of one of the students at his school. But it wasn’t like he had anything better to do.

_ Shit, that’s depressing. _

“It’s that important?” He only gave a slight nod in response but it seemed to be enough because in the next moment she turned to the other woman behind the counter.

“Gilly, is it alright if I take a break?” To her credit the other woman didn’t even blink as she looked over Sansa’s shoulder at Sandor and then gave the redhead a soft smile and a nod. “Alright, let’s get a booth.”

Without a word he followed her to one of the red leather booths, coffee cup still in his hand, and she sat down with a heavy sigh. He saw her rolling her feet and he wondered if they were already sore. She wore white sensible sneakers but he remembered the black pumps she had worn the first day he had met her. If she had already been at her first job in shoes like that he could understand if her feet were tired.

_ Why the fuck am I thinking about her feet for? Fucking hell. _

“So…” the sound of her voice made him realise that he had been quiet for some time. He mentally shook himself and lifted his eyes from her feet that were peaking out at the side of the table and made himself look right into her eyes. This close he knew she got a good look at his scars but he fought the urge to duck his head and hide behind his hair.

“Right. I appreciate you talking to me. I didn’t want to call you into the school and make you lose another shift,” he said and the proding, expecting look in her eyes softened. “It’s just… I’ve heard back from Coach Tarth, the coach of the female hockey team. She has a spot on her team if Arya wants to play and when I told her she didn’t say no.”

That made her eyebrows raise in surprise and he understood that he hadn’t been wrong in thinking that it was a big step for Arya.

“She agreed to try out?” Her voice was filled with disbelief and it made Sandor’s lip twitch as he shook his head.

“No. The girl is stubborn as an ass but she agreed to come check out the next practice.” For a second he was worried that she was going to get mad at him for calling her sister an ass but she only watched him calmly, as if she were waiting for him to get to the point and tell her why he was here. “Thing is, practice is on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I understand that Bran has his therapy on Thursdays. So I was wondering if it was possible for your neighbour to watch the boys on those days instead of Mondays and Wednesdays?”

She gave him a long surprised look and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. Hadn’t this been the right thing? When he had tried to help earlier she had called him out for judging her for thinking her incapable to care for her siblings. So this time he had gone right to her, offering a suggestion.

He really wanted to ask her why they couldn’t leave Bran home alone but he figured if he did she’d think he was meddling and refuse to listen to anything he had to say. If he was honest with himself a part of him was scared of hearing the answer, scared that his dark thoughts weren’t just a figment of his own tormented mind. He couldn’t change any of it and he was pretty sure that Sansa wouldn’t want him to try. His help hadn’t been wanted before so why would it be now? For the sake of his sanity, he decided to focus on one thing at a time. And the thing he could effect right now was Arya.

“If she started playing for the female team I’d let her off the hook with helping my team. I mean, I think it’s better for her to be playing than just doing random shit at the rink,” he hurriedly continued when she didn’t say anything. “And… if your neighbour isn’t able to look after them on Thursdays I’d like to ask for your permission to look after them. I’d go with Arya and Rickon to her practice and then the kid and I would pick up Bran after therapy and go right back. We’d be at the rink the whole time so Arya can take them home with her after. If you’re okay with that.”

Her eyes widened, which was a feat in itself with how large they were already and he realised he was holding his breath. Waiting for her response to a request he had never thought he’d ever want to make but now feared she would turn down. The blue of her eyes held him, sucking him in and it felt as if she was staring into his fucking soul. She was studying him, reading him, analyzing and he was pretty sure that no matter what she was looking for she would find him lacking. He always was.

“Why do you care?” she finally blurted out and the blunt question made him stiffen. She must have caught his reaction because she sighed and her eyes softened. “I mean... I doubt this is something you do for just anybody. Have you ever offered this much help to any of your other students?”

He knew he couldn’t lie to her. He hated liars. But what surprised him was that he didn’t want to lie to her. He wanted her trust. If not for his own selfish reasons, his stupid need to feel accepted rearing it’s ugly head, then for Arya’s sake. For the boys sake. So he shook his head and she took a deep breath. He could see her hands pulling nervously at the white apron tied around her waist and he wondered if he made her nervous. He knew he was a large man, towering over most people, and his face didn’t help much but he never wanted her to feel nervous or scared because of him. So he leaned back against the back of the booth, creating a little more space between them just in case.

“Then why? Why do you care?” she prodded again and the answer slipped out without him thinking twice about it.

“Because I was her. I was that kid, mad at the world, fucking hating everything and everyone because of what happened to me, to my family,” he said and bit down on his bottom lip so hard he was worried that he might have drawn blood before he was able to control the raging emotion that statement put him through.

_ Might as well be completely honest. _

“Since I met Arya I just can’t shake the thought that if someone had reacted... If someone had cared enough to call me out on it, told me to get my head on straight and help me do that, my life would have turned out a lot different.” Shit, he wasn’t even sure if he had even admitted as much in group and his instincts told him to shut up. To get the fuck out of this good damn diner and get away from those blue prodding eyes that seemed to losen his tongue a lot more than he was fucking comfortable with. “And your brothers, they’re good kids that have been through hell. I just want to help any way I can.”

_ You’ve been through hell too. Seems to me you’ve got nobody to lean on and I know what that’s like. _

He was surprised by her silence and he found himself worrying over what she was thinking. There was a crease between her eyes and he found himself gripping the coffeecup so firmly in his hands that he worried that he might break it. He eased up on his grip and took a deep breath just as he saw her open her mouth to speak.

“I will ask Mrs Boone if we can switch days and if she can’t I’ll figure something else out. I don’t really know you and I don’t feel comfortable with someone I don’t know being in charge of my siblings. But I appreciate the offer.” It was such a polite response that he almost wanted to laugh. He knew it would be more of an angry rasp so he held it in. He couldn’t argue her reasons for rejecting his help but it still made him bristle a little. It wasn’t like he had a habit of offering help and having it rejected didn’t feel good at all.

“Fair enough,” was all he said though and it was. It was a healthy response, a protective one and he could understand her need to be protective. But a part of him wanted to yell at her to just fucking take the help. To not be so fucking proud all the time. That him helping out didn’t mean that he thought that she wasn’t doing a good job.

_ Fuck, she is a bloody superwoman for doing this. For making this her life, willingly taking on all this responsibility on her own. _

Not like he was ever going to be able to tell her that though. He doubted she’d even want to hear it from him. What he did want was to tell her that it was okay to need help, to not want to do it on her own all the time, but he was pretty sure she was just going to bite his head off if he tried. He figured he had to count it as a win that she hadn’t this time, that it was a win that she had even been willing to listen to him at all.

“I better get back to work,” she said after a moment of silence and when he didn’t protest she slid out of the booth. “Can I get you anything other than coffee?”

He wasn’t really hungry but since he was there he figured he could get something to eat. Anything really so that he wouldn’t get her in trouble for talking to him.

“You got any of those banana muffins?” he asked and the smile that split her face was so genuinely happy that it took him so much by surprise that he could only stare in awe.

“Unfortunately not. I haven’t baked anything on the menu. But we have a banana pie,” she told him and the smile lingered on her face. It made her look so much lighter and there was a sense of something unidentifiable in his chest at the thought that he was the reason she had smiled.

“Not one for pies. But I’ll have the double cheeseburger with fries,” he heard himself say. It was an automated order, his mind was still caught on the fact that he had made her smile. “Thank you.”

Those last simple words made her smile just a tad bit brighter and he felt fucking happy. Happy with himself for being able to give her day a light moment and found that it left him feeling a bit lighter himself.

“Coming right up, Coach.”

“Sandor,” he corrected and she gave him a long look, her smile dimming a little but not leaving her face. Finally she nodded and he thought that maybe they at least wasn’t strangers anymore. Maybe now she understood that he acted out of care for Arya and the boys and not out of doubting her.

_ Why the fuck do I care what she thinks of my motives? Why have these kids become a priority? _

It wasn’t like they were the first struggling kids he had met, the whole school was filled with them. But he knew it was different with the Starks. Why he had no idea, but it was. Arya did remind him of himself, to the degree that he was terrified she’d end up an angry mess like him. So maybe that was what he was trying to do, keeping her from becoming like him.

_ It’s as good of a reason as I can think of. She deserves better, she can be better. _

“Right, Sandor,” Sansa said softly before she strode over to the counter and Sandor found himself smiling down at his now cold coffee. It wasn’t a wide and bright smile like hers, it was a barely there pull of his lips but it was a smile by his standards.

He might have left the biggest tip of his life, despite the food only being average at best. He might also have hightailed like a coward out of there before Sansa had a chance to see the tip. Because he doubted she would have accepted it, due to her damn pride, and as he straddled his bike he couldn’t help but throw a look over his shoulder. His eyes found her auburn head staring down at the table that he had just left. Her eyes snapped up, as if she felt her eyes on him, and she gave him an exasperated look but he caught the slight twitch of her mouth as well as the amused glint in her eyes.

_ Damn if that doesn’t feel almost as good as making her smile. _

* * *

He hadn’t planned on going to the practice. He really hadn’t. It wasn’t his team and he knew Coach Tarth, she was a good coach and fair so he knew she was going to give Arya a shot. Somehow he still ended up parking his bike at the Sapphire Isle High School’s rink.

_ Fucking pretenious assholes to name the school after a fucking jewel. _

When he stepped inside he saw that practice was already in full swing but as his eyes scanned the ice he didn’t see Arya there. He figured it would have been too much to hope that she’d get out there first thing. Instead he found her leaning against the edge of the players booth, the tall blonde Coach by her side. They weren’t speaking, both just watching the players on the ice and he slowly made his way over to them.

Both heads turned to look at him and Coach Tarth gave him a slight nod in greeting while Arya scowled. He scowled right back but there wasn’t any real anger behind it. It just seemed to be their thing now, scowling at each other and he didn’t mind it that much.

“You didn’t have to check in on me. I said I was going to come. I’m not a liar,” she hissed out when he leaned against the rib beside her.

“I know. I trust you,” he said and his admittance seemed to take her by surprise but she quickly schooled her expression into a cold mask of indifference. “I just wanted to check out the team.”

It wasn’t a lie, he did want to check out the team. She didn’t need to know that he counted her as a part of it already. He had a pretty good idea that she wouldn’t like that at all.

“It’s good that you are here,” Coach Tarth interjected. “Saved me a trip. I wanted to talk to you about the community centre’s plan to start a hockey program for the kids.”

That made Sandor sigh as he turned his attention towards the tall blonde woman. She didn’t as much as flinch when he scowled at her. She never had seemed fazed with his bad temper so he figured he had no choice but to listen to her.

“I already told you I don’t want to coach a bunch of kids.” He couldn’t help but complain though, he wasn’t one to hide his displeasure.

“And I told you that it would only be on Saturdays. You could even choose what time you wanted the ice,” Coach Tarth persisted before she motioned with her head at her assistant coach on the ice. “Pod has already agreed to coach the youngest. We just need someone who coaches the Squirt and Peewee team.”

“And you want this guy?” Arya asked without being able to hide her astonished amusement. She even fucking laughed, the brat.

“He’s a good coach and the fact that he is a Stanley Cup winner will put some interest in the program,” Tarth gave Arya a stern look that made the girl collect herself somewhat. “You could really do some good with the kids, Clegane.”

Sandor narrowed his eyes at her. He knew what she was trying to do. And it was a sure sign that she didn’t know him at all. He wasn’t the kind of person to do something out of the kindness of his heart. He was selfish and rude and he only did things that he could benefit from. He wouldn’t get anything in return for coaching a bunch of 9 and 10 year olds who could barely skate. For some reason he thought of Rickon then and how he probably would love being a part of a team.

_ Fucking Starks, all in my fucking head all the fucking time. _

“Yeah right. I’d end up scaring them away from hockey all together before the end of the first practice,” he growled out but the infuriatingly stubborn woman just gave him a stern glare.

“It’s not like you have anything better to do right?” she said with a teasing glint in her eyes and he was very tempted to tell her to fuck off and storm out of there. Instead he settled for given her the finger before turning his attention towards the girls on the ice again.

“What do you think of them so far?” he asked Arya and was grateful that both her and Coach Tarth accepted his change of topic without complaint.

“The defence is alright but that’s mostly because the offence suck,” Arya replied coldly and Sandor couldn’t help but lift his eyes to look over her head at Coach Tarth who gave him a slight shrug in response. “Nr 16 aint that bad though. She’s a good skater and got good puck control.”

“Ah, Giantsbane. She’s my strongest forward,” Tarth said and Sandor watched as the girl in question skated up to them. She had a bright red braid coming out of her helmet and a grin that was so much like her father’s that Sandor had to fight the urge to scowl.

“This her?” the girl asked as she looked at Arya with a searching glare.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Arya hissed and Sandor nudged her with his elbow, making her turn her head and glare at him. He responded with a pointed look that made her scowl soften somewhat and he saw that as a win.

_ Calm the fuck down. _

“Coach said that there was a new girl coming to try out,” the redheaded girl said and didn’t seem fazed at all by the other girl’s hostility. “I’m Matilda.”

_ Definitely her father’s daughter in that regard. _

“Arya Stark. And I’m not trying out,” Arya’s voice was still a little sharp and hostile but Matilda was still grinning. “Not like I would have to, you guys have a lot to work on.”

“You wanna get on the ice and put your money where your mouth is?” Matilda’s voice was teasing but there was a glint in her eyes, like she was intentionally pushing Arya’s buttons and Sandor had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from chuckling at how Arya bristled.

“I fucking could. But I don’t have any gear,” Arya said making Coach Tarth turn her full attention on the short girl.

“I do not tolerate that kind of language on my team, or in my rink,” she added the second part when Arya opened her mouth to protest. “And if you do wish to stand by your words I’m sure we have gear for you and skates you could borrow.”

Arya’s bravado suddenly disappeared and as she scuffled her feet Sandor saw her deflate. Without saying a word he grabbed her arm and dragged her away until they were out of earshot.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He looked her straight in the eyes to let her know that he was serious. “But I can’t help but wonder why you don’t want to get on the ice. You did play before right?”

He saw the hesitation flash across her face and he let go off her arm so that she didn’t feel pressured. She worried her lip with her bottom teeth and Sandor held his breath but then he watched her as she slowly put her guard up again. The harsh steel of her eyes making him feel suddenly disappointed.

“You know I used to play professionally?” he heard himself asking and she nodded slowly. “You know why I stopped?”

This time the shake of her head was barely there but he wasn’t that surprised. It had been five years after all, she had been barely twelve at the time and probably didn’t pay that much attention to news of a NHL player losing his contract.

“It wasn’t my own choice. I fucked up and lost my contract. Then no other team wanted to touch me.” He was surprised that he was able to keep the bitterness that welled inside his chest from tainting his voice. That was probably due more to Ray and his group’s influence then the time that had passed. He suddenly felt very self conscious with Coach Tarth and the rest of the team staring at them. “There’s a coffee shop down the street, you wanna go there and talk?”

She nodded eagerly but as they walked they both remained silent. She only spoke to order a chai latte, what the hell that was, and as they sat down at a table he figured he had to break it. It was an unusual position for him to be in, he was usually the quiet one. The one who didn’t want to talk.

“I wish I could blame every mistake I made on my shit childhood but I made choices. I let my anger at the world twist me because it was easier to be angry than admit that I gave a shit. Easier than admitting that I was hurting.” He took a deep breath and she gave a slight nod. He wasn’t sure if it she did it to tell him that she was listening or if she was agreeing with him. “I started drinking to deal with the pain and I never really stopped. The only time I was sober was at practice and at games. Until the time I wasn’t. I showed up to a game drunk, I picked a fight and I beat the crap out of him. I remember several people rushing over to try and stop me but I was seeing red. So I started throwing punches around, I didn’t care who I was hitting. My own teammates, the referee. Everyone was fair game to my rage.”

He took a big sip of his black coffee and waited, trying to gauge her reaction. The wall she had put up didn’t seem to be there anymore but it wasn’t like she was sharing her own story or showing any sign of doing so. So he figured he might as well continue.

“I got suspended and it was made clear that my contract was in jeopardy. So what did I do? I went to a bar and got even more shitfaced. Some guy who recognised me made a comment, what I can’t even remember, and the next thing I knew I had him on the ground bleeding and I couldn’t stop. I hurt him. So badly that I was found guilty of assault.”

“You were in jail?” she asked with a surprised gasp and he nodded.

“For six months. When I got out I had to do community service and go to a court ordered anger management class. That’s where I met Ray, he managed the class, and he got me the job at the school.”

Arya stared at him in silence, her eyes suddenly taking that same prodding and soul scanning quality that her sister seemed to possess. He wanted to look away, tell her to stop fucking staring but he knew that wouldn’t do nothing but piss her off and somehow he felt like maybe she was learning to trust him. Slowly but surely.

“Why were you so angry? What happened that made your childhood shitty?” Of fucking course she had to get caught on that detail. She had to ask about the most telling and vulnerable part of his story. He had hoped that she wouldn’t focus on that but who had he been kidding, she was a Stark and they picked up on those things. He figured he might as well just bite the bullet.

“My mom died when I was really young. My dad wasn’t around much, he was always working or drinking to deal with the shit hand he had been given. It was just me and my older brother left.” Talking about his brother made his mouth dry up and he took a big gulp of his coffee, not caring that it burned the roof of his mouth. “He was six years older and he hated me.”

“He didn’t take care of you?” she asked surprised and of course she would be. She had an older sister who had dropped everything, given up her entire life, to do just that. Because that was what their family did for each other.

“The only thing my brother ever did for me was give me this.” Sandor’s voice was cold while his chest felt like it could burst as he gestured to his face. “Put my face in the fire because I played with one of his old toys. My dad was too drunk to stop him and afterwards he tried to cover it up. But social services found him lacking as a parent and took me away.”

_ Lacking was the word they used in their rapport. Found lacking for not stopping his oldest son from burning off the second one's face. Fucking lacking. _

He hadn’t meant to share that much, had never planned on telling her about his fucking scars and he was fucking kicking himself. She was just a kid, dealing with her own shit. She shouldn’t have to listen to him whine about his miserable childhood. That hadn’t been what this talk was supposed to be about. He was supposed to help her deal with why she was angry, why she didn’t want to get on the ice.

“It was my fault.” The words were said softly, barely above a whisper but they pulled him out of his dark spiraling thoughts like a bucket of cold water being dumped on his head. He didn’t dare speak, didn’t dare breath in case it would keep her from continuing. “They were driving to see me play but they didn’t make it. It was the final and I was so angry that they didn’t come that I made too many mistakes. It lost us the game and I blamed them.”

Arya had kept her eyes downward, focused on her lap but now she lifted her eyes to look at him and there were tears in her eyes and it terrified him. It terrified him that she was hurting and that he might have to deal with a crying teenage girl, but he knew he would. Because she wasn’t just any crying teenage girl. Somehow he had started caring about this girl and her family in the short time that he knew them and he knew he’d try and comfort her to the best of his abilities if she needed him to. He’d probably do a shit job of it, but he would try.

“It wasn’t until an hour after the game, when no one had come to pick me up that I understood that something was wrong. The next thing I knew Sansa was calling me, sobbing. Mom and dad were gone and Bran was fighting for his life. And I had been fucking angry at them for missing a fucking hockey game,” she rubbed her eyes with an angry frown on her face. As if she was upset with herself for getting emotional. “If it hadn’t been for that stupid game they would still be here.”

Sandor knew he was out of his fucking depth now. This was probably something that Sansa would understand, she would know how to deal with it or she would at least know how to comfort her sister. Instead Arya had Sandor, who could only stare at her like a fucking dumbass.

_ What the fuck am I going to say to that? _

“I didn’t know your parents but for what I gathered they loved you. And they would never blame you for something out of your control. Nobody does.” Maybe that wasn’t the worst thing to say because she was looking at him like she was actually listening and taking in what he was saying. “And you shouldn’t punish yourself for it either. They’re gone and I get that it hurts. Probably more than I could even begin to imagine but you’re allowed to try and be happy. Knowing how you guys care about each other, I know they would want you to be.”

He was grateful for Ray even more then, for teaching him these things. For telling him something similar every day for the first year he was going to meetings. Because it seemed to resonate with her, just like it had with him. She didn’t say anything but he saw the slight nod and how her eyes dried without having a single tear fall. And maybe, just maybe he had made a positive difference instead of a negative one for once. That was all he could hope for.

“Can we go back to the rink?” she asked and he quickly followed her lead. He was so fucking grateful that she didn’t make a big deal out of their talk. She acted as if nothing had happened and he was more than happy to do the same. As long as it had helped her it was all that he needed.

It was the determined set of her shoulders and the way she held her head high as they stepped inside the rink that told him that he should just hang back and see what she was about to do.

“We got gear and skates right here if you’ve changed your mind.” Sandor was grateful that Coach Tarth didn’t ask any questions or wondered where they had been. She only gave Sandor a hint of a smile as they both watched Arya put the gear on with determination.

Once she was on the ice Sandor couldn’t keep himself from pulling out his phone to record as she skated laps around the other players. She was quick and agile and he now knew Sansa hadn’t just been bragging when she said that her sister was a damn good skater.

Perhaps it had been ethically wrong of him to take Sansa’s number from the school records and put it in his personal phone but he was happy he had so that he was able to send her the footage he had just caught. He had had a feeling that he might need to contact her at some point and didn't want to have to bother her at either workplaces. She could always just tell him to never contact her again and he would respect that, and he made sure she knew it was him sending the video so that she had a chance to do just that.

“For fuck sake Stark!” he called out just as he put down his phone and caught Arya checking Matilda hard into the boards. “There is no checking in women’s hockey!”

“Lame!” Arya called back, making him chuckle just as his phone buzzed in his pocket. With a nervous sigh he opened the message Sansa had sent and her response was simple but it made his lip twitch with an almost smile.

**Sansa: Thank you Sandor.**


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to feel a little lighter for Sansa. Maybe because of a certain someone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter. I've tried out something new with the messages. Thought it would be fun. If it makes things look weird please let me know and I'll just type it out instead.
> 
> I hope you like the chapter.

Sansa had just finished collecting her things while people were giving each other polite smiles and goodbyes as they headed out of the building. She liked her job at the reception well enough, it wasn’t that complicated and she liked her coworkers. Most of the lawyers at the firm were polite and nice whenever she spoke to them, even if there were a few exceptions.

“Gods, he is sooo hot,” Sansa heard Jeyne whisper beneath her breath as Harrold Hardyng, one of the senior partners at the firm, walked out of his office. Sansa couldn’t argue with the fact that he was handsome. He had a chiseled face and sandy hair that was styled to perfection, not a single hair out of place. He always wore tailored suits that showed off his physique and today he had opted for a deep blue one that complimented the blue of his eyes. 

Had a man like Harrold Hardyng given her any kind of attention before everything she probably would have squealed in glee. But Sansa knew that a man like that, like him, had no interest in a receptionist and definitely not one who was raising her younger siblings. She had heard enough gossip around the office to know that he was a flirt and always had a different woman on his arm at every event. Because he was the kind of successful lawyer that went to events. The only events Sansa had in her life was her sister’s hockey games and soon that would be expanded to hold her youngest brother’s games as well.

It was all Rickon ever talked about. How now that his arm was healed he was joining the Peewee hockey team that Sandor was coaching. Sansa had been surprised to hear that he had agreed to volunteer as a coach for young kids but Arya hadn’t so maybe it was something he did every year.

Sansa had readily agreed when Rickon had asked if he could join the team. She had witnessed first hand the positive influence playing again and having a team had done to Arya. She wanted Rickon to have a connection, make friends and have an interest. It was important for him growing up but also in making this new place their home. And if hockey was the way to go she’d support him any way she could. Somehow it helped knowing that Sandor was the one coaching, she knew him or at least knew him a little and Rickon really liked him. In true Sandor fashion he had let her know that the hockey programme had a carpool system in case she would have issues with getting Rickon to the rink once she had signed him up. It hadn’t even annoyed her when he had sent the link for registering. She had thanked him and that had been all. No annoyance, no judgement. It was very strange but also nice.

“Hello ladies. Any exciting plans for the weekend?” Sansa was brought back to the present and away from her thoughts of the large hockey coach by the smooth voice of Harrold Hardyng who was suddenly leaning against the reception desk.

“I’m going to a friend’s birthday party tomorrow,” Jeyne answered with a flirty smile that he met with one of his own megawhat smiles that brought out the dimples in his cheeks.

_ He really is handsome. _

“What about you Sansa?” he asked, focusing his blue eyes on her and she blushed under his attention.

“Oh, I have a full weekend, Mr Hardyng,” she answered politely and she wanted to kick herself for sounding so ridiculous. But it was better than actually telling him her plans, that would make that smile die real fast.

_ Just another shift at the diner and then dealing with the huge pile of laundry that is taking over our bathroom before driving my youngest brother to his first peewee hockey practice. Super exciting stuff. _

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Harry?” he said with a flirty grin and Sansa was tempted to tell him that this was the first time he had ever suggested it but that wasn’t polite and she couldn’t afford to annoy her boss so instead she smiled shyly and nodded her head.

“We’ll have to go out for drinks one of these nights, when you are free,” Harry suggested with a flirty wink that made the flush in her cheeks deepen. She tried convincing herself that it was something he said to a lot of people but in the back of her mind she registered that he didn’t give the same suggestion to Jeyne before he left.

“Oh my gosh, he is so into you!” Jeyne gasped once the glass doors had closed behind him and Sansa couldn’t help but shake her head violently.

“Yeah, cause it’s really attractive to be a receptionist slash waitress raising three younger siblings. Exactly the kind of woman any man would want to be with, someone who has no time and space for them.” Her voice was cold and void of emotion but only because she had already made peace with the fact that she’d be doing this alone. It had been her choice and she wouldn’t change it for the world. But she was lonely at times.

_ Most of the time. _

“Hey, this law firm was the one representing you when you fought for permanent custody. Harry knows about your situation and he suggested you go for drinks anyway,” Jeyne said and Sansa couldn’t help but smile at her friend.

Ever the optimist, Jeyne was able to see the positive in most situations and she wasn’t really wrong. Harry did know about it, he had congratulated her after she had been granted custody. Could he still want to see if there could be something between them despite her circumstances? She had her doubts, no one would be prepared to take on all that responsibility for a possible relationship. What type of relationship could ever grow from what she had to deal with on a daily basis?

Was she a terrible person for wanting to entertain the idea of having drinks with a man like Harry? That a part of her, a part she thought she had left behind two years ago, wanted to experience a man showing genuine interest in her? To have a moment of being normal, feeling like any other 24 year old woman.

“It’s just drinks,” Jeyne said softly and Sansa shrugged her shoulders to make light of the situation. But her heart felt heavy as she headed out to her car. Her life wasn’t like any other women’s her age, she didn’t have the luxury of only thinking of herself.

* * *

Sansa smiled at how happy and bubbly Rickon was in the passenger seat. She was tired after having worked the breakfast shift at the diner but a quick shower and the largest thermos of coffee she owned helped a bit. She had barely put the car in park before Rickon was jumping out and grabbing his bag from the back. With a laugh she followed him inside, balancing a tupperware box as well as her coffee while she tried to open the door to the rink.

“Let me get that for you,” a deep set voice said from behind and a large hand grabbed the door and held it open for her. She lifted her head to look at the man who had helped her and was met with the smiling face of a man with a wild beard almost as red as her hair.

“Thank you,” she said with a smile of her own just as a small redheaded girl ran through the door.

“Can you slow down Astrid?!” the red haired man called after her.

“No pappa!” she called back, making the large man chuckle. It was a deep rumbling sound that lingered even as Sansa walked inside of the rink.

Her eyes scanned for Rickon and found him standing with a group of kids who were all listening intently to Sandor who was standing in front of the group. He had his back turned to her so she lingered, listening to him talk to the kids. The red haired man as well as a few other people, who she assumed were parents, stood around doing the same.

“Alright, so this is just the first practice. We are gonna see where we’re at and what we need to work on. Today is all about skating and having fun, alright?” he said and the kids all agreed happily. “Go on and change. I’ve put out practice gear for you guys in the locker rooms. Be on the ice in 10!”

The kids were all screaming and running then and she could see the way Sandor’s shoulders tensed at the noise level. He turned around and the scowl on his face made her wonder why on earth he volunteered to coach peewee hockey if he was already this annoyed only a few minutes in to the first practice.

His grey eyes caught hers and the scowl turned into a look of surprise that made her move her feet towards him. She wasn’t sure when but at some point she had started to seem him as less of an asshat and more as Sandor. She supposed it had been when he came to talk to her at the diner and had shared a part of his past in order for her to understand his motivation. She knew how much he had done for Arya, she was more like the girl she had been before everything then Sansa had ever hoped she would be able to be again. Things were far from perfect but Arya was happier, or at least on her way there, now that she had the team to focus on. And her schoolwork had improved. Apparently because Coach Tarth insisted on her players to keep a certain GPA or else you were off the team.

“Hello,” she said softly as she reached him but he didn’t say anything. He only stared at her as if he was trying to solve a puzzle or something and she couldn’t help but wonder if she made him uncomfortable. She had yelled and cried in front of him more times than she had acted normal, or at least that was what it felt like to her, so she couldn’t really blame him if he was weary.

She wasn’t sure what there was to say, especially since he didn’t seem eager to start up a conversation so she only held out the tupperware to him.

“Here.” He hesitantly accepted the container and opened the lid to check the content. When he saw the banana muffins there was a twitch at the burnt corner of his mouth and his eyes seemed less weary as they met hers.

“Ah, bribing the coach at the first practice. Why didn’t I think of that.” The raspy voice of the redheaded man made Sandor scowl again but as the man walked up to them he seemed completely unfazed by the larger man’s angry face.

“Fuck off Giantsbane,” Sandor growled but that only served to make the other man’s grin widen.

“I’d be willing to let it slide for one of those deliciously smelling muffins,” the other man said with a suggestive wiggle of his bushy red eyebrows. Sansa had to bite her lip to hide a smile when Sandor quickly closed the lid and pressed the container to his chest.

“They’re mine,” he growled threateningly and thankfully the other man gave up and turned his attention to Sansa.

“I didn’t get to introduce myself earlier. I’m Tormund Giantsbane,” he said as he shook her hand. “So, this must be a new development?”

His comment was directed at Sandor who bristled and quickly walked away from them while angrily hissing out his response.

“There is nothing developing here.”

The words were said with such conviction and anger that it made Sansa flinch. Of course he didn’t want anyone to think that there was anything going on between them. She couldn’t blame him. Who would want to be put together with her?

_ She was a mess and he had seen that for himself first hand. _

“Actually I’m here with my brother. He’s on Sandor's, Coach Clegane’s team,” Sansa said and hoped that Tormund wouldn’t comment on her slip up. “I’m Sansa Stark.”

“Are you related to Arya Stark?” Tormund asked and Sansa nodded, relieved in the turn the conversation had taken.

“She’s my sister.”

“Ah. My eldest, Matilda, is on the same team as her. She told me your sister is a great skater. And coming from Tilda that something. She doesn’t hand out praise easily,” Tormund told her with an affectionate twinkle in his blue eyes. “My second girl, Astrid, is on Clegane’s team as well. My youngest, Ebba, is in the youngest age group.”

“Three girls, that must keep you and your wife busy,” Sansa said in order to keep polite conversation. The man seemed nice enough even though he had made Sandor uncomfortable and she didn’t want to be rude.

“That they do. Although it’s just me, my wife passed a few years back. Cancer.” He said it so calmly, like he was just stating a fact, and Sansa understood why. It was easier to do that, trying to not make the person you were talking to uncomfortable with bringing in your emotions into the conversation.

“I am sorry for your loss,” Sansa said and she truly meant it. She knew from her own experience that it didn’t really mean anything, it was just something you said. But it was better than saying nothing.

His children must have been so young when they lost their mother and her mind went to Rickon. They all understood loss and with the soft smile he gave her she suspected that he knew about their loss as well.

“As am I about yours. Arya told Matilda about your situation and I just wanted to say that it’s an amazing thing you are doing. Very few people would be strong enough to take that on. It’s a credit to the strength of your family.” His words confirmed her suspicions of him knowing and Sansa felt strangely happy that he knew. Because it meant that Arya had opened up to someone and she needed that.

“I appreciate your kind words,” Sansa smiled politely and she meant what she said although the praise and attention was making her uncomfortable. It had never been a question for her, she had to do this. She had to keep her family together and she didn’t know what to do with a stranger commending her for something she knew never really had been a choice, not to her.

With one last polite smile she made her way towards the players booth where Sandor was standing and checking off a list every time a kid came to sit down. He looked up from the paper in his hand to look at her. He only gave a slight nod in recognition before he returned his attention to the kids and his list.

She didn’t mind though, she found that she preferred his silence over the polite conversations about insignificant things that the other parents around her seemed to be having. She hadn’t been like that before, she had always been one of those who enjoyed small talk. Who enjoyed talking to people, the topic had never truly mattered. But it was hard to pretend like she cared now, when there was so much else going on. She had enough of doing that at her jobs.

_ Things change. I’ve changed. _

So instead she stood to the side and watched closely as Sandor coached the children. He had a surprising gentle touch even if he was stern. It seemed to work well with this group, and soon they were all on the ice following his instructions.

Sansa smiled as she watched Rickon skate between cones and then shoot a puck into the empty goal. This had always been her dad’s thing. There were few things in life he enjoyed more than watching his kids at their hockey practices and games. Despite being busy running a company he always seemed to have the time. He might not have been able to go to every single practice since having five kids with busy schedules of their own but he tried.

Even during the time where Sansa had decided that she wanted to try out figure skating, he had been there, watching and giving advice where he could. She felt her eyes water as she remembered how she had found him in his den reading _ The Complete Book of Figure Skating _so that he would understand the terms and techniques that her coach used. He had been her biggest supporter and she had never doubted that he cared.

That was the man that he had been and Sansa wanted to try and be there for her siblings in the same way, even if she knew she would never be able to fill their father’s place. But Rickon was so young, he had lost out on having their parents too soon and she didn’t know what else she could do to make up for that loss. 

“Hey, you okay?” she startled at Sandor’s voice. She had been so engrossed in her thoughts that she hadn’t even noticed him skating up to where she was standing, and that said a lot since the man was hard to miss. He was even taller on his skates and with his black helmet pushing the hair of his face she was able to look up into his eyes.

She noticed the concern there and yet again she was surprised with, not only how easily he seemed to read her moods, but how he wasn’t scared off asking her about it. About how she felt. She doubted that he did it just to be polite, she doubted that he did anything for the sake of politeness. With how rude and surly he had been previously she figured he was more than fine with not addressing things that he didn’t care about. But for some reason he was asking her if she was okay, because he took the time to look and notice that maybe she wasn’t.

_ I get that he cares about the kids, about Arya. It’s about his own past and history, knowing that he wanted someone to care for him. But that doesn’t explain why he cares about how I’m feeling. Or am I just another kid to him? _

She was about to tell him that she was fine, but the words got caught in her throat. They just felt so _ wrong _ and _ untrue _and maybe for once she could be honest. Maybe for once she wouldn’t be judged.

“I’m a little overwhelmed. This was my dad’s thing, the whole coming to practice,” she heard the words out loud and it didn’t sound as painful as she would have thought. The slow nod he gave her was the only reaction she could make out. His grey eyes kept hers for a second longer and then they flicked back to the kids on the ice, watching and making sure everything was alright.

“I’m sure it means a lot that you are here. It might not be the same but it’s something, right?” he said without looking away from the kids on the ice and it gave her a moment to truly process his words.

Maybe it was something, hopefully Rickon saw that she cared. That she loved him and wanted to be there for him. It was all she could hope for.

“It’s just with work… I miss a lot of things.” The words came out beneath her breath so she wasn’t sure that he had heard her at first. But there was a slight nod again and this time he turned his head to look down at her.

“You’re trying. And I know my opinion doesn’t mean shit, but I think you’re doing one hell of a job with these kids.” Her eyes widened with surprise and he rubbed his neck with a sheepish look before he quickly skated over to the kids, calling out to them to gather around.

He left her there, staring after him and feeling a warmth spread through her. She had told him she was overwhelmed and he hadn’t judged her. He hadn’t offered advice on something he obviously couldn’t understand. He had listened and told her his thoughts. He had been kind and he thought she was doing a good job. She was starting to feel lighter than she had done in weeks, all because of the kindness of a near strange.

_ That was definitely something. _

* * *

“Oh my god! Did you see that tackle? The whole board looked like it was about to fall over!” Arya exclaimed from the couch that she and Matilda was occupying with three other girls. It turned out that they were the ones who had joined Coach Tarth’s team from Quiet Isle Highs School and despite them varying in age they seemed to get along very well.

Sansa might have burst into tears when Arya asked if she could bring some friends over after Saturday’s practice and then had to vow to all things holy that she would not cry in front of the girls and embarrass Arya. By the death glare Arya threw Sansa from time to time, grinning like a fool at them wasn’t that much better.

So while the girls watched some old hockey clips on the tv Sansa was making them snacks, she was allowed to stay in the kitchen to help Rickon with his homework, as long as she didn’t talk to them. If things had been like before Sansa would have argued with her sister that she was being mean and bratty but with how things were now Sansa was actually happy that her sister was acting like an infuriating teenager.

“Is that Coach?” Sansa heard Rickon ask from where he was sitting at the dinner table with his math homework, happily discarded in favour of watching the clips as well.

“Yup. It’s a compilation of his most brutal tackles and fights,” Matilda answered and that made Sansa frown.

“You guys seem a little bit obsessed with that. Are you like his fanclub or something?” Sansa couldn’t help but tease. Arya gave her another death glare but the other girls laughed.

“Yeah! Let’s start a fanclub and print out shirts. Coach Clegane would so hate that!” one of the other girls, who had short black hair and olive skin exclaimed.

“Ooh! I know, we could call it The Hound’s Bitches!” Arya’s comment made them all roar with laughter and Sansa couldn’t help but release a chuckle.

Somehow she pictured Sandor would be anything but pleased if the five girls showed up at school wearing t-shirts with that on it. The scowl he would give them would probably be his worst yet.

“Do your homework,” Sansa said softly to Rickon once the laughter had died down. She put down a smaller bowl of fruit salad and a plate of cookies on the table for her and Rickon to share and he quickly swiped a cookie, stuffing the whole thing in his mouth.

“Math is boring,” he complained once he had chewed enough to be able to speak and Sansa shook her head at him.

“I know but you need to know this stuff.” He gave her a deadpanned look of disbelief but turned his attention back to the book. His concentration lasted only for a few minutes though.

“Coach said we are going to be playing a tournament soon. Will you come watch?” he asked and Sansa gave him her biggest smile.

“If I don’t have to work, I’ll be there,” she promised and he gave a slight nod. She could see that he was hesitating with asking her something and she gave him a slight nudge with her shoulder. “What is it Rickon?”

“Do you think that maybe you’d have time to make your caramel and chocolate cookies so that I could bring them to practice next week? I told everyone that you make the best ones and Dayton didn’t believe me.” The dark look in his blue eyes showed her what he thought of that and she had to bite her bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

“I’ll make as many as you want and we’ll show Dayton what’s what,” she promised and he gave her a huge grin.

“So what’s your team called?” the blonde girl, who Sansa remember was called Mya, asked Rickon and he looked at her with a frown. “If you’re entering a tournament your team needs a name. Like Winterfell Direwolves or Quiet Isle Stingrays”.

“Hasn’t your coach given the team a name?” Sansa asked and Rickon shook his head.

“He said that we should come up with it since it was our team. We haven’t picked one yet,” Rickon answered. “Do you think that Coach would be mad if we named our team The Hound’s Bitches?”

The girls started laughing so loudly that Sansa was almost worried that the neighbours were going to complain but she left them to simmer down on their own and focused her attention on her little brother’s frowning face.

“I don’t think he’d like that name. Please don’t suggest it at the next practice,” she told him with a plea and he nodded seriously.

“I just thought it would be cool if we named the team after him somehow.” Rickon scrunched his face as if he was thinking really hard and then shrugged and plainly ignored the fruit for another cookie.

“Well what about The Hound’s Puppies? Or The Pups?” she suggested and he gave her a look of pure horror.

“That makes us sound like we are little babies!” She had to swallow her retort that they were babies, she was sure that would not have gone over well. So instead she took a piece of melon and while chewing gave it some serious thought.

“What about The Wolfhounds? Like in Irish Wolfhounds? They are a type of hound and they are big and strong.” By the look on Rickon’s face it wasn’t a terrible suggestion.

“Maybe… I’ll see what the other guys think.” Sansa would take that happily. She just hoped that Sandor wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of having the team named after his old moniker. And if he did, she hoped that she would let her brother down easy and not get too upset with him.

* * *

Sansa made a point of always keeping her phone close at work in case something would come up with the kids and even if it had been calm seas as of late she still felt her heart jump in her chest when her phone rang and the caller ID said “Sandor Clegane”.

“Jeyne, I just have to take this. I’ll be right back,” Sansa called out to her coworker who gave her a slight nod before returning her attention to her computer screen.

Sansa hurried over to the breakroom, that luckily was empty.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is Coac… Sandor,” she heard him rasp out and the deep set of his voice did nothing to calm her anxiety. He sounded agitated. “I was wondering if you are working at the diner tonight?”

The question made Sansa pause and she just stared at the wall in front of her for a moment. Why did he need to know that? Why did he want to know that? Did he plan on coming to the diner? Why did the thought of that make her nervous?

“I… Yes,” she managed to get out and heard him sigh.

“Do you have anyone who can watch Bran and Rickon?” he asked with a sigh. “I just really want, _ need _, to give Arya detention.”

“Why? What did she do?” Somehow the thought of Arya getting detention calmed her anxiety somewhat. At least it meant that no one was hurt.

“She and some other girls showed up to school with t-shirts that had… had…,” she could tell that he was getting even more agitated and it sounded almost like he was pacing. “The Hound’s Bitches fucking printed on them!”

“No, they actually went through with it?” Sansa groaned as she sat down on one of the chairs. 

“You knew about this?!” he asked and the outraged tone in his voice made her picture how hard he had to be scowling right now and she clasped a hand over her mouth to keep in the giggle she almost let slip.

“They might have talked about it last weekend but I thought it was just a joke, I swear,” she said and then she started laughing in earnest.

“It’s not fucking funny!” he protested with a growl but that only made her laugh harder.

“It’s a little bit funny.”

“Don’t fucking quote Elton John at me,” he rasped but she could make out a tint of amusement in his voice. “Man, that girl is going to drive me properly insane on of these days.”

“Hey, preaching to the quire here. I live with her,” Sansa joked and there was a harsh exhale of air on the other end and she realised it was a small laugh. “So are you planning on giving her detention today then? I can ask Mrs Boone to watch the boys.”

“Eh, fuck it. I’ll make them help out in the cafeteria at lunch. That will have to be punishment enough,” he said with a grumble. “Sorry to have bothered you at work.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she responded and she realised she meant it. He might have been angry when he first called but he seemed to have calmed down now and he had made her laugh. She had actually enjoyed their conversation, she realised.

“I better let you get back to work,” he said softly and cleared his throat. “Hope you have a good day.”

Before she had a chance to tell him the same he had hung up and she found herself smiling, her face turned towards the glass doors. Just then Harry passed and he met hers with a dazzling smile of his own. Sansa felt light and happy and her smile only widened as Harry threw her a little wink before he continued down the hall.

_ Maybe it would be alright to do something for myself now that things were getting better. _

She turned her attention back to the phone and brought up her messages, feeling the need to check in with her sister.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor has a very emotional day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> I had no plans on publishing another chapter the day after publishing one but man you guys are awesome and I just couldn't keep myself from sharing the next one.
> 
> Thank you to every single one of you who reads, comments or kudos this AU of mine. It's very close to my heart and I appreciate all of it! Now - on to Sandor's Saturday.

Sandor wasn’t sure how this had become his life. Shouting instructions at a bunch of 11 year olds who barely listened on a Saturday at two o’clock. It was torture and he did not have the patience for this sort of thing.

_ Bloody Brienne Fucking Tarth. _

Okay, so maybe his chest had gotten a little warm, just a little, when the kids said that they had voted to call the team The Wolfhounds because of his old moniker. He had hated that stupid fucking name but he had known that the best thing to do was to embrace it. He had tried to put it behind him since he retired but if these kids thought it good enough to name the team after then maybe it wasn’t the worst thing. Maybe.

He was filling out the teams name on the tournament registration site as Rickon came up to him holding out his phone, as if he wanted Sandor to take it.

“My sister wants to talk to you,” the kid explained and Sandor accepted the phone with a frown.

“Yeah?”

“Oh. um…. Hi…” Just from those few sound he could hear how sick Sansa was. She sounded stuffy and her voice was hoarse. “Sorry to bother you. I asked Rickon to check if I could talk to one of the parents.”

“Yeah, they are all gone,” he answered gruffly and heard her sigh.

“Is there any chance you would be able to drive Rickon home? I was going to pick him up but I really don’t feel well and Arya isn’t home…”

“Of course,” he interrupted and he could hear the relief in her voice.

“Thank you. Just drop him off outside.” Sandor couldn’t help but frown at how tired and worn out she sounded. His eyes then darted to Rickon who was rocking back and forth on his feet.

_ There is no way she’ll get any rest with that hellion running around. _

“Hey, would it be alright if I took the kid out for something to eat?” he asked hesitantly due to being aware of how his suggestions were received the first time.

“You don’t have to…” she said just as she started coughing.

“I want to. If it’s okay with you,” he made sure to sound certain but to not let his voice become demanding. It was her call after all and he wanted her to know that he understood that.

“If you’re sure then it’s alright with me.” He wanted to bristle at how grateful she sounded and for some reason it pissed him off that something so simple and small as what he had offered made her sound almost tearful.

It pissed him off because she was alone and had no one to help out so that she could get a break, not even when she was sick. Someone as selfless as Sansa, who did everything for everyone else deserved better. 

_ This goddamn fucked up world. _

“Thank you Sandor.” There she went sounding all tearful again and Sandor really didn’t like it.

“Don’t mention it,” he rasped out and quickly hung up. When he handed Rickon the phone back the kid looked at him expectantly.

“You alright with hanging out with me for a bit?” he asked Rickon who fucking beamed at the prospect. How he always seemed so excited around Sandor beat him but it also made him feel relieved. “Sansa isn’t feeling so good. Let’s go get something to eat.”

Sandor was grateful that he had taken his truck to practice today. He wasn’t sure what Sansa would have thought if he had pulled up with the kid on the back of his motorcycle. When he opened the car door for Rickon a thought struck him that had him turning to the kid.

“Do you have to sit on a booster seat or something?” The look that question gave him was one of pure outrage.

“I am 10!” the boy cried out as if that was answer enough but it only made Sandor frown in confusion. The kid seemed offended and he wasn’t sure how that had happened.

“So that’s a no then?” Sandor asked carefully and with an angry huff Rickon climbed into the truck.

“Yes that is a no!” he gritted out between clenched teeth and Sandor was pretty sure he had ruined the outing before it had really begun.

“So what do you want to eat?” Sandor asked in hopes of moving things along from the previous awkward moment. The kid seemed to ponder this way too seriously but Sandor left him to think and on the inside he prayed that the kid didn’t want something too fancy or over the top, that shit was usually far from Sandor’s preferences.

“How about sushi?” Rickon suggested after a long while and Sandor pulled such a disgusted face that it made Rickon laugh loudly. “Okay, not sushi.”

“What about IHOP?” Sandor suggested but Rickon shook his curly hair.

“Nah. Sansa always makes pancakes for breakfast on Sundays. I want something special,” Rickon said and Sandor frowned down at the steering wheel.

_ Homemade pancakes every Sunday morning? Sure as hell sounds special to me. _

“Pizza? I know this great place not far from here that puts cheese in the crust,” Sandor’s suggestion was met with a happy grin that he couldn’t help but return.

By the time they got seated at a table Rickon was practically bouncing in his seat as he looked around with wide eyed wonder. The walls were red brick, covered with photographs, and the tables and bars all black leather and dark wood. It was simple, casual and unassuming and Sandor liked that. A sports bar might not have been the best place to bring a kid but it was still early so there wasn’t a lot of people drinking. And Sandor really like the pizza at this place.

“Oh my god! That’s a picture of Henrik and Daniel Sedin,” Rickon exclaimed and pointed out the picture of the twin hockey players on the wall closest to them.

“Yeah. The owner likes to take pictures with the players who’ve eaten here,” Sandor explained and Rickon’s blue eyes started scanning the walls.

“Is there a picture of you?” he asked and frowned when Sandor shook his head. “Why not?”

“Don’t like having my picture taken.” He left out the part where he had growled at the owner to leave him the fuck alone. It hadn’t been one of his proudest moments but thankfully the owner hadn’t pushed it.

“You should be up there. You were an awesome defenseman.” Sandor didn’t know what to say to that, the kid’s praise affected him stronger than what he had been prepared for so he settled for a noncommittal grunt. 

“Hi there. I’m Steph. What can I get you guys?” the waitress gave them both a dazzling smile and Sandor saw the glint of recognition in her eyes. He chose to ignore it and nodded towards Rickon.

“Get whatever you want,” he said and Rickon beamed.

“I want the pepperoni cheese crust pizza and garlic rolls. And a glass of coke.” Sandor gave Rickon a pointed look and with a slight tint to his cheeks the kid looked up at the waitress. “Thank you.”

She beamed at him and then she turned towards Sandor.

“And for dad?” Sandor saw Rickon stiffen and all merriment seemed to seep out of him as he suddenly looked much younger. It was strange to see the bubbly Rickon turn into this pale imitation of himself and it made Sandor’s chest clutch painfully.

“He’s not my dad. My dad’s dead.” Rickon’s voice came out low and sad. The waitress paled and Sandor gave her a slight shake of his head.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I just assumed…” she started but Sandor shook his head again.

“Don’t. It’s alright. We are actually just two dudes hanging out, this is my good friend Rickon,” Sandor said and he hoped that he would be able to pull the kid back from the sad place he had entered. “And I’d really like the meat lovers pizza with cheese crust and a coke.”

The poor waitress nodded silently and just as she was about to leave Sandor held up his hand.

“Would you mind telling Edd that if he still wants a picture now would be alright?” Rickon seemed to perk up at that and the waitress nodded.

It had barely been five minutes before Edd, the owner, came up to their table. He was a bearded rather thin man with a thick northern accent. He gave a big toothy grin at them and shook Rickon’s hand as vigorously as he did Sandor’s.

“I really appreciate this, I do,” Edd said as he and Sandor got ready to pose for the waitress who was taking the picture.

“Hey Rickon. Get over here,” Sandor called to the kid who hesitantly stood up. “This here is Rickon Stark, he’s gonna be playing as a forward in the NHL in a few years. You will be able to show people you met him before he made it big.”

Rickon gave Sandor a wide eyed stare as Sandor pulled him to his side. He gave the kid a slight nod as he placed a hand on the kid’s shoulder. With a smile the waitress took their picture and Edd shook both their hands after he had them both signing a copy of their check. Sandor grinned as Rickon watched End with wonder.

“I know just how I’m gonna caption this picture. It will be posted to our instagram in a minute.” Edd told them and just as their food was served he hurried back behind the bar.

Sandor gave a shrug, he didn’t have instagram and he really didn’t care about that shit. But the whole thing seemed to have lifted Rickon’s spirits and the kid was devouring his food with his usual happy air around him again. He was also talking a mile a minute, in between bites, and Sandor was surprised to realise that he didn’t mind it. The kid mostly talked about hockey and that was a subject that Sandor was more than comfortable with. 

“Hey, you think the picture has been posted on instagram yet, Coach?” Rickon asked after a moment of silence and Sandor shrugged.

“Do you have instagram?” Sandor asked and Rickon shook his head.

“Sansa says I need to be 13 before I’m allowed to. I think it’s bullshit,” Rickon said and Sandor gave him a pointed glare. “What? You say it all the time.”

“Yeah, but I’m an adult.” It took Sandor a moment to think of that sharp comeback and Rickon gave him a look that told him he wasn’t convinced. “I doubt that your sister would approve of that kind of language.”

“You’re not gonna tell on me are you, Coach?” Sandor had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at the suddenly scared look that twisted Rickon’s face and he shook his head to calm him.

“Nah man. We are friends, right?” Rickon gave him a happy smile that Sandor couldn’t help but return. “Well friends don’t tell on each other. And when we hang out you can call me Sandor instead of Coach.”

By the time Sandor pulled up outside of the Stark’s apartment, it was getting dark and he hoped Sansa wouldn’t be upset with him. He had ended up taking Rickon to the movies, the kid had been raving about wanting to see the latest superhero movie and apparently Sandor had no willpower whatsoever. Because after sending a quick text to the kid’s sister, which he still hadn’t gotten a response to, he had sat through three hours of watching a movie that he wasn’t really able to follow. How the hell was he supposed to know that there had been like ten movies before it that he should have seen?

At least the kid had been stoked and had said that it was the greatest movie ever. He had also been hopped up on candy and soda and while driving back he had lost the sugar high. He looked tired and rubbed his eyes as Sandor parked the truck.

“You think we’re in trouble?” Sandor asked Rickon who gave a shrug in answer. It looked so casual and carefree that Sandor found himself envying the kid for it. With a slight laugh Sandor followed the kid into the apartment, Rickon’s bag over his shoulder and the canister of noodle soup they had picked up on the way back in his hand. The hallway wasn’t that big but it was wide and it gave a straight view into the kitchen and living room space.

“Hello?!” Rickon called out and there was a weak response coming from a pile of blankets on the couch. A messy head of red hair peaked up from it and Sansa looked so pale it made Sandor frown. Sure, she had always had fair skin but she looked really sick. Her nose red and puffy and her eyes glazy.

“Rick?” she asked in a croak. Without a second thought Rickon bounded over to her and jumped up on the sofa next to her.

“Guess what? Sandor took me to the movies! We saw Avengers: Endgame! Sandor said he didn’t really get it but I think it was awesome!” Rickon’s mouth was moving a mile a minute and Sansa gave the kid a big happy smile despite her obvious state of discomfort.

Over the kids bobbing head her eyes found Sandor’s and the look she gave him made heat blossom at the back of his neck. She looked so grateful and happy that he had trouble holding her gaze. It wasn’t like what he had done was a big deal. He had just fed the kid and taken him to see a movie, anyone could do that.

“We got you some chicken noodle soup,” Sandor said and held up said canister for her to see.

“Oh you guys are the best,” Sansa said softly and moved to get up. Sandor held up a hand to stop her and stepped into the kitchen.

“Stay there. I’m sure Rickon can heat this up,” Sandor said with a pointed look at the kid, who quickly nodded.

“I can do it.” Sandor looked over at his shoulder and saw Bran coming out of his room and making his way into the kitchen.

With a slight nod to the older Stark boy Sandor put the canister down on the kitchen counter.

“Bran! We saw the new Avengers movie!” Rickon exclaimed happily and Sandor cursed inwardly. Maybe Bran would have wanted to see it too. Fuck, why hadn’t he thought of that?

“Oh yeah? Don’t spoil it, Jojen and I are going to see it next week,” Bran said and Sandor took a deep breath.

_ Thank fuck. _

“What else did you do?” Sansa asked softly while she stroked her youngest brother’s hair. It was such an intimate gesture that it made Sandor suddenly very aware that he was intruding. Had anyone ever stroked his head like that? Maybe his mother at some point, but he barely remembered her.

“We went to this sports bar that had pizza with cheese in the crust,” Rickon said as his face lit up. “Can I borrow your phone to check something on instagram?”

With a look to Sandor, who nodded, Sansa handed the phone to Rickon who hurried over to Sandor. Sandor told him the sports bar’s name, The Wall, and within a few seconds they had found the right page. Sandor couldn’t help but scowl down at the picture of himself, despite the black cap he was wearing his scars were apparent. He chose to focus on the grinning kid next to him in the picture as Rickon read the caption out loud.

“Former NHL defenseman Sandor “The Hound” Clegane with his good friend, future NHL forward Rickon Stark, coached by The Hound himself.” Sandor couldn’t keep in a stunned gasp as the kid threw his arms around his middle in a surprisingly tight hug.

He looked up to see Sansa sitting up on the couch, her eyes brimming with tears and he had to take a big gulp of air to calm the choking feeling his throat.

“I better get going,” Sandor rasped out and ruffled Rickon’s hair as the kid released him. “Thanks for hanging out with me today, dude.”

“No worries, dude,” Rickon said with a big grin that had Sandor shaking his head with a scoff. “See you at practice.”

“Yeah, see you.”

Sandor felt Sansa’s eyes on him as he turned back towards the front door and he forced himself to not look back. He wasn’t sure what she would look like and if he saw that tearful gratefulness one more time on her face he would snap.

_ What the fuck is going on? Why has that annoying little kid gotten to me? I barely know him, the fuck do I care for? _

He slammed the door to his truck as he got in and pressed the pads of his hands to his eyes. He felt bone tired and drained all of a sudden. He didn’t fucking recognise himself and normally that would have pissed him off. He hated acting any other way then the way he wanted. He was who he was and he wouldn’t pretend otherwise for nobody. If they found him rude or unpleasant that was their fucking problem. But for some fucking reason the Starks didn’t seem to think he was an asshole, at least not anymore. And maybe that was the gist of it. He acted this way around the Starks because he wanted too. Because for some reason he fucking cared what they thought of him. He just plain cared about them.

_ Ray is going to have a field day with this shit at the next meeting. _

As he started his truck and drove towards home, which wasn’t that far away since apparently they lived on the same side of town, his mind wandered to his own family. The mother he didn’t remember and the father who had been so distraught by the loss of his wife that it had turned him into someone else. Someone angry and prone to violence the few times he bothered to interact with his children.

Sandor could still remember how it felt to have the man who was supposed to protect and love him hit him for no apparent reason other than him existing. His family had been fucked up since before he could even remember. With the brother who hated him enough to disfigure him for life and the sister who had lost her will to live when their family had been separated.

He felt tears burn his eyes at the thought of her and he desperately wanted a drink. He forced himself to breathe deeply and for some reason his mind wandered to Sansa. Of how she had let him see a softer, more vulnerable side of her, even if it had only been briefly. It made her seem stronger to him, that she struggled but that she persevered. She had a clear focus on what was important, her family.

If Sandor had had someone like Sansa in his life when he was young he was sure things would have been different. If he had been able to be there for his sister like she was for her family maybe he would still have his sister with him.

_ Fuck what I wouldn’t do for a glas of scotch right now. Or ten. _

He knew that was just his way of trying to bury his feelings, his hurts. So he kept driving until he pulled up to his apartment building. He parked in the garage and took the elevator up to his floor, thankfully his neighbours weren’t roaming the halls so he made it home without having to interact with anyone.

His home was just a simple one bedroom apartment with a small kitchen and a living room space that was barely big enough to house his black leather couch and his tv. It wasn’t much but it was his and he liked it well enough. His bedroom was just a huge bed and a dresser pushed up to the wall but he didn’t need much more. He never had.

He had just sat down on his couch with a bag of chips when his phone rang. He glared down at the offensive thing and cursed under his breath.

“Fucking Starks.”

When he answered the phone he was hit by noises so loud that he had to pull the phone away from his ear. There was shouting and the kind of pounding music that he didn’t understand how anyone could listen to voluntarily.

“Hello?!” Sandor instantly recognised the voice that was trying to make itself heard over the music and he gritted his teeth.

“Gendry, why the fuck do you have Arya’s phone?” he growled out and the boy answered something that Sandor couldn’t make out. “I can’t fucking hear you!”

“She’s really drunk and not feeling so good. She said she couldn’t call her sister but that I could call you.” Sandor could suddenly hear Gendry much better and figured that he had stepped out from what seemed to be a party. “I swear that this wasn’t the plan. We were out and then she said she had heard of this party and next thing I know she’s doing shots and…”

“Gendry, shut the fuck up,” Sandor growled and the boy had enough sense to stop his rambeling. “Just tell me where the fuck you are.”

With his goalkeeper, who was so going to be doing so many laps next practice that he’d puke, still in his ear Sandor threw on his jacket and headed back down to his truck. Gendry gave him directions as well as updates on how Arya was doing while he drove and the worry that crept up from his stomach to his chest was not something he liked at all. He hadn’t fucking signed up for this, yet here he was pulling up to a house full of drunk teenagers.

He could hear the music from the outside and didn’t bother with knocking. He threw the door open and Gendry told him that they were in one of the bathrooms now, he had heard the heaving sounds she was making and it had given him a dark sense of satisfaction to know that she was feeling like shit.

“This party is fucking over!” Sandor shouted out as he made his way over to a large set of speakers. He unceremoniously pulled out every single plug he could find and the room went deadly quiet. “You have two fucking minutes to get the fuck out of here before I call the fucking cops!”

That lit a fire under the asses of all the underage teenagers in the place and while everyone was making their way towards the exit Sandor looked for a bathroom.

“Gendry?” he asked as he knocked on a locked door.

“Yeah, we’re in here,” he answered while unlocking the door and Sandor slowly pushed it open. Gendry sat down on the floor, gently rubbing Arya’s back as she was leaning over the toilet. She lifted her head and her grey eyes widened.

“You fucking called him?” her words were a bit slurred as she stared at Gendry like she couldn’t believe he could have done something so stupid.

“You told me I could,” Gendry said with a confused frown and she scoffed at him.

“Well I didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to actually do it,” she responded before she turned her attention towards Sandor. “I feel like shit.”

“Yeah, you look it too,” he spit out harshly and gave Gendry a dark glare. “What the fuck did you get her drunk for? She’s seventeen for fuck sake!”

“Hey! It was my idea!” Arya shouted out. “Gendry just went along with it, he’s only eighteen so it’s not like he bought it.”

Sandor still didn’t let up in his anger towards Gendry before he took a steadying breath and focused his attention to Arya. He bent down to take a closer look at her and sighed.

“We need to get you home. If you puke in my car I’m gonna be fucking pissed.” His words were harsh but he kept his voice as soft as he was able.

“I think I’m done with puking.” She gave him a weak smile but he wasn’t convinced. He grabbed her arm and carefully helped her to her feet. Gendry took a step forward to help but Sandor gave him a glare that made him keep his distance.

They didn’t say a word during the whole ride. There was just a pressured silence filling the truck. Sandor dropped Gendry off at his foster parents place with a look that told him that he had punishment coming and thankfully it wasn’t too far from there to the Stark’s apartment. Arya hadn’t puked again but he was worried that it was only a matter of time.

“Hey, thanks for coming to get me and not lecturing me,” Arya said softly and the sound that ripped out of Sandor’s throat was nothing short of a feral growl.

“Fuck that! What the fuck were you thinking? You are fucking seventeen years old Arya! You shouldn’t be fucking drinking. Do you not give a shit about yourself? Or your family? How do you think your sister will react?!” He hadn’t planned on yelling at her but once he had started the words just flew out of him. In true Arya fashion she didn’t cower while faced with his anger. Instead it fueled her own.

“Don’t fucking dare drag my sister or my family into this! I get to do shit just for me, I get to not think about how things will make my fucking sister feel! I didn’t ask her to martyr herself for us and I am sure as hell not going to feel guilty for being a fucking teenager for once!” she shouted as loudly as he had and he felt his face turn red with anger. “And give me fucking break and get down from your high horses. Like you never got drunk before you were 21!”

“I am a washed up fucking drunk! That’s what not giving a shit about anyone but yourself gets you! You end up an asshole who’s drinking their life away and no one is there to give a shit!” He roared out his words and in the back of his mind he was aware that he might be overreacting but he wasn’t thinking clearly. He never seemed to be able to around the Starks. “You have to be fucking better than that! You have to!”

“Sandor… I…” Arya sounded small and worried suddenly and he couldn’t take the look of pity on her face.

“Get out of the car,” he hissed out but she hesitated, her eyes prodding him. “Get the fuck out of the car, Arya.”

He kept his voice low but there was no hiding the way the anger made his voice vibrate. Thankfully she did as he said and he only stayed long enough to see her close the door to the apartment behind her. As he sped away, he felt like he couldn’t get far away fast enough. His mind was racing at pace with his heart, making it hard to keep the thoughts from jumbling and his heart from seizing in his chest.

_This isn't healthy._

He was a fuckup. Who had he been to think he could help them somehow? He cared too much. He couldn’t do this. He needed to distance himself from the Starks. For their sake and his own.

_ Why does the thought of that make me feel sick? Shit, shit, shit. _


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor is feeling scared shitless over how much he is starting to care for the Starks. What helps with that?  
Hanging out with them some more obviously...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> So I stepped away from skipping between their perspectives every other chapter - just because I needed more Sandor ;) So here is another chapter from his point of view and I hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> It was pointed out to me that I should mark out a trigger warning for a part of this chapter. So I've placed an * before and after a part where there is mention of child sexual abuse, suicide and rape. I don't go into details of the crimes but I still want those who could be triggered to be aware.

He wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. No, that wasn’t right. He knew that there was a lot of shit wrong with him, he just wasn’t sure why he was this damaged.

It wasn’t the greatest line of thought to be having as he leaned his elbows heavily on the bartop. He had been staring down into the glass of scotch between his hands for what felt like hours and he had gotten nowhere closer to an answer.

“Having a pity party are we?” Sandor groaned at the sound of Ray’s voice but turned his head enough to see the older man walk up to the bar and sit down on the stool next to him.

“What the fuck do you want?” Sandor growled out which only earned him a stern glare from Ray.

“Do not give me that Sandor. You’re the one who’s sitting at the bar across the street from where our meetings are held. In plain sight from the street I might add, so I’m pretty sure you wanted me to see you.” Sometimes he hated how insightful Ray was, how well he knew him. “So scotch I presume? Is this where I ask for your chip back so that I can give it to your sponsor?”

“It’s my first and I haven’t fucking touched it,” Sandor grunted defensivly and his three year sobriety chip felt like it weighed a ton where it was sitting on the keychain in his pocket. The thought of his sponsor's silent disappointment weighed almost as much inside his chest. He had faced that look several times before, frequently to begin with, but he didn’t want to ever be faced with it again.

“Why haven’t you?” The question took him by surprise and he turned his head to look at Ray who was looking at him expectantly. “What’s holding you back?”

Sandor knew that there was no point in deflecting or denying anything. Ray was even better than him at smelling out bullshit and lies. It would be far easier and less painful to go with the truth. Save them both some time in the process.

“I wanted to. I really did. But then I remembered who I would disappoint if I did.” With a sigh Sandor released the words and pushed the glass away from him. “I’d disappoint you and him. I’d disappoint myself.”

_ The Starks. _

“Why didn’t you come to today's meeting?” Ray asked and Sandor shrugged.

“I’ve had a shit weekend and today wasn’t that much better. I just didn’t feel up to listening to other people bitch and moan for an hour and a half.” The scoff Ray gave in response to that made Sandor’s mouth want to twitch into a snarl.

“Bullshit. That’s exactly when you should go to a meeting. You know that you can be the one bitching and moaning. It sounds like you really need to.” Sandor couldn’t keep in a chuckle at that and he knew Ray was right. He was right most of the time and it was one of the reasons Sandor found him infuriating. “How about we get some coffee and have a chat?”

Sandor nodded silently and followed Ray out of the bar after having paid for his untouched drink. Ray led him into the meeting hall, that also doubled as a bingo hall for senior citizens, and they got a cup of vending machine coffee before sitting down at a table.

“So what happened this weekend?” Ray always got to the point, he didn’t daddle around issues. It had been surprising at first, had pissed Sandor off more often than not but it was also very effective in getting him talking.

“I ended up taking Rickon Stark out for something to eat after practice. He’s Arya Stark’s younger brother and he’s on the team I coach on Saturdays. There was a few rough moments were I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing but the kid seemed happy. And then after I dropped him off, Gendry called because Arya was fucking drunk off her ass.” Ray didn’t say anything, he just nodded to show that he was listening so Sandor figured he might as well continue. “And I just felt so fucking overwhelmed and angry. Angry at her for fucking up but mostly angry at myself for giving a shit. I shouldn’t give a shit, they are nothing to me.”

“Then why do you care?” Ray asked and Sandor sighed.

“Fuck if I know.”

“We both know that’s not true. Why do you care Sandor?” Ray persisted and it felt like a fucking weight was pressing down on his chest as he tried to make sense of his jumbled feelings.

“Because I wasn’t supposed to care, I don’t want to. Not like this, not about all of them. It’s scaring the shit out of me,” he admitted in a rushed whisper and the soft look Ray gave him made him want to scream. But he knew that was just him acting out in order to cover his true emotions beneath his anger.

_ Ray’s fucking words, not mine. _

“Caring about people is a good thing, it’s not a weakness.” Sandor rubbed his forehead with a sigh and took a deep breath before he spoke.

“Sure as hell doesn’t feel like it to me. Weakness sums it up better.” Ray remained silent for a long moment, slowly sipping on his coffee and studying Sandor intently. Sandor had almost expected him to just remain silent so when the other man suddenly spoke he startled a little, partially because of him speaking but mostly due to his words.

“What are you scared of?” So many things started running around inside of Sandor’s head but the thing that stood out the most was his stomach turning into knots of discomfort and anxiety.

“Because I’ll fuck it up. I always fuck things up,” Sandor admitted and Ray raised his eyebrow expectantly.

“And?” Sandor hated when Ray did, prodded with just a word and a penetrating look.

“And when I do I’ll end up hurting them,” Sandor continued in a low voice.

“And?” Sandor felt a strong urge to punch the old persistent man, but man if his style wasn't effective.

“And then I’ll lose them.” Those last words came out in a rushed breath, unexpected and involuntary but he knew that they were the truth.

“You’ve lost people before and you pulled through. What makes these people different?” Sandor wanted to shut up, wanted to get out of the room and go back to that bar and down that goddamn scotch. But he stayed because he knew that it would only end up hurting the people he was terrified of hurting.

“Because they are good, strong people that had been through hell and I want to be strong too. I feel like I could do some good, that I could actually make a difference. Because they’ve already made a huge difference in my life. I have a fucking purpose now and it is so entertwined with them that without them I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. Not anymore.” Sandor buried his hands into his hair and dragged them through the long tangled strands, hoping that the sting in his scalp would stop the stinging in his chest. “And that’s insane, because I barely know them. But I care so fucking much and if I hurt them I don’t know how I’ll ever get over it. I want to try to be there for them in anyway that they’ll let me be but I’m scared out of my mind that they’ll reject me. Why wouldn’t they?”

Sandor’s mouth was running a mile a minute and it felt like he had forgotten how to breathe once he had stopped ranting, until Ray put a heavy soothing hand on his shoulder. His dark eyes held Sandor’s and he gave him a small sympathetic smile.

“They haven’t though have they? In fact, it sounds to me like they care about you too. Sounds to me like you are making a difference. I know so when it comes to Arya Stark. You just have to let yourself be apart of it fully, because if you’re not then what's the point of being there at all? You can’t expect them to let you in, to genuinely care about you, if you are not brave enough to do the same.”

The words struck a chord in Sandor and even though he knew he’d probably always be scared shitless of fucking things up he knew that he wanted to try. Needed to try. Because there were people out there that looked to him, they might look like a ragtag bunch to outsiders but they belonged together. A scarred bitter hockey coach, a surly teenager, a silently hurting boy and a bubbly kid. And at the centre of it all was the one person who somehow kept everything together, the one person he wished he could help the most. Probably because he admired her and her strength.

_ Sansa. _

“I fucking hate you.”

“Just because you know I’m right,” Ray bit back with a smirk. “Now stop being a jackass and come to tomorrow's meeting since you missed today.”

“But I’m done bitching and moaning, so I shouldn’t have to go,” Sandor teased which earned him a slap on the back of his head. He rubbed the spot with a grumble but there was no real heat behind it.

“Yeah well time to repay the favour and listen to someone else.”

For some reason those words made his mind wander to Bran. The kid that he couldn’t really make sense of, the one who kept himself closed off. Hiding his hurts from the world, like his own sister had. Back then he had been so absorbed by his own hurt that he hadn’t done anything to help her, but he wasn’t about to do that same mistake again.

_ Maybe that’s what I should do. Offer to listen. _

* * *

He went to the fucking meeting, listened to other people’s struggles and it settled him some. Not because other people were hurting, but because other people had worries and fears of their own. It made him feel like less of a fuck-up.

A few days later he texted Sansa and asked if it was alright if he picked Bran up from his therapy. He had told her that he wanted to run something by him and she had said that if it was alright with Bran it was alright with her. It sent an unexpected rush through him to know that she trusted him enough to allow this, that despite how everything had started he had managed to earn her trust. Him, a fucking bitter rude asshole had earned the trust of someone as kind and selfless like Sansa. It was nerveracking and uplifting all at once, he knew he couldn’t let himself fuck that up.

Sandor wasn’t sure what Bran would think but later the same day she had texted him back telling him when and where to pick him up so he figured that was a good sign.

A part of him worried that Bran wouldn’t be there so he got there early and sat in his truck, staring at the door of the building. He knew he risked getting a ticket for parking his truck at front but he would take it without complaint if that was the case. Okay, he might complain some, because that was just who he was but still.

Thankfully Bran came out of the building before that happened and Sandor jumped out of the truck to catch up with him. 

“Hey,” he said casually and Bran looked up at him and gave a slight nod in response. Sandor turned and walked back to his truck and opened the passenger door.

He frowned and hesitated for a second. How was he supposed to do this? Did he pick him up and put him in the seat or did he want to do that himself?

_ Maybe I should fucking ask him, since he’s the one who’s getting in the car either way. _

“How do you want to do this?” he decided to follow his own advice and turned around to the boy who was looking at him with a frown.

“The truck is a bit high for me to pull myself into it,” Bran said and Sandor nodded.

“Is it alright if I pick you up?” The nod Bran gave was minimal but Sandor still waited a second incase he changed his mind. When that didn’t happen Sandor took a step closer and leaned down. He wrapped one arm around Bran’s back and the other he tucked beneath his legs.

Sandor picked him up without any real effort and made sure not to bump Bran’s head or something against the truck. Once the boy was inside Sandor turned to the wheelchair and looked it over with a scowl. He figured that he was suppose to fold it together somehow but he was completely clueless how he was supposed to go about it.

“There is a bar in the back, between the back wheels,” Bran said after a moment and Sandor was grateful that the kid took pity on him. “Push it upwards and it will fold together.”

Once it was folded Sandor was as careful as he was capable of being as he put in the bed of his truck, he knew that wheelchairs wasn’t cheap and he didn’t want to damage it somehow. Once he got back into the truck he pulled away from the curb and hesitated. He wanted to talk to the boy, ask him how he was doing but where the hell did he start?

_ Don’t push him. It won’t do nobody any good. _

Unfortunately, the boy didn’t seem to want to talk. He kept his head turned away and his eyes out the passenger window as they drove towards his home. It was strange to Sandor how he had gone from a man who enjoyed silence, prefered it even, into loathing it whenever he was around a Stark. He always wanted them to talk to him because if they didn’t tell them what they needed he felt completely useless.

“You can’t fix me you know.” Bran had been so silent for so long that at first Sandor wasn’t sure if he had imagined him finally speaking. But as Sandor parked the truck in front of the Stark’s apartment he spoke again. “There is nothing you can do to heal me or make me better. I’m always going to be paralyzed.”

Sandor turned his head and looked right into Bran’s blue eyes. There was a new type of awareness in them, as if he were gauging Sandor’s reactions to his words carefully. Sandor could only shrug in response.

“I hadn’t given that a thought,” Sandor answered honestly. “I mean, I figured you and your sister was doing what you could to keep you comfortable and from hurting. I don’t think there is anything I could do to add to that.”

“Then why are you here?” Bran asked and Sandor liked the upfrontness. He didn’t like skirting around issues and if Bran was the same, it was all the better.

“I’m here to listen. If you want to talk.” It was the honest truth and Sandor hoped that Bran could see that.

“About what?”“Whatever you want,” Sandor meant it but he figured that Bran understood that he had some particular topics in mind that had made him come here. The raised reddish brown eyebrow told Sandor as much. “Maybe about the fact that you seem like your hurting. And I don’t mean physically.”

“What do you know about it?” Bran spit out defensively and the anger made Sandor so fucking happy. Because it was a reaction, it was _ something._

“I don’t know anything about what you are going through, I’m not going to pretend that I do.” Sandor kept his voice low and calm, reminding himself of how Ray talks to those unwilling to share their hurts. Maybe he needed to share a little of his own to make Bran comfortable with sharing his. “But I know a little about being the one on the other side. Being the one to watch someone you care about hurting.”

Bran stared down at his lap for a long time before he lifted his blue eyes back up to look at Sandor. It felt almost like he was looking through him and Sandor couldn’t help but wonder if the Starks all possessed the ability to see into his soul. It sure as hell felt like it.

“Who?” Sandor didn’t have to wonder what Bran was asking, he knew. But he still hesitated to answer the question. How much was he supposed to share? Could he even bring himself to talk about it? Truly talk about it?

He studied the boy next to him for a moment, saw the sadness in his blue eyes and took a deep breath. How did he always end up being the one to open up and share his hurts and pain with the Starks when he was trying to get them to open up and talk to him?

_ Fuck it, I guess I’ll just start talking and see where that takes me. _

*“My sister. We got put into foster care when I was six and she was ten. We went to different homes but we saw each other as often as we could. I got moved around a lot but she was in the same home for four years.” Sandor’s mind flooded with images of her, how sad she’d look every time they met. How she’d smile but it would never reach her eyes. Even as a kid he had been able to notice that. He had noticed that between every visit she’d look sadder and thinner. She always said she was fine but he remembered hugging her and feeling all of her ribs.

He also remembered the last time he had seen her, how haunted and tired she had looked and how she had held his hand so tightly the whole time. Then when she had to go she had kissed his cheek and as the ten year old boy that he was, he had grumbled and wiped at it with an annoyed huff. The next day she was gone.

They never really talked about how it was in their respective homes, they just told each other that it was fine. Because it was compared to the hell they had been living with Gregor but knowing what he knew now Sandor wished that he had asked more questions, prodded a little harder. Maybe then she would have told him what was wrong and they could have told someone so that she’d get to move to another home. It wasn’t until years later, on the day of his last game, that he had happened upon a newspaper article about how a man who had been a foster parent to over twenty girls had been found guilty of several accounts of sexual abuse of children and rape, that he finally understood why she had done what she had. The man in the article had looked much older but he remembered him and he remembered his name.

He hated himself for not seeing the signs, for not protecting her like he should have. So he had gotten drunk and ruined his career instead, a fitting punishment for his crime. He couldn’t tell Bran all this though, the boy had enough sorrows and hurts of his own to deal with.

“What happened to her?” Bran asked as if he could read Sandor’s mind and Sandor swallowed deeply.

“She took her own life.” He decided to go with the truth but sparing the details. She was gone but Bran wasn’t, he was here and Sandor needed to focus on him. “I saw that she was hurting but she didn’t talk to me or anyone as far as I know. Sometimes you remind me of her with you keeping your hurts inside, and I want you to know that if you need to talk I’m here. I’ll listen.”

The surprised look on Bran’s face made Sandor rub his neck nervously. When it turned into a look of deep contemplation Sandor held his breath, hoping for something, anything to come out of the boy’s mouth that showed that he understood that Sandor meant it. That there was no judgement from him.

“I… I’ve had moments where everything feels pointless. After the accident I felt guilty over how mom and dad were gone but all I cared about was how I wished I could walk again.” Bran’s voice came out as a whisper and Sandor didn’t dare move or say anything incase it would make they boy clam up again. So instead he simply nodded to show that he was listening. “And then when the anger settled there was just… nothing. I felt so empty. It wasn’t like I wanted to die. I just didn’t want to live.”

Sandor felt his throat choke up and was surprised to feel tears burning in the corner of his eyes. No matter how horrible Sandor’s life had been, how hopeless he had felt he had never gotten to the point Bran had. Sure, he had thought about it sometimes. That it would be better if he didn’t have to go on anymore, that the world would be better without a fuck-up like him in it. But that had only been drunk ramblings inside of his head at his lowest, he had never actually felt the need to actually do something about it.

_ Fuck. What am I supposed to say to this? Who was I to think I could help him? _

“When I was finally discharged from the hospital we went home, our old home, and I didn’t want to be there. It felt wrong, like I was wrong.” Sandor wasn’t even sure if Bran remembered that he was next to him. The boy had his blue eyes staring out the window of the truck as he spoke softly. “We had a pool and I didn’t even make a decision. I just pushed my wheelchair up to the edge and didn’t stop.”

Sandor rubbed his knuckles against his eyes, both to keep in the tears that were threatening to escape as well as to hide the trembling of his hands.

“Arya found me and pulled me out.”

_ Shit, he should never have felt like he needed to do that and she shouldn’t have had to find her little brother like that. _

“Have… have you ever done anything like that again or thought about it?” Sandor wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to ask or if he should even ask such a thing but he felt that he needed to know. Bran didn’t even spare him a glance, he just stared out in silence and Sandor couldn’t help but wonder if that was answer enough.*

“Do you know that I used to rock climb? Before the accident I mean.” The change of subject almost made Sandor feel as dizzy as the previous topic had and his throat was so choked up that he could only shake his head in response. “It was my thing, I climbed every chance that I got. Mom used to say that I climbed things long before I could walk.”

The mention of his mother pulled a small smile on the boys face and that sight helped ease the pressure in Sandor’s chest.

_ Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t. _

It was as if he could hear Ray’s voice inside his head and he took a deep fortifying breath as he threw his suggestion out there.

“Do you think that there is a way for you to rock climb now?” Sandor asked and the furrow between Bran’s brows told him that he was thinking about it.

“You think I could? Climb again?” Bran asked and the small hopeful sound in his voice made Sandor plead to any God exciting, or whatever possible being that was listening, that there would be something that he could do to make that happen. 

“I honestly don’t know. But what do you say to us looking it up? If not, then maybe we could find something else that you’d want to try? You know, it’s good to do something, to have something that’s just for you.” Sandor tried to keep his face and voice nonchalant, even if he wasn’t eaxctly sure what the fuck that word meant, but he was pretty sure he was doing a shit job of it. Because he cared, he cared like hell and he knew that no matter how fucked up it was, he cared because he couldn’t save his sister and he felt that if he could help Bran maybe it made up for his old failure. When Bran gave him a smile, a real one, he didn’t fucking care what his motivation was. Instead he allowed himself to smile back.

“Yeah. Alright.” Bran then ended the conversation by opening the car door and Sandor hurried to get the wheelchair out.

“Fucking stupid fucking…” Sandor grunted out as he tried to unfold the chair and failing like a fool. There was a low chuckle from the passenger seat of his truck and making a fool of himself didn’t seem that bad all of a sudden.

“It’s the same bar, but you push down instead of up,” Bran explained and the chair unfolded so easily that it pulled a chuckle out of Sandor.

“Want me to help you down?” Sandor asked and when Bran nodded he did just that. The kid rolled himself up to the apartment door and looked back at him. Sandor lifted his hand in parting but his arm froze midair when Bran frowned at him.

“You’re coming in for dinner right?” Bran asked and Sandor’s eyes widened in astonishment.

“Eh… I don’t think your sister would like that,” he stuttered out as his hand came up to scratch at his bearded jaw. Bran scoffed loudly at that and it reminded Sandor so much of Arya that a huff of surprise left his mouth.

“Sansa is at work and even if she was home it would be rude to make you leave after being invited,” Bran said and he sounded so mature and sure of himself that there was no way Sandor was going to deny him. The perk of not having to cook a meal for one when he got home might also have had a part in his decision.

“Hey, is Arya the one who’s making dinner?” Sandor asked as he opened the door for Bran, making the boy laugh at the large man’s worried look.

“We just heat up something that Sansa has made.” Bran said and that eased Sandor’s sudden concern of getting burnt food. He wasn’t the greatest cook himself but he doubted Arya was any good, mostly due to her disinterest in it.

“Hi Sandor!” Rickon exclaimed as they entered the apartment and Arya waved at him from the kitchen table. Sandor felt suddenly insecure as he moved through their space without their older sister present but he pushed through it and leaned against the kitchen counter.

_ I was invited, it’s fine. Right? _

“How are you guys?” he asked as his eyes moved to the pot sitting on the stove, giving away a deliciously mouthwatering smell.

“Arya is making me do homework,” Rickon complained as he leaned back in his chair.

“Yeah, well it’s a good thing. You need to do your homework.” Sandor told him and it seemed to motivate the kid into actually focusing on the books in front of him.

“Sure, you he listens to,” Arya said with mock offense.

“It’s because he likes me better, right dude?” Sandor said teasingly and Rickon lifted his head to nod seriously.

“Right, dude.”

“Oh god, you guys are just too much.” The roll of her eyes were truly impressive in it’s dramatic flare but Sandor could see the twitch of her lip as she fought a smile. “You want coffee or something?”

“Nah, I’m good.” His stomach was full of cheap vending machine coffee and he didn’t want to add anymore to it and risk getting nauseous before dinner.

“So, why are you here?” Arya said so low that only he could hear and he wasn’t surprised that she had realised that he had a purpose for being there. The girl was way too observant not to.

“I was invited to dinner,” Sandor answered with a nod at Bran who had rolled his wheelchair up to the table.

“Alright.” She gave him a long studying look before she shrugged and went back to sitting next to Rickon at the kitchen table while Sandor lifted the lid to the pot. His stomach grumbled when he took in the beef and potato stew. 

As they all helped set the table and then ate Sandor wondered if this was what it was supposed to be like, being a family. He couldn’t help but wonder if his family had ever sat down and eaten dinner like this. He couldn’t remember it ever happening but it was possible that they had when his mother had been alive, he had been too young when she died to remember. The siblings bickered and teased each other and despite Sandor barking at them to knock it off he was enjoying himself.

_ How the fuck could I be panicking about caring too much just a few days ago and here I am being around them and wanting to do it again? Shit, I am fucking confusing. _

Even though the kids were laughing and enjoying themselves the missing piece of their unit was very much felt, at least to him. Instead of Sansa’s soft but firm hand in getting them to get along they had Sandor, and his gruff and rough edge was definitely a poor substitute. Once they finished dinner Sandor busied himself with doing the dishes, it was the least he could do after all.

_ When the fuck did I develope manners? _

“You heading out?” Arya asked from where she was splayed on the couch, fiddling on her phone while her brothers were playing video games.

He figured he ought to, he had done what he had set out to do and then he had ended up having a really nice time with the Stark kids and it had helped with his anxiety over caring too much about them.

_ Who the fuck would have figured that to deal with the fear of caring about them too much I needed to hang out with them? I fucking didn’t. _

“No, you can’t go yet! We haven’t played NHL!” Rickon exclaimed with such heat that Sandor couldn’t keep himself from walking over to lean his arm against the back of the couch.

“Play NHL? I’m not gonna play hockey with you this late. You want your sister to kill me?” he said with a stern scowl but despite his imposing look Rickon was almost doubling over with laughter. Sandor snapped his head to the side to scowl at Bran and Arya when they chuckled at him.

_ The fucking nerve. _

“It’s a videogame. You play hockey on it,” Bran explained and that had Sandor intrigued. “You wanna play?”

“What the hell,” Sandor said with a shrug and sat down next to Rickon, causing the kid to scoot over a little to make room for him. “I played professional hockey, how hard can this be?”

Turns out it was fucking hard. He couldn’t make the little cunt on the tv go the way he wanted or pass to the player he was aiming to pass to. The dumb controller was too fucking small and okay, maybe, he was a bit overcompetative. There were a few things he hated as much as losing so he was damned if a stupid videogame was going to kick his ass.

Technically it was a furiously competitive ten year old who was a really bad winner. Everytime Rickon won, which was every game, he teased and taunted him and it always ended the same way, with Sandor demanding a rematch.

When Rickon had started getting tired Bran had taken over and he might not taunt or mock Sandor when he failed, but the silent pleased air around him ercked Sandor just as badly as Rickon’s taunting had.

“What in the world are you guys still doing up?” Sandor had been so engrossed with playing that he hadn’t even heard the apartment door open. Therefore the sound of Sansa’s surprised voice startled him so badly that he had to clutch his chest to keep his heart from jumping out of it.

“We’re playing NHL,” the sleepy voice of Rickon explained from where he was leaning his head against Sandor’s arm. “Sandor sucks at it.”

Sandor glared down at the top of the kid’s curly head but he couldn’t even pretend to be the least bit mad. He looked over his shoulder at Sansa to gauge how upset she was. Her blue eyes were wide in surprise and he could see the bags under her eyes, but there was also a glint of something else, something softer in her eyes and on her face as she took in her siblings on the couch. 

_ Her siblings and me. _

The simple thought made the back of his neck burn but he didn’t let his mind go there. Instead he focused on how she looked dead on her feet and guilt gripped him.

“I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I didn’t realise how late it had gotten.” The smile she gave him was soft and indulgent, as if she wasn’t angry and wanted him to know it.

“To bed right now, all of you,” she ordered and her three siblings must have realised how tired they actually were because none of them argued.

“Good night,” Rickon said in a yawn and Sandor’s throat tightened when the kid threw one of his arms over his chest in a side hug before he climbed off the couch.

“Good night, dude,” Sandor said with a thick voice as he reached out and ruffled the kids hair. Arya helped Bran as he moved from the couch to his chair and when he passed Sandor he gave him a slight smile. “I’ll look it all up and get back to you alright?”

Bran nodded and then Sandor was alone with Sansa. With a frown he realised that he was sitting down while Sansa was still standing. He jumped to his feet and stretched his arms upwards in order to pop his back who had gotten stiff from sitting down that long and he felt her eyes on him.

“There is still some stew left. I’ll heat some up for you,” he said as he moved into the kitchen. He was relieved when she followed him and that she chose to sit down at the kitchen table. With a sigh she bent down to rub her naked feet and he quickly turned his attention to heating the stew.

“You don’t have to do that. I think I’m just going to go straight to bed,” she said softly but he ignored her and soon there was a plate in front of her. “Really Sandor I’m fine.”

“Eat,” he ordered and was happy that she didn’t argue with him.

He figured she’d rather be alone for the last few minutes of her day when she had been around people all day so he gave her a nod and turned to leave. The feeling of her hand gently holding onto his forearm stopped him in his tracks and he looked down at her soft, kind face. For some reason he was holding his breath and he couldn’t make himself start breathing again.

“What was that about, with you and Bran?” she asked softly and with focusing on Bran Sandor finally remembered how to breath.

“Oh right. If it’s alright with you I’d like to look up the possibility of him climbing again.” He kept his voice soft, hoping that she’d understand that he didn’t want her to feel like he was overstepping.

“Do you know a lot about climbing for those who are paraplegic?” she asked surprised and he shook his head.

“No, but I plan on learning everything there is to know.” He had expected his words to hopefully assure her and make her willing to give him a chance at this. What he hadn’t expected was the way her eyes widened and welled up with tears.

_ What did I do wrong? What did I say? _

“Bran is aware that it might not work out and we just touched at looking for something else if that’s the case,” he hurried to add, thinking that it might be concern for her brother getting his hopes up for nothing that had her tearing up.

“Who **are **you?” she asked with a tone of disbelief and something else he couldn’t define and his face twisted into a confused frown.

“What?” With wide eyes he watched as the hand still on his forearm gently squeezed it before letting go and her face turned from disbelief into a soft smile.

“I mean… Thank you.” The lump in his throat was back again but despite all the emotional ups and downs he had been going through in these weeks since he first met the Starks he knew that he wouldn’t want it any other way.

_ She’s happy, that has to be it. _

Walking out of the Starks’ apartment with Sansa smiling softly after at him from the door, after having spent hours playing fucking video games with her younger siblings he realised that for the first time in his life he was sure that what he was feeling had to be the same.

_ I’m happy. They make me happy. Well fuck. _


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa has a date and ends up having a really good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> So last chapter was a heavy one... I am so thankfully to everyone who commented and let me know your thoughts on it. Truly thank you.
> 
> So now we go back to Sansa and see what she's up to.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and that you have a happy Sunday!

There was a nervous flutter in Sansa’s stomach as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She thought she looked nice, without looking like she was trying too hard. She had her hair down in soft curls and the blue off the shoulder, a-line cocktail dress she had chosen that complemented her eyes. Or at least she thought so.

Staring back at her in the mirror she found her sister’s scowling face and it made her feel suddenly insecure.

“Do I look alright?” she asked but Arya just gave a noncommittal shrug that reminded Sansa of Sandor. Was it possible that he was influencing her that much? “Please use your words Arya.”

“You look fine.” That made Sansa frown at her reflection and question her dress choice for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

She had waited until yesterday to seek out Harry, hoping that her waiting until Friday would make it seem like she wasn’t trying too hard. To her surprise he had jumped at her suggestion of her taking him up on that drink and he had told her that he knew just the place. That he had been dying to take her there.

The fact that he had so plainly admitted that he had wanted to take her out, that he had thought about it thoroughly had made her cheeks flush and even now, the day after it caused the same reaction. He had only given her the name of the place and told her to meet him there at eight. A part of her had been disappointed that he hadn’t at least offered to pick her up but maybe that wasn’t how dating was done now. Perhaps people were a lot more casual. Sansa didn’t really have any idea what to expect since she hadn’t been on a date in years and that had been with boys and not men.

“Arya, please.” The insecurity she felt must have been heard in her voice because she noticed that Arya’s expression softened as she smiled at her in the mirror.

“You look beautiful. You always do.” Arya’s words nearly brought tears to Sansa’s eyes but she didn’t want to ruin her makeup so she settled for smiling at her younger sister gratefully.

“Okay, I need to get going if I’m gonna catch the bus,” Sansa said and turned around to look right into Arya’s face. “I left money for pizza on the counter. There are fudge cupcakes in the fridge, they are for the game tomorrow so make sure you only take one each. And no alcohol.”

“Shut up.” The last addition might have been a jab at how Arya had came stumbling inside last Saturday, smelling of alcohol and puke. Sansa had been pissed that she had been out and gone home drunk, until Arya had told her that she had called Sandor who had picked her up and taken her home. It was yet another thing to be grateful to the man for, he seemed to go above and beyond for her siblings and she wasn’t sure why. But she was grateful.

“Alright, I’m off!” she called loudly enough for her brother’s to hear her from the living room. They were so engrossed in the videogame they were playing that they just gave noncommittal grunts in response but Sansa didn’t have time to demand a more proper goodbye.

The bus ride was long and uncomfortable but thankfully she found her reflection in the large windows not much worse for wear. The cocktail bar Harry had chosen was uptown and a part of Sansa might have been disappointed that it didn’t serve any real food. A proper date should at least include dinner, shouldn’t it? She settled for that if things went well, they might extend the date to include dinner.

Harry was already there, seated at a table and when she made her way over to him his bright smile widened as he took her in. She returned his smile when he stood and leaned closer, his breath smelled slightly of alcohol and she couldn’t help but wonder if he had been there long. She flushed deeply from his appreciative look as well as the kiss he pressed to her cheek in greeting and hurried to sit down on the chair he pulled out for her. She removed the thin knitted cardigan she had been wearing and placed it over the back of her chair.

“You look beautiful,” he said and the compliment caused a fluttering in her stomach. It had been so long since a man had made her feel beautiful and desired like this. It was a nice feeling to be seen as a woman and not just a struggling girl.

“Thank you. You look very handsome.” He did. He wore one of his sharp tailored suits, a navy blue this time with a pristine white shirt. She noted that he had forgoed a tie and left the top two buttons of his shirt unbuttoned. It gave her a glimpse of the tanned smooth skin of his chest. She quickly lifted her eyes but the smirk on his face told her that he had noticed her looking.

“I took the liberty of ordering you a drink.” He pushed one of the two identical glasses towards her and she took it hesitantly. She had very little experience with alcohol and just by smelling the drink she could tell how strong it was.

“Thank you,” she said, ever polite, and when he took a sip of his drink so did she. It tasted vile, strong and bitter and she had to fight her face from pulling in disgust. She was rather proud of herself for being able to smile at him despite the taste in her mouth.

“How do you like it? It’s called a Negroni. It’s my favorite,” Harry said and she nodded slowly.

“It’s a little strong,” she said and he gave her an indulgent look. She wasn’t sure why but that look made her feel like he saw her as some inexperienced little girl, but it did and she didn’t like that feeling at all.

“You’ll get used to it,” he assured her and for a second she wondered why he had said that instead of offering to get her something else. That was what Sansa would have done, how Sansa had been brought up to act towards others. For the sake of keeping the night light she chose to ignore it and gave him another smile.

“I’m glad we got a chance to spend time together outside of the office,” Harry suddenly said after a moment of silence and Sansa nodded in agreement. “You and I are very similar, you know. We both live very busy lives, we have our priorities. It just makes very little room for a relationship.”

Sansa wasn’t sure what he meant by them being similar but she couldn’t disagree with the fact that they both lived busy lives. He had his career and functions that required his presence while she had her family. It wasn’t really the same but she yet again found herself biting her tongue to keep from saying so.

“Yes. It can be hectic,” she agreed instead and with another dashing smile he reached out to trace a slim finger up her bare arm. The motion made her cheeks flush again and the heat in his gaze had her dropping her eyes down to the glass in her hands. He wasn’t hiding his interest in her at all but neither had he asked her anything. He hadn’t really tried to get to know her.

_ Calm down Sansa. You’ve barely sat down. Just because this is your first date in years you don’t have to act like it. _

“What do you do outside of work?” she asked in hopes of steering the conversation down the track of getting to know each other. “Do you have any hobbies?”

“I play squash with another partner at the firm and I go to the gym every day,” he told her as his finger extended it’s path to include her shoulder and up to the curve of her neck. “You are very beautiful, you know that don’t you?”

“I… thank you,” she said unsure if he was expecting her to agree or not. He wasn’t looking into her eyes so she couldn’t read him, instead his eyes followed the motion of his finger on her pale skin.

“I also dabble in stock exchange, it’s quite invigorating. And then there is my boat. Have I told you about my boat? I should really say Yacht,” he said with another of those dashing smiles of his. “I’ll take you out on it sometime, it even has a jacuzzi.”

For some reason the idea of it didn’t excite her as much as she thought it would and she was just about to tell him that she would much rather have a swim in the ocean if she did ever go out on a yacht. But she realised that he hadn’t really expected her to respond, instead he had continued onto another topic of conversation.

“You know, with living such busy lives there can be a lot of stress building up.” Sansa was partially aware that he didn’t ask her if she had any hobbies or what she enjoyed to do but the way his finger grew bolder and bolder drew her attention away from her thoughts. She felt a strange mix of uncomfortable and flattered by his attention but her discomfort won over in the end as she leaned back in her seat, out of reach.

His forwardness was too bold especially since he hadn’t even tried to get to know her. He had only talked about himself the whole time and didn’t even stop long enough to give her time to respond or talk at all.

_ Does he even think this is a date? _

He didn’t seem deterred by her moving away, he just gave her a knowing smile and took hold of his glass, draining it. With a detached look over his shoulder he waved down a waitress and barely spared her a glance. Sansa gave the other woman an apologetic smile that the waitress returned with one of her own. Sansa knew very well what it was like being in her shoes and Harry’s borderline rude behaviour towards her rubbed Sansa the wrong way.

“Two more, sweetheart,” he said dismissively and when Sansa opened her mouth to protest that she hadn’t even finished her first one he only gave her a long stare that made her close her mouth. This time it was the waitress that gave Sansa a sympathetic smile before heading over to the bar.

_ This is not going the way I thought it would. _

“What was I saying?” Harry asked and Sansa found herself biting her lip in annoyance. This wasn’t at all how she thought this night would go. She had gotten dressed up, hoping for a nice time with light and easy conversation. Instead she felt more and more irritated for every word that came out of Harry’s mouth.

“Something about stress,” she said and he winked at her. The last time he had done that it had made Sansa’s stomach flutter but now it did nothing. Not one single butterfly came to life.

“Yes. Stress. So I was thinking that this could be beneficial for both of us.” The confusion on Sansa’s face seemed to amuse him and he leaned further across the table to get closer. “I mean, neither of us has time for a relationship, so having someone who can help with relieving stress when we need it without all the hassle of a relationship would be ideal, don’t you agree?”

Sansa felt too shocked to respond at first. Was he really suggesting what she thought he was suggesting? Before she could truly process his words she felt his hand on her knee, slowly making its way up her thigh and it was all the confirmation she needed.

“Something casual, simple and fun,” he said and the suggestive smirk on his face made her push her chair back, succeeding in getting his hand off her leg.

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Yes, she wasn’t born yesterday and she knew that people did have casual relationships that only revolved around sex. But Sansa couldn’t see herself ever doing something like that.

“I’m sorry but that isn’t something I want,” she said softly but firmly. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she felt angry.

_ Why the hell had I apologised for? _

Looking at the way Harry’s smile dimmed for a moment did nothing to her insides, it only convinced her that she didn’t want to be there anymore. She had thought him handsome and had been flattered by his attention but she hadn’t really known him and seeing this side of him made her lose any possible hint of interest.

“I think I’m gonna go,” she said and got up just as the waitress returned with their second round of drinks. It was embarrassing that what she thought was a real date had ended before she had even finished her first drink. But Sansa had precious little time for herself and she had no desire to spend it with someone who had no real interest in her.

Because no matter what he thought or said about there not being room for a relationship in her life she knew that a relationship was what she wanted. She wanted someone to share her day with, her life with. Someone who’d support her and she’d support him. Perhaps it was naive of her to hope to find that someday, since her life was filled with caring for others and having very little time for herself. But she knew that it didn’t mean that she had to settle for something else, even if the alternative meant she would be alone.

“Well if you change your mind you know where to find me.” Harry didn’t even bother with getting up as she passed him. A part of her wanted to tell him that was never ever gonna happen but at the last second she remembered that he was her boss’s boss so she only gave him a taste of her customer service smile before hurrying out the door.

_ What the hell was that? _

That had to be the worst date in the history of dates. If she could even call it a date at all. It was only nine o’clock on a Saturday. Should she just go home and admit defeat? Arya’s teasing would be endless but if she was lucky, maybe there was still some pizza left. Her stomach rumble in agreement of that plan but her head and heart was reluctant to listen.

This was her first night out in so long, she couldn’t go home yet. So instead she slowly walked down the street, passing cocktail bars, clubs and restaurants that all had ridiculously high price ranges. Then she reached a bus stop and when the next bus came that was headed downtown she was on it. The downtown city center was just as buzzing with life as the one uptown, only these places were humbler and in Sansa’s opinion, less pretentious. She walked down the street, weaving between people without really having a goal in mind. She didn’t stop until the neon sign caught her attention.

“The Wall,” she read outloud and after a few seconds she realised that the reason that the name sounded familiar was because it was where Sandor had taken Rickon the weekend before. Her stomach released another rumble as she remembered how he had raved about the cheese filled crusts. “Perfect.”

The place was nice, clean and sleek in it’s dark decor, but Sansa stood out like sore thumb with its current clientele. Even if the waitress serving at a table took in Sansa in her dress an extra second it didn’t keep her from giving Sansa a bright smile.

“Just sit wherever you want and I’ll be right there!” she called out and Sansa nodded to show that she had heard. She scanned the room and her eyes caught on a vacant table further in the back.

She felt some of the men staring at her as she walked but made herself hold her head high and not meet their eyes. She didn’t want to encourage them to approach her, she had had enough of that kind of unwanted attention for the night.

As she passed one table it’s occupant looked up and even in the corner of her eye she would have recognised him anywhere. He was too large to miss and his shiny black hair was pulled back and tied at the nape of his neck, making his piercing grey eyes stand out even more.

“Hi,” she managed to say as he turned his head fully towards her. His eyes widened as they took her in and she found herself blushing at the picture she must make. All dressed up with no company at a sports bar. It was pretty obvious that this wasn’t what she had planned for the night.

“Hi,” Sandor said back and she realised that she had stopped by his table as if she planned on making conversation, but she had no idea what to say.

“Rickon have been raving about the pizza here so I had to try it for myself.” The words sounded embarrassingly like an excuse but to her surprise he didn’t call her out on it. Instead a slight smile twitched at his lip.

“Yeah, they are really good,” he agreed and she couldn’t keep in a small smile at his kindness.

“Hey, you joining him?” The waitress had suddenly appeared behind her and her question took Sansa by surprise. Her eyes widened as she kept them locked with Sandor’s and he gave a slight shrug.

“It’s alright with me,” he said simply, like it wasn’t a big deal. It was though, because she didn’t really know him as anything other than the hockey coach at her sister’s school. He had also befriended her youngest brother, who couldn’t stop raving about Sandor as much as he did about the pizza. And Bran, he had made a difference there too she knew it even after only a few days she saw it in her brother. 

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to get to know him better. He was becoming a big part of her siblings lives and therefore her own, so she should know him better. It was also the polite thing to do. She looked at him silently for a moment, trying to gauge what he was thinking but falling short. She thought about continuing to the table in the back but the polite well mannered part of her, the heavily engraved side thanks to her mother, won and with a slight nod and a smile she sat down in the chair opposite Sandor.

“You want a drink to start while you check out the menu?” the waitress asked and Sansa nodded. She scrunched up her face in hopes of coming up with any name of a drink but the only name that kept popping up was that disgusting Negroni and she wasn’t having another one of those ever again.

“I’d really like a drink but I don’t really know any,” she admitted with a blush and to her surprise Sandor shifted in his seat and looked at her.

“What do you think about a Lemon Drop? It’s vodka and lemon juice, it’s a bit sour and tangy,” he suggested and Sansa nodded her head with a smile at the waitress. “I’ll have another non-alcoholic beer, thanks Steph.”

They sat in silence as they waited for their drinks but Sansa found that she didn’t mind it that much. He kept his face impassive but this close she noticed that his eyes seemed to take in everything, like he was on high alert. Another thing she noticed was that his eyes changed color in this dimmed lighting.

_ Into a very lovely shade of silver. _

The thought made her cheeks flush and she focused her attention on the menu in front of her instead. When the waitress put down their drinks Sansa happily ordered a mushroom and bell peppers pizza with cheesy crust and her mouth was practically salivating from just saying the words.

Sandor ordered a pizza for himself, a meat lovers which despite the little she knew about him she felt that was very him. His sheer size meant that he had to have to eat a lot. Once the waitress had stepped away to place their orders Sandor’s eyes darted down to the drink in front of her.

“You gonna give it a try?” he asked and it was the first thing he had said to her in minutes and the warm depth of his voice as it rumbled across the table made her jump slightly. To hide her embarrassment she hurriedly picked up the glass and took a careful sip.

It taste just like he had said, lemon and tang and she made a happy hum in the back of her throat. His eyes narrowed when he smiled for a short moment, causing wrinkles to appear around his eyes, and it made her smile back at him.

“How did you know that I’d like this drink?” she asked curiously and he rubbed the back of his neck before clearing his throat. If she didn’t know better she might have thought that he was nervous. But of course he wasn’t, why would she make him nervous?

“I noticed at the last game that you ate almost as many of those lemon squares as you sold.” There was a slight tilt in his voice and with surprise she realised that he was teasing her. It was enough to distract her from the fact that he had been paying attention to her when he should have been paying attention to what was going on on the ice.

“These are dangerously good, I might end up having another and I have a very low tolerance for alcohol,” she said and there was a twitch at the corner of his lips again.

“Yeah well you are allowed to let a little loose. You damn well earned it.” His tone was gruff but the look in his eyes told her that he meant it. “I’ll keep a level head enough for the both of us.”

Her stomach did an involuntary somersault at his use of the word “us” but she mentally scolded her reaction. She had to be really emotionally starved if she read that much into his it, he obviously didn’t mean it in that sense of the word. To distract herself from her straying mind she focused her eyes on the non alcoholic beer he was slowly nursing.

“You don’t seem like the non alcoholic beer kind of a guy. I’d peg you more for a scotch man,” she said without thinking and he looked at her in wide eyed surprise before turning his face into a scowl. Had she said something wrong?

“I used to be a scotch man. But I don’t drink anymore. I just come here for the pizza,” he said and the raw look on his face told her that he was waiting for her judgement. Instead she gave him a nod and a slight smile. “They say that the non-alcoholic kind tastes the same but its utter bullshit.”

She threw her hand over her mouth to cover a snort of laughter and his one good eyebrow shot up. She wasn’t sure why but she found his open, if a bit crude, honesty so refreshing. He spoke his mind and voiced his opinions openly and he didn’t seem to care what people thought of him, she envied him that because she knew that she could never act like him. She cared too much about other people’s feelings and opinions of her.

_ I shouldn’t though. I shouldn’t let it affect me. _

“It very healthy and strong of you to be able to make a decision like that and stick to it,” she said softly but he only gave a noncommittal grunt, his reaction making her think of Rickon. Was this large man’s mannerisms really influencing her siblings that heavily? “Maybe you could impart some of your wisdom on to Arya, she might listen to you. Gods knows that she doesn’t listen to me.”

“Oh I gave her an earful last Saturday. Not sure how much wisdom there was in it, it was mostly just angry shouting,” he said while glancing down at his large hand that was practically engulfing the bottle it was wrapped around. “She’s been giving me this deathglare all week because of it.”

“Ah, yes hers is a potent one. I have to say it’s quite refreshing to not be the recipient of that one for once,” she said with a teasing glint in her eyes that he seemed to catch on to albeit with slight surprise.

“Yeah well I’m glad I could take some of the heat off you then.” His joke was so unexpected that it made her throw her head back with laughter. Once she had collected herself she noticed the wide eyed wonder in his eyes and how they dropped back to his hands when she caught him staring. It felt strange to her that such a large man, who had had no qualms about questioning her the first moment he met her suddenly acting shy around her.

_ It’s rather endearing. _

“If it makes you feel better she was sick like a dog all night and then the morning after she was like a zombie. Hangover from hell personified,” she offered and with a smirk his silver eyes met hers again.

“It does.” The conversation died down as the waitress came back with their pizzas and Sansa ordered another Lemon Drop.

The pizza was even better than Rickon had described and Sansa found herself almost moaning as the warm cheesy crust exploded with flavour in her mouth. Sandor shifted slightly in his seat and even though Sansa couldn’t be sure due to the dim lighting and his thick beard she suspected there was a slight pink tint to his cheeks. It made her own cheeks blush and she made sure to keep her noises to a minimum. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

“So where are you headed after this?” the question came so unexpectedly that Sansa had to take a moment to let it sink in. She frowned for a moment and he took a deep pull of his bottle before clearing his throat. “I just figured, with you all dressed up _ like that, _that you had plans.”

“Oh.” She was a bit taken aback by the way he had said that, she wasn’t sure if it was something positive or negative and it made her frown deeper.

_ Really intelligent response Sansa. _

“I had plans. I was out having drinks with a guy from work. It didn’t pan out,” she told him and felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment as she remembered Harry’s behaviour. She wasn’t about to tell anyone about that, she’d take that horrible experience with her to the grave.

“That guy's a bloody idiot,” Sandor said heatedly as if he somehow could see her embarrassment on her face. He probably could, from the first moment she had met him he had seemed to be able to read her far too well.

“That’s very kind of you to say,” she gave a slight smile but he only scoffed in response and rubbed the back of his head again. It lightened her mood and without thinking she reached over and snatched a piece of sausage off his pizza.

She didn’t realise what she had done until she saw the shell shocked look on his face and it made her giggle uncontrollably. She was giggling so hard that she almost choked on her stolen sausage and she ended up having to take a deep gulp of her drink, the alcoholic buzz doing nothing to quell her levity.

“I’m sorry,” she managed to press out between giggles and the deadpanned look he gave her had her laughing even harder.

“Yeah you look real fucking sorry,” he grumbled but she caught the way his lips twitched and almost as if he resigned himself to it he let his mouth pull into a full on smile. She was so distracted by it that she didn’t react as his hand had darted out and stole a slice of her pizza until he had shoved the whole thing into his mouth in one big bite. 

“That’s what you get,” he teased before he slid a slice of his own pizza onto her plate. The soft look he gave her made her blush and she happily dug into the slice. “I figured you were vegetarian.”

Sansa shook her head around her full mouth and he gave a sound like a rush of air and she realised that it was a small laugh. It was very him, as was the low hum that followed it. Soft amusement that if you didn’t pay attention you’d miss it but to her it seemed huge. Because of its rarity.

“You want another?” he asked as he eyed her almost finished drink and she shook her head.

““I think I might be a bit tipsy, so I’ll switch to water but thank you.” She looked at him in silence for a moment, thinking that if her sister hadn’t been caught vandalising she would never have ended up sitting here and enjoying herself. If he hadn’t cared enough about Arya and then the boys she probably wouldn’t have bothered with getting past her first impression of him. He had been so rude and judgemental and she had truly disliked him. Now she thought that maybe it was his defense mechanism, same as her politeness was her shield. It was strange that they could be so different and somehow still be a lot a like in some regards.

“What got you thinking so hard?” he asked and again she was struck with how he genuinely seemed to care. No ulterior motives or agendas, just plain concern for her. She couldn’t tell him that though, she was pretty sure she’d only end up making him uncomfortable. Thankfully she was given something else to focus on when he pushed up the sleeves of his black sweatshirt, revealing a tattoo on his forearm.

“When did you get that?” she asked with a nod and he gave her a look that told her that he knew what she was doing but he didn’t call her out on it. Instead he looked down at his arm and allowed her to change the subject.

“Right after I was drafted into the NHL. I was just a dumb kid,” he said as he rubbed the large Boston Bruins logo on his arm. Beneath it was the number 3 in the same black and yellow design. “Thankfully I never changed teams, it would have been a bitch to have to cover up.”

Sansa knew there had been an incident, a fight that had gone too far. She knew he had lost his contract and no one had signed him after. She had figured that he didn’t stop playing by choice so she was surprised that he hadn’t covered the tattoo.

“I’ve always wanted a tattoo but I was just always too scared to go through with it. What if I’d wake up one day and look at in and wonder what the hell I’d done?” she said and he released an amused huff of breath.

“I’ve got those too,” he admitted and pointed at his upper arm, just where his shoulder began. “I’ve got this fucking ugly snarling dog that I got when I was drunk. Woke up the next day hating it. I still fucking do.”

He pulled up the arm of his shirt even higher on his other arm and showed her the inside of his arm, just above the crook of his elbow. There was something small and black there and she had to lean over the table to get a closer look. It was two small chinese letters and above it was a black X.

“I let one of my teammates tattoo this on me after we won the Stanley Cup. It’s supposed to be two crossing hockey sticks and he claimed that the letters meant “victorious” or some shit like that. But I’m pretty sure he just took them off a take out menu.”

Sansa couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed so hard. She was wiping away tears as Sandor glared down at her. But there wasn’t any real heat in them and had she been sober she might have reflected over the fact that she could tell the difference between one of his real glares and the mock one he was giving her now.

“Haha. Laugh it up Ms Stark. I know you're just jealous that I dared to be wild while you didn’t.” His face fell as if he suddenly realised what he had said and remembered the reason why she hadn’t been able to be wild. “Shit… I…”

“It’s alright. And you’re right. I am jealous. Sometimes I do feel like I missed out on being a little wild. I had just spent my first year at college and I was just finding my place there when everything happened. I was always the good girl, you know?” she said and he gave her a look as if he didn’t know anything about good girls. It made her cheeks blush and she tried to cover it up by pressing on. “Maybe with time I would have dared to get out of my comfort zone. Now I’ll never know.”

He gave her a long look, one of those where it felt like he was staring into her soul and reading her innermost thoughts. The look in itself was disconcerting as well was the shiver that it sent down her spine.

“What sort of things would you want to do? If you had a chance to be a little wild?” There had to be no way that he realised they way his question sounded, especially in that deep rumbled rasp of his. But it still sent a flutter deep in Sansa’s belly.

_ Had he always had such beautiful eyes? And his arms, they are so big and hairy. Why does that make them look even nicer? Shit, how tipsy am I? _

She forced her mind to focus on his question, the actual question, and fiddled with a napkin to keep her sudden nerves at bay.

“Other than getting a tattoo? Maybe colour my hair in some crazy shade or just point to a place on a map and go there without plans. Oh! I’d really like to ride a motorcycle. My mother forbade me, she thought they were too dangerous. But I always imagined it would be really freeing,” she admitted and blushed under his heavy stare.

Why was he looking at her like that? Like he had just had an epiphany and she was the answer? It confused her, made her alcohol infused brain send out signals to her body that she couldn’t decipher. His face then cracked into the biggest smile she had ever seen on him and both unnerved and excited her at the same time.

“Well we are going to make one of those things happen right now,” he said as he got up to his feet. She could only stared at him dumbly as he reached out a hand for her to take when she hesitated to get up.

“I can’t get a tattoo just like that and I don’t really want to color my hair,” she protested but still took his large hand. She was surprised with how warm it was and with how nice it felt to hold someone’s hand just for the sake of holding it. She couldn’t help but hold on a little tighter as he put enough money on the table to cover both their bills and then some.

“I thought you said you wanted to be a little wild?” he was teasing her again and she glared up at him as he led her outside to the parking lot. She released a surprised gasp as she took in the motorcycle he walked up to. It was huge, all black and looked gorgeously dangerous. With a grin he handed her his helmet and she wasn’t sure what was most shocking, that he was still smiling at her or that he was offering to fulfil one of her bucket list things without the least hesitation only seconds after knowing about it.

“Wanna go for a ride?” She didn’t let herself think because if she did she’d probably talk herself out of it. Instead she hurried to put on the helmet before she could change her mind and the look Sandor gave her was one of wonder.

She figured she must look ridiculous in her cocktail dress and motorcycle helmet but he wasn’t looking at her like she did. His eyes, still silver in the street light, were soft as he shrugged of his leather jacket and handed it to her. His black sweatshirt was probably enough to keep him warm but her light cardigan wasn’t so she happily accepted it. It completely swallowed her and when she giggled he actually laughed with her. A full loud laugh that made her laugh even harder.

“Don’t you need a helmet?” she asked concerned but he only gave a slight shake of his head. Normally she would have protested heavily, thought of the risk he was taking but those Lemon Drop drinks must have affected her more than she thought because she found herself not arguing with him.

“Hop on,” he said softly as he straddled the bike and made it roar to life. She had to hike up her skirt to be able to straddle the bike but thankfully he had his back turned so he couldn’t see anything. “Hold on tight.”

She silently obeyed, wrapping her arms tightly around him and within seconds they were off, weaving down the streets until they reached the outskirts of town, heading towards the ocean. There was no traffic whatsoever and he picked up speed as he drove along the coast line.

She turned her head to look out towards the almost black body of water and she couldn’t remember when she had felt this alive, this carefree. She had thought that she would feel scared speeding down the highway on a motorcycle but feeling Sandor’s strong back against her front and her arms around his firm chest she felt safe. Even if it might not have been reasonable, because she didn’t really know him, she knew that he would never let anything happen to her.

_ Have I ever had that with another person? _

She couldn’t keep her glee bottled up inside her chest any longer and released it as a loud happy cry. Beneath her hands she could feel the vibration of Sandor’s chest and even though she couldn’t hear it over the roar of the engine she could feel him laughing.

He didn’t seem to have a destination in mind and she didn’t ask him to take her anywhere, she just enjoyed the feeling as they rode. Even when she started shivering slightly from the cold night air on her naked legs she wanted to keep riding. But he must have felt her shivering and decided that it was enough because he steered them towards town again and she soon recognised the road leading home.

Even as he pulled up and parked outside of her apartment building she held on a little longer, allowed herself to hold on to the feeling of freedom that the ride had given her. She knew that it had to end, that she had to go back to her regular life and after a moment she climbed off and removed the helmet.

“That was amazing!” she exclaimed happily as she handed him his helmet back. He took it with an amused tint in his eyes and she figured her hair must be a right mess but she was too happy to care.

What followed next surprised them both. Without thinking she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. He was too shocked to respond at first but after a moment he wrapped one strong arm around her back and later she’ll blame it on the alcohol and adrenaline, but in the moment she held on a little longer than what was customary for a goodbye hug. Because it felt so good having someone strong holding her, really holding her, that she indulged the need to feel it a few seconds longer and he let her.

“Thank you Sandor,” she sounded breathless as she pulled back but he wasn’t looking at her. His eyes were on his feet and it was alright because it kept him from seeing the rosy tint on her cheeks that wasn’t just from adrenaline. “Good night.”

His eyes fluttered up to hers and she smiled, softly but happily. The small smile she got in return is just as sweet as the whole night had been, the part with him in it. The start of it didn’t even cross her mind.

_ Yup, I’m definitely drunk. Or super high on endorphins. _

“Good night,” he rasped and she hurried inside before she did something stupid, like hug him again. Because she really wanted to.

“Were _ you _ on a date with someone who rides a motorcycle?” The sudden sound of Arya’s surprised voice startled her and got her to drop her purse on the floor. Her younger sister was sitting by the kitchen table as if she had been waiting for Sansa to come home.

_ Like mom used to do. Aw, she cares. _

“No, the date was a bust,” Sansa admitted and it didn’t really bother her that it had been. Her night had turned out alright anyways. That thought made her smile.

“Then who was the guy on the motorcycle?” Arya asked and Sansa found it amusing that Arya hadn’t recognised Sandor, how could she not with how large he was? Maybe she hadn’t been able to make him out in the darkness.

“A friend,” Sansa answered with a soft smile and she knew it was the truth. Somewhere during the night Sandor had become her friend.

_ With the potential of becoming a great friend. _


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just another Sunday - game day. And Sandor is not wondering if Sansa will show up. Nope, not at all. And it had nothing to do with last night. No way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I am so freaking blown away with the reception to this story of mine. And I was beyond thrilled with how much you guys liked the last chapter. I hope you guys enjoy this one.
> 
> Have a great Friday and an amazing weekend!

Sandor didn’t hover. He had never hovered even for a second of his measly life. He just happened to be standing by the door to the rink and if she happened to walk through it then he might just talk to her.

_ Who am I fucking kidding? It’s the only fucking way in. _

Last night felt like a fever dream. He still wasn’t sure what the hell had happened. It was like those times where he had woken up after a night of heavy drinking and couldn’t really remember everything. Except that he could remember everything, it just felt hazy. As if he wasn’t sure if he had imagined it all.

He had just been sitting there, nursing his shitty fake beer and then there she was. All loose red hair, blue dress and long pale legs and fucking hell, he had tried so fucking hard not to stare. It was as if all the air in his lungs had been stolen by her but he didn’t mind it.

From the first moment he had seen her he had thought her beautiful, but then he had been concerned for her and the way her blue eyes shone with hurt. He had focused on that, and on helping the kids any way that he could. It had surprised him that he had come to care about them as much as he did but he still hadn’t looked at Sansa like  _ that. _

But then, with her walking past his table it was the only thing he couldn’t stop himself from doing. She was truly breathtaking and he envied the bastard that had the chance to get to spend his Saturday night with her.

_ Did he realise the wonder of a woman that she was? How strong she was? _

He had been surprised when she had stopped at his table and talked to him and he had to remind himself that he had talked to her before. That it shouldn’t be so fucking hard to put more than two words together. Without him really knowing how it had happened she had joined him at his table and suddenly he was the lucky bastard who got to spend time with her. She had smiled at him, it was small but sweet, and it felt like he was addicted to it then and there.

He wasn’t sure what happened next, but they were suddenly talking about everything from her siblings to his tattoos and in between she had him smiling more than once. He didn’t have to force himself to speak, the words flowed freely and easily for what felt like the first time in his life. And he, Sandor Clegane, had made this amazing woman laugh. Laugh so hard that she was wiping away tears. That had never happened to him before and it felt so fucking good.

Almost as good as it had felt when she pressed herself against his back and wrapped her arms around his middle as he rode his bike down the coastline. It wasn’t the first time he had a woman behind him on his bike but it was the first time that the simple touch of one had set his whole skin on fire. For a man who loathed fire it had felt both amazing and scary as hell. She had been so happy and he had made that happen. He had apparently turned her night of a bad date into a good one.

He had managed to do something for her that she had thought would only remain a faroff wish for someday. He had done that and he was pretty sure he had enjoyed himself even more than she had due to the happiness that she had exuded. He was pretty sure that he would never forget the sound of her happy shout as they rode down the coast.

_ Maybe she’d like to take a ride some other time. Not just after a shitty date. _

He still couldn’t believe that the idiot had let Sansa go so easily but in a dark sense of happiness it made him happy to know that he wouldn’t have to see Sansa with some cunt. Not that he thought that he had a shot with her. No, he knew better, he knew what he was.

The door opened and Sandor jumped, his heart flying up into his throat and he couldn’t breath.

_ What the hell is happening to me? I think I must be going insane. _

He didn’t pine over women, he didn’t seek them out. Some women had come up to him, looking for a good time with an NHL player and he had been fine with providing that. It had never really turned into anything with any of those girls. He had never wanted it to, knowing that he was better on his own. So why the hell did his heart drop in disappointment when it was only Gendry who walked through the door?

“Hey coach,” he said and Sandor offered a nod, hoping that his frazzled state wasn’t noticeable.

“You’re late,” he growled out but Gendry wasn’t affected by his sour mood, he was probably numb to it by now.

“I had to pick up Arya and Rickon,” he said with a shrug and held up the pile of boxes in his hands. “Sansa made these for us to sell.”

“She isn’t coming?” the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself and he bit his cheek so hard that he could taste blood.

_ Stupid fucking idiot! _

“Who, Sansa?” the guy asked just as the door opened again and there she was. Her red hair in similar loose curls like last night but she was wearing less makeup, allowing him to make out the freckles that ran across the bridge of her nose.

He felt his eyes widen as his mind was running around in circles. What should he do? Should he hug her? She hugged him last night so it would be alright wouldn’t it? Or did she regret doing it and if he did he would end up making it a big deal?

_ What the fuck is wrong with me?! _

“Hi Sandor,” she said with a soft smile and he noticed that she was carrying boxes of her own. When he realised that he couldn’t hug her he also realised that he wanted to. Maybe it was for the better that he couldn’t, he didn’t want to make things weird.

“Hey,” he managed to grunt out after he realised that he had just been standing there silently staring into her eyes.

_ So much for not making it weird. _

“Do you mind taking these? I need to get the rest out of the back of the car,” she told him and Sandor wanted to kick himself. He had been too busy staring at her face and he cursed himself for not offering before.

_ You just stood there like a fucking asshole. _

He hurriedly grabbed the boxes from her and almost ran over to the counter where she would set everything up the way she wanted. He had been surprised the first time that she had baked something and then manned the station during the game. What had shocked him was that she kept doing it every Sunday that they had a home game, even after Arya had joined the women’s team and hadn’t been forced to help out anymore she still did it. At this point Sandor was pretty sure that some of the people who came to the games only came because of the baked goods. The crowd numbers were not even half as good on the games on weeknights.

_ She’s too good for the likes of me. _

“Hey, Coach.” Bran’s voice made Sandor turn around and the slight tint of happiness in Bran’s eyes made all of Sandor’s worries fade into the background.

“Hey Bran. You ready to help Bronn out again?” he asked and the kid nodded. Bronn had been a good influence on the kid, his happy go lucky personality seemed to be somewhat contagious. Sandor hadn’t been infected by it despite all the years they had been working together but if it made Bran a little happier he was all for it.

“You think he’d let me announce a little today?” Bran wondered without being able to hide his anticipation and Sandor found himself smirking down at him.

“You mean we could have one game where we didn’t have to listen to Bronn drag on and on? I’ll fucking make him let you announce,” Sandor said and the twitch of Bran’s lip felt like the biggest of wins. “Hey, I’ve been looking at some places that does climbing with special harnesses for paralyzed climbers. I just wanted to let you know that I’m gonna check them out and see if they’re any good.”

“Okay.” Bran kept his voice neutral but Sandor could see the excited glint in the boy’s eyes and he hoped he could give him good news. He didn’t want to take Bran to any of the places until he had checked them out, he was scared to death of getting the boy’s hopes up only to have them ruined.

There was no way in hell Sandor was going to take him someplace that wasn’t safe either. He had a list as long as his arm of things that he needed to know about the places. He had read most of them on forums for paralyzed people who did rock climbing. It had taught him a lot and also made him realise how ill-equipped he was for dealing with this, but one place he had been recommended because it had instructors that had experience with paraplegics and even though it was almost an hour drive he was going to drive up there first thing after work tomorrow.

“I’ll keep you posted alright?” Sandor said as he saw Bronn waving Bran over and with a nod the boy left him just as Sansa walked over with some more boxes. He hurried to meet her and take them from her, not wanting to repeat his earlier blunder.

“Thank you Sandor,” she said softly and his chest swelled with warmth as she gave him a small smile.

_ Be fucking normal. Just be normal. _

He tried really hard to keep himself from smiling back because he knew it pulled at his scarred side but he couldn’t help himself for giving her a tiny one in response to her own. He wasn’t an absolute dick, not most of the time at least and he definitely didn’t want to be one to her.

“No problem,” he gruffed out and could kick himself over how breathless he sounded. What the hell was happening to him?

She didn’t say anything about it though, nor did she say anything about last night. She just started putting things in order and he stood there hovering, like a fucking idiot, when what he really needed to do was check on his team.

“Eh... I…” he started but lost his train of thought when she lifted her blue eyes to his. It wasn’t the fact that she was actually looking at him, that she didn’t seem to mind the scars that marred his face that made him forget what he was saying. It was how happy she looked and the lingering feeling that maybe he had a small part in it.

“Oh, I have your jacket,” she said suddenly and there was a sudden pink tint to her cheeks. “I forgot to give it back to you last night. It’s in the car, I’ll go get it.”

He was about to tell her to keep it, the words at the tip of his tongue but he checked himself out of that mindset right quick. Because he knew that would be making it weird. What would she want or need a jacket almost as big as her for?

When she moved as if to pass him to go get it his hand instinctively reached out and grasped her upper arm gently. She was wearing a coat so it wasn’t really like he was touching her skin but her eyes still snapped up to him in surprise.

“I’m taking the team out for burgers after the game. If you guys come with you can give it to me then?” he suggested and his words were met with another one of her smiles. She smiled a lot at him now. He wasn’t going to delve too deep into how good that felt.

“Alright.” Her response was simple, casual and he willed himself to act like that too. He pulled his hand away as she stepped back behind the counter and held out a cupcake to him. “On the house.”

He released an amused huff at that but took the cupcake and turned to head over to the locker rooms. Arya passed him and he could hear the sister’s talking.

“I thought you weren’t coming to the game. What happened to staying home and rest?” Arya asked Sansa and Sandor did not slow his pace to hear her response. No absolutely not, he was walking at his usual pace.

“I changed my mind.” Sandor shoved half of the cupcake into his mouth in order to keep himself from smiling and he didn’t give a shit if he got it all over his beard. It was better than grinning like an idiot as he entered the locker room, because he’d never hear the end of that from his guys.

_ She changed her mind. _

Their usual after game ritual meant that they went to the same burger joint just a block down from the rink and took up most of the booths. The level of noise would be deafening, especially after a win and today was no exception. If not for the fact that Sandor was saving seats. Four to be exact and he wasn’t used to the feeling of waiting for people, of feeling how much he wanted to wait for them. How important they had become.

When the bell above the door jingled his head snapped towards it and without thinking he lifted his hand in a wave. He watched Arya hurry over to the booth next to his and saw Gendry shoving at one of his teammates to make room for her next to him. A frown pulled at Sandor’s face when she happily sat down and the guy wrapped an arm around her. As if he felt Sandor’s eyes on him Gendry’s head snapped up and he visibly paled and pulled his arm back to his side. Sandor nodded slightly and then his frown was stolen from him with the sound of light bubbly laughter coming from next to him.

“He’s a good guy you know,” Sansa said with a teasing tone as she sat down in the booth. She scooted closer to Sandor to make room for Rickon and Bran pushed his chair up to the table.

“I know. Still doesn’t hurt to remind him that I’ve got my eye on him.” It might be ridiculous, and he felt like it a little, with how protective he was being over a teenage girl that had no relation to him. It didn’t change the fact that he was though.

“It’s sweet that you care,” Sansa said and he grumbled under his breath to hide his discomfort.

“What do you guys want to eat?” he asked in hopes of changing the topic and thankfully the boy and kid at the table happily obliged him. He had already ordered for the team, the usual cheeseburgers and fries but he had waited to order his own food so that he could eat with the Starks.

The boys’ orders were simple enough, basically the same as the team’s and when he turned his attention to Sansa she was worrying her bottom lip as she stared at the menu. There was a crease on her forehead that made him frown and she must have felt his eyes on her because she looked up with a shy smile.

“I can’t remember the last time I had a strawberry milkshake,” she said with a pink tint on her cheeks before she shook her head slightly. “I’ll have a bacon and cheeseburger and sweet potato fries I think.”

“I’ll go up to the counter and add it to my tab. I’ll be right back.” He did just that after checking with Arya what she wanted and added a strawberry milkshake to the order. The smile that lit up Sansa’s face was worth every single penny.

“Oh, you really didn’t have to,” she said wideyed but he only gave a shrug and pushed it towards her. As they ate he listened as Rickon talked about the new project he was working with at school. Apparently they were having a science fair and he had to make something. Sandor had always hated that type of assignment because he never had anyone who could help him with them. Without thinking he turned to look at Sansa who was frowning down at her plate as if she was thinking about something equally upsetting.

“What are you thinking about making?” Sandor asked and Rickon gave a shrug as he stuffed his face with fries. “What about a volcano or something?”

“You know how to make one?” Bran asked surprised, making Sandor’s lip twitch with a half smile.

“Nope. But how hard can it be?”

“You’d really help me?” Rickon asked and his eyes were as wide as Sansa’s as they looked at him. Why the hell were they always so surprised when he offered to help out? Had he not shown them that he cared? Or was it still too soon for them to feel like they could rely on him for things?

_ Why do I want them to rely on me so badly? _

“Sure.” He was grateful that they left it at that and moved their conversation on to what was happening in the coming week. For every event or school assignment that the boys mentioned Sandor noticed that the smile on Sansa’s face became more and more dimmed until she was obviously forcing it to remain on her face.

“What’s wrong?” he had leaned closer to talk without the boys overhearing and when she turned her head to look at him she was so close that he could count the freckles across her nose. It made his throat suddenly go dry.

He almost expected her to try and pretend that nothing was wrong but instead she dropped the strained smile off her face and sighed. She threw a quick glance at her brothers but they were deep in a discussion and hadn’t noticed their hushed conversation.

“I’m just missing so much. I can’t keep relying on other people to be there for my family.” He understood what she was saying but it still made him frown. Did she mean that she didn’t want him around her family anymore? Didn’t want him to help out? As if she read his mind her hand darted out to rest on his forearm on the table. “Not that I don’t really appreciate it Sandor.”

His response was only a hum from low in his throat because his mind was too occupied with the thought that it was the second time today she touched him so casually and yesterday she had hugged him. Not while she held onto him on the bike, but afterwards, she had given him the longest and firmest hug of his whole life.

_ Maybe she is starting to trust me. Starting to feel comfortable around me instead of on her guard. _

“I want to be there for things like Rickon’s science fair and even the small things like having dinner with them. I think I’m going to have to cut my hours at the diner.” Sandor tried to not let the happiness that was flooding his chest to show on his face incase she’d take it the wrong way.

Yeah, he was happy that she was thinking about cutting down her hours. Because that way she would no longer be working herself to the bone and she’d get more time with her family. But what really made him happy was that this was confirmation that she did feel more comfortable with him. Had this been before last night she would never have spoken to him about what she was thinking.

“Will you guys be okay if you do?” he asked and she shrugged as if she wasn’t really sure. He didn’t like that. He wanted her to keep talking to him but he figured that it was best not to push it.

She had shared and that would have to be enough. She gave him a small smile before she turned back towards her brothers and the strange sensation in his chest made him stare down at his burger. There was a tightness in his chest that he didn’t understand and despite practically inhaling his burger and fries the feeling lingered.

“Hey coach, we’re heading out!” He lifted his head and waved his hand dismissively towards his team and the teenagers all filed out. 

“We should get going too,” Sansa said and it took Sandor a moment to hide his disappointment. 

What had he thought? That they would want to spend their whole Sunday with him? Yeah, right.

Sansa gave him a searching look and he forced himself to look indifferent and headed over to the counter to pay. Sansa followed him and he frowned down at her when she pulled her wallet out of her purse.

“Put that away,” he growled as he handed his card to the waitress. He had expected his harsh tone to make her pull back but she met his eyes with a stern glare.

“I can pay our share,” she persisted and for a second he was tempted to just grab her wallet and hold it over her head to keep her from paying.

_ Yeah, that would be real mature. _

“I invited you. I pay.” He gave her a stern glare of his own and his eyes narrowed when she started opening her wallet.

_ Fine. You stubborn woman. _

It might be a middle school move but before he could talk himself out of it he grabbed her wallet and held it high above his head. He had to bite his bottom lip to keep in the chuckle that threatened to escape when she gave an affronted huff and glared up at him. He gave her a challenging smirk and the chuckle did escape his lips when she stood on her tiptoes. She was tall but it only made the top of her head reach just above his chin.

“Wanna try jumping?” he teased and he knew he had won when she laughed.

“Fine. But this is the second time that you pay for me. Next time I’ll pay.” Her words felt like a smack over his head and without meaning to he lowered his arm and he only had a second to pull his hand out of reach again when she tried to snatch her wallet.

The waitress gave them an amused look as she handed him his card back, he shoved it into his own wallet and started walking towards the door. He tried to keep his mind from putting too much behind her words. 

_ She’s just offering to be polite. That’s all. _

She had parked her car next to his truck and he didn’t know what possessed him to do it but without thinking he opened the driver’s door for her. She turned her head towards him and for a second her cheeks seemed to turn slightly pink. He nervously cleared his throat and stepped back before practically shoving her wallet at her.

_ Yeah, fucking smooth you cunt. _

“See ya around,” he grumbled out and hurried towards his own truck. Parked on the other side of his truck was Gendry’s car and Arya was sitting in the passenger seat staring at him. Her eyes were prodding and narrowed with displeasure.

“Sandor!” Sansa called and he turned around so fast that she almost barrelled right into his chest. He threw his hands out to steady her and she looked up into his face with her eyes opened wide in surprise.

_ Fucking let go. _

He pulled his hands away from where they had been holding on to her upper arms and fuck, his cheeks felt warm as she smiled at him shyly. She raised her hands and he realised that she was holding his leather jacket. He took it from her and put it on. That was a fucking mistake. Because it felt strangely intimate to put on his jacket when it had last been worn by her and fucking smelled like her. He was surrounded by a flowery scent, making him feel warm and flushed and he wanted to take the damned thing off. But that would be fucking rude and show his discomfort so he gritted his teeth and tried to breath through his mouth.

“Thank you for the loan.” Sansa spoke so sweetly that he was pretty sure he was blushing and there was a slight pink tint to her cheeks as well.

_ Go. Just leave before you make an ass out of yourself. _

He managed a slight nod and thankfully she seemed to find that enough because she went back to her car and he could finally look away and breathe. But as he took a deep breath he was yet again assaulted with her scent and he leaned his head against the side of his truck with a heavy sigh.

“Now I get it.” The sound of Arya’s voice made him jump and he turned his head towards the sound of it to find her leaning against the side of his truck. Her grey eyes were dark with anger and he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to deal with another female Stark. They all messed with his fucking head and he didn’t like it one bit.

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” he bit out and his words made her cross her arms over her chest and stick out her chin in defiance.

“I always wondered why the fuck you cared so much, about me and about my brothers. Now I get it, we were just a way for you to get closer to Sansa.” Her words made his anger flare but he could only manage to stare at her in disbelief. “I don’t blame you. She’s sweet and pretty. Everyone always likes her best.”

The look on her face told him that despite her words she did blame him, that she was angry and beneath the anger he could see hurt. It was strangely similar to what he was feeling this moment. She really thought that all he had done for them was to get onto her sister’s good side?

“That’s what you fucking think of me?!” he couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice even though he knew that lashing out wouldn’t get her to listen to him, it never did.

“Why else would you bother with me? With my brothers?” She asked angrily and he ran a hand across his face. “What else could have started this?”

“This never had anything to do with your sister. I’ll fucking tell you what started this. You did,” he growled out low in his throat and her face pulled into a confused frown. “I got involved because of you. You fucking ended up at my desk and before I fucking knew it I met your brothers and now there was three people that I cared about. And yeah, I’m finally getting along with your sister. And it’s all your fucking fault.”

“What?” Her face was pure disbelief and he did not have the patience to deal with teenage girls but he knew this was about more than her thinking that he was interested in her sister. This was about her worrying over if Sandor really cared or not. He couldn’t have her questioning that.

“I am making an effort with your sister so that this whole thing will be easier. You expect her to let me help out or hang out with you guys if she doesn’t know me or dislikes me?” Her eyes narrowed towards him and it told him that she was realising the logic in his words but her stubborn streak had her still wanting to stay angry.

“It looked like flirting to me,” she said under her breath and Sandor had to school his face to not show his surprise.

She had thought that Sansa was flirting with him?  _ There is no fucking way that was happening. _

“Yeah, right. Because someone as pretty as your sister would flirt with someone as ugly as me,” he rasped out and she turned her eyes down at her scuffed shoes.

He wasn’t even sure if he knew how to flirt and even if he had he would never make a fool of himself with trying to do that with someone like Sansa. She was so beyond him that it was laughable to him that Arya actually thought there even was a possibility of something between them.

“I guess not… You aren’t really her type anyway…” Arya was just saying the things he had been thinking so the sting of them came as a surprise to him. He knew it was the truth, so why did hearing it confirmed hurt like that? With a scowl he rubbed at his chest, as if it would help ease the unexpected ache in his heart.

_ Fucking ridicilous is what it is. We both know it. _

He reminded himself that Arya was just a kid and that she was hurting and dealing with a lot, so that he wouldn’t ask her why the hell she was acting like this, ask her what was really going on. He wanted to shake her and tell her to stop being fucking stupid, but he didn’t. Instead he cleared his throat to catch her attention and when she looked up at him her grey eyes were hesitant.

“We good?” he grunted out and when she nodded he nodded back and without another word she headed back to Gendry’s car. As they drove off he quickly shrugged off the jacket and threw it into the truck.

Whatever stupid small notion or tiny hope that he had harboured that last night had meant something else, something more, between him and Sansa he forced out of his mind. That wasn’t going to fucking happen. He had been stupid to even read anything into it. He was just a fucked up old hasbeen and she had three kids that depended on her. That had started to depend on him too, he couldn’t fuck that up because he found her beautiful. Or that he liked the way she smiled. The way she smiled at him like his face wasn’t covered in scars, like he was just any man. No, not like any man, she smiled at him like he was special. He had never had that before.

He shook himself like a wet dog to try and lose that train of thought and slammed his truck door closed.

_ Fucking stupid fucking idiot. _


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are small moments that means the world. Sansa knows this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> This story is slowly becoming an amazing experience in restraint for me. Being a usually very fluffy writer where our lovebirds get together in like the first chapter, this is completely new for me. But I love it and I love writing this story. I do hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

Sansa felt a tinge of sadness in her chest as she looked at her computer screen. She had her bank accounts in front of her and the pointer moved between the different accounts. It moved past the saving accounts in her siblings’ names and stopped above the one in her own. In an sad attempt to keep the hope up that one day she would be able to go back she had named it _ Sansa’s College Fund. _

She shook her head at her own naivety and with a sigh she moved some of the money in that account into the one she had named _ Bills. _

“It’s for the better,” she told herself as if she needed to hear it. Maybe she did, maybe she needed to remind herself why she was doing this. She didn’t just want her family to survive, she wanted them to live and that meant she had to be around more. She needed to take the pressure off Arya and allow her to be a kid. She wanted to be there for practices, games and school events. If that meant cutting her hours at the diner and using her inheritance then so be it.

“Sansa! Has Sandor called?!” Bran called from his room and Sansa closed her computer and walked down the hall. She knocked at Bran’s door frame and leaned against it when he looked up from his own computer screen.

“You could come out and ask me instead of shouting, you know.” Her tone was teasing and when her brother looked embarrassed she smiled at him.

“Right sorry. It’s just he said he’d go check out some places and then let me know how it went,” Bran said and Sansa’s chest filled with warmth at the thought of Sandor doing this for Bran. Could the man really be that caring and sweet, was there even such selfless kindness in the world?

“He hasn’t called or texted but as soon as he does I’ll let you know,” she promised and with a slight nod he returned his attention to the computer screen and what looked like Call of Duty. “Say hi to Jojen from me.”

“Sansa says hi,” he said into the microphone and smiled when the boy on the other end said something back in his headphones. “He says hi back and that his mom would love to have the recipe for that raspberry shortcake he brought home with him last time.”

“I’ll write it down and email it.” Sansa smiled happily as she left her brother to play with his friend and ducked her head into the bedroom next to his. Rickon was lying on his carpet, reading a comic book with his feet on the bed.

_ He is such a handful. _

“Have you finished your homework?” she asked and the groan he gave in response had her shaking her head. “Come on, get your butt into the kitchen then. I’ll help you while I cook dinner.”

He begrudgingly followed her and on her way she knocked on Arya’s bedroom door and for a moment the music playing was lowered so that her sister’s voice could be heard through the door.

“I’m on the phone with Matilda!” she shouted and then raised the volume again. Sansa couldn’t even be mad about her sister’s attitude. She was too happy to let it bother her. She was at home on a Tuesday evening, having all of her siblings around her and it felt so wonderfully normal that she could cry.

Bran had Jojen, a nice quiet boy who was a good friend and had gotten Bran outside of his comfort zone. Rickon had new friends at school and he loved playing hockey. Arya had her team that were about to start playing in a series and she had Gendry, who was sweet and considerate. And Sansa she had....

She frowned at the fridge when the only things that popped up in her head were her jobs.

_ And Sandor. _

Not that she had him, not in that sense. But she had his support and she was starting to think that she might have his friendship. Having someone in your corner who knew your struggles and tried to help anyway they could, because they wanted to, was such a wonder to her. She just worried that they had started to rely too much on him, what happened if he decided that he didn’t want to be around anymore? If he suddenly found them too much work?

She wasn’t sure why the mere thought of that made her heart ache. Part of it was how much it would hurt her siblings, they shouldn’t have to go through losing another person even if it wasn’t in the same sense. And maybe, a teeny tiny part of the hurt came from the thought of her losing him. She didn’t even really know what that meant other than that she had started to rely on him and felt seen. For who she was, good and bad.

_ Great, someone is nice to you and you get attached. Healthy. _

She knew Sandor didn’t see her that way, he was an independent man who wasn’t tied down by any obligations other than the ones he had made for himself. She was tied down by a hundred obligations with no time for herself. He could go or do anything, why would he want to spend time with her? Yet he did, maybe not purely with her, but he still spent his time with them.

Shaking herself out of the strange path her thoughts had taken she started with dinner and in an effort to keep her mind from wandering to a certain tall man she put on some music and sang along and danced while she cooked.

She was in the middle of swaying her hips and singing loudly when there was a clearing of a throat. With a gasp she whirled around and found Sandor standing in the doorway, Rickon following close behind him. She had been so into the music that she must have missed both the knock on the door and Rickon leaving the kitchen to open the door.

With flaming cheeks she scrambled to turn the loud music off and tried to calm her ragged breath as she turned her attention back towards Sandor.

_ God, he must have seen and heard everything, that’s so embarrassing! _

“Eh… hi,” she managed to call out and he gave a slight nod in greeting. He looked tired she realised, with dark circles under his eyes and she worried that he hadn’t been taking care of himself.

“I hope it’s okay that I just dropped by. I tried calling but I guess you couldn’t hear the phone,” his voice was careful, as if he was worried that he had overstepped and she hurried to nod and wave him into the kitchen. “I wanted to tell Bran about this one place I found.” 

“Rickon, please go get Bran,” she asked as Sandor sat down on one of the kitchen chairs with a sigh. “Everything alright?”

His grey eyes looked at her almost wearily and she turned off the stove in order to be able to sit down opposite him at the table. She didn’t say anything, she just looked at him expectantly. He held her gaze and it almost felt like a staring contest. Like they both didn’t want to be the first one to look away, it made her smile softly and that seemed to throw him off because he lowered his eyes with a sigh.

“Everything’s fine,” he grumbled and she hesitated for a second before she reached out and put her hand on his. He lifted his eyes to hers again and the frown of confusion made her squeeze her hand around his.

“You can talk to me. If you want to that is,” she said and felt her cheeks flush when his eyes turned soft. “I mean, you’ve done so much for us. It’s only fair that we do the same for you.”

The softness suddenly disappeared from his eyes and he pulled his hand away from hers. She wasn’t able to hide her surprise at his change in behaviour and was about to say something about it but then Bran came into the kitchen. Sansa frowned when she realised that Rickon had taken the opportunity to go back to his room and had left his homework on the kitchen table. She would give her a piece of her mind later but right now her attention was on Bran. Her brother looked so excited that Sansa could have cried. She said a silent prayer that Sandor would have good news for him. 

“Hey, how are you doing?” Sandor asked and his face looked lighter and happier when Bran smiled at him. Sansa knew it was irrational but a part of her felt a pang of jealousy at how he seemed so much more comfortable with her siblings then with her.

_ Oh grow up Sansa! _

“I’m good. How are you?” Bran asked back and Sandor shrugged.

“A little tired but I’ll be alright,” Sandor answered honestly and pulled out his phone out of his jacket. He wasn’t wearing his leather jacket, she noticed with a twinge of disappointment. Instead he had on a black windbreaker that hugged his arms so that the fabric was stretched tight, the bulge of his muscles very distracting.

_ Don’t stare. It’s rude, even if his arms look… No, don’t. _

“So I checked out five place and this one was the best. They have a lot of experience with paralyzed climbers. They use this special harness that has like a small seat and you use your arms to climb while they handle the rope.” As Sandor spoke he moved his eyes from Bran to Sansa and made sure to show her all of the pictures he had taken. She appreciated the fact that he was including her and reassuring her while doing so. “I checked all the safety measures and I was able to check off everything on the list I got.”

“A list? What list?” Sansa asked and Sandor rubbed at the back of his neck as if he was nervous or embarrassed, making her even more intrigued.

“I found this forum for paralyzed climbers and I asked what things I should look for or ask about and they gave me a lot of tips.” Sansa had to look away from his face then or she’d start blubbering like an idiot. He had gone to so much effort and put so much care into this, for Bran. 

She could never have expected that Arya getting caught painting on school property would have led to them having this new presence in their life. This man who seemed determined to move heaven and earth to make her siblings happy. She had no idea why he did what he did and she couldn’t help but wonder what his true motivation was. She didn’t get the feeling that he was expecting anything from them in return but she had trouble accepting the fact that he was just doing out of the sheer goodness of his heart. She didn’t want to think that he had some ulterior motive, mostly because he didn’t strike her as that kind of a man. She just hoped that she wasn’t wrong in that assumption.

“Can we go?” Sansa realised that the question was directed at her and she took a deep breath before turning her attention back towards her brother and Sandor. Bran was looking at her with a hopeful expression while Sandor’s face was in a frown. His grey eyes were searching her face and she was pretty sure that he saw that she was fighting back tears.

“I think we need to clear it with your physical therapist first. But if she says that you can handle it then of course.” The beaming smile Bran gave her hit her so hard that she couldn’t keep in her tears any longer and her brother’s smile faded. “I’m okay. I’m just happy.”

She laughed as she wiped her cheeks and gave her younger brother a firm hug and for the first time in a long time he actually hugged her back just as firmly. Over her brother’s shoulder her eyes found Sandor’s and for a second he looked as if he was fighting his own emotional reaction. But then his face morphed into a smile that she couldn’t help but return.

“Right, so if you get cleared on Thursday then we can go the following Tuesday? That good for you?” Bran nodded eagerly at Sandor’s words while he pulled back from the hug and gave Sandor another beaming smile.

“I have to tell Jojen!” Bran exclaimed and hurried down the hall towards his room.

Sansa smiled after him before the sound of a throat clearing made her turn her head and when their eyes met she gave Sandor a soft look. He kept his face impassive but there was a small crease in his forehead that told her he was concerned about something. 

“It’s about a 45 minute drive so we might get back a little late.”

“Actually, I’ve cut down on my hours at the diner so I can take him,” Sansa told him and was surprised when Sandor seemed on the verge to protest. “I’d love to be there for this and I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

She couldn’t hide her surprise when he pushed his chair back roughly and stood. The dark scowl on his face made her frown and she hurried after him when he headed for the door.

“Right. Now that you don’t work as much you don’t need me.” He said it coldly and the tone in his voice made her flinch.

“Sandor.” He stopped with a hand on the doorknob and she saw how his shoulders rose with a deep breath. It made her reach out a hand and carefully touch his back. He flinched out of her reach and turned around to stare down at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

“We both know that even with all the time in the world I could never have done what you have for them.” Her voice was firm and she didn’t want to give him a chance to protest so she hurried to continue. “We might not need you as much for logistics, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t want you to be here.”

The shocked surprise that filled his face and made his mouth gape had her fighting a giggle. She found his reaction sweet, a word she never thought she would use to describe the huge, strong, gruff man in front of her. Yet it was the one that fit him so perfectly at that moment.

“I know Bran will want you there and so do I. Please come with us?” she asked and he hurriedly nodded and it made her smile up at him. “Now that that’s settled, it’s time for dinner.”

“Alright, I’ll see you around.” When he turned back towards the door her hand shot out and grasped his arm, keeping him back.

“The table isn’t going to set itself.” She kept her tone light and her smile soft so that he wouldn’t feel overwhelmed or she’d give the impression that she was trying too hard. He turned sideways to look at her and when she nodded towards the kitchen his eyes narrowed.

_ Casual. Don’t make a big deal out of it. _

With one last smile at him she turned and walked back into the kitchen. She busied herself with checking on the pots on the stove and waited. It wasn’t until she heard his heavy footsteps that she released the breath she had been holding.

She turned to find him standing in the doorway looking at her with that deciphering look that she found he wore around her a lot and she wished that there was a way for her to know what he was thinking. A way to know what he saw when he looked at her.

He had removed his windbreaker and was only wearing a simple white t-shirt and the sleeves of them stretched tightly against his bulging arms and when she felt her cheeks flush she turned her face away and pointed to one of the cabinets.

“Plates are in there. We are having pasta so use the deep ones.” Her voice came out a little too high and cheerful, making her flush even redder but thankfully he didn’t comment on it. Instead he followed her instructions and by the time they had put the food on the table Sansa felt calmer. 

“Dinner!” she called out and frowned when there was no sound of movement from her siblings’ rooms.

“Hey! You better get your asses out here!” Sandor’s bellowing voice made her jump and she clutched her chest with a giggle. He looked down at her sheepishly and it only made her giggle harder. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It seems to be working.” She gave him a happy smile as her siblings all came out of their rooms. Rickon gave them both a big happy grin as he sat down and she narrowed her eyes at him. The only one who wasn’t smiling was Arya. She gave Sandor a weary look that he met with a serious expression on his face.

_ What was going on there? Had something happened? _

Sansa decided that she would talk to her sister about it later and instead focused on having a nice time with her family. It was both strange and still not, that Sandor’s presence felt so natural. No one commented on it and within minutes he was part of the conversations as if it wasn’t the first time they all sat down to dinner together. It was such an intimate thing to her yet she felt no uneasy by him being there. She felt that she could just be herself around him and that in itself was a very freeing feeling.

“Hey, did Sandor show you the team uniforms he got us for the tournament?” Rickon said and when they all shook their head he gave Sandor a meaningful glare that had Sandor pulling out his phone.

When he handed it to Sansa she found herself smiling down at it. The uniform was black with a deep green crest in the shape of the silhouette of a wolfhound’s head. She passed the phone to Arya and turned her head to smile at Sandor.

“I can’t imagine custom uniforms being in the community centre budget,” she said low and the twitch in his lips gave her an idea where the funds came from. He confirmed her suspicious when he turned his head towards her and leaned down to speak in a hushed voice.

“There might have been an anonymous donation to the centre with the instructions that it was to be used towards the teams uniforms and gear.” He kept his voice calm and detached but she saw right through him.

“An anonymous donation you say?” she smirked at him when he nodded and his lip twitched again. “How generous.”

“Yup.” She nudged his arm with her elbow, drawing a smile to his face but he didn’t say anything. That was fine, she didn’t need him to confirm what she already knew.

_ Sandor Clegane is a good man. _

* * *

Sansa’s chest was threatening to jump out of her chest any second. She was standing back, watching as the instructor strapped Bran into the special harness. Sandor was with them, watching everything like a hawk and that helped ease her anxiety a little. So did the excited look on her brother’s face. The whole ride over he had been bubbling with excitement and it had only grown as they got closer to the climbing gym.

There was another paralyzed climber there, apparently the instructor had told him about them coming and the climber had shown up to show his support. He was around Sansa’s age and he had been paralyzed for twenty years and had been climbing for six. He was also strapped into one of the special harnesses and was going to climb on the wall next to Bran’s.

Once Bran was safely strapped in Sandor hurried over to stand next to her and she found comfort in his strong warm presence. As her brother started climbing she held her breath and felt her heart rate pick up even more.

When Bran almost lost his grip on the wall she gasped and Sandor took an involuntary step forward but before he could fall Bran changed his grip and steadied himself. As she released her breath with a trembling sigh she lowered her eyes. They caught on Sandor’s hand and before she could stop herself she pushed the back of her hand against his palm. The feel of his strong, calloused warm hand grasping hers without hesitation made her heart jump in her chest and she smiled shyly. The strong yet gentle grip felt like the only thing keeping her from floating away with the butterflies in her stomach.

They watched Bran climb in silence and for once she didn’t feel the need to fill it with chatter or small talk. It was a comfortable silence, like they were experiencing this huge moment and they could just be in it, together.

“He fucking did it.” The words weren’t said in surprise. Sandor’s deep voice was filled with pride and Sansa found herself grinning from ear to ear as Bran reached the top of his wall. Her brother turned his head and when he saw them he beamed down at them and it was as if she was watching the rebirth of her brother’s spirit. He was coming into his own at that moment, becoming the young man he was destined to be in these new circumstances. Sandor had made that happen.

As Bran started slowly descending Sansa looked down to the hand that was holding onto hers and she laced her fingers with Sandor’s and squeezed. He turned his head and looked at her over his shoulder with a questioning look. Even without words he was able to ask her if she was alright. It made her smile as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

“Thank you for this.”

“He did it all on his own,” he said determinately and the stubborn man made her smile even wider.

“Yeah, but you made it happen. So take the gratitude.” He grumbled something beneath his breath but he didn’t argue and he didn’t pull away. He allowed her to keep her head on his shoulder and held her hand until Bran wheeled over to them. Then he cleared his throat and stepped forward. Bran was beaming at the large man and Sansa stayed back, allowing them to have this moment of their own. 

_ Just when did he get to be this important to us? All of us? _

“You were awesome!” Sansa exclaimed as they came over to where she was standing and Bran smiled at her.

“Thanks. I’m gonna be sore tomorrow though.” They all chuckled at that and Sansa felt so light she thought she might float away any second. “Do you think we could come back?”

“Do they have a membership card or something that we could get?” she asked and when he nodded she didn’t even bother asking about the cost. She didn’t care if it meant that she would have to take some more money from her college fund, if it made her brother happy it was worth every single penny.

“The instructor, Gren, is there every Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon. I am free Tuesdays so I can take you,” Sandor offered as he lifted Bran into the front seat of his truck. Sansa was amazed at how he lifted her brother as if he weighed nothing, with barely any strain in his muscled arms and she couldn’t keep herself from wondering if he could pick her up as easily. Sandor turned his head and caught her staring, her cheeks flushed bright red and she jumped into the backseat to pull his eyes away from her.

“We appreciate it Sandor,” Sansa said after her cheeks had cooled and he had made his way into the driver’s seat. “Don’t we Bran?”

“Mhm.” Bran’s voice came out as a muffled sound and she saw Sandor’s lip twitch in amusement. Her younger brother had lent his head against the window and had his eyes closed, already dozing off.

It had been an emotional day and with him coming down from an adrenaline high and the strain of climbing taking its toll she couldn’t blame him for being tired. She smiled at Sandor and with a small smile of his own he started the truck and drove towards home.

They were silent as the car sped down the highway but Sansa could see the tension in Sandor’s shoulders and whenever he looked into the rearview mirror she saw that his face was pulled into a frown.

“Are you okay?” She couldn’t stand seeing him like that so she had broken the silence and apparently she had taken him by surprise because he threw a wide eyed look over his shoulder at her. It lasted only a second before he returned his attention to the road but it was enough for her to see that he was conflicted. “It’s alright if you don’t want to talk. I just want you to know that you can. Talk to me that is.”

The only response he gave was a deepset hum and from then on the silence didn’t feel comforting anymore. She kept her eyes out the window, watching as the sun set. The fall coloured leaves were falling from the trees and she suspected that they would soon get their first snow with winter being just around the corner.

Sansa loved winter, she loved the snow and the cold. It was just so bright and beautiful when everything was covered in white.

“Do you think it will snow soon?” she asked and broke the tense silence. It might be a silly topic of conversation but maybe it would get him to talk to her. “I love winter.”

“The longer it takes the better. The winters here are too fucking cold,” he said in a rough huff of air and she tried to school her face to hide her pleased surprise at getting him to say something.

“How were the winters where you grew up?” she asked and he sighed as if he really weren’t interested in answering her but he still did.

“Cold but not like this. The first winter after I moved here I thought I was going to freeze my balls off.” His gruff response had her clasping her hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter and she caught his amused face in the rearview mirror.

“Do you go home for Christmas?” his face fell as if she had said something awful and she was still trying to wrap her head around why he had reacted the way he did when he spoke.

“I don’t have anything to go back to. It’s just me and this is my home.” His voice was barely above a whisper and she leaned forward in her seat to come closer to him.

That sounded so sad to her and she couldn’t help but wonder about his family. She didn’t dare ask though, knowing from her own experience that family could be a painful topic. Instead she reached over and put a soft hand on his shoulder, hoping that he would take it as the comfort she meant it to be and nothing else.

“I… I was taking into the system when I was six. My mom died when I was little and my dad was shit.” She held her breath as he spoke because she didn’t want to stop him from sharing. She wanted to show him that she could listen but she wished that he wasn’t driving so that she could look into his eyes.

She figured that the reason that she couldn’t do just that was the only reason that Sandor felt comfortable with sharing. If the distance was what made him able to talk, she wouldn’t say anything about it. She wanted him to share and if this was the moment he felt most comfortable to do so she would have to settle with squeezing his shoulder.

“I had an older brother and an older sister. On Friday it will be 25 years since my sister died.” The sharp pain in Sansa’s chest took her so much by surprise that she never had a chance to bite back the gasp. She felt Sandor stiffen beneath her shoulder but he didn’t say anything and he didn’t shrug her hand off of him.

“I know it’s the last thing you want to hear about these things but I am sorry. I am sorry that you had to go through all that. And I am sorry that you lost your sister.” His only response was a slight nod in acknowledgement and then they lapsed into silence again.

It didn’t feel as strained as before and even though she really wanted to ask about his brother and how their relationship was she bit her tongue. Sandor seemed like the kind of person who shared what he felt comfortable with sharing, when he was ready. Pushing and prodding she suspected would only make him pull away.

Sansa must have been dozing off herself because next thing she knew there was a large hand clasping her shoulder and her eyes fluttered open to find Sandor’s face hovering above hers.

“Hey, you’re home.” he said softly and her hand itched to reach out and cup his face. The urge was so strong that it surprised her but thankfully she was able to stop herself before she could act on it. “Want me to give you a hand?”

“Where’s Bran?” she asked as she took his offered hand and leaned into the touch as she climbed out of the truck.

“He’s inside already. Woke up just a few minutes before we got home.” She smiled up at him and held onto his hand firmly before he had a chance to pull it away. It was probably silly but she found herself becoming addicted to the feeling of his large hand in hers.

Maybe it was the intimacy of it, or the connection it created. Maybe she was just starved for comfort but she didn’t really care. She just wanted him close and if he allowed her to hold his hand she wasn’t going to stop.

“Thank you for doing all of this Sandor and for coming with us today.” Her voice came out as a soft breath as they lingered by the front door. He kept his eyes on their joined hands as if he was purposely avoiding her eyes and there was a slight crease in his forehead as if he was thinking hard on something.

“It’s not a big deal.” She couldn’t keep in a laugh then. His head snapped up and there was a flash of hurt on his face for a second before it was covered by a scowl. She regretted hurting his feelings but how could she not laugh at such a ridiculous statement.

She wasn’t sure if there was anything she could say to explain it to him, not in a way that he’d actually believe her and not try to deflect her praise. She might not have known him that long but she knew him well enough to know that he didn’t take compliments that well. Instead of using her words she decided that it was better to just smile and wrap her free arm around him.

This time he hugged her back instantly and the strength of his arm pressed her flush against his chest, their joined hands hanging at their sides, holding on just as tightly. Her cheek was pressed against his chest and she could have sworn that it sounded like his heart was beating a little faster, almost in time with her own.

_ This feels so right. Like I belong in his arms. How is that possible? _

When she felt his large hand slowly stroking her back she almost wept with how nice it felt to have someone simply holding her and allowing her to lean on them. When the tears started to burn her eyes she pulled back and quickly turned towards the door before she made a fool of herself in front of him.

“Good night Sandor.”

“Good night Sansa.” The deep raspiness in his voice sounded even deeper as he spoke her name and a tear did escape her then. When was the last time she had heard someone say it with such tenderness? She couldn’t even remember.

_ God I'm a mess. _

Once she closed the door between them she quickly wiped her cheeks before heading into the living room where her siblings were all seated. Bran looked tired but happy and it made her heart swell with another wave of gratitude towards the caring man who was just now driving away from their home.

“Everything alright?” Arya asked as she focused her perceptive grey eyes on Sansa who forced herself to smile.

“Everything is great.” Even if her smile was a forced one she meant it and as she sat down between Rickon and Arya to watch an old Steve Martin movie.

She tried really hard to keep her focus on the movie but her mind kept wandering to a certain man who was a confusing bundle of soft grey eyes, silent kindness, blunt care and strong muscular arms. And comforting hands, big and rough but so gentle.

_ I have to try and make sense of all these emotions. Somehow. _


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's one of the hardest days of the year for Sandor. He always spent the anniversary of his sister's death hurting alone, this year won't be any different. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Firstly, thank you so so much for all the love and support you have given me and this fic. It means the world!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and that this Monday is a good one. Have a great week!
> 
> Trigger warning - Mentions of suicide and violence against children. I have marked the part that contains that with an *

Sandor was staring down at his phone for what felt like the hundredth time that day. As if him rereading it and staring at it would change it into something that didn’t make him sound like a fucking caveman. He had been shocked that morning to receive her message and he had completely failed to respond normally.

If he was honest with himself it wasn’t just the fact that she had messaged him that had made him unable to come up with a response. It was the emotional reaction he had had to her words that had taken him off guard and made him unable to think straight.

He hadn’t planned on telling her about his sister, at least not then and there, and having her reach out to tell him that she was thinking about him on one of the worst days of the year took his breath away. Her kindness was overwhelming, how could she be that sweet and caring towards someone like him? What could he possibly have done to deserve that from her?

_ I need to know so that I keep doing it. Because it feels fucking amazing. _

He had caught himself with not just looking at their conversation in hopes of changing his responses into more eloquent ones but simply reading her first message for comfort when the pain came creeping up on him.

Despite it being 25 years since he lost her and five since he learned why she had done what she did, the loss and the pain it brought was still raw. Raw enough that when this day came it always felt like picking the scab of a barely healed wound, making it bleed again and cause new pain. Somehow Sansa’s words helped ease that feeling. The pain was still there but it didn’t feel as intense, more like dull ache in his bones, turning it into something he could handle well enough to function normally during his work day.

Most of his coworkers he had been working with for years so they knew that when he was in the kind of mood that this day put him in, that it was best to avoid him. That was why the knock at his office door took him by surprise.

His eyes glanced up at the clock above the door that read 5:30 and he frowned as he tried to figure out who could still be around. Most teachers left at 5, hurrying home to their families.

“What?” he called out and when the door opened he nearly fell off his chair. He covered it up by jumping to his feet but the flush on his cheek had to be proof enough of how flustered he felt. 

“Hi. I’m not disturbing you, am I?” Sansa asked with a shy smile and he shook his head far too eagerly.

_ I could be in the fucking middle of lifesaving surgery and you wouldn’t be disturbing. _

He noticed that she was wearing black pants and a neat black suit jacket above a pale blue ruffled blouse and with the type of shoes she was wearing she must have come straight from work. What could have happened that she felt that she needed to see him in person?

“Is everything alright?” he couldn’t help but ask and she frowned at him as she took a step into his office and closed the door.

“I should be the one asking you that. It’s why I am here.” Her words were like a sucker punch right into his chest and he was sure that his wondered surprise was apparent on his face. 

_ She’s here to check on me? ME? _

“I’m alright.” _ Better now that you’re here. _

That was too much of a cheesy line so he settled for smiling at her softly and she must have thought that encouraging because she stepped further into the room until she was on the other side of his desk, looking up at him.

“I didn’t want to overstep, I just… The anniversaries of deaths are hard and even worse when you have to go through them alone, at least to me.” There was a small shy smile on her lips and he had to forcefully make himself stop staring at them and lift his eyes to hers. So that she wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

_ Like that I would want to kiss her. Not that I don’t. Wait what? She’s still talking, fucking focus! _

“I wanted to see if you’d come with me. You said you didn’t have any special plans today so I kind of made some.” Her cheeks turned a sweet shade of pink that had his heart leaping into his throat and he was about to tell her that she shouldn’t waste her time on him but she kept talking before he could. “It’s just a suggestion. I mean you can say no, of course.”

_ Fucking unlikely that I’ll want to though. _

“Is this because of my sister?” he asked and she nodded.

“Yeah. And because you’ve been here for us and you deserve to have someone who’s there for you. If you want that. Like I said, you can say no if you’d rather be alone.” There was something sweet about her when she looked flustered and a previously unknown part of him was tempted to tease her for it. But she was being so kind and caring that he couldn’t make himself say anything. He was terrified that if he did she would be able to hear the emotions in his voice and realise what a mess she seemed to make him.

Instead he simply turned off his computer and grabbed his jacket before nodding at her. She smiled for a split second and then she turned and he followed her. As they walked towards the exit in silence he couldn’t help but wonder what she had planned.

He had never done anything special during this day before. Before he would probably have spent it getting drunk, since he didn’t do that anymore he usually kept himself busy with work trying to keep the pain at bay by keeping busy.

“Do you have your bike?” she asked and he wasn’t sure if he was imagining the hopeful tone of her voice. It was getting colder and soon it would be too cold to ride it so he took it every chance he could. When he grunted his affirmative there was a twitch of a smile on her face and it made his chest tighten.

Would she want to ride with him again? He desperately wanted her to. So seeing her head straight for her car, bypassing his bike, had disappointment filling his chest.

The next minute he bore witness to one of the most wonderful things he had ever seen. Sansa pulled off her black heels and threw them into her car before pulling out a pair of red boots and putting them on. They looked so out of place with her proper suit that he couldn’t help but smile. When she then shrugged off her suit jacket and pulled on a thick black jumper and then a black fringed leather jacket his stomach dropped like lead.

_ Holy fucking hell. _

He knew she was beautiful but wearing what so apparently was an outfit put together for riding his bike had his heart doing stupid crazy flips in his chest. It made him scared that he was having a heart attack for a second. When she proceeded to get a black helmet out of her backseat he had to lean heavily against her car or he might just topple over. 

_ Her being here isn’t just an impulse. _

“You ready?” she asked after she grabbed a brightly coloured canvas backpack and yet again he was unable to form words and ended up nodding and grunting like the caveman she turned him into. Thankfully she only smiled and followed him back towards his bike.

As he put on his own black helmet he couldn’t help but notice that she was wearing the same kind and that it made them match, looking like they belonged on that bike together. Like it was a planned trip.

_ It fucking is. She planned this. For me. Fuck. _

He could barely breathe when she wrapped her arms around his middle and pressed her chest against his back. It felt even nicer then the first time and he must have taken too long with starting the bike because he felt her shift and put her head against his shoulder.

“Start driving towards Main Street, I’ll give you directions as we go.” Her voice was soft yet anxious and he hurried to obey her.

The drive unfortunately wasn’t too long until she told him to pull over. Once he had turned off the engine they pulled off their helmets and he stared up at the building in front of him with a confused frown. At the corner of his eye he caught Sansa watching him with an uncertain look on her face and he had to fight the urge to start the engine and drive away again. With or without her behind him.

_ Who am I fucking kidding? I would never leave without her. _

“I know we never spoke about faith and we don’t have to go inside if you don’t want to.” Her impossibly blue eyes flickered from the Sept to him and he tried to keep his disdain out of his voice.

“I don’t practice any religion.” That was the neutral response, the one that showed the least amount of anger against any type of religious idiocy. He had never been that much of a believer in the Gods, not even before his life went to shit at six years old. After everything that had happened to him and to his sister he had never been able to make peace with the idea that there were some assholes up there who had planned it all out. That it was their plan for his sister to suffer like she had. Because if that was the truth then they were not good, they were evil.

“That’s fine. My mother was a firm believer in the Seven. If I’m honest I am not so sure what to believe anymore. But there is this one thing I would like to do for your sister if you’re okay with it.” His face pulled in confusion because he didn’t understand what the hell she thought they could do for his sister at this time and place.

She seemed suddenly nervous and he didn’t like being the cause of that so he forced himself to relax his face and look at her expectantly. The least he could do was allow her to explain what she had planned.

“I do the same thing with my parents. You go in and you light a candle for them to show them that you are thinking of them and missing them. Most of the time I talk to them too, since they were buried close to our old home and I haven’t had the time to go see them there for a while.”

She was exposing a very private and personal part of herself, he realised and he didn’t feel any urge to call her out on the fact that she thought that they could hear her. It actually sounded nice to him, that she felt that she could talk to them and if lighting a candle in a Sept would help her with that he couldn’t see any harm in it.

“Alright I guess. But I don’t know if I want to go in,” he answered honestly and she smiled softly at him.

“That’s alright. Thank you for allowing me to do this.” She seemed to genuinely mean it and he wondered, not for the first time, how different his and his sister’s life would have been if they had met someone as kind as Sansa when they were children. “What is your sister’s name?”

Her question took him off guard and it was as if his throat threatened to close up. He hadn’t spoken her name in so long that it felt painful even when it was still only in his throat but he pushed that aside and looked down at his feet.

“Eleanore.” Sansa’s hand rested on his arm for a second and then he lifted his eyes and watched her walk into the Sept.

He just stood there for a moment, taking deep breaths to calm his frazzled nerves and then he wanted to kick himself. She had taken him here to do this for his sake and he hadn’t even bothered with going inside.

“Fucking asshole.” He cursed himself and before he could think twice he hurried through the door. The inside of the Sept was surprisingly light, despite the building being made from dark stone. Wooden benches were lined up facing the statues of the Gods and to the side of all of them his eyes found Sansa. There weren’t that many people around, someone was sitting at a bench and what looked like a Septon sat next to him. But the place could have been packed and he would have been able to pick her out of the crowd easily.

She was kneeling on a bench that stood in front of a big display of lit candles and he involuntarily flinched when he moved towards her, due to all of those exposed flames making the air a little hotter, and was unable to move closer. Instead he settled his eyes on Sansa as she gave a soft smile towards the candle she had just lit. She didn't seem to have noticed him entering and he felt a bit uneasy about watching her without her knowing and was about to say something when she spoke.

“Hi Eleanor. My name is Sansa Stark. You don’t know me but I know your brother, Sandor. I am so sorry that you aren’t able to be here with us.” Her voice was soft but the acoustic of the Sept made him able to hear every word and with each one his throat clogged up even more. “Sandor misses you. He might not talk about it, you probably already know that he isn’t much of a talker, but I can tell. He’s a good man. I can’t even begin to tell you how much he has done for me and my family in these last months. I can only imagine how proud you are of the man that he’s become.”

Tears stung his eyes so badly that if he stayed and heard what else she said they’d end up falling. He couldn’t handle that, not here in public and not in front of her so he hurried outside and to keep himself from breaking down he started pacing outside the Sept as he waited for Sansa.

She didn’t keep him waiting long and when she came out she took one look at him before she moved purposely towards him and wrapped her arms around him in a firm hug. It was the third time she hugged him and he greedily wrapped his arms around her tightly, pushing her as close as he could and let her scent wash over him, the floral essence of it calming his frazzled nerves.

“Thank you. For that.” He choked out and her only response was to squeeze him a little tighter before pulling out of his embrace. The greedy part of him wanted to hold her back, to keep her pressed against him a little longer but that would mean making a fucking fool of himself. Because she would find him needy and fucked up for enjoying holding her as much as he apparently did.

“Come one. We have another place we need to go to.” He nodded and when he felt her arms around him from behind this time it grounded his emotional state. It felt right to have her there, close and enjoying the freedom of the ride with him.

This time it took a while longer before they reached their destination. Her instructions lead him towards the coast line but before they could see the ocean she had him driving his bike up a winding road until they reached a hill. When he parked his bike she stepped up to the edge and he hurried after her, his hand unconsciously grabbing hers.

He hadn’t thought that she would walk off it but a part of him still wanted to make sure that she was safe, that there was no risk of her accidentally falling. Thankfully she didn’t say anything about his behaviour, she only squeezed his hand as they both looked out at the ocean. It was a dark blue and the sound of it crashing against the cliffs beneath them was soothing in its constance.

She turned her head to look at him and when he met her eyes the softness in them scared him. How could she not see what he was? How could she want to spend her precious free time with him when she had so little of it? He desperately wanted to ask her those questions but he was a coward so instead he went with an easier question.

“What are we doing here?” The smile she gave him then was shy and hesitant and it made him squeeze her hand in hopes of calming whatever concerns she might have of his reaction.

“Well I thought you wouldn’t mind getting away from everything for a bit. I brought food and I figured that if you wanted to you could tell me about your sister.” He stiffened and she must have felt it because she stepped closer with another one of her soft calming smiles. “Or we talk about something else or not at all. I just thought it would be nice to have a place where you can go and think about her. If you ever want to.”

He wasn’t sure what was happening with him. He just knew that if he didn’t step away from her right this second he would do something that he would regret. Something that would make him look like an utter fool. Hurriedly he pulled his hand out of hers and turned back towards his bike. As he did he noticed the small park table to the side and walked over there instead.

Sansa silently followed him and without saying a word she emptied the content of her backpack on the table. His eyes widened as he took in the two tinfoil packages, a container of what he desperately hoped was banana muffins, as well as a thermos. 

“Chicken wraps,” Sansa explained as she handed him one of the tinfoiled packages and he eagerly dug into the food. He groaned happily as he ate and the flush on her cheeks made him turn his eyes downward. 

He couldn’t really wrap his head around that she had done this for him. He was pretty sure that he had done nothing to deserve this kind of support. Yet here she was, giving him a break for not wanting to talk. Understanding him without him actually having to say anything.

“How did you find this place?” he asked after having finished his wrap. Her eyes turned heavy for a second before she forced a smile on her face.

“I was having a shitty day actually.” Her honest words made him sit up a little straighter, carefully listening to what was to come. “I should have been heading home but I just kept driving and ended up here. I sat right by the edge and cried for about an hour and afterwards I felt lighter.”

_ She has shown me her hurts, her wounds. She is brave. Maybe I can be brave to, at least with her. * _

*”My sister killed herself. We weren’t living at the same foster home so I wasn’t told until the next day. She was 14.” His voice was raspy and raw but thankfully she didn’t ask him to speak up, he was pretty sure that would have him breaking down. “Our lives were never that great to begin with, having a drunk for a father who couldn’t give two shits about us. But we had each other, her and I.”

Her blue eyes were filled with tears, tears for him, and he wanted to hold her against him again. Partially because he wanted to comfort her but mostly because having her in his arms comforted him and he was a selfish man. Yet he controlled the urge and focused on talking.

“She had it rough at the foster home. I learned years later how horrible it had truly been for her.” He couldn’t make himself speak about the horrendous crimes that she had been the victim of out loud. He just couldn’t without breaking down and he didn’t want to put that on Sansa. “It was my fault that we were at the foster homes. It was my fault that she was there.”

He had only spoken those words of guilt in front of one person before and the impact of them felt greater this time. Because she was so good, so beautiful and he really cared what she thought of him.

“Why would you think that?” she asked softly.

“We were taken from our home because of me, getting these scars.” He tried to keep his voice steady and calm but if she noticed the tremble in it she didn’t show it. “Our dad had lit the fireplace. He never did that but it was winter and I remember it being shivering cold even inside. I’m pretty sure he hadn’t paid the electric bill. So I was sitting close to the fire, playing, when my brother came in. I think the toy must have been his. That’s the only reason I can think of that would explain why he did what he did.”

In order to keep the anger and hurt, that always simmered when he thought of that moment, at bay his hands clenched into tight fists and he breathed through his nose in order to calm himself. The soft pressure of a hand over his made him look down at where Sansa’s hand was wrapped over his fist and he forced it to relax so that he could hold her hand properly.

“He grabbed me and pushed me into the embers. It wasn’t until Eleanor came in and kicked and screamed at him that he let me go.” Sansa’s shocked gasp made him hold onto her hand even harder, feeling suddenly scared that she would pull away from him. “My dad tried to claim that I fell into the fire by accident but social services didn’t buy it. I never went back to that house, when I was able to leave the hospital I went right into foster care.”*

“Sandor…” He understood that she didn’t know what to say and he hadn’t expected her to because what could you say to something so fucking horrible?

_ Nothing. _

He was relieved that she didn’t try to fill the silence with pleasantries, empty words that served no purpose but pissing him off. Instead she held his hand and once he felt calm enough to move past this topic of conversation he squeezed her hand.

“What’s in the container?” She turned her head towards it and with a soft smile she opened and pushed it towards him.

Despite the emotional path they had taken his chest felt lighter when he saw the banana muffins. He couldn’t help but smile as he eagerly reached out and took one. He took a big bite and she gave a twitch of a smile at that.

“You were a child Sandor. I’m sure your sister never blamed you.” Her words were so unexpected and sudden that he almost choked on the muffins. 

“Guess we’ll never know.” She looked a little taken back by his harsh words but he hoped that she understood that they weren’t directed at her but at the situation. She didn’t say anything but as he watched her he saw her slowly collecting herself and he felt like shit for lashing out when she had tried to comfort him.

“El she was obsessed with My Little Pony, it was her all time favorite movie.” Sansa’s eyes widened in surprise over his sudden change of heart in sharing. It felt nice to focus on the positive memories of his sister, something that he hadn’t shared with anyone before. “She watched it several times a day on the days we did have electricity. We had it on VHS, it’s like a cassette but with video…”

“Hey! I know what VHS is!” she protested with a playful slap at his arm that had his lip twitching into a smile.

“Well you never know, since you’re so young,” he teased back and she huffed at him. “One of my earliest memories is of her singing the theme song. Sometimes it’s like I can still hear her. I fucking hated that song.”

“Oh! But it’s so good.” He shot her a warning glare when she started humming the melody and then they both burst into laughter. It felt amazing to him that Sansa could make him laugh like this on today of all days. It was just another testament to how wonderful she was.

_ It feels nice to talk about El with her. Like she really cares. _

“She had this one, just one, My Little Pony toy. It was the pink pegasus one, NorthStar. She brought it with her everywhere.” Without thinking his free hand moved up to scratch at his chest where the tattoo he made in her memory rested above his heart. “I wasn’t allowed to play with it because she was scared that I would break it. But after the incident with our brother she let me have it with me in the hospital.”

He couldn’t make himself share the part where she had told him to keep it even after he was out of the hospital or how he had slept with it every night just to feel close to her when they were separated. He also didn’t need to make it weird and tell her that he still had the same toy pony locked in a safety deposit box at his bank. She would either find him weird or emotionally damaged. More than she probably already did.

A part of him wanted to argue that she would never judge him for being sentimental, that with her own loss she would be the one person who probably could understand that feeling. It made sense but he still couldn’t make himself say it. Somehow it felt like it was between him and his sister, even if she wasn’t there anymore. So instead he chose to focus on Sansa’s smile and kind eyes.

“Hey. I never said thank you. For doing this.” Her blue eyes turned soft as her thumb gently stroked the back of his hand, his breathing mimicking the slow rhythm of her finger. “Thank you, really.”

The smile she gave him then was a happy one and he was relieved that he had managed to make her smile like that despite everything they had talked about today.

“Well I am grateful that you came with me. I hope that it wasn’t too much out of your comfort zone and that I didn’t make today worse.” Her words made him frown and he wished that he had the linguistic ability to express into words how much this had meant to him. That it was the first time he had felt like this day wasn’t the worst day of the year. That he was grateful that he hadn’t had to spend it alone.

As she pulled her hand out of his and started to put away their things he felt a pang of dread in his chest. There was still a few hours left of the day but he couldn’t expect her to spend all of it with him. She had already given him hours of her time and she must have better things to do. Yet his chest constricted painfully with the thought of being alone after spending this time with her.

“You want me to drop you off at your car?” he asked once she had put the backpack on and she nodded softly as the almost full moon made it look like she had stars in her eyes.

“That would be great.” He tried desperately to hide his disappointment but he must have failed desperately because her hand reached out and grabbed his arm before he could turn away.

“So, I understand if you want to be alone. But in case you don’t I have very exciting plans for the rest of the night.” His eyebrow shot up questiongly at the sarcastic tone in her voice when she spoke of her plans. “I have about 4 dozen cupcakes that need icing, because somehow I got roped into baking for tomorrow's tournament.”

The pointed look she gave him made his cheek flush. He might have mentioned to Brienne that Sansa was a great baker and the woman had wasted no time in asking Sansa if she could bake something for the first tournament that the community centre were hosting.

“I suppose that the least I can do is help with that.” He smirked down at her when she grinned and without another word they were speeding down the hill again. As they rode Sansa suddenly threw her arms out and shouted in glee and he couldn’t control the deep belly laugh that escaped him then. When her arms wrapped back around him again he felt her squeeze him a little tighter and he lifted his hand to squeeze the hands that she had resting on his chest.

_ You are a wonder. There is no way that this is real. _

Once they reached her car that was still in the school parking lot, he trailed her to the apartment. He felt a bit nervous as to what the Stark kids would think of his presence there yet again. His nerves disappeared as soon as Rickon gave him a shit eating grin from where he was lounging on the couch with his brother.

“Hey Sandor. Want to get your ass kicked again?” The kid called out and Sandor gave him a mock glare.

“Watch it or I’ll bench you tomorrow.” They both knew that his warning was completely bogus. Not only because Rickon was one of his strongest players but because they both knew Sandor would never do that to him. He might be a tough hardass of a coach, but he was fair.

“You’ll have to kick Sandor’s ass some other time. He’s here to help me with the cupcakes.” Sansa scolded and Sandor gave her an affronted glare that turned into an amused huff when she cocked her eyebrow at him.

He diligently followed Sansa’s instructions and found himself enjoying everything about the evening. He found himself laughing more than once as he listened to the brother’s trash talk each other and Sansa scolding them. A few minutes in to icing cupcakes, even if you were only spreading chocolate frosting on them with a spatula, he realised it was hard meticulous work and not really for men with hands as large as his. He had accidentally squashed several cupcakes before he got the hang of it. He also learned that Sansa hummed when she baked, soft melodies that had her swaying gently. The way her hips swayed and how her hair almost looked like it was floating as it moved was very distracting, and another reason why several cupcakes ended up in what Sansa called the “cake-pop pile.” He had no idea what the fuck a cake-pop was but at least she found some use for the ones he had ruined.

It was strange to him that he was enjoying the domesticity of it all. Because he had never had that before so he hadn’t known what the big fuss was about. But from just this little taste of it he suddenly understood it. Even when Arya came into the kitchen and threw a displeased look at his handiwork he still felt happy.

“Seriously? You're not even going to be able to charge a dollar for those,” Arya said and Sandor growled at her.

“Shut the hell up,” he bit back making the girl grin at him.

“I think he’s doing great. Besides, we are going to put roasted coconut flakes on them so they will be fine.” He threw Sansa a mock wounded look and for a second she just stared at him before bursting out in giggles. The sound made his chest swell and he found himself grinning at her like a fool. Arya threw them a disgusted look before moving into the living room and grabbing the remote.

“Hey!” Both brothers cried out in protest when she changed the channel in the middle of their game.

“Oh come off it! You have been playing for hours. Let’s watch a movie. How about IT?” Sandor perked up at that and felt his lip twitch when Arya looked at him over her shoulder.

“The one with Tim Curry or Bill Skarsgard?” he asked which earned him a sharp elbow to the side from Sansa. He turned his head to look at her with a confused frown and his stomach dropped when he saw the displeased look on her face.

“I think what you meant to say was that that movie isn’t suitable for kids and that she should pick something we all can enjoy.” Sansa finished her words with a pointed look that had him ducking his head.

_ Shit, of course. _

“I want to watch it!” Rickon protested and Sandor shook his head to hide his amused smile. Of course the kid would protest at being denied something due to his age. 

“Trust me, you don’t.” Sandor could see the visible shudder as it passed through Sansa and leaned in to talk quietly while the kids argued over what movie to watch.

“You don’t like horror movies?” he teased and she shoved at his shoulder. Could she tell that every time she touched him so casually he held his head a little higher? Just with the way she seemed to see him and wanted to be near him. Having spent most of his life feeling that he needed to hide his face and himself from the world it was an incredible high to feel that he didn’t have to hide or shy away from someone.

“Not really. I enjoy a good thriller but blood and gore… I just can’t.” An image of Sansa pressed close to him, hiding her face in his chest while he held her in his arms flashed before his eyes and he could swear that she must know what she was thinking with how hot his face suddenly became.

_ You are making a fool of yourself. She’s just being nice. Because that’s who she is. A nice person. Don’t make it into something it’s not. _

He kept reminding himself of that as they joined her siblings to watch a comedy with Adam Sandler, it wasn’t really his sense of humor but it was outweighed by how much the others were laughing. He kept his eyes firmly on the tv otherwise he would risk getting caught staring at Sansa. She was seated next to him, distractingly close, with her legs curled beneath her and she had put her fiery hair in a messy bun on the top of her head, revealing every inch of her pale neck that looked incredibly soft.

_ Quit noticing those things, you creep. _

He remembered Sansa telling her brother’s to go to bed and that Arya had headed out to her room after Sansa had put on a movie about a girl and a lot of dresses, Sandor wasn’t really sure what it was about. He must have nodded off because when he came to the room was dark except for the white light of the tv. As he became more aware he realised that there was a weight pressed against his side. When he turned his head he was smacked in the face by a ball of hair and for a second he wasn’t sure what the hell was happening before he recognised the scent that lingered in it.

_ That’s Sansa’s hair. _

At that moment he realised that the weight against his side was Sansa and that they were laying on the couch, his arm around her back holding her to him. For a moment he allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of her close, relaxed against him in sleep. Like she was comfortable with him like this. Then he realised what was happening to him. What moments like this made him feel.

_ Shit. _

He needed to get out, he needed to leave before she woke up and caught him holding her like she was the only good thing in his life. He needed to leave before he had to face the rejection that she would inevitably give him. He wouldn’t stand it if she woke up and looked horrified to find him there.

She grunted in protest when he shifted out from beneath her, the noise terrified him just as much as it warmed his chest. Thankfully she didn’t wake up and he took care to not justle her too much. He couldn’t keep himself from watching her for a moment, before he shook himself out of his stupid daydreaming and put a blanket over her.

“Sandor…?” her voice came out sleepy and confused and he had to bite his lip to keep from cursing.

“I’m sorry.” Before she had a chance to ask him what was going on or what the hell he had been thinking for staying he hurried towards the door and like the coward he was he drove away on his bike without looking back.

_ How the hell am I supposed to face her in a few hours? _

* * *

Okay, it wasn’t so bad. Sansa had shown up with the other volunteer parents and had been busy setting everything up. She had just smiled and waved at him when their eyes had met and it had calmed his raw nerves some. He was still a coward though so he didn’t go up and greet her. Instead he had made himself busy with helping Brienne putting up schedules or whatever else she needed him to do.

By the time that the other teams started dropping in he was busy for real and he had just managed to wrangle 20 boys and girls into changing into their new uniforms, being very close to pulling his hair in the process and needed to step out before he lost his temper that a man he didn’t think he would see ever again walked up to him.

“Well well Clegane. I have to say that I was surprised when I was told that I could find you at a peewee hockey tournament.” Sandor glared down at Tyrion Lannister who didn’t seem in the least bothered by his angry glare. He just smiled up at him with his usual grin. “Yet here you are. You got a kid I don’t know about?”

For a split second Sandor was about to say that he had a kid on the team and two more in the stands but he caught himself. They weren’t his and they never would be. He needed to get real and get over himself.

“I’m a coach for a joined boys and girls team. They’re ten to eleven years old.” He answered instead without lessening his glare. “What the hell are you doing here? Are NHL scouts looking into peewee hockey now?”

Tyrion shrugged his shoulders but Sandor knew the man never did anything for no reason. He was a member of a prominent family in the NHL, his father owned a team where his brother had played for years. Tyrion had never been able to play himself but he had an eye for talent. He was widely known for having found and recruited some talented players to the Bruins, them being a rival team to his father’s was apparently one of his greatest motivations. Sandor wasn’t one to judge because he knew nothing about having a healthy family relationship.

“I am recruiting players for a charity game. 100% of the proceeds go to charity.” Sandor’s eyebrow shot up in surprises and Tyrion chuckled deeply. “I know how it sounds but it’s the truth. It’s for a good cause and it would be good publicity for you. We already have a few retired players who agreed to play. Like Oberyn Martell.”

Oberyn Martell had been known in the league as someone who was freakishly fast on the ice and that he played dirty. He had been in his fair scandals and Sandor understood then why Tyrion had approached him. He didn’t just want the best players, he wanted the ones who would draw attention. Even if it might not be for positive reasons, hockey was a physical and emotional sport and people loved to have someone to hate.

“I don’t play anymore.” What he wanted to say was that he wasn’t the same man anymore. He would never be able to act like The Hound now. His anger wasn’t there and he realised that he didn’t want to be that kind of player. As Tyrion watched him intently Sandor saw that his team was coming out of the changing room.

“I think you still want to play though. Think about it and let me know. The game is set for March but I need your response by the new year.” Tyrion gave him one last carefree smile as he handed him his card and before Sandor knew what he was doing he took it. “I look forward to hearing from you.”

_ Not fucking likely. _

Sandor was surprised when he realised that he did want to think about it, and even more so when he realised that he wanted to talk to the Starks about it. He wanted to know their opinion, have their advice. Was that what it was like depending on people? It felt both nerve racking and surprisingly good.

“Hey.” Sandor hurried up to Rickon who was sitting on his own in their booth, looking pensive. “You nervous?”

Rickon looked up at Sandor and shrugged. Somehow Sandor knew, just by that single look that something was bothering the kid, but he doubted it was nerves. Or at least not only that.

“Talk to me. What’s going on?” he prodded and the sigh that escaped the kids was so heavy that Sandor felt really worried.

“How much does it cost to rent a rink?” Sandor visibly flinched due to the unexpected question. He wasn’t even sure if he had heard him right.

“What?”

“How much does it cost to rent a rink? For like a day or half a day? Is it a lot?” Rickon’s brow furrowed in concern and Sandor sure as hell didn’t understand kids. Why was the kid thinking about that just minutes before he was going on the ice and play is first game? 

“Eh… I don’t know. Depends on the rink and day and time. Why do you ask? You want to rent a rink?” he asked because apparently being a coach and a friend also meant you cared about your players/friends even when they didn’t make any sense.

“We are looking at doing it, but not if it costs too much money,” Rickon gave Sandor a sad look and he put a large hand on the kid’s shoulder. “It’s for Sansa’s birthday.”

There was a skip in Sandor’s chest at the mention of her name, a skip that he pointedly ignored as he gave the kid a firm nod. He knew that whatever the kid needed he wanted to help with, if he could. Because it was the kid asking and because it was for Sansa. But he wasn’t going to dwell too much on that part of it or he’d risk losing his mind. He didn’t want to do that this close to a game.

“We’ll make it happen.” The grin that split the kid’s face had Sandor smiling just as big as he pulled the kid to his feet. “Now, get on the ice. We have a game to win.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Sansa's birthday. Will she be celebrated?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome and I can't tell you enough how much your support and kindness has meant to me. Especially this past week that has been a rough one.
> 
> So I am excited that I get to share another chapter with you guys. Have an amazing weekend!

“How could you leave your phone in the locker room? How many times have I told you to keep it in your jacket?” Sansa threw a glance at her youngest brother who only shrugged sheepishly in the passenger seat.

She was stressed enough already with Christmas only a few days away and she hadn’t finished all her gift shopping yet. It hadn’t helped that when Sandor had dropped Rickon at home after practice he hadn’t even come inside. She had wanted to invite him in for dinner but before she had realised he was there he had driven off. It felt like he was keeping her at a distance and she didn’t have the time or energy to try and analyze why that hurt the way that it did. And then to top everything off she had to take her brother back to the rink when he realised that he had forgotten his phone.

“Okay, run inside and get it.” Rickon hesitated as she parked outside the rink and that made her frown at him. “What?”

“I… I am not sure where I left it. Can you come with me and look?” he looked ashamed, his cheeks flushed red and she bit back an annoyed huff as she stepped out of the car.

Her stress and annoyance at having her errands delayed made her walk fast and Rickon had to struggle to keep up. She practically threw the door to the rink open and a startled cry escaped her lips when a loud collection of voice shouted: “Surprise!”

It took a few seconds for her heart rate to slow down enough for her to process what she was seeing. Her family was there, Arya and Bran looked pleased as punch to have scared her, and there were several of her friends from work there. There were yellow balloons everywhere and there were garlands hanging on the glass of the rink. It brought her mind back to one of her favorite birthday parties, she had been 12 and her dad had rented out the school rink and all of her friends and family had skated for hours before eating cake. She had loved every second of it. She couldn’t believe that her siblings had remembered and done this for her.

Standing a step away from the rest was Sandor. He gave her a small smile and she couldn’t keep herself from beaming at him. He didn’t have to say anything for her to know that he had helped her siblings with this. It was obvious to her.

“Happy Birthday!” as everyone took turns hugging her Sansa felt teary eyed and she felt light and happy.

“We have a snack table and we made a playlist with your favorite songs.” Rickon beamed at her as she pulled him in for a tight hug, a few tears escaping her eyes and making her youngest brother frown with concern. “Are you happy?”

“I am so happy, Ricky.” Arya came up to them then and handed Sansa her skates and she was surprised to notice that they had been sharpened. Another one of Sandor’s doing she imagined.

“Let’s get this show on the road.” Arya gave her a quick hug before she hurried over to the ice.

It wasn’t until she was tying on her skates with everyone getting on the ice with happy faces, that Sandor came up to her. He looked a little shy and uncertain, which he had done ever since they had spent the evening together two weeks ago. Since they had fallen asleep together on her couch and he had ran out of there like his ass was on fire while she was still disoriented from sleep.

She wasn’t sure what that had been about but she didn’t want to make him more uncomfortable then he already seemed to be since. Perhaps he was worried that she’d get the wrong idea? That she would think that it meant something it didn’t?

_ You did though. You thought it meant something. _

She made sure that her face showed none of the hurt that she had felt that he ran from her and smiled up at him. The unsure nerves that she saw in his eyes and the twitch of his lips made her smile a little wider, hoping to calm him.

“Eh… Happy birthday.” He sat down next to her and started tying his own skates with practiced efficiency. “They really put a lot of effort into all this. Arya will become a hardass boss one day.”

The warmth in his voice as he spoke of her siblings' efforts had tears well up in her eyes. This celebration was so unexpected and it was a bittersweet feeling to celebrate like this without her parents. She chose to focus on the fact that her siblings had wanted to celebrate her and had put in all of this effort. They could have just had the usual family dinner and she would have been happy, this was beyond anything she could have expected.

“You need a hand with tying your skates?” Sandor asked and she really didn’t but for some reason the fact that he offered had stupid butterflies errupting in stomach. She felt her cheeks flush as she nodded and when he took a knee in front of her she swallowed loudly. Even with him kneeling on the floor and her seated on the bench, his face was level with hers and he gave her a slight smile before bending his head down to look at his hands on her skates.

His hair fell forward and without thinking her hand darted forward and pushed it out of his face and behind his ear. She saw how he stiffened and with a furious blush she quickly pulled her hand back and tried to act like she hadn’t just touched him.

_ Oh God, keep it together Sansa. _

With a nervous clearing of his throat he stood to his full impressive height, that was enhanced by his skates and she did the same. She was so flustered that she almost lost her balance but Sandor’s hand was instantly there with a firm but gentle grip on her arm, steadying her. 

“You alright?” he asked concerned and she was pretty sure she was blushing all the way down her neck at this point.

“Yeah. It’s just been a while since I skated,” she offered as an excuse and her heart almost jumped out of her chest when his hand moved down her arm to grasp her hand.

“You can hold on to me, if you want.” For some reason there were no words left in her head. Not one single word popped up, causing her to stare at him like a fish out of water before she caught herself and nodded.

She didn’t really need to hold on to him, the logical part of her mind reminded her, as he gently helped her out onto the ice. But as his hand squeezed hers a little tighter before pulling her after him her heart told it to shut up.

Because Sandor was holding her hand, he was holding her hand in front of everyone and as he picked up speed and pulled her alongside him she couldn’t help but laugh. He smiled at her then and she wondered, not for the first time, how he had ended up in their life at a time when they needed him most?

“I figured that with how hockey crazed your family is that you at least knew how to skate,” Sandor said pulling her out of her thoughts and making her frown at him.

“I can skate,” she protested and the disbelieving smirk he gave her made her bristle.

“Yeah, there’s a difference between what you are doing right now and actually skating.” She knew he was teasing her and the glare she threw him was fake but the grin that followed was honest.

“Oh yeah?” He nodded and she pulled her hand out of his grasp and skated backwards away from him. “Let me know if this counts as skating.”

He looked at her wide-eyed as she gathered up momentum. Thankfully the rink was large enough that despite the people on it she had plenty of space. With a last glance at Sandor she found him where she had left him, staring at her and she smirked. Putting her focus on what she was about to do she emptied her mind and with a deep breath she spun around and then moved into a jumping camel spin. She then continued into a sitting spin and once she came out of it her eyes found Sandor. Now he was the one staring like a gaping fish and as the other’s applauded her she skated over to him with a pleased smile.

“Well?” His mouth snapped shut with a click and in the next second he gave her the biggest smile she had ever seen on him. It made her beam back at him and he shook his head with a soft chuckle.

“You played me.” She shrugged her shoulders at him which made him raise his eyebrow. The teasing gleam in his eyes made those stubborn butterflies remind her of their presence. “So you can skate. But what about speed?”

“I’d say I’m pretty fast, why?” The feral glint in his eyes should have tipped her off but all it did was spread warmth low in her stomach. That was the only reason why he suddenly lunging for her caught her off guard. With a screech she turned and tried to skate away from him. Despite his size he was ridiculously agile and fast on the ice and the fact that she was laughing like a maniac had her struggling with keeping distance between them.

The competitive part of her was disappointed with how fast he caught up with her but as his strong arms wrapped around her from behind she forgoed any attempts of breaking free and only laughed harder when he spun her around, lifting her skates off the ice.

Once they lost their momentum and her skates were back on the ice again he released her and she spun around to face him. His grey eyes were looking at her in a way she couldn’t read, as if they were trying to pry into her mind and she was relieved that they couldn’t because there was only a blubbering mess in there.

“You got me.” She flushed when she heard how breathless she sounded and for what felt like the millionth time she hated how her skin always revealed her emotional state as it flushed bright red.

“I… I do...?” He made it sound like a question and for some reason that made her blush even harder. She wasn’t sure how long they just stood there with her looking up at him but when he cleared his throat and looked away it felt like it had been a long time but still far too short.

“Sansa… I…” Before he had a chance to finish speaking Jeyne skated up to them and grabbed Sansa’ hand.

“Sansa, come on. We are making plans to take you out after this. We can’t decide if we should have sushi or tapas.” Jeyne gave her a pointed look that she couldn’t really decipher but the pull on her hand was insistent and Sansa felt torn between her friend and Sandor.

“Which do you prefer, Sandor?” Sansa asked in hopes of pulling the man into the conversation. Jeyne’s eyes widened in surprise before she schooled her face into a polite smile. Sansa recognised it as her customer service smile and somehow she felt Sandor could tell that it wasn’t genuine because he eyed the other woman wearily before turning his perceptive eyes to Sansa.

“Raw fish or tiny portions? Neither is really my thing but tapas can be meat and stuff right?” he said and when Sansa nodded he shrugged. “Then I guess that one.”

“Great. One vote for Tapas. Come on, let’s check with the others.” Jeyne practically dragged Sansa away then and she threw an apologetic look over her shoulder at Sandor but found that he had already turned his back and was skating towards her siblings.

_ What was he about to say? _

She never had a chance to find out because there were always other people around. If it wasn’t her friends from work it was her siblings. He didn’t seem upset though, thankfully. He actually smiled at her when their eyes met and that relieved her.

“Time for cake!” Bran called from where he was seated on an ice sleigh with Jojen pushing him across the ice.

When she had seen it she had almost cried again, because apparently she was an emotional mess most of the time. Bran had told her that Jojen had brought it and she couldn’t help but hug the boy tightly until Bran had given her a pleading look. Thankfully Jojen had taken her emotional outburst in stride and had only blushed slightly.

Everyone headed towards the booth when Arya brought the cake and as everyone sang for her Sansa did cry. It was happy tears and even though she wiped them away she knew that people had noticed. What surprised her was that she didn’t care that they had. So what if it was silly to cry because you were happy? At least she was happy. 

After they had all eaten a piece of the delicious Lemon Meringue Cake, Sansa’s absolute favorite, she was suddenly pulled over to a chair and had presents placed in her lap.

“You guys!” she exclaimed as she opened the gift card to a local spa that her coworkers had gotten her. Just the mere thought of a massage made her want to groan. The next one was a small package from her siblings. “You shouldn’t have.”

“You do a lot for us so just shut up and open it,” Arya snapped back and despite her harsh tone Sansa grinned at her little sister. And like the emotional mess she seemed to be now days she cried again when she saw the charm bracelet her siblings had gotten her. There was a wolf charm, a charm with two crossing hockey sticks, a hummingbird charm and a beautiful blue zircon heart charm.

“I picked the hockey stick one and Bran picked the hummingbird. Guess which one Arya picked?” Sansa wrapped Rickon in another firm hug as the boy smiled at her and Arya stuck out her tongue at him.

“Thank you guys so much.” She was smiling so big her cheeks hurt by the time her party was winding down.

“Okay, so we’ll all meet up at eight at Mama’s Tapas and then we’ll go out dancing,” Jeyne reminded Sansa as she hugged her goodbye.

“Sounds great.” She was really excited to have a night out with her friends. She was grateful that so many of her coworkers had showed up and that Harry hadn’t. He had acted professionally around her at work, or more or less ignored her, and she was fine with that. But she still didn’t want to be around him more than she had to.

Once everyone had headed out it was just her, her siblings and Sandor left. The latter had already started cleaning up, having taken down the banners and was now gathering the balloons. Sansa had put all the trash in a black trash bag and couldn’t help but giggle when Sandor walked towards her with a huge bouquet of bright yellow balloons.

“What’s so funny?” he asked with a grumble.

“You just look like the world's grumpiest balloon salesman.” He shook his head at her before he handed the balloons over to her.

“At least you didn’t call me a clown.” His teasing remark made her smile at him and he smiled back. “So, I hope you have fun with your friends later.”

“You’re not coming?” she couldn’t keep the disappointed frown off her face when he shook his head. “Why not?”

“It’s not really my scene. Besides, you’ll have more fun without me.” She felt like pushing him to explain what he meant by that but she knew him well enough to know that he would probably clam up so instead she placed a hand on his arm and gave him a serious look.

“I would really like you there but I don’t want you to do something that makes you uncomfortable.” She knew he didn’t drink and that he hadn’t minded when she had a drink in front of him but she didn’t know how he would feel if people around him were drinking. Maybe he was concerned with that part of it? She definitely wanted to be supportive in his effort of staying sober so she was careful not to guilt him into coming. “I expect you at our place next week for Christmas Dinner though. Unless you have other plans of course.”

_ Great job of assuming and demanding Sansa. Jeeze! _

He seemed confused by her change in topic but then another big smile, she couldn’t believe she got two in one day, split his face and he nodded.

“I do have plans. Apparently I am expected at the Starks’ place for dinner.” He laughed when she shoved his arm and he didn’t so much as move at all. “Hey, if you need a ride later, call me okay? You shouldn’t drive home if you’ve been drinking and you’re not taking the bus on your birthday.”

It was such a simple comment, a friendly one but it still meant so much to her and she wrapped her arms around him in a firm hug before she could talk herself out of it. When he instantly hugged her back she felt really good about herself and she even allowed herself to lean her cheek against his chest. There was a strong sense of comfort in his strength and warmth that was just so Sandor, to her. She couldn’t explain it any other way. It was just an unique feeling that only he could give her.

_ Don’t go there. Don’t fool yourself. It’s kindness. He’s being kind. _

“Thank you Sandor. For everything.” His only response was a grunt that she could feel rumble in his chest against her cheek. 

It might be the sangria as well as the company but Sansa had a wonderful evening. The girls and guys from work were a fun bunch, a mix of receptionists, paralegals and secretaries that she enjoyed getting to know better. Sansa hadn’t even missed her old friends from her life before because she wasn’t sure she was going to have anything in common with them now.

“So what was with that guy earlier?” Sasha, one of the paralegals, asked and Sansa frowned at the other woman over her glass of sangria. “You know, the one Jeyne saved you from?”

“Sandor?” Sansa asked confused and saw Jeyne nod affirmitly. “She didn’t save me from him. He’s a… friend.”

Her hesitation brought everyone else’s attention to her and she found herself blushing under their prodding looks. Jeyne was the one who looked most shocked.

“Wait, are you telling me that you prefer him over Harry?” The tone of disbelief in Jeyne’s question made Sansa's anger flare up and she took a sip of her drink before she spoke to make sure she didn’t blurt out something she’d regret.

“Do I prefer a caring, selfless, kind and funny man over a shallow, rude, assuming, one minded man? Yeah I sure do.” She didn’t want to dwell too much on what she had just said and what that meant in regards to her relationship to Sandor. That was something she had to make sense of some other time.

“I’m just saying, there is nothing wrong with having casual sex with someone. Harry is hot as hell,” Jeyne persisted and Sansa felt her face turn into a scowl when Jeyne wrinkled her nose in displeasure. “And I mean… those scars…”

The firm thud of Sansa’s hand hitting the table made Jeyne jump in surprise and thankfully she closed her mouth instead of continuing. Sansa took a moment and looked at her friend sternly, feeling everyone else’s surprised eyes on her.

“I think that you are a nice person Jeyne so I beg you to stop talking before you say something that will make me change my opinion.” Sansa tried to keep her voice level but the anger was there, making her voice tremble slightly. “You don’t judge someone you don’t know based on their appearance.”

A voice inside Sansa’s head tried to remind her that she had been like Jeyne before everything had happened. She had been shallow and only thinking about doing well in school and being liked. She had gone for the pretty boys too, even if she had focused on a serious relationship and not casual sex. But that was a different time, a different her. She knew better now, she knew that what mattered was your actions not how you appeared.

“Right, sorry. I guess what is important is that he’s a good guy.” The others nodded and Sansa didn’t want to let this spoil the rest of the evening so when the conversation moved on she let it. 

As they headed to a club and danced she started to come to the realisation that she did have feelings for Sandor. Beyond friendship, she was pretty sure that they were just going to keep growing. It terrified and excited her all at once and maybe it was the drink Patrick, the secretary, bought her but she was feeling more and more tempted to call him and tell him everything. She wasn’t sure what everything was but when she reached the bottom of the glass her phone was in her hand.

“Hello?” Sandor’s voice was so rough and slow with sleep that it sent a shiver through her. Was that how he would sound if she woke up next to him? She cringed when she realised that she hadn’t checked the time.

“Shit, sorry. Did I wake you?” She heard shuffling and a thud that was followed by a curse. “Sandor, are you okay?”

“Stubbed my toe. Fuck that hurts.” She couldn’t suppress a giggle and she didn’t really try to. “Such compassion and here I was on my way to pick you up. You can take the bus.”

“Sandor no!” she exclaimed to stop him from hanging up and was met with a deep-set chuckle.

“I was just teasing. So, you need me to come and get you?” Feeling suddenly sobered up by the prospect of actually facing Sandor she hesitated a bit too long. “Where are you?”

She knew that if she didn’t tell him then she would have to admit why she had called him in the first place so instead she gave him the name of the club and started saying goodbye to her coworkers. By the time she had on her coat and stepped out into the cold night his black truck was standing idle by the sidewalk. She had chosen pretty sparkly high heels because they went with her silver dress but now that she was faced with the freshly fallen snow, that was coming down heavily, she regretted her choice.

She hurried over to the car but by the time she was inside of it her toes were ice. She shivered as she threw her shoes off and put her feet underneath herself, hoping that the seat heater would warm them up. 

“Christ woman, why would you wear those shoes in the middle of fucking december?” Sandor scolded as he reached into the backseat and pulled out a big blanket that she happily wrapped around her lower body.

“They’re pretty,” she argued but was only met with a scoff.

“Nothing pretty about frostbite,” he bit back and she felt her cheeks go hot with embarrassment. “Put your feet against the heater, it will work faster.”

He tapped his finger against it before cranking the heat up to max and as her chilled feet were touched by the hot air she groaned happily. From the corner of her eye she could see his lip twitch and it made her smile down at her lap.

“You have a good night?” he asked and she was practically grinning at that point. Not only had he been kind enough to offer to drive her home, he had actually kept his promise without hesitation and now he, the quiet grump, was initiating conversation with her.

_ Stop it, drunk Sansa. Don’t read too much into it. _

“I did,” she answered truthfully while ignoring the cautionary voice in her head. “It was fun to hang out with my coworkers outside of work and get to know them a bit better. What did you do tonight?”

“Watched a game at Bronn’s place. He’s a Kings fan so that makes it kind of a pain to watch games with him but he makes good guacamole and doesn’t skimp on the snacks.” She liked this, this simple exchange of how their days went. It was something that she missed, having someone to talk to that she didn’t have to think about setting an example for. Just someone who listened and shared their own thoughts. A partner.

As he drove he told her more about Bronn and Sansa deduced that he was quite the scoundrel but in the best way and she hoped she’d get a chance to hang out with him outside of the games sometime. When she said as much to Sandor he looked surprised and then there was a millisecond where hurt seemed to flash in his eyes. Or had she imagined it?

“I could give you his number if you want,” he offered gruffly and that made Sansa frown. Why would she need his number? He was Sandor’s friend and if they were to hang out she assumed that he’d handle the planning.

_ Does he think I want to go out with Bronn? How the hell did he draw that conclusion? _

“I only meant that we all should get together sometime. Hang out. All three of us, or four if Bronn wants to bring someone.” She worried that she had accidentally revealed how she felt about Sandor then but he didn’t react at all to her words and a part of her was disappointed. Why couldn’t he just get it and act on it? 

_ Oh God, what if he does know and he’s not interested so he’s trying to spare my feelings? _

Mortification had her reaching for the door handle as soon as he had parked outside of her place but Sandor’s hand shot out and grasped hers before she could grab it.

“Hold on. I’ll help you.” She could only watch as he jumped out of the truck and hurried over to her side. When he opened the door he looked hesitantly up at her and her smile seemed to assure him because in the next second one of his arms were behind her back and the other under her knees. With her head still slightly tingling from the alcohol she had been drinking she laughed giddly as he carried her bridal style over to her front door.

_ Swoon worthy. That’s the perfect description of him right now. _

When he put her feet down on her doormat, that thankfully was still dry she took his hand. It was both because she missed the connection between them now that he had released her and partially because she wanted to keep him there so that he couldn’t run away when she started talking. What surprised her was that he was the one who started talking first.

“I didn’t want to give you your present in front of everyone and put you on the spot,” he said and his words made her chest beat frantically. He had gotten her a present?

“Sandor, you didn’t have to…” she tried to protest but he shook his head and gave her a stern look.

“Just shut up and take it.” Out if his jacket he pulled out an envelope and as she accepted it he took a big breath. “It’s a gift card. It’s with a tattoo artist called Osha, she’s the one who’s done my tattoos. The ones I don’t regret, that is. She is really talented, has won competitions and that kind of shit. It’s just a consultation, you don’t have to get one if you end up not wanting to, but I just figured you should have a shot at checking off another item on your bucket list.”

For what felt like the millionth time that day her eyes filled with tears and she threw her free arm around his neck, pressing herself flush against him. It was the most thoughtful gift and it made her chest swell with even more care for him. She knew that she had to tell him what she felt, even with the small off chance that he felt something too.

_ Be brave. _

“I just can’t thank you enough for this. And for everything you have done for my family. My siblings adore you and you have gone above and beyond to show how much you care.” He ducked his head down at her words and she had expected it. He was humble and didn’t seem to see what he was doing for them as a big deal when it was huge. She just wanted him to listen and not having his intense eyes on her actually made her less nervous. “I mean, even today, with my birthday party you helped them. It means the world to them. It means the world to me. And I…”

“I did all those things because I care about them.” He interjected firmly and she squeezed his hand in reassurance, trying to silently tell him that she knew that. Her chest fluttered when his grey eyes dared up to meet hers. There was an uncertainty in them that she wasn’t sure what to think of. What made him look as if he was dreading her reaction to such sweet words? “There isn’t like an ulterior motive or anything. I’m not trying to use them to get to you.”

She wasn’t sure why his words stung the way they did. It wasn’t as if she wanted him to be using her siblings to get to her because that would be horrible. She was happy and grateful that he cared as much as he did. That he cared about her siblings. It just sounded like he was trying to be clear that he didn’t care about her in a certain way and it felt like a rejection even though they had never gotten to the part where he actually could reject her.

_ God, you are just a silly little girl to him. Get over yourself. _

“I know that.” The words came out sharp as she tried to tug her hand out of his but his grip was too strong.

“Good. I just wanted to be clear.” She nodded, feeling as if she had understood his meaning perfectly and forced herself to smile up at him. He didn’t have any romantic feelings for her and thankfully he had stopped her before she could admit hers and make a fool of herself.

“It’s crystal. I better head inside. Thank you again Sandor. You are a good friend.” This time when she tried to tug her hand out of his grip he released it and the emptiness that spread through her at the lost connection made her chest clench painfully. She forced herself not to show it though, schooling her face into a polite smile before closing the door behind her.

She found herself being stared at by another pair of grey eyes and the scowl on her sister’s face was almost as impressive as Sandor’s could be at times.

“What did you do outside for so long?” she asked angrily and Sansa felt in no mood to deal with her sister’s temper. Instead she walked over to the sink and got herself a glass of water, hoping to avoid a headache tomorrow. “Are you going to answer me?”

“We were just talking Arya.” Sansa really didn’t feel like sharing the conversation she had just had with Sandor with her younger sister. Arya would probably find her stupid and silly for starting to harbour some type of feelings for the man that had been kind to them.

“About?” the persistence of her sister made Sansa roll her eyes but as soon as she did she realised what a mistake it was. She could see the anger fuming inside of Arya and took a deep breath to steady herself.

“That’s between me and Sandor don’t you think?” With an affronted huff Arya stood and leaned against the wall opposite from Sansa. There was a challenge in her stance as well as her glare.

“Don’t you dare ruin this.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sansa bit out defensively and Arya responded by crossing her arms over her chest. Sansa did not appreciate the flippant attitude as her sister scoffed derisively.

“This, Sandor, is one of the best things that we have right now. All of us. So don’t you dare ruin it by pushing him away.” Arya’s words made Sansa frown in confusion. How could she ruin it? Sure, she might have been a little hostile in the beginning but that wasn’t the case anymore. Far from it.

“I have been nice to him, I’ve thanked him several times for all he is doing. I even consider him a friend,” Sansa protested and a part of her wanted to snap at Arya, wanted to tell her to leave her and this alone. But she knew she had to be the grown up in this relationship.

“Yeah and when you reject him he’ll go away and you will have ruined it.”

Sansa’s eyes widened in shock at Arya’s words and she realised that she was gaping at her sister with her mouth wide open.

_ When I reject him? _

“Reject him how?” she asked and Arya looked at her like she was stupid and in that moment she felt it.

“You have got to be kidding me right?” The sigh Arya released was a masterful one, heavy and disgusted, proving how much of a teenager she was. “He acts like a fucking fool around you. And he gets this look on his face when he sees you. It’s sickening.”

_ What? Around me? What look? _

There was a fluttering in her chest and it caused a warmth to spread through her and she struggled with fighting a smile from splitting her face.

“Ew. You’ve got the same look.” With an angry huff Arya stormed off towards her bedroom, leaving her sister in the kitchen trying to process what her sister had just revealed.

_ He likes me? But he just said… _

She then remembered his words, that he wanted her to know that he wasn’t using her siblings to get closer to her. He never said that he didn’t want to get close to her. But before she had a chance to get excited over that fact she remembered the look on her sister’s face. She had been angry and defensive of Sandor because she was sure that Sansa would reject or hurt him. And that if that happened he’d disappear. 

Would he really? Would he leave and her siblings would lose another person that they cared about and leaned on? It might not be because of her rejection. What if something did happen between them and what if it didn’t work out, would he leave then?

She honestly wasn’t sure but the mere possibility of it replaced the warmth in her chest with cold. Icing cold and she recognised what it was instantly. Fear.

She couldn’t risk hurting her family. They had only known Sandor for a short time but he was already so important to them. He had been the biggest difference in their family going from surviving to actually living and she wasn’t sure how losing him would affect them. Her siblings came first. They always would.

That didn’t mean that they couldn’t be friends though, did it? Or that it wouldn’t be alright for her to lean on him and him on her? That is what friends were for, weren’t they? She was pretty sure that what she was feeling towards the man was a lot more than friendship but she couldn’t put that ahead of her family’s needs. She couldn’t be selfish just because he made her feel something she hadn’t felt before.

_ Then why does the thought of only being his friend make my stomach feel like it’s made of lead? _

With a shake of her head Sansa headed towards her bedroom, hoping that a good night's sleep could calm the edge of the strange place this day had ended. Before she reached her bedroom however her phone rang and for a split second she really hoped that it was Sandor despite him just leaving.

_ Just thinking about him makes me all giddy. _

All hints of happiness transformed into a ball of anxiety as she read the name on her phone screen and she forced herself to sound calm when she answered it.

“Happy birthday!” He shouted out the second she answered and she felt eyes well up in her eyes because of how happy he sounded. She felt so torn, like she always did when he called. She was happy for him, of course she was, but it also hurt her that he could be.

“Hi Robb.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened with Robb?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Here is another chapter where some question's hopefully are answered. I am really nervous as well as excited to know what you think of this chapter. Please let me know!
> 
> I hope you guys have an awesome Thursday and a great weekend!

Sansa wasn’t sure why she was doing this and why it felt as if she was doing something wrong when all she was doing was skyping with her older brother. Perhaps it was the secrecy of it, how she had chosen a time where none of her other siblings would be home. Bran was with Sandor climbing, Arya was at practice and Rickon was at a friend's house for a few hours. A part of her wanted to argue that it was wrong of her to keep this from her siblings but she couldn’t bare for them to know and get their hopes broken when nothing came of it.

She took a shaky breath as she settled into the kitchen chair and started the call on her computer. It only took a few seconds and then the smiling face of her older brother hit her like a freight train and her eyes instantly watered.

He had grown a beard and it made him look older and more mature. Had it not been for the blue eyes they shared she might not have thought she was looking at the same person. It was more than just his appearance though. He looked calmer and his eyes were focused, present. The faded memory of his sunken red eyes and pale skin was hard to reconcile with this healthy, happier looking man on her screen.

“Hi Sans.” The deep affection in his voice and the crooked smile he offered made her want to spill the tears she was fighting but she knew she needed to be strong. For herself and for her siblings.

“Hi Robb.” She felt hesitant, unsure as to why he had asked for them to talk. He rarely called and whenever that happened it was usually a short phone call. The last one had been months before so the call on her birthday had caught her off guard. So she waited for him to start talking, keeping her face passive as to not give a way her feelings.

It was hard seeing him like this when it had been almost a year and a half since she had actually seen him. He looked so different, like an older version of the boy he was before they had lost their parents. And not the broken shell that had been tormenting her thoughts. She was relieved that he looked well yet the familiar anger that she felt towards him lingered.

“I… I wanted to start by saying that I’m sorry.” She had to bite her lip to keep herself from scoffing at his words. He was sorry? She felt anger well up inside of her and she was tired of fighting her own emotions. It was all she ever did. Or at least it felt like she always had to. 

“What for exactly?” she spit out and was surprised that he didn’t seem taken aback by her hostile tone. Instead he gave her a soft smile that only fueled her anger more. During those previous short phone calls he had never once apologised so the fact that he did now took her of guard.

“Everything.” At that she did scoff because that was such a cop-out. It felt like a half-ass apology and she couldn’t stand the fact that he thought it would be enough. That she would accept that and forgive him. She couldn't because the words he had spoken still lingered in her mind, making her doubt herself. They were etched in and they were never going to disappear.

The old Sansa, the one before all of this, would have accepted his apology and tried to move on. Because that Sansa had shied away from conflict and always desperately wanted to get along with people, having them like her even if it meant she had to push away her own feelings. She wasn’t that Sansa anymore. And that was partly his fault.

“I don’t know Robb. You did a lot of shitty things. I am going to need you to be specific. Are you apologising for telling me that there was no point in fighting for our siblings? Or for telling the lawyers that I was a stupid naive little girl that was trying to play house and our siblings were better of in foster care then with me?!” She hadn’t realised that she was shouting until she saw the way he flinched. She was too absorbed in the way it still hurt to care about the level of noise she was making. “Or for leaving us?!”

She could see the anger well up in his face and it reminded her of her father. This quiet anger that built slowly, the way his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed and it almost made her feel like a little girl again.

_ No. I am not a little girl. I am a strong woman. He can’t make me feel like that anymore. _

“You were the one who told me to leave!” He shouted back but she didn’t flinch, she didn’t budge as she stared him down. “I told you so many times that I couldn’t do it! That I couldn’t take care of them. I could barely take care of myself. But you didn’t want to listen! You just kept telling me that I had to!”

“I didn’t think you would leave! I wanted you to fight for us, with us!” She was crying now but it was angry tears and the way his eyes widened and his face paled showed her how affected he was by it. “You were my older brother, you were supposed to be there for me. Help me. Instead you kept telling me what a mistake I was making. That I was ruining my life and theirs. And the first chance you had at getting out you took it.”

“Sansa… I was hurting. I was in such a bad place.” She furiusly wiped her cheeks, trying to get rid of the tears because she was done with feeling vulnerable because of him. She knew what he thought of her and a part of her knew he was right. She had been a stupid girl trying to play house, but she had done it to keep her family together. She had just not been able to keep everyone together.

“Don’t you think I knew that? Don’t you think I knew that you were crying in the shower or that you couldn’t sleep?” The guilt clenched her heart as she remembered how she had put her headphones in hopes of drowning out the sound of him crying and getting drunk in the other room. His blue eyes, so similar to hers were blown wide in shock and she couldn’t bare to look at him. “I was hurting too. But I pushed that aside for our brothers and sister. They had to come first but you put yourself first.”

She hadn’t been able to deal with her older brother hurting. She hadn’t known how to handle him being so broken when he was supposed to be her rock. He was the oldest, the strongest and yet he was breaking. And she had pretended like she didn’t see it. Like the way he had gotten more and more pulled back, quiet, wasn’t something unusual. Had pretended that she didn’t notice that he spent most of his night drinking himself into a stupor. Or acting like it was perfectly fine for him to spend a whole day in bed instead of coming with her to the lawyers. 

She knew why she had done it. She knew she had tried to protect herself, told herself that everything would be fine once they were all together again. But that hadn’t happened. Instead she had ignored Robb’s pain until she needed him. She had forced him into the lawyers office to get him to sign the petition for custody and he had a meltdown. He had screamed and raged and told her that she was stupid and that they were better off without her. She had been so hurt and angry that she had told him to leave if he couldn’t support this. That she didn’t want him around their siblings if he was only thinking about himself. Never had she thought that he was going to do just that. She thought that he would have realised his mistakes and that he would step up.

When she came home that evening his room was empty and he was gone without a word. The worst part, that had her sobbing herself to sleep for weeks, wasn’t that he had left. It was because she was relieved that he had. She had been relieved that there was one less person depending on her now. That her burden had lessened so considerably because she wouldn’t have to take care of him too. The relief had been mixed with guilt but she hadn’t regretted it. Because she knew that if he had stayed she would have been the one who cracked.

_ I am a horrible person. _

“I know. I’m sorry.” His voice trembled with unshed tears and it made her anger fizzle out and she felt so tired. Emotionally tired as she looked at her brother’s face that was twisted in hurt and she felt torn between her anger and wanting to comfort him. “I’ve gotten help and I am taking medication to deal with my depression. I am getting better.”

“That’s good.” He wiped at his cheeks and she felt calmer. As if letting her feelings out after having kept them bottled in had somehow made them easier to bare. They hadn’t gone away but the pain wasn’t as acute.

The smile she gave him then was small but genuine. She was happy for him, relieved that he had managed to do that for himself. And on a selfish level it eased her guilt somewhat. She had been terrified that he had decided to hurt himself when he left and it wasn’t until he had sent a text a few days later that she had been able to relax somewhat. She still remembered the mix of relief and anger she had felt when she had read that he needed time to deal with things and that he couldn’t do this with her. That he needed time for himself and that he would be in touch.

She hadn’t even responded to the message because there was nothing to say to that. It was final and she knew he wasn’t going to come back. Calling every few months to check in for a few minutes didn’t count and she knew he only did it to ease his own guilty conscious. This call felt different though.

“I’m back at school too. I transfered to Volantis City University and I have a year left. But at least it’s a start.” There was a surge of jealousy in her chest that she couldn’t ignore. She knew he had left the country, he had told her as much during a phone call but he hadn’t talked about wanting to go back to school. It stung, knowing that he was doing something that she had given up on.

“Honey?” A soft female voice, with an accent Sansa could only assume was Volantian, called out and Robb’s attention was pulled to something behind the screen and his face split into a huge smile. Another sting had Sansa rubbing the spot above her heart and she had to steel herself for what she knew was coming.

“I’m in here, Talisa. I’m talking to my sister.” A beautiful dark haired woman stepped into view and as she pressed a soft kiss against Robb’s lips Sansa had to look away. “Sansa, this is Talisa, my fiance.”

Sansa felt as if she was slowly leaving her body or maybe she was passing out because his voice suddenly sounded far away and everything was out of focus. He was getting married?

Her brother was happy and in love. While she pushed aside her feelings for Sandor because she was terrified of them all losing him. Why did she, who had done the right thing, who had been selfless and put others first, never get what she wanted? Why did Robb, who had put himself first and left them, get everything?

Sansa didn’t say that though. Instead she forced a polite smile on her face that the other woman returned, although hers seemed more genuine. When the woman spoke softly with Robb and then left the room Sansa felt like she could breathe again.

“So… there is another thing that I wanted to talk to you about. We are getting married this summer here in Volantis. I would really like for you all to be there.” Robb gave her a pleading look and she felt her stomach drop.

He wanted them to drop everything and come to his wedding? That was what this call was about? After his absence he wanted to pretend that they were one big happy family for the benefit of him and his fiance? A sense of dread settled in her stomach because she knew that if they did she would have to admit to her siblings how she had pushed Robb away. She hadn’t told them about what they had gone through. She had been selfish and only told them that he couldn’t handle all of this and that he had left. She had made him out to be the bad guy because it had made it easier for her and if she told them about this call they would ask questions. And she would have to tell them the truth. She knew that they would hate her then, thinking that she had made him leave. A part of her believed that she had and she was terrified of what they would think of her once they knew.

“No.” The word escaped her in a pained whisper and his eyes widened in surprise.

“I would pay for the tickets and you can all stay with us. It would mean the world to me to have you here.” There was a pleading tone in his voice that matched the look on his face but she could only shake her head. She saw his eyes fill with tears and she had to close her own when they burned at the sight. “Sansa, please.”

“No.” With a shuddered breath she felt her tears start to fall and she firmly shut her laptop, ending their call. She tried to make herself breath but every attempt made her throat feel thick and raw and she knew she needed to calm down before everyone came home.

She whimpered when she heard the front door open and desperately tried to wipe her cheeks to hide that she had been crying. She was pretty sure there was no use though. She felt like a complete mess and was pretty sure that she looked like one too.

“Here, I got it on video this time.” The sound Sandor’’s deep voice made Sansa want to run to him and throw herself in his arms. She wanted the comfort his embrace brought her and she knew that he’d take one look at her and he would know something was wrong. She was terrified that if he did ask her what was wrong she would tell him everything. And he would know how selfish she was and never look at her the same.

“Holy shit Bran, that’s so cool.” Arya sounded so happy and to Sansa it was a brutal reminder that she couldn’t just run up and wrap her arms around Sandor. She knew what that would mean to her sister and Sansa couldn’t bare doing something that would hurt or scare her.

Instead she took a deep breath and walked right past them where they were all gathered in the hallway and kept walking towards her bedroom without looking at them.

“Sansa?” Bran’s concerned voice made her sniffle. Her younger brother was too perceptive and he must have noticed how she pointedly kept her face away from them.

“I am going to bed. I don’t feel so good.” She called back and when she closed the door behind her she practically threw herself in her bed. It felt like she had regressed into her teenage self when she buried her face in her pillow and wept. 

She was jolted awake by a firm knock on her door and before she had even sat up Arya strode into the room with a determined look on her face. There was a tray in her hand that she carefully placed on the small bedside table. Sansa dragged her hands through her hair and her fingers got caught on the knots in her hair, making her hiss.

“Are you hungry?” Arya asked and Sansa felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

“I am sorry I forgot to make dinner.” 

“It’s fine. I made grilled cheese and tomato soup. It’s canned soup so it’s not as good as yours thought.” Arya gave a slight shrug but Sansa beamed at her sister and wrapped her arms around her. Arya huffed in surprise when Sansa squeezed her tightly and even though Arya only hugged her back tentatively it still felt nice being hugged. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just been a rough day.” It wasn’t a lie, Sansa convinced herself. It had been a rough day, she just chose not to go into details as to why. “I got a bit overwhelmed. It’s just hard sometimes.”

Arya gave her a long analyzing stare and to Sansa it felt like she was staring into her soul, trying to pull out her deepest and darkest secrets. It terrified her to think that somehow Arya knew and that she was going to call her out on everything. Therefore the words that did leave her sister’s mouth took her completely off guard.

“You’re in love with him aren’t you?” Arya’s words made Sansa almost drop the grilled cheese she had picked off the plate.

“What?” she hissed out and turned her head towards the bedroom door that was slightly open. 

“Don’t worry. He left shortly after dropping off Bran,” Arya assured her. Sansa felt as if her heart rate was a mile a minute as she opened her mouth to deny her sister’s claim.

Instead she found herself thinking of Sandor and the tug in her heart was so strong that she couldn’t make her mouth form her denial. What was the point? Arya was too perceptive and had already figured it out before Sansa had.

Sansa turned her head and looked at her sister. What was she supposed to say? That she was at least on her way to being in love with him? That she felt that she was falling a little further every time she spent time with him but that she knew she couldn’t be with him? That she knew that she and her sister both had the same fear of Sansa messing it up and that could mean that they would lose him? What was the point?

“Okay.” Arya gave a curt nod that had Sansa frowning. What was okay?

“What?” she asked and Arya sighed.

“Just try to not fuck it up.” The pointed look Arya gave her made Sansa blush. Was she really saying what Sansa thought she was saying? That she thought that Sansa should go for it with Sandor? Where did this sudden change of opinion come from?

_ Can I take the chance? What if I do mess it up? What if I don’t? _

Her mind pushed the conversation with Robb into the forefront. If he got to be happy then why couldn’t she? She deserved to be happy. She deserved to think about what she wanted and if she had the chance at having happiness why should she deny herself?

“I won’t.” She promised Arya who nodded solemnly in response before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. 

There was still hurt and pain in Sansa’s chest but there, pushing through into her heart was a small tingling feeling. Hope.

* * *

Having made up her mind on the whole thing with Sandor, knowing that she was going to see if what was developing between them could be something more, didn’t just magicly make it happen. It was a scary thing trying to picture what to say to him. Or should she just kiss him? What if Arya had been wrong and it would all make it terribly awkward?

As she pushed her way through the rest of the people who were doing their last minute christmas shopping her mind wandered to Sandor, as it had tended to do in these last two weeks. She hadn’t technically seen him since the time he had carried her from his car to her door. Her heart still did somersaults whenever she thought of the way he had held her like she was something precious.

On her way to the bookstore to get the book Bran had wished for she passed a jewelry store and she could have sworn she saw Sandor at the check out. For no particular reason she might have lingered outside of it and when the door opened and he walked out she accidentally stepped into his path.

_ God I am sad and desperate. _

His face filled with dread for a second and it made her heart sink but then she saw how he quickly hid the bag in his hand behind his back and it brought air into her heart again. Had he been buying something for her?

“Hey. You doing some last minute Christmas shopping too?” she asked and was impressed with how casual she sounded when her stomach was in knots.

“Eh… No, just browsing…” She could have sworn that there was a slight pink tint to his cheeks, the little of it that she could see for his beard. She was about to ask what he got in his bag then but she stopped herself. Not only would it be rude and intrusive, but what if he told her it was for someone else? The mere thought of that being the case made her want to run but before she could make up an excuse to leave he smiled at her and it was such a soft smile that her feet felt rooted to the spot.

“Are you still coming over for dinner on Christmas Day?” she asked and tried not to show how anxious she was over his answer. It didn’t help that he still looked at her so softly that she had to fight the urge to hug him.

_ He gives the best hugs. _

“If the invitation is still open, then yes.” She might look stupid with how big of a smile she gave him but he didn’t seem to think so. Instead his own smile widened and her heart was beating so hard in her chest that it distracted her from speaking.

She wasn’t sure how long they just stood there staring at each other but the moment solidified her feelings, she was very close to falling in love with him. How could she not be? He was so kind, selfless, warm and caring. The moment also gave her some confidence in his feelings because it felt like his grey eyes were telling her a million times over how amazing she was. She couldn’t remember ever having anyone else looking at her like that and she figured that it was because that look was pure Sandor. It wasn’t just the look but the person giving the look that made her feel so special.

Their moment was broken when a stressed shopper bumped her mountain of bags into Sansa, causing her to stumble. In an instant Sandor’s large hand was there, wrapping around her arm and steading her before she could take a tumble to the floor. The warm touch sent another wave of butterflies into her stomach and she couldn’t keep from leaning into it.

Once she realised what she was doing she flushed bright red and took a step back and it made him pull his hand back. It was almost pathetic how much she missed his touch once it was gone and she knew she had to leave before she made a fool of herself.

“We’re expecting you at 2 oclock then, bye,” she said with a small smile and when he nodded silently she turned around and hurried into the bookstore.

As she tried to slow the racing of her heart she couldn’t help but smile. Christmas Day, it gave her a few days to try and decide how to talk to him about them. She was both terrified and excited to finally take a step forward, towards him, instead of trodding the same space over and over only to be pushed backwards. She wanted something more with Sandor and she could only hope that she wasn’t wrong in thinking that he did too. Now she just needed to blow him away so that there was no way he wouldn’t want her.

Having bought the book for Bran she left the bookstore with a big smile as she hurried towards the shop next door.

_ I am gonna need a new dress. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I just couldn't leave everything on the sad note with Robb so I had to put in some small fluffish encounter with Sandor. I hope it didn't give you too much of a whiplash ;)


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Day. How will Sandor handle his first celebration in years?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> So I am so super duper excited for you guys to read this. So I am eagerly awaiting you guys thoughts!
> 
> Also - if you want to see Sansa's killer dress I posted a photo on tumblr that was my inspiration.   
I haven't figured out how to make the link work but here it is: 
> 
> https://islandida.tumblr.com/post/611429379784982528/doing-the-best-we-can-chapter-fourteen-its

Sandor’s stomach was in knots as he parked his truck and got the bag of gifts from the back. He hadn’t celebrated Christmas in years and he wasn’t sure what to expect from this one with the Starks. The fact that they had included him in a family holiday meant a lot and he was terrified of messing it up.

Bronn had laughed at him when he had tried talking about how nervous he was, Sandor should have expected nothing less from that asshole, but he then had told Sandor to just make an effort to treat it like a special day. Whatever the hell that meant. He had trimmed his beard and had even ironed the dark green shirt he had bought for the occasion. He felt fucking ridiciously nervous and tried to shake himself out of that mindset. It was just going to be them anyway, he had dinner with them plenty of times.

As he walked up to their apartment door he was flooded with memories of one of the last times he had been there, carrying Sansa in his arms. It had felt so natural then, just holding her like that and the way she had giggled and then held his hand had given him the courage to try and tell her how he felt.

Her rejection still stung. He would never forget the uncomfortable look on her face as she yanked her hand out of his and had called him her friend.

_ Point fucking taken. _

For a while after he had worried that he had fucked everything up, that she wouldn’t want him around. Since there was a break and no hockey games during that time there was no casual way to meet her and see how she acted around him. He would hate if he made her uncomfortable now but then he had ran into her at the shopping mall, nearly getting caught buying her present, and she had acted perfectly normal. Like it had been no big deal that he had held her like that, like they were just friends and she had yet again invited him to their Christmas Dinner and he knew there was no way in hell that he would tell her no.

As he reached the door it flung open and Bran greeted him with a big smile.

“Merry Christmas Sandor!” the boy said and for the moment Sandor’s concerns as to where he stood with Sansa left his mind.

“Merry Christmas Bran.” He let the boy lead him inside and found Arya and Rickon setting the table. There was a beautiful centrepiece of what looked like spruce decorated with ornaments and red bows. He noticed that the whole apartment was decorated with Santas and ornaments and by the couch stood a large Christmas tree. It was full of candy canes and what looked like homemade ornaments mixed with colorful glass balls. And a fuckload of tinsel.

_ How did they get that big ass tree in here? Why didn’t Sansa ask me to help her? _

“There’s some mulled wine on the stove. Non-alcoholic.” Sansa’s voice came from behind him and as he whirled around his breath caught in his throat.

She was a gorgeous vision in a deep red velvet dress that hugged every curve and reached just above her knees. It left her shoulders and a lot of her upper chest bare. He had to fight the urge to reach out and caress the exposed pale skin. It would probably be softer than the fabric of her dress. Her hair fell in soft curls and what wouldn’t he do to be able to run his fingers in those fiery curls.

_ Holy hell _. She was so gorgeous he completely lost the ability to breath or think of anything but her. She blushed as he stared and it made him take a step back, reminding himself that he should try to not make her uncomfortable. 

“Don’t, it tastes awful,” Rickon interjected as he pulled at the red tie he was wearing. Sandor turned his head to smile at the kid in his white shirt, black pants and tie. His older brother wore a similar outfit and even Arya had dressed up. She was wearing black pants and a deep green blouse and Sandor’s eyes narrowed when he noticed the delicate makeup. What happened to the smudgy eyes?

_ Fuck, is she growing up already? _

Sandor wasn’t that surprised to see Gendry there as well, wearing a white shirt and black jeans and looking slightly uncomfortable. Maybe it was Sandor’s presence that did it but Sandor was actually happy to see Gendry there. He knew that he wasn’t that close with his foster family and the Starks were great people. He couldn’t blame Gendry for wanting to do the same thing that he wanted, be around them. To hopefully calm the guy’s nerves Sandor gave him a nod and a slight smile which he returned and then continued to help set the table.

“I will brave it,” Sandor said with a wink at Rickon and when he walked over to the stove Sansa followed. She gave him a small shy smile as she poured cups of the drink for both of them. The warm beverage settled the nervous fluttering in his stomach and he managed to give her a small smile in return.

She was standing so close that their arms pressed together and when he was able to breath again he inhaled her perfume. It was soft and citrusy and he had to bite his tongue to distract him from wanting to press his face against the skin of her neck and inhale. She was looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes, as if she was trying to read his mind and he couldn’t stop himself from looking back.

“You look beautiful.” As soon as the words left his mouth he felt his cheeks grow hot, not only because of the warm drink. Shit, why did he say it like that? All breathless and amazed.

_ Friends give each other compliments, don’t they? Friends don’t drool over their friends though. Get it together, man. _

“Thank you. You look very handsome.” He wanted to scoff at her, tell her that she didn’t have to lie but with how she blushed and turned her eyes down at the glass in her hand made him hesitate. Why couldn’t he just let it be, she was just trying to be nice after all.

After that there was a lingering silence and Sandor couldn’t make himself look away from her even though he knew he should. She had painted her lips red and the colour drew his eyes there every few seconds and it made him terrified that she would be able to tell what he was thinking.

_ She’s so fucking beautiful. _

“Did you bring presents?” Arya’s voice cut through the tension and Sandor turned his head towards the girl, grateful for the distraction.

“Greedy are you?” he teased and then nodded towards the bag by the door.

“Shut up. Sansa said we had to wait for you before we started handing out presents. Rickon has been driving me insane.” Rickon threw a sheepish grin at his sister who stuck out her tongue at him and that made Sandor feel relieved. Arya wasn’t completely done with being a kid it seemed, thank fuck.

“Can we hand out the presents now then?” Bran asked and Sansa nodded with a soft smile, as if she knew that there was no point in postponing the inevitable. Sandor could only laugh when Rickon grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the couch. His cheeks flushed again when Sansa sat down next to him, despite the rest of the couch being empty.

_ Maybe she isn’t that uncomfortable with me. _

The kids handed out the presents in rapid succession. There weren’t that many but plenty enough in Sandor’s opinion. At the foster homes they had all gotten one present each and it was always practical things, like new outerwear or something. So it warmed his heart to see that the siblings had gotten each other presents. Even Gendry got a present from the Starks and one from Arya. Gendry looked a little overwhelmed but the smile he gave them, when he held up the book weaponry history the Starks had given him, was bright and happy. Arya’s gift was a t-shirt with a bull’s head on it and he grinned like it was the best gift ever. Sandor had to bite his lip to fight a smile when Arya opened her gift from Gendry and it was a pendant in the shape of a wolf’s head.

_ What is it with them and animal heads? _

“This is for Sandor. From Arya,” Rickon read and with wide eyed surprise Sandor accepted the wrapped box. “And this one is from Bran. And this one is from me.”

Hot tears started stinging in Sandor’s eyes but he pushed them back and focused on watching the kids as they opened the gifts he had gotten them. He realised that he was both anxious and nervous, fuck he hoped they liked them.

“Wow!” Rickon exclaimed as he held up the inline skates Sandor had gotten him. “Thank you Sandor.”

“You can use them during the off season to practice your skating,” he offered as he felt Sansa’s eyes on him, as if she was trying to read his mind again. “It’s pretty fun. I have a pair too, so we can skate whenever you want.”

Arya’s eyes seemed to be filled with tears as she opened her gift and for a moment he was terrified that he had messed up. He felt the need to explain what he had been thinking before she had a chance to reject it.

“It’s an easel. I also got you spray paints and regular paints. I figured you should put your talent into something other than vandalism.” The shove she gave him warmed him as much as a hug would have from the others. Because with it came a trembling smile and he had to take a sip of his drink to clear his throat from the emotions that threatened to choke him.

Bran took one look at the content of his present and rewarded him with a big smile. He had remembered Jojen and Bran talking about this new thing in gaming, VR, and had gotten him a headset or glasses or whatever it was called.

“Sandor, that’s really expensive.” Sansa’s whispered words against his ear had goosebumps erupting on his skin but he pointedly ignored it as well as her words. They all deserved everything and more, in his opinion.

“Aren’t you going to open your presents?” Rickon asked and Sandor had almost hoped that they had forgotten about that. He was scared of becoming an emotional mess and he didn’t want them to see him like that. He figured there was no way to postpone it further so he quickly unwrapped them, hoping that speed would keep him from breaking.

There was a book from Bran, the first of a historic fantasy series that the boy had raved about and Sandor found himself excited to read it. If only to have another thing to talk to Bran about. From Rickon there was a black and green braided leather wristband that he immediately put on.

“It’s our team’s colours.” Sandor couldn’t push words through his clogged throat so he only nodded as he ruffled the kids hair, which made the kid pull back with a mock annoyed huff.

The next gift was from Arya and it was a graphite sketch of an amazingly real life looking wolf with piercing yellow eyes. She had framed it and he knew just the right place for it in his office. For a moment he contemplated having it tattooed but he would have to let that idea settle before he did something rash.

“It’s fucking amazing Arya.” His voice sounded raw and emotional and he figured that was the reason why Sansa didn’t shide him for his language. Arya gave him a small smile before Rickon pulled his attention towards him.

“Didn’t you get a present for Sansa?” The kid looked at Sandor as if he had messed up big time and it was strange to Sandor. What was that glare for?

“Rickon. It’s alright really. He didn’t have to and he knows that,” Sansa offered with a polite smile and Sandor shook his head.

“Check the bag again Rick.” The kid did and with a triumphant exclamation he pulled out a small neatly wrapped gift and read the card attached to it.

“To Sansa from Sandor.” She blushed bright red as she accepted the gift and now there was another wave of anxiety rushing through him as she slowly opened it. Why the hell did she have to take so long? Once she finally had the box opened she gasped and he noticed that tears were welling up in her eyes.

_ Had he fucked up that badly? _

“They’re beautiful. Thank you so much Sandor.” He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the genuine happiness on her face and she offered her wrist out to him. He hadn’t noticed that she was wearing her charm bracelet and he felt like a clumsy fool as his large fingers tried to fasten the two new small charms on it. Once he was done he quickly withdrew his hand and watched as her fingers almost seemed to caress the charms. Her fingers moved from the motorcycle charm over to the tree charm and he noticed her wiping away a tear that had escaped.

“It’s a family tree and well, the motorcycle seems kind of self explanatory,” he offered with a shy smile.

“Now my gift seems so insignificant,” she said and he shook his head at that. He wanted to say that he’d cherish any gift from her but that would take him beyond friends territory, wouldn’t it?

He chose to say nothing and when she handed him a big box he frowned down before lifting the lid. Inside was a retro looking black leather motorcycle bag and his hands darted out to touch the yellow neatly stitched letters on it. _ S. Clegane. _

“I got it at this motorcycle shop downtown. They assured me that it would work with the standard mounting that you had for your bike.” Her blue eyes looked at him expectantly, as if she was anxiously waiting for his reaction and yet he couldn’t bring himself to do anything but stare at her. “Is the colour of the stitching alright? I can change it to whatever you prefer.”

“No, don’t. It’s great.” He wasn’t sure if he was overstepping but before he could overthink it he did what he wanted and pulled her into his side for a hug. He released a deep sigh when she hugged him back but pulled away a lot sooner than he wanted.

He couldn’t help but hope that she had gotten him the bag for them both to use when they took their next ride on his motorcycle.

_ No harm in fantasizing is there? _

“Alright, time to check on the roast.” Sansa’s voice sounded light and happy and like the fool he was he followed her into the kitchen in the guise of getting some more mulled wine. The smell that waffed out when she opened the oven had his mouth salivating and Sansa must have noticed the anticipation on his face because she smiled up at him.

“Thank you for inviting me,” he said softly and tried to give a friendly smile. Her smile widened as he helped her put the roast on the table and she got the root vegetables. As she turned back towards him he found himself staring down at her. 

Her blue eyes looked up at him with such softness that just for a second he allowed himself to think that it meant something more. Something stronger than friends and he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he leaned down and kissed her.

_ When she’s looking at me like this it almost makes me think she wants me to kiss her. _

He knew that was just his wishful thinking though so he forced himself to take a step back but she kept his gaze and it made him feel unsure as to what was happening. Her eyes were so soft and warm that for a second he couldn’t help but hope that maybe it wasn’t just wishful thinking.

“Is dinner ready?” Sandor saw Sansa flinch before she collected herself and turned to Rickon and nodded.

“Yeah, let’s eat.”

Sansa blushed as Sandor raved about the food and he ate as if he wasn’t going to get fed ever again, because it was so good. They laughed and joked and it felt like it was a great Christmas. Not that he had that much to compare it too. He knew that he felt the way he did because of the people sitting around the table with him and especially the woman opposite him and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do about the way she made his heart jump in his chest everytime their eyes locked. 

_ Don’t think about how she makes you feel. She said you were her friend. Think about Arya. And Bran. And Rickon. They are what matters. Don’t fuck that up. _

“So I was approached by a scout.” Sandor’s words drew gasps from Rickon, Gendry and Arya and they were loud and shocked enough to make him feel unsure.

“What?! Holy shit, what team?” Arya exclaimed but Sandor held up a hand to calm her.

“Hold your horses. It’s not for any team. He wanted me to play a charity game. Apparently they’re looking for names that will draw a crowd,” he explained and when he felt Sansa’s questioning look he frowned down at his plate.

“It’s still a chance at playing a professional game again, isn’t it?” Sansa asked and Sandor sighed.

“They just approached me because of my reputation. They want a scandal name but I don’t know if I can be that guy again.” His heart leapt in his chest when Sansa’s hand reached out and grasped his over the table. He couldn’t keep himself from turning his palm up so that he could hold on to her hand properly. He also didn’t miss the way Arya’s perceptive eyes narrowed in on their joined hands. “I think I’m gonna tell him no.”

“Don’t say no because of that. Show them the kind of player you are now.” Sandor was surprised by Arya’s words but they also hit a nerve. Did he even know how to do that?

“You should totally do it!” Gendry agreed while Bran and Rickon nodded in agreement.

“Only if you want to. It’s your choice,” Sansa added with a pointed look at her siblings and Gendry who all groaned at her. That pulled a smile to Sandor’s lips that only widened when Sansa smiled back at him.

“Alright, time for dessert.” Arya hurried to help with the dishes as Sansa put the coffee on, shutting down any attempts on Sandor’s part to help.

It made him feel a bit useless to just sit there and wait but he did as he was told and thankfully they didn’t take long and soon they all had pieces of Baked Alaska on their plates and he had a big cup of coffee in his other hand.

“Our mom always made Baked Alaska at Christmas,” Rickon said with a sad smile and Sansa nodded. “It was dad’s favourite.”

Sandor felt a little unsure as sadness settled over the table and then Bran’s lip twitched into a smile.

“Remember the time when Arya dropped it and the whole thing got smashed on the table?” The memory seemed to put grins on all of the Stark’s faces and it made Sandor feel a little relieved. He wasn’t sure how to act when they spoke of their parents and he didn’t want to make things worse for them by saying something stupid.

“Only because Rickon tripped me!” Arya huffed out in annoyance, making her siblings laugh at her angry face.

“And dad just grabbed his spoon and ate it right off the table.” Sansa continued and now even Sandor was smiling. “We all ended up eating it off the table.”

“Well if it’s anywhere close to how good this one is I can understand you eating it even if it was smashed.” Sandor gave Sansa a smile and yet again there was a softness in her eyes as she smiled back.

_ Stop reading too much into it, you jackass. _

Once they finished their food they all ended up playing a very heated game of Monopoly where it turned out that playing a board game with three very competitive people wasn't that much fun. Sandor might have been one of those three people, but he was nowhere near as competitive and sore of a loser as Arya. He glared at her as she argued that he hadn’t paid her enough and he was very tempted to growl at her to grow the fuck up and stop trying to cheat. Bran sighed and as Rickon started yawning Sansa declared that the game was over.

“But no one has won yet,” Rickon complained and Sansa gave him a soft look. Sandor was silently relieved that the game had ended before he lost his temper. 

“It’s time for bed. You will have to finish this some other time.” Rickon gave an annoyed grumble in response and it felt like it was a window into how he was going to be as a teenager. Something Sandor wasn’t looking forward to, the kid was already a fucking handfull, but he at least did what his sister said and got ready for bed.

Bran went to his bedroom too because he wanted to read the new book Sansa had gotten him and Sansa then let Arya and him talk her into watching IT, the latest version. Just a few minutes in she seemed to regret it as she was hiding her face in a throw pillow. Sandor knew he was being ridicilous for being jealous of a fucking pillow but he was more than tempted to grab it from her so that she would have to hide her face in his chest instead.

That was also one of the reasons he went along with Arya gauding her sister as they took turns in describing every gory detail and making assagerated noises to what was happening on screen. Because Sansa was fucking adorable when flustered. Gendry just watched them in silence but Sandor could see how he was trying to hide his grin against Arya’s shoulder.

“You guys are the worst!” she cried in outrage as they made disgusted noises at a very bloody scene. She lifted the pillow far enough from her face to glare at him and he couldn’t keep in a chuckle. That made her swat his arm and he knew he would cave when she looked at him and pouted.

“Okay, let’s watch something else.” Sansa gave him a relieved smile and he wished he had the courage to wrap an arm around her and pull her to his side. But he didn’t because he was a fucking coward and her little sister were sitting right there with her boyfriend. He felt ridiculous for being jealous of an eighteen year old boy, because he was sitting with his arm around the girl he liked and Sandor couldn’t even muster up the needed sternness to glare at him for it. Gendry wasn’t doing anything wrong and it wasn’t his fault that Sandor couldn’t do what he was doing. That the woman next to him wasn’t his.

_ I fucking wish she was. _

“Fine but then we are watching Die Hard,” Arya decided and Sandor couldn’t help but smile. Sansa looked at him softly and with a reluctant sigh she nodded.

He fucking loved Die Hard and so did Arya. Sansa huffed in annoyance and rolled her eyes when her and Arya kept saying every line in time with the characters but Sandor didn’t care. He was having a great time and it became even greater when Sansa started dozing off and rested her head against his shoulder.

He had to try really hard to fight the stupid happy grin that threatend to split his face when he felt her relax into his side and he pointedly ignored how Arya was looking at them with prodding eyes. Sansa came to once the end credits started rolling but she didn’t pull away and it made his stupid treatcherous heart sing. With a yawn Arya got up and dragged Gendry to the front door.

_ What was up with that girl? _

He heard the front door close and waited until he heard the door to Arya’s bedroom close as well before he turned his head to look at the wonder of a woman who looked so comfortable with him. She was so beautiful that he couldn’t make sense of everything going through his head. He knew that if he stayed he would probably do something stupid, like try to kiss her.

“I should head home.” It almost felt as if she was reluctant to pull away from him but eventually she did and he instantly missed the feeling of her against him. He turned his head towards her and she offered up a small smile, and he couldn’t stop herself from wondering what she was thinking.

_ She looks at me like I am someone important, almost like I am something precious. No one has ever looked at me like that before. _

He noticed that her cheeks blushed as she held his stare and with a nervous clearing of his throat he got to his feet and tried to calm the racing of his heart as he collected his things. Her hand went to touch the new charms on her bracelet and the soft smile on her face made him feel like he had done something right at least.

When he reached the door he hesitated and turned around to thank her for a great day but the look on her face made the words die in his throat. There was a determination there that had him almost shaking in his boots before a soft smile spread on her face. He was so distracted by it that he didn’t notice her hands until they were cupping his face. She had never touched his scars before and he was terrified that she would pull away with a look of disgust. He held his breath as he waited for it to happen but it never did. Instead she gently pulled his face down towards hers.

He was filled with disbelief as she stopped when their lips were just a breath away from each other and he was terrified that she would pull away. Or that he would wake up on her couch and realise that he was dreaming. Her thumb gently brushed his cheek and he felt almost faint.

_ Is she going to kiss me? Fucking hell I wish she would. _

He couldn’t keep his eyes from darting down to her lips before he quickly looked up into her eyes again. The look in her eyes matched what he was feeling deep in his gut, a mix of heat and wonder and he wished he was a braver man. Because if he had been he would close the distance between them and kiss her like he had dreamed of doing.

Before he had a chance to berate himself or push himself to act she did. His eyes widened in disbelief as she closed the remaining distance between them and pressed her lips against his softly.

His heart was screaming in his chest. Her eyes were open, holding his as if she was waiting for him to respond and it came in the softest press of his lips. He wanted to be careful and hold himself back so that he didn’t overwhelm her. Because all he really wanted to do was pull her into his arms, press her against him and kiss her until they both needed to come up for air. Instead his hand cupped her cheek and when his thumb stroked her cheek a happy giggle escaped her lips.

It was a wondrous feeling, having her lips against his and feeling her laugh so happily because of it. He pulled back slightly and when he looked down at her he couldn’t keep from smiling. Her hands moved from his cheeks to the back of his head, pushing through his hair and pushing up on her toes to press her lips more firmly against his. It pulled a surprised rumble from his throat and his other hand grasped her hip. It was a firm, determined grip and she was so small compared to him that his fingers spanned almost over her whole back and the feel of her in his hands made him shiver.

She made a soft sound in the back of her throat and his grip on her hip tightened in response to it. Her tongue darted out to trace the seam of his lips and with a gasp his mouth opened and she used the moment to deepen the kiss. She tasted like a mix of coffee, their dessert and something that was soft and addictive when his tongue hesitantly mingled with hers.

_ Sansa Stark is kissing me. Me. _

She pressed herself flush against him and it was the reassurance he needed and he allowed his grip on her hip as well as his kisses to become demanding. He felt like he stole her breath from her when his teeth gently nipped at her lower lip making her gasp into his mouth and it sent a delicious need through him when she clinged to him. One of her hands moved down to grasp at his shirt pulling at his chest hair, it was almost painful but there was no way in hell that he was going to tell her to let go.

_ I am hers. Fuck, I’m hers. _

His hand slid to her neck and he couldn’t keep his thumb from caressing the line of it and when he heard the soft moan his touch pulled from her he desperately wanted to feel more of her skin against his. But they weren’t there yet, he had to slow down and do this right. He knew that but having her like this just felt so good. How was he supposed to let go now?

He still knew that he had to and he very reluctantly pulled his face away from hers and his heart jumped in his chest when she chased his lips with hers. It made him groan out loud to see the way her pupils were blown wide and her firm grip on his shirt loosened with a soft giggle.

“I…” he released a rush of air and she smiled up at him. He felt hesitant, he didn’t know what to say or do. He didn’t know what this meant or what they were supposed to do now but he knew he didn’t want to go back. Not after this change between them finally happened. He had read her so wrong and it amazed him that all those moments he thought he had read too much into might have been exactly what he had hoped they were. It was a dizzying feeling that had his head spinning and his face splitting into a huge grin. “Best Christmas ever.”

_ What the hell? Real fucking smooth you idiot. _

She giggled as she pressed her cheek against his chest and he greedily wrapped his arms around her, keeping her close. He couldn’t remember the last time his chest had felt this light and he knew what this feeling was instantly.

_ Happiness. True happiness. I am not letting this slip away from me. _

“Would you want to have dinner with me? Just the two of us?” he asked and held his breath when she lifted her head from where it had been resting against his chest. She had kissed him only seconds ago yet he was feeling nervous as hell. Because he didn’t know what this meant for her, what she wanted them to become or how it would all work with her siblings. He knew that was things they needed to figure out because he desperately wanted this to be something more.

“I would love that.” Her honest smile made him lean down and kiss her lips gently and the sigh she released against his lips sounded almost blissful.

“Good. Well good night I guess.” He followed his words with another soft kiss before he reluctantly pulled away. She gave him a warm smile and he forced himself to walk out the door. Because if he didn’t he would never leave.

_ Maybe someday I won’t have to. I hope that day comes soon. _


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What now? How do they move on from here? Will everything be smooth sailing or will their be some speed bumps?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> So life have been less then grand lately, I'm not sick thankfully but shit has been going on that just have made me tired and uninspired. But a sweet message from jbx on here made me feel lighter than I had in days and I finally found the inspiration to finish the next chapter.
> 
> Also - I hope that you guys are all okay with this crazy shit going down in the world. Take care of yourself and your loved ones!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you always for your support!

Sansa was standing in the small laundry room, piles of laundry taking up the small space and she was happy. She was grinning down at her phone and when her fingers gently traced her lips for like the hundredth time since Sandor’s had been against them she giggled.

She had been on such an emotional high after he had left last night that she had struggled to fall asleep. She had been brave and bold and it had been the best first kiss of her life. Probably the best kiss of her life. He had been so gentle and sweet and both his kiss and touch had lingered for what felt like hours.

He wanted her, he wanted them to be more. She had been so happy and the way he looked at her had confirmed it just as much as his kiss and his words.

The next morning it had been life back to normal but even as she had been doing these everyday tasks everything felt lighter and easier. Him texting her had just made her day even brighter and she was so anxious to see him again so to have him initiating coming over made butterflies erupt in her stomach. 

She hadn’t realised how much time had passed when there was a knock at the door and those butterflies went into overdrive when she heard Rickon open the door and the sound of Sandor’s deep voice carried. She wanted to run and throw herself into his arms but that would mean telling her siblings about them before they had a chance to figure out together what they were.

Instead she waited and her heart was beating in time with his hurried footsteps. She turned her head towards the doorway and couldn’t keep the smile from splitting her face when their eyes met. She knew she looked nothing like she had last night. She was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a cardigan. Her hair was in a ponytail and she wasn’t wearing any makeup but he still looked at her with the same gobsmacked amazed look that he had yesterday and it made her heart sing.

He lingered in the doorway, hesitating and she knew he was waiting for her que. She knew he would tread gently with her heart and she wanted him to know that she would do the same with his. But she still wanted him close desperately, she wanted to hold him and be held by him. She reached out her hand towards him and with one long stride he grabbed it in his and pulled her into his arms.

The way his large hand cupped her jaw so gently made her want to cry and jump with joy at the same time. His grey eyes were soft when they looked down into hers and there was no way that she could stop smiling.

Except when he kissed her. The press of his lips started soft and careful but when she kissed him back it became firmer as she wrapped an arm around his neck while her other hand went to his cheek, holding him a little closer.

She was aware of the fact that the door to the laundry room was open and that Rickon could end up walking in on them but when Sandor’s mouth was on hers it didn’t feel like a big deal if he did.

Sandor pulled back and looked down at her and his eyes were so warm that she felt herself blush and Sansa pressed her face against his chest to hide her red cheeks. He released a heavy sigh that sounded relieved and it made her raise her eyes to look up at him. He reached out a hand towards her face and with surprisingly light fingers he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered on her neck and she wondered if he could feel the raising of her pulse beneath them.

“Hi.” His voice came out hitched and breathless, the sound of it was so unexpected that a giggled burst out of her. It made him raise his eyebrow in surprise before he grinned down at her.

“Hi.” She had to reach up on her toes to be able to press her lips against his, which she found she enjoyed even if the cramped space caused a strain on her calves. With a huff of breath his large hands were on her hips and before she had a chance to see it coming he hoisted her up so that she was seated on the counter above the washer.

With a mischievous grin he stepped between her legs and from this position she could easily cup his face and bring it to hers. She felt as if she could kiss him for hours and she would never stop feeling this high from the feeling of their lips pressed together and their tongues mingling. It wasn’t the most romantic setting, being in the laundry room but she didn’t care. She was kissing Sandor. She finally knew that he felt something more for her too and the prospect of seeing what this connection could be made her happier than she had been in a long time. She felt like she had a piece of her future back, a piece that was just hers.

Sure, he was a part of her sibling’s future too but this version of him, he man that stood between her legs and held her so gently while he stole her breath with his kisses, he was all hers. She felt both nervous and excited for them to have a chance to figure out what this would mean and what they would become.

“Sandor…” He groaned into her mouth and the deep set sound sent a shiver through her. It made her want to press closer, to explore all of him with her hands and mouth. But the reason she had said his name had been to pull his attention to the fact that the door to Bran’s room had opened down the hall.

She pushed him back and he looked confused for a second before his eyes widened and she jumped off the counter. Just as Bran wheeled by the door Sandor grabbed a few items of clothing and started folding. He tried to look casual as he turned his head to the doorway where Bran was watching them. Sandor’s hair was disheveled and his face flushed, and Sansa had to turn her head away or she would burst out laughing.

“Hey.” Sandor’s voice cracked a little as he threw a nonchalant greeting at Bran who raised an eyebrow at the large man.

“Hey. What are you doing here?” Sansa hid her face behind Sandor as he stiffened and she had to bite her lip to fight off the bad case of giggles that were threatening to burst through.

“Just helping with the laundry.” As Sansa peeked out at her younger brother she could see the sheer disbelief in his face.

“Right…” With a shake of his head Bran wheeled out of sight and Sansa exploded into a heap of giggles. Sandor turned around to glare down at her before she saw the twitch in his lip and in the next moment he was laughing too.

_ It almost feels like when your parents walked in on you as a teenager. Giddy. _

As their laughter subsided he did help her with the laundry. They didn’t speak because they could hear Bran and Rickon talking in the other room but whenever their eyes met they smiled. It was the kind of smiles that spoke volumes to her, soft and caring. There was also a lot of touching, innocent things like grazing the other’s hand or putting a hand on the others arm or back. The simplicity and naturality of it felt novel but exciting to Sansa.

It felt as if she had been touch deprived before him. She took every chance she had to touch him and whenever he touched her it was as if her heart was singing. She almost felt lightheaded with it all.

“These are yours I presume?” With a flirty grin Sandor held up the black lace panties and Sansa smiled up at him.

“Actually, those are Arya’s.” She jumped when he shrieked in horror and flung the panties out of the door and the distraught look on his face had her doubling over with laughter.

“It’s not funny!” he hissed out but she couldn’t stop laughing. As she wiped away the tears he growled at her and before she could react he grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder. Now she was the one shrieking as he carried her out of the laundry room, passed the shocked faces of her brother’s and he didn’t stop until he reached the front door. By then she was laughing again and she could feel his responding laughter in the way his back vibrated against her chest. Her laughter died when he gently put her down in front of him and with a quick look over his shoulder, probably to make sure no one was watching, he kissed her softly again.

“So the dinner we talked about. Would tomorrow night work for you?” he asked low and she was about to nod before she remembered that Arya had mentioned something about Matilda having a birthday party.

“I can’t tomorrow. Any other night I’m free.” He looked so deflated by that, that she couldn’t keep herself from reaching out to take his hand. Her heart skipped a beat when he intertwined their fingers.

“I can’t today. I am meeting Ray for lunch and then we are going to a meeting. It’s a tradition at this time of year.” She hurriedly nodded to show that she understood that those things were important. His brow furrowed as he remained silent for a long moment. “The day after tomorrow I am driving up to Boston to take a look at the contracts for the charity game so I won’t be back until late and…

“You’re playing?” Sansa interrupted and he ducked his head before he nodded. With a happy exclamation she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. “That’s so great. I am so excited for you!”

“Yeah I guess…” His apparent apprehension made her squeeze her arms around him a little tighter and his large arms enveloped her. He held her closer than ever before, with her chest pressed flush against his and the way it made her feel had her almost teary eyed. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so safe and wanted. Cherished.

“Anyway… I think I’m free on Saturday?” She pulled back enough to smile up at him and he kissed her smile tenderly.

“It’s a date.”

* * *

Sansa must have checked her reflection a hundred times and she knew it was due to a mix of nerves and excitement. Sandor had only told her to be ready at seven and to wear a dress and the closer the clock came to seven, the faster her heart started racing.

She was wearing a green cocktail dress that hugged her snuggly but had a modest scuba neckline and she felt it made her red hair look even more vibrant. She had kept her makeup simple, just a hint of brown eyeshadow to take her everyday makeup up a notch as well as a soft pink lip. That she had touched up a bunch of times already because she kept worrying her lip with her teeth. It wasn’t that she was worried that the date would go poorly, if the kisses they had shared was anything to go by that part of the date would be fine. Great even.

_ Some might say amazing. I would. _

It wasn’t the chemistry that worried her or if they would have fun. She knew they would. What she didn’t know, what made her nervous, was if they would come to the conclusion that this was something they wanted to lead to something serious. To her that meant that they would have to tell her siblings that they were seeing each other. She didn’t want them to find out on their own or not take their feelings into account. She just hoped that he would be okay with that, since that meant that they would become very serious very fast.

Just as she was about to ruin her lipstick again there was a knock on the door and she tried to hurry down the hall to be the one to open but she had barely opened the door to her bedroom before she heard Rickon racing towards the door.

It might be cowardly of her but she lingered just out of sight as she heard Rickon greet Sandor with his usual joyful voice.

“Hey kid. I am here to pick up your sister. I don’t know what Sansa told you about it…” Sansa couldn’t help but smile at Sandor’s hesitant tone and she was just about to step out and put Sandor out of his misery when Rickon’s words stopped her short.

“No flowers? Really?” The disbelief and disapproval in her brother’s voice made Sansa bite her lips to keep in her giggle.

“What? Should I have brought flowers?” Sandor sounded confused but Rickon gave him a harsh scoff in response and it was such a Sandor-esque sound that Sansa couldn’t help but smile.

“Even I know that you’re supposed to bring flowers.” She found it impossible sweet that her youngest brother was seizing up a man three times his size and the protectiveness of it made her heart swell. She hadn’t told her siblings that it was a date. She had said that she and Sandor had some things to talk over and that they had decided to do it over dinner. Apparently that hadn’t fooled her little brother.

“It’s true.” Sansa’s eyebrows shot up as Bran’s voice joined the conversation. “You should have brought flowers. Sansa loves peonies.”

“Peo-what?” She decided to take pity on Sandor then and stepped into view. Her breath hitched as their eyes met and Sandor’s face turned into a look of pure disbelief. It reminded her of how he had looked at her on Christmas Day and she could feel her cheeks flush from his appreciating look.

“Hey.” She smiled softly at Sandor before she grabbed her coat and her purse. With a soft smile towards her brother’s she told them the usual rules. “You two listen to Arya, she’s in charge. Dinner’s in the fridge and not too much junk food.”

“We know,” they both echoed and she heard Sandor’s soft chuckle behind her before he opened the front door and stepped out. She followed him outside and with a soft smile he reached down to take her hand in his.

She noticed that he wasn’t wearing his usual leather jacket but a nice grey coat and she saw the hint of a black blazer and a white shirt since he kept the coat unbuttoned. She found it sweet that he had made an effort to dress up for their date and it also made her feel like he was as serious about this as she was.

She smiled happily at him as he opened the truck door for her and then hurried over to the driver’s side.

“You look beautiful.” She blushed as she thanked him and once he started driving she dared to lean over and press a soft kiss against his check. For a second he stiffened, as if he was surprised by the display of affection but when she pulled back there was a twitch in his lips that made her smile.

They drove in companionable silence for a few minutes and she didn’t feel the need to fill it with empty small talk. She liked the fact that they could just sit there and feel comfortable enough with each other to not try to force a conversation. She knew that they had plenty to talk about but she liked the quiet moments too. They were so few and far inbetween for her now. There was rarely a quiet moment in the apartment and definitely not at work, so she savoured it.

When she realised that he drove her uptown she felt a sudden flare of nerves but thankfully he drove past all the modern clubs and bars. Instead he drove up to the valet parking of a very fancy looking restaurant.

“Sandor, we don’t have to eat here. It looks really expensive and you don’t have to make a fuss.” He silenced her protest by reaching out to cup her cheek and as he leaned over the middle console she held her breath.

“If you really don’t want to eat here we can go somewhere else. But I would really like the chance to treat you a little. Hopefully the good food and great wine can make up for my lack of social skills.” The slight jab at himself made her sigh but it also softened her to what he was saying without saying it.

_ He wants me to let him do this for me. That’s what he’s saying. _

He looked relieved when she finally nodded and she pressed a quick peck on his lips that made him grin at her. He then hurried out of the truck and since he seemed to be a perfect gentleman she waited for him to open the car door and took his offered hand. It might be silly of her but she enjoyed the way he treated her like she was something precious and something that should be cared for. It was the way her father had treated her mother and she had always wanted that for herself too.

_ Sandor might be rough around the edges but he is gentle and he is kind. _

Once they were seated at their table and their waiter had taken their drink orders Sandor reached his hand out across the table, palm up and she happily placed her hand in his.

“Thank you for all this. You didn’t really have to.” He scoffed and it was as if it assured her that no matter the setting he would always be himself. Just perhaps a bit more well mannered when the occasion called for it. It relieved her because she wanted the real Sandor, not whatever version he thought he needed to be around her.

“You deserve a lot more,” he interjected and it made her squeeze his hand.

“I am just happy to be here with you. On the next date we’ll go to The Wall for some pizza. My treat.” His face split into a huge grin at that and as the waitress put down Sansa’s glass of wine and Sandor’s sparkling water she felt lighter.

She wasn’t surprised when Sandor ordered their steak and potatoes and he probably wasn’t surprised when she ordered their sea bass dish. She rarely got the chance to eat fish, let alone such delicate and tasty ones since Arya and Rickon loathed fish.

“Make sure you leave room for dessert. I read online that they have an amazing creme brulee,” Sandor said and now Sansa was the one who scoffed.

“There is always room for dessert.” He laughed at that, a deep set chuckle that sent a shiver through her.

“So, I think there is one thing that needs to be established here.” His serious tone and the sudden firm look in his eyes made her heart beat a little faster but his thumb caressed the back of her hand in a calming fashion so she decided to focus on that. “I am serious about this. I don’t want you to think that this is just a fling for me. I care about you, all of you.”

If life had been like the movies she was pretty sure this was the moment where she would have burst out into song. Because her life definitely would have been a musical, that was for sure. A sad musical with heartbreaking solos probably, but still a musical.

He was saying just what she had wanted to hear, what she had hoped to hear and the smile on her face was so large that it threatened to split her face.

“I just care about you in a different way and I really want a chance. Because I think this, you and me could be something amazing.” If he kept saying such sweet things Sansa was pretty sure she would burst into tears in this very nice restaurant and she would never recover from the embarrassment. 

“I think so too.” Her soft spoken agreement made his eyes light up and she really liked seeing him this happy. “But you know that it isn’t just me and you in this equation. The kids care a lot about you too. What do we tell them?”

He was quiet for a long moment, long enough for her to start to feel worried but then he smiled again as he squeezed her hand and the butterflies that smile set off in her stomach took her by surprise.

“The truth. That we care about each other and that we are trying to figure things out. Together?” She supposed that made sense, it wasn’t a promise of commitment but she didn’t feel like she could ask for that yet. They had just kissed for the first time only a few days ago and this was their first date.

Sure, things were a bit more complicated. Her life was a bit more complicated but he knew all about that. He had been a part of that life long before this, them, had happened and she hoped that them being together would strengthen the bond he had to her family and not break it.

_ Having a relationship with me would only bring us all closer, wouldn’t it? _

She had to take a chance at exploring what this could be. Take a chance at being happy and becoming something more together. She could only hope that the connection they already shared would grow stronger and as he held her hand in his she felt hopeful that it would.

“Together,” she agreed with a smile. She decided then and there that they would take it a step at a time and see how things progressed. She knew she had strong feelings for him, even Arya knew and she was becoming okay with it. Maybe it wasn’t that far fetched that her brother’s would be happy for her. They really liked Sandor after all.

“You didn’t tell me how it went in Boston,” she said in hopes of changing the subject and thankfully he allowed it.

“Right. We are two teams of, what they call All-Stars, and there will be one game in March. All the proceeds go to this organization that supports families whose children have terminal illnesses. I checked out the organisation before I signed and it’s legit.” She gave him an encouraging nod to show that she was listening as he took a sip of his water. “We will start practicing a few times a week after the new year so that we get used to playing with each other.”

“Oh, so you’ll be driving up to Boston a lot then?” she asked and when he nodded she made an effort to hide her disappointment. Boston was about a forty minute drive away but she figured he would be too busy with work, coaching his teams and now the practices with the All-Star team to spend as much time with her and her family.

She was happy for him even though it would mean that she wouldn’t see him as much for a time. It was a great opportunity, one that he deserved and she would be nothing but supportive.

“Yeah. I will probably have to hand over a few practices with the guys to Bronn and Brienne has assured me that the Saturday’s I have practice in Boston she will cover for me with the kids,” he said and she could see the way his jaw clenched. He wasn’t happy about that at all. It endeared her even more to him, the fact that he cared so much about the kids that he coached. It was one of the mayor reasons why she cared so much for him already.

“It’s just temporary.” Her words seemed to comfort him since he relaxed and even offered a small smile.

Just then their food arrived and Sansa was more than happy with her choice. It was delicious and Sandor must have liked his steak because he was finishing it off so quickly that Sansa almost laughed.

Their conversation moved from topic to topic, everything spanning between their favorite things like tv-shows into their bigger dreams for the future. Sandor practically beamed when she told him that she had always dreamed of having her own bakery and that the first memories she had was of her and her mother making cookies. She would always bring the things she made to her dad’s company and her dad’s employees would devour it all. She didn’t know if the cookies her seven year old self had made had been that great or if they had eaten it all to be kind to her but she had loved how happy they seemed whenever she showed up with her sweets. She had wanted that to be her everyday life.

Her parents hadn’t been thrilled by the idea of her going to pastry baking school or opening a bakery but they had supported her in their own way. They had agreed that they would send her to pastry school if she first got her bachelor’s degree in Business Management. They had said that it was both in hopes of her bakery having a greater chance of succeeding as much as it would mean that she had something to fall back on if it didn’t.

She had thought it fair and had just started her third year in college when the accident had happened and she had to give up on that dream, at least for now. She didn’t tell him that part though because she didn’t want to bring down the good mood of the night.

“I am sure you will get to go back to school someday soon.” It was as if he could read her mind and her cheeks flushed when her mind wandered to things she hoped that he couldn’t read. Like how badly she wanted to drag him out of the restaurant and kiss him senseless. How badly she wanted to unbutton that white shirt and explore his muscular firm chest. 

_ Oh Gods, get it together Sansa. This is a public space. _

“Do you need some water? You look a little flushed?” His concerned comment made her flush even more and she accepted the offered water and drank it mostly to have something to do as her mind calmed down.

“Would you like to take a look at the dessert menu?” Sansa was grateful that the waiter's appearance pulled Sandor’s attention away from her and when he nodded Sansa was able to hide her red face behind the menu for a minute.

“I’m torn. The creme brulee with blueberry confit sounds amazing but so does the chocolate souffle with raspberry coulis.” She looked up from the menu to find Sandor smiling softly at her. There was that look again, the one that made her heart beat like a hummingbird in her chest.

“Let’s have those and share?” Sandor suggested and she grinned happily. “I’d also like a coffee. How about you?”

He bit his lip to keep in a laugh when she sheepishly admitted that she couldn’t drink coffee this late or she would be up all night. Not that she would have minded if that meant they would stay up all night talking like this, or doing something entirely different.

_ Great, now I’m blushing again. _

Once their desserts arrived and she put a big spoon of the silky smooth souffle in her mouth she made a sound that was almost a moan and she caught the way his eyes widened before darting down to his plate. Maybe she wasn’t the only one as affected by the attraction between them.

Turns out that the brulee was just as good and when she moaned this time she held his eyes and grinned when his cheeks flushed. He gave her a mock scolding glare before he took a large spoons of the desserts, mixing both on his spoon

“Okay, you’ve got to try that.” His childish glee had her shaking her head but she did as he asked and it turned out that mixing the two was just as amazing.

Once they left the restaurant and got back into the car she felt lightheaded. It had nothing to do with the one glass of wine she had enjoyed with dinner and everything to do with the man next to her. As he started driving he reached out his hand and took hers and as his thumb caressed the back of her hand it felt like that connection was the only thing that kept her from floating away.

“Mind if I put on some music?” she asked and he shrugged as if he didn’t care either way. With a smile she turned on his car stereo and pressed the media button. She noticed that Sandor’s phone was connected and pressed play to see what kind of music he had been listening to. She was admittedly really curious to know what kind of music he liked but she hadn’t expected that song to be the one that came on.

A strange mix between a strangled sob and a choked back laugh left her mouth as the intro to Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to run” filled the truck. Sandor threw her a worried glance and squeezed her hand, making her shake her head as she took a deep breath.

_ This is just too good. _

“That’s my dad’s absolute favorite song.” Tears stung her eyes but she didn’t feel sad. To her it felt like a sign that her dad was looking down on her and wanted her to know it. She knew Sandor didn’t believe in things like that so she didn’t say anything but she could tell by the way his eyes softened that he probably understood where her mind had gone.

“He had great taste in music then. There isn’t much that can compete with The Boss.” Sandor’s words made her smile and lift their joined hands to her lips. Her smile widened as she turned the volume up and started singing along. 

She threw her head back and laughed when Sandor loudly joined her in singing the chorus. His voice cracked a little but sounded real nice. With their hands tightly joined they kept singing every song that came on after that, it was a wide mix of music. Mostly rock but some 80’s songs and she threw him a look of disbelief when Beyonce’s “Crazy in love” started playing.

“What? It’s a good song!” he exclaimed and Sansa raised her free hand in a show of surrender. “I listen to it when I work out.”

“Hey, I love Beyonce.” She couldn’t keep from grinning as she pictured Sandor with his headphones in at the gym or out running and having Beyonce being his soundtrack. “I just didn’t realise you were a member of the Beyhive.”

“Shut up.” In retaliation for her teasing he pulled their joined hands to his lips and bit her knuckle. She would have qualified that as a love bite and it sent a shiver through her that found a home low in her gut.

Sansa hadn’t realised that they had reached her apartment building until Sandor parked the car outside and she felt very reluctant to go inside. She didn’t want their night to be over yet. Sandor on the other hand didn’t hesitate to jump out of the car and as he hurried over to her side of the car she forced herself to smile.

She had barely put her feet on the ground before his hands cupped her face and her breath hitched as his lips pressed firmly against hers. Her hands came up to hold onto his shoulders as he deepened the kiss and pressed her against the side of the truck. The feel of his heated kiss made her feel flush and so alive that she couldn’t help but hum against his mouth when he slowly pulled back.

“I hope that was alright. I couldn’t bear leaving without a good night kiss.” He smiled softly down at her and before she could think she spoke her mind.

“Stay.” She wasn’t sure what she meant by it. It wasn’t like she was suggesting that he would sleep with her in the sexual sense, they had just been on their first date and a lot of things were unsure. She did however know that she didn’t want him to leave. She wanted him close, and the thought of him holding her all through the night made her heart flutter. 

_ Please don’t break it. _

She was scared to death as she waited for him to say something, anything. He stared at her for what felt like forever and without saying a word he finally nodded. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and before she could talk herself out of it she took his hand and led him inside.

She tried to move silently down the hall and was relieved to find the apartment silent. It wasn’t that she wanted to sneak him in, she just didn’t want to answer a million questions from her siblings. She wanted this evening to be about them.

He took in her closet turned bedroom with a frown that deepend when he noticed the single bed pushed against the wall. The thought of them both fitting in it almost made her laugh but she was too nervous to do so.

With a shy smile she grabbed her nightgown, the soft light pink fabric covered enough that she would feel comfortable sleeping in it, and headed to the bathroom to change. It might be silly being too shy to change in front of him but she didn’t feel ready for that yet. When she returned to her room she noticed that he had taken off his blazer and shirt revealing a white t-shirt, but kept the rest of his clothes. He would probably be uncomfortable sleeping in jeans and a t-shirt but she could understand why he wasn’t eager to remove them. He must be as nervous as she was.

With a soft smile she laid down on her side and he followed her example. With their faces turned towards each other they were very close in the small bed and she could feel the heat radiating from him. She hesitantly moved even closer until she could wrap her arm around his chest and his wrapped around her waist in turn.

“Is this alright?” She asked as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck and felt him press his cheek to the top of her head.

“Yeah.” His voice was just a deep rasp but it sent a shiver through her that had her pressing a little closer.

As she relaxed and enjoyed the comfort of his embrace she started dozing off. By the time she was almost asleep she heard him say something that was muffled against her hair.

“Hm?” She felt him hold her a little tighter and then his hand cupped her cheek so gently that she almost teared up. When had someone last held her like she was something to be treasured?

“Sansa.” She whined in protest when he pulled away from her and tilted her face up to look at him. The firm tone in his voice had her eyes fluttering open and it took a moment for them to adjust to the dark. His thumb gently caressed her cheek as his grey eyes stared into hers with that soft look again.

That look did something, tugged at a part of her heart that seemed to connect with his. At least she hoped that the connection she felt was real and not in her head. How could it be anything but real? How could what she was feeling, this current in the air, not be love? Or at least heading in that direction? Would he really be here with her, in her bed, if he didn’t feel it too?

Staying here, together in her bedroom with her siblings just down the hall meant them becoming something more. Something permanent and she really hoped that he thought so too. They had touched on the subject at dinner but they hadn’t talked about how they would deal with it practically. He had said that they would face everything together and they would, she knew that. She trusted him and she trusted his word.

Her chest swelled as her hand slowly moved up his back to grasp his neck. There was a fluttering in her stomach, not from nerves but from anticipation now that she knew what it was like kissing him. Her fingers tangled with his soft locks and a happy smile filled her face before she pushed forward.

Their breaths mingled and there was a surge of affection for the large man in her arms that made the kiss firm and needy. She kept her eyes open to watch his reaction and his grey eyes were filled with disbelief before the hand still on her cheek grasped the back of her head and he deepened the kiss with a low growl that sent a surge of need low in her stomach.

Sandor pulled her even closer and she threw her leg over his hip as the other pushed between his legs. It pulled a groan out of him and she swallowed the sound with her mouth. His hand caressed down her back before his large hand grasped her hip and the way his fingers spanned her lower back and brushed the top of her bottom made her moan. She desperately wanted to feel and see more of him but she didn’t want to move too fast. There were still things that they needed to talk about. Would he stay until morning and be there to tell her siblings about them already? Or would he sneak out in the night ?

Her thoughts made her clutch him a little tighter and kiss him a little harder, her desperate need for him to not run causing her to nip at his lip. There was another groan from him in response and she couldn’t help it as her mouth split into a happy smile and his warm chuckle against it only made it grow wider.

_ He won’t run. I don’t know how I know but I do. _

“I’m dreaming right?” His voice was filled with disbelief and it made her open her eyes to look at him. His eyes searched hers and she pushed herself to be brave and honest.

“I hope not, because in that case I am dreaming too.” Her admittance was met with a huff of surprise as his fingers gently stroked through her hair.

“I wanted this for a long time.” Now she was the one to look at him with disbelief and another chuckle escaped his lips. “I thought it was painfully obvious.”

“I am just glad that we want the same thing.” To prove her point she pressed another soft kiss to his lips and now he was the one smiling. When she pulled back he pressed his forehead to hers and the moment felt so right that tears stung her eyes. They were a tangle of limbs as they drifted to sleep and a lightness filled Sansa’s chest.

_ It’s been so long that I barely recognise this feeling. This is what it feels like to be happy. _


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's morning. Sandor spent the night, will the kids find out and what will they think about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Here is another chapter for you guys. I am feeling very inspired right now and it helps to keep me sane in these crazy times. I hope you all are safe and healthy and that you have a great weekend!

It took a moment for him to realise where he was when he woke up. As he felt Sansa’s light form in his arms he couldn’t help but smile. Last time he had woken up with her in his arms he had ran, scared that he had made a fool of himself. This time he felt and did the opposite. He was happy, so fucking happy, and as he pulled her even closer he couldn’t help himself from pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head.

She sighed and it sounded almost blissful as she burrowed her face further in the crook of his neck. It amazed him that she was this comfortable with him, sleeping soundly with their limbs a tangled mess. Her bed was tiny and last night he had been about to protest that there was no way in hell that they would both fit but at this moment he didn’t mind the cramped space. He was probably going to end up with a stiff neck and a sore back and he’d take it happily if it meant waking up with her in his arms.

_ She still needs a bigger fucking bed though. And a place that has a proper bedroom for her. _

His traitorous mind wandered to a fantasy of them all moving to a house where the master bedroom would be their bedroom. He would have to make sure that it was handicap adapted for Bran and that it had enough bedrooms for all of them and…

_ Hold your fucking horses! Way to get ahead of yourself you idiot. _

He needed to slow down. They had just kissed for the first time only a few days ago and here he was making plans for what their future house would look like. Their relationship had barely fucking started and he was getting ahead of himself.

He felt strangely calm about the whole thing though, yeah he was anxious and scared shitless at fucking it up but when he thought of the future they were all in it. That part didn’t scare him at all, what did scare him was the thought of him doing something to make them not want to be a part of it.

Sansa made a low humming sound as her fingers tangled further into his hair and he had to fight a moan at the pleasure it sent through him. He knew that he needed to take this slow. No matter how much he wanted her, and fuck did he want her, he didn’t want to push. He wanted a relationship with her and he would follow her lead. He wasn’t too keen on having sex with her younger siblings down the hall either. Maybe he could take her away for a weekend? Or would that be too much pressure on her? He couldn’t help but picture the face Arya would make if he asked her to watch the boys for a weekend so he could take her sister on a romantic weekend getaway. That would be fucking awkward since Arya hadn’t seemed pleased with the idea of them together when she had thought them flirting.

He hoped that they wouldn’t hate it because he wasn’t sure if he could give her up but he had a sinking feeling that she would definitely put her siblings wishes over her own and he couldn’t fault her for that. Her selflessness was one of the reasons he had started falling in love with her in the first place.

_ Fuck, wait, what? _

The thought had barely crossed his mind when he heard the door to the bedroom creaking open and his heart started pounding in his chest. Seemed as if he was going to find out what her siblings thought sooner rather than later.

“Sansa…” Rickon’s soft voice made Sandor’s eyes widen even more. He felt thankful as fuck that he had kept his clothes on. “Sandor?”

Sandor reluctantly turned his head to look at the kid who was staring down at them with a confused frown on his face. Sandor offered him a small smile and he was pretty sure the kid could tell how caught out he felt.

“Yeah?” Sandor tried to sound carefree, like it was no big deal that he was there in Sansa’s bed with her arms and leg wrapped around him. Not unusual at all, no big deal.

_ But it is. It’s a huge fucking deal. _

“I… I’m hungry.” Sandor had to bite his lip to keep from laughing out loud at the absurdity of the casual comment. Of course the kid had come inside Sansa’s room because he had woken up hungry, the kid ate like a horse, and Sandor slowly nodded.

“Of course. On Sunday’s it’s pancakes for breakfast right?” When Rickon nodded Sandor took great care in gently untangling himself from Sansa so as not to stir her.

“Isn’t Sansa going to make them?” Rickon asked with surprise once Sandor ushered him out of the bedroom.

“Let her sleep. We’ll handle the pancakes.” Rickon’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Sandor. He got a sense that the kid probably knew that Sandor had never made a pancakes in his life. “We’ll google a recipe. It can’t be that fucking complicated.”

“Why are they sticking to the pan?” Rickon asked annoyed and Sandor tried breathing through his nose to calm his own growing annoyance. It was the third pancake he had tried to make and it kept sticking and breaking apart every time he tried to flip them.

_ Stupid fucking pancakes. _

“Did you put butter in the batter?” The sound of Sansa’s soft voice startled him and he turned around to look at her. His heart fucking jumped in his chest at the sight she made. She was wrapped up in a ridicilously pink fluffy robe with her hair in a messy bun on her head and she looked so fucking cute that his teeth might rot from just looking at her.

He felt suddenly nervous, what if she had expected him to sneak out so that her siblings would be none the wiser about him staying? The big smile she gave him then washed away all his worries and as her eyes turned soft he couldn’t help but smile back.

_ Fuck I’m in trouble. The best kind of trouble, though. _

“We put butter in the pan,” Rickon interjected and the sound of his voice broke Sandor out of the private moment he felt they had shared.

“You need to put some butter in the batter, it helps against the sticking.” Sansa explained and the glare Rickon gave him had Sandor glaring back.

“Hey, you were the one in charge of reading the recipe. I just followed your instructions,” Sandor reminded him and a soft laugh came from Sansa as she moved past them and got some stick butter out of the fridge.

“Melt this and pour it into the batter,” she instructed and Rickon hurried to pull out a small saucepan. When she pressed her hand against Sandor’s back he felt lighter than air. It was a small gesture but huge to him with how intimate it felt. It was as if she wanted to assure him that she didn’t regret what happened last night.

“Alright, I think we got this. You go get ready or whatever,” he offered and she gave him a teasing smile.

“Why? Don’t you like my robe?” He made a point of giving her appearance a thorough once over and felt a smirk pull at his lips.

“It’s gorgeous.” _ You’re gorgeous. _

“Since you like it so much I’ll let you borrow it sometimes.” The ridiculous image of him in a way too short fluffy pink robe had him throwing his head back and laughing hard, and was surprised with how pleased she looked once his laughter had settled. As if she was happy that she could make him laugh. “I think I’m going to have a shower, if you guys are sure that you got this?”

“We got this,” Sandor assured her and when she had headed for the bathroom he tried really hard not to picture her in the shower.

_ Sansa would be naked in the shower. Naked and wet. Her hair probably got deep red when wet and her skin would be soft and pale all over. And... her younger brother is watching me like a hawk. Get a fucking grip, Clegane! _

“Let’s give these pancakes another go, huh?” He offered weakly and the look Rickon gave him told him that the kid knew something was up. Sandor turned his focus back to the stove and hoped that he wouldn’t make as much of a fool of himself in front of the other siblings, even though he doubted it.

Bran came into the kitchen just a few minutes later and he looked surprised to see Sandor there but after a second he offered to help out with breakfast and Sandor put him on making whatever toppings they all prefered. Somehow Bran always seemed like the easiest one, he didn’t prod or ask a million questions. He watched, assessed and accepted. Or at least that was how it seemed to Sandor.

“Decided to come over for breakfast did you?” Arya’s tone was dripping with sarcasm and he felt like snapping at her but forced himself not to.

“No he slept over,” Rickon revealed with a huge grin and Arya’s eyebrow shot up. Sandor met her stare head on, both hoping and dreading that she would say something negative. Instead her eyes just narrowed at him and he gave a slight nod in silent agreement.

She didn’t say anything, not even when Sansa came back from the shower her hair still damp and having changed the pink robe for a pair of blue jeans and an oversized grey t-shirt and sat down next to him at the table.

He wasn’t sure if the other Stark’s had planned it but as he found all three of them sitting across the table from him and Sansa, it felt like they were being interrogated. The kids didn’t say anything, but as they ate he could feel their eyes on him. Whenever he lifted his eye off his plate Arya’s grey eyes were on him, stern and calculating and it felt as if he was a kid at the principal's office. It was ridiculous but he knew it was because he really cared about what these kids thought of him, and what they thought of him with their sister.

As Sandor reached for the coffeepot he filled up Sansa’s cup and she smiled up at him. That soft, easy smile made his heart skip a beat and he wanted so badly to press his lips against hers. He had never understood people’s constant need to kiss or hold others before, but now he understood why people had that strong of an urge. How could you not want to hold someone, kiss someone when it made you feel so fucking good?

_ Fuck it. _

He slowly leaned his head down towards hers and he saw the way her eyes widened before a small smile tugged at her lips. He really wanted to kiss her but he stopped himself, not knowing how she would react nor her siblings.

“Now?” he asked in a hushed whisper when their faces were level and she smiled up at him as her fingers intertwined with his. There was a nervous fluttering in his chest as she placed their joined hands on the table.

With one last reassuring smile she pulled her face away and turned her attention towards her siblings across the table. Sandor did the same and held his breath as he tried to read the three kids' faces. Rickon seemed to almost be shaking in his seat and Sandor wondered if he was imagining the excitement in the kid’s eyes. Bran was watching them with a knowing look and Sandor wasn’t surprised if Bran had already suspected something, that boy was far too perceptive than someone should be allowed to be. The last person Sandor’s eyes turned to was Arya. Hers was the reaction he dreaded the most because she was the one he wasn’t sure of. He suspected she wouldn’t be thrilled but he held on to hope that she wouldn’t be completely against the idea.

“So… We wanted to talk to you guys about something.” Sansa's voice was calm and steady, the opposite of what Sandor’s insides were and he had no idea how she could seem so calm. Was she that good of an actor or was she sure of her siblings reactions? “Sandor and I have feelings for each other and have decided that we want to see where this, us, can become.”

As she stopped talking Sandor tried to read the kid’s faces again but nothing seemed to change in them. There was no shock or surprise to find there at all.

_ What the fuck? Have I been that obvious? _

“What does that mean? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?” Rickon’s question had Sansa turning towards Sandor and when she gave him a shy smile his heart fucking would have soared if it hadn’t been contained inside his ribcage.

“Yes.” Sandor didn’t have to think twice about his answer. It came out as a confident declaration and Sansa squeezed his hand. He didn’t want anyone else and he didn’t want Sansa to think that he did. He definitely didn’t want her with anyone else either so what was there to think about? He couldn’t fucking believe his luck as Rickon grinned wide at him. “I just want you guys to know that this won’t change things between me and you guys. I mean, I will still be Rickon’s coach, and I’ll take Bran climbing. I’ll still keep Arya in check.”

Arya threw him a dark glare but he noticed the slight twitch in her lip and he felt like he could fucking breath freely again. They weren’t protesting, they weren’t even questioning it. They seemed accepting and understanding.

“We didn’t want you guys to feel left out of everything. This just means that Sandor and I will spend more time together and that he will spend more time here.” Sansa gave them a reassuring smile and Sandor couldn’t help but lift their joined hands to his chest.

“Okay. Now that we all know what has been painfully obvious to the smart ones at this table, can we just skip the awkward parts? Just promise you won’t go all disgustingly clingy and suck face all the time.” Arya’s voice was dripping with disgust but it only made Sandor smile at her. He didn’t mind her teasing, to him that meant that she was okay with this. Or at least on her way there.

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” Just because he could, and because he wanted to, he turned his head and pressed a soft kiss against Sansa’s lips. He tried really hard to ignore the gagging sound coming from across the table but when he felt Sansa’s laughter against his lips he couldn’t keep in his own. “You guys are going to be insufferable about this aren’t you?”

“Just in the beginning,” Bran offered and with a crooked smile that had Sandor shaking his head.

“So you’re all okay with this?” Sansa asked and Sandor had to bite his tongue so he wouldn’t tell her to not ruin it. They hadn’t said that they weren’t, why would she give them a chance to now?

Sandor felt like his nerves were back on edge for the seconds it took before the three Stark kids just shrugged their shoulders and he was strangely a bit annoyed. Why had he built this up in his mind into being a fucking huge moment when their only reaction was a shrug?

“Great. Well Sandor has something else I think he wants to share with you guys.” Sansa gave him a pointed look and he felt like an idiot. Because he had no idea what she meant. They had told them about them being together. What else could there be that was even the slightest bit important after that? “About the charity game…”

“Oh, right. Yeah. I’m playing in it.” The roars and shouts of excitement from across the table had him jumping in his seat. It was like an assault of noise being thrown at him with all of their half-shouted questions.

“Oh my god! That is so awesome!” Rickon chair had fallen over when he jumped to his feet and he didn’t seem to be able to stand still for a second, rocking back and forth on his heels.

“Who are you playing with?!” Bran’s face was lit up with excitement and he was talking a mile a minute. “Who’s on the other team?!”

“When is it?!” Arya’s shouts were demanding and very loud for someone so small in size.

“Everybody calm the fuck down!” He had to raise his voice to be heard over them but it did the trick. They all instantly silenced and watched him with wide eyes. Sandor could feel Sansa’s eyes on the side of his face and he was pretty sure she wasn’t happy with his language but at least it had worked. “I don’t have the team roster but I know I will have Oberyn Martell on my team. I’ll meet the rest when we start practices next week. The game will be on the second Saturday of March.”

He held up his hand when he saw them all opening their mouths, as if to ask more questions and it made them snap them all shut.

“I have gotten you guys tickets.” His words were followed by another loud wave of excited noise and this time he chose to ignore it. Instead he turned his head to the side to look at Sansa. Her blue eyes were wide and surprised but the smile on her face was radiant.

_ How fucking lucky am I? _

* * *

Sandor had always thought himself to be in good shape. Even after his hockey career had ended he had kept up with his workouts and he ran almost every morning before work. But as he was sitting in the locker room after another practice with the All Star team he was exhausted. His breath was coming out in laboured huffs and he was dripping sweat as he glared at Barristan Selmy.

The old, white haired man had once been one of the best coaches in NHL and even though Sandor would never admit it, it was a dream come true to have him as a coach. It didn’t matter that it was only for a charity game. Coach Selmy was also known for being a hardass who pushed his players to the brink and that part Sandor had just experienced for himself.

His team were a ragtag bunch of players that in their time had been great players. Most of the guys were his age, like Oberyn, and Sandor had played against most of them during his own career. There were also a few older players, like Stannis Baratheon, who still held their own.

“You are a sorry bunch of slackers,” Coach Selmy’s voice rang out in the locker room but Sandor was only half paying attention to the man. His mind was on the fact that he needed to get out of there as soon as possible so he would be able to get back home in time for tonight’s dinner. It already sucked that he had missed the kids’ practice two weeks in a row. He didn’t want to miss another Saturday night dinner with the Starks.

_ If only Selmy would shut the fuck up so I could hit the showers and get out of here. _

“You are supposed to be The All-Star team. You have to play like it or you are going to get your asses handed to you by the young bucks in the other team.” That was one of the less fun things about this game. Apparently the organizers had decided that to draw even more people they had recruited active players to play in the other team. It was the old players versus the young current ones instead of two teams of retirees. “You play like you haven’t played hockey professionally.”

“Yeah, well if Martell would stop acting like this is a fucking one man show with his fucking antics he would have noticed that Baratheon would have been able to breakaway. And if Mormont had paid attention to Thoros during warm ups he would have noticed that he’s a flopper and would have scored more than once.” The words came out in an angry hiss under Sandor’s breath and the locker room was dead silent as Selmy turned around to stare down at him. “What? It’s the bloody truth.”

“And you noticed all this while on the ice? When you were supposed to be playing defense?” Mormont asked and Sandor scoffed.

“Have to be blind to not be able to read these guys.” There were a few grumbled murmurs but the most concerning thing was how Martell was grinning widely at him. “And nobody got a puck past me did they?”

“Clegane is right. You all need to shape up or we are all going to look like fools.” Sandor was surprised to have Selmy agreeing with him but he kept his face impassive. He didn’t need the old man’s approval, but it felt fucking good either way. “Next week we have practices scheduled for Wednesday and then we have one on Saturday at noon and a physical on Sunday. I suggest you all do some cardio between practices.”

There were low sounds of agreement and as soon as Selmy left the locker room Sandor hurried into the showers. He would have skipped showering at all, to save time, but he figured that the odds of Sansa wanting to kiss him while he stank of sweat was very low.

Once he got out of the showers he put his towel dried hair in a bun at the back of his head and threw on his clothes. In the corner of his eyes he could see a group of men chatting and a scowl pulled at his face when Martell santered towards him.

“Clegane! A bunch of us are going out to dinner and drinks. And then we plan on going out to find ourselves a good time.” Sandor gave him a non committed grunt and started putting his things in his duffel bag. “From what I remembered you were always up for a good time, you want to come?”

As he threw his duffel bag over his shoulder Sandor turned to the other man. Martell was a good guy, fucking cocky as hell, but a good guy. He could play rough on the ice but he treated people fairly, as long as they did the same. Sandor knew the kind of fun Martell was talking about, he had always thrown the craziest parties and it seemed that despite having passed 40 the man hadn’t changed that much.

“I’ve got people waiting for me so I have to head out.” It was almost comical how Martell’s dark eyes widened with surprise. “And I don’t drink anymore.”

“The Hound saying no to a drink? This has to be the work of a woman.” Sandor rolled his eyes as the other guys laughed, probably at the idea of any woman wanting him, and took a deep breath to keep his annoyance at check.

“I got sober long before I met her.” The grin that split Martell’s face then had Sandor sighing. He just wanted to get the fuck out of here and home to Sansa and the kids, he didn’t want to have to deal with this idiot.

“So there is a woman? Well, well, well. Who got Clegane to settle down? She must be one hell of a woman to put up with you.” Sandor knew Martell didn’t mean anything by his teasing but Sandor still found himself biting his cheek in annoyance.

“Show us a picture then so we know you aren't making shit up!” Greyjoy called out with a leer and Sandor growled at him as he clenched his fist.

“Fuck off Greyjoy! And it’s none of your goddamn business.” With a last dark look at Greyjoy he strode out of the locker room. He had only made it halfway down the hallway when he heard someone calling out for him.

“Clegane!” When Sandor turned towards the sound he saw Selmy hurrying towards him.

_ Oh for fuck sake. _

For a second he contemplated acting as if he hadn’t heard him and just hurry out to his truck and drive off. He knew he never would get away with it, since the old man held eye contact with him but there would be no shame in trying right? Unfortunately the other man had caught up with him by then so now there was no way out.

“In a hurry?” Sandor grunted in admittance and Selmy crossed his arms over his chest. Sandor had spent enough time with the man by now to know that he did that whenever he wanted to talk about something serious. “I’ll make it quick then. You’ve got a good eye for the game. Even when you are in the middle of it you can read players and see plays ahead of time. We need that on this team. These guys act as if their old glory will be enough to get them through.”

“They’re fucking lazy,” Sandor interjected and Selmy nodded.

“I want us to win this game, charity event or not. So I want you to be captain.” Sandor felt his eyes widen at the other man’s words. Him, captain? He had never had that responsibility during his career and he had no idea why Barristan thought he would be a good choice for that. Sandor was about to open his mouth to protest but before he could Selmy continued. “You don’t let anyone walk over you. You don’t tolerate laziness or pissy attitudes. And of all of them you have the most to prove, don’t you?”

There was nothing Sandor could do but nod because it was the truth. He was the only player there who had ended his career in a crash and burn. The other’s had all retired, perhaps not completely on their own terms, but it hadn’t been a PR nightmare like his. He wasn’t stupid or naive enough to think that he would get a chance to play professionally again, he was too old by now. But he wanted to show people that he had changed and most of all he just wanted a chance to play again.

Even if the practices were hell he loved every second off it because he was doing what he loved. So with a sigh he reached out his hand to Selmy who shook it.

“I saw you coach your team to winning the state finals last year.” Selmy had his serious eyes locked on Sandor’s as he continued talking. “You’re a good coach. If you want to take that farther I might have a few people I could pass your name on to.”

Sandor felt a little shellshocked. Selmy not only found him good enough to be the Captain of the All-Star team, giving him a real chance to prove himself, but he also thought him a good coach? How the hell could this be real? He felt like a fucking idiot as he only nodded once again but Barristan seemed to find it enough because without another word he turned and walked away. Sandor stood there for a moment, just staring out into the air and tried to process everything.

His first urge when he came to was to call Sansa. He wanted to tell her and he wanted to know what she thought about it. So as he got into his truck and pulled out of the stadium’s parking lot he called her on his handsfree.

“Hi!” Her voice came out bubbly and happy and the best part was that he knew that he could at least take part credit in that.

“Hey. I’m just leaving practice. Have you guys already eaten?” He knew it was stupid of him to put so much meaning into just sharing a meal with them but he felt like he would be gutted if they had. At some point Saturday dinners with the Starks had become the highlight of his week and he hated to miss it again.

“No, we’re waiting for you.” He couldn’t keep the smile from splitting his face and since no one could see him it didn’t matter how it pulled at his scars. Not that it mattered that much anymore, had she been able to see him he would have smiled anyway. He did that a lot around her and he liked that.

“Great. I’ll be there in about 30 minutes.”

“Sandor… Please drive safe. Don’t rush.” He could hear the worried tone in her voice and instantly his foot eased off the gas.

“Yeah, of course. So 40 minutes. Want me to pick something up on the way?” he asked and just hearing her voice made his thoughts about Selmy’s words feel less concerning. She calmed him and he figured they could talk about it once he got there.

“No, we got it covered. Just drive safe and get here so I can kiss you.” If his smile had been big before it was nothing compared to what it became when he heard gagging noises in the background that was followed by Sansa making kissing noises in response.

“You’re so fucking sickening!” Arya’s exclamation was loud enough for him to hear and it made him burst out laughing. 

“See you soon.” He repeated her words back to her and hung up. After a few moments of grinning like a fool he held in the command button on the steering wheel.

“Play Sansa’s playlist.” She had shared it with him a few days ago and he had saved it on his Spotify and as his truck filled with some bubbly pop he drove while his fingers drummed the beat against the steering wheel.

By the time he drove up to the Stark’s apartment he was bone tired but the excitement over seeing them still had him jumping out of his truck and grabbing his bag. He hurried up to the door and knocked. When the door opened to reveal Sansa his face split into another wide smile. As she threw her arms around his neck he wrapped his arms around her and she giggled when he walked them inside with her feet dangling in the air.

“Where is everybody?” he asked as he put her down on her feet long enough to throw his bag on the floor. 

“I sent Arya and Rickon out to get us all tacos after you called. And Bran is having dinner at Jojen’s.” With a soft smile she reached up to cup his cheek but despite the kiss she gave him he frowned.

“Aw man. I had hoped that we would have dinner together, all five of us.” His voice sounded a little petulant but she didn’t give him a hard time over it. Instead she stepped back and pulled him towards the living room by his hand.

“I think you are missing the big picture here.” The smirk she gave him made him narrow his eyes at her and his breath hitched when she stopped by the couch and stepped closer. “We are all alone.”

As her words clicked in his mind he found himself grinning almost feraly at her and she gasped as he wrapped her in his arms. The kiss he pressed against her lips was needy and almost desperate and his whole being hummed when she responded in kind. She moaned when his tongue pushed inside her mouth but then she pulled away, drawing what sounded almost like a whine from his mouth.

The whine like noise died when she laid down on the couch and held her arms out to him. Instead it turned into a moan of his own as he crawled on top of her and her hands started caressing his sides and her fingers traced the hemline of his t-shirt. The feel of her soft fingers against his skin made him shiver and he pressed his face to the side of her neck. She hummed low in her throat when he pressed kisses to the smooth skin and her breathing became a bit more laboured as his lips made their way up her neck and across her jaw. 

He buried one of his hands in that amazing hair of hers as he pressed his lips to her in a demanding kiss that deepened even further when her hands pushed beneath his shirt. He hissed as her teeth nipped at his lip and he desperately wanted to feel her skin beneath his hands. The hand that wasn’t in her hair, grabbed her hip and when his thumb touched the exposed skin between her shirt and jeans they both groaned.

“Sansa I…” he wasn’t sure what he was about to say but whatever it was it got cut off by the sound of keys in the front door. The sound made him pull away and sit up as he tried to rearrange his clothes.

The sound of Sansa’s giggle made him turn his head towards her and as soon as he did he regretted it. Her hair was wild and splayed out over the cushion, her lips were swollen from kissing and her neck was slightly red from where his beard must have scratched her.

_ She looks too fucking good. _

“Come with me to Boston.” She frowned at him in confusion and he realised that it was a pretty vague request. “Next weekend. I have practice Saturday and Sunday morning but I have all of Saturday afternoon and evening free. We could do whatever you want, shopping or sightseeing. Or going to the movies. They will set me up with a hotel room for the night and we could…”

He stopped his rambling when he saw the surprised look on her face and waited for her to say something, anything. Was he moving too fast? Did she think it was too much to spend a night at a hotel together?

Just then Arya and Rickon came into the kitchen and Sansa sat up as she started smoothing out her hair. His chest fell when she didn’t answer him and he felt suddenly worried when she didn’t meet his eyes.

“Are you going to help us with this or what?” Arya asked them and Sansa got up from the couch.

“I need a minute,” he said and with a nod of understanding she hurried into the kitchen and started setting the table.

Sandor felt clueless as to what had happened. They had been kissing, which was always amazing, and she had seemed so happy. Why had she reacted the way she had to his invitation?

Once he had settled down enough he was able to move to the kitchen table and he hesitantly sat down next to Sansa. She turned her head and offered him a small smile but it did nothing to calm the worry in his chest.

“We got you chicken tacos,” Rickon said as he put a container in front of Sandor and he made himself smile at the kid.

“How did the practice go?” Sandor asked and he allowed himself to get lost in Rickon’s retelling of the day’s practice. He then turned his attention to Arya who told him about the game they were playing the next day.

“How about your practice?” Sansa asked softly and he made himself hide the concern he felt as he turned his head to look at her. She gave him a soft smile and put a hand on his arm, so he figured he might be hiding it pretty well.

“Barristan is a hardass. He pushes us but we are getting better for it,” Sandor said with a shrug. “He asked me to be Captain.”

“What?! That’s awesome!” Rickon’s excited shout made Sandor’s lips twist into a smile and he shrugged again, which made Arya glare at him.

“I guess…” He felt Sansa’s hand squeeze his arm but he kept his attention on his food and thankfully they moved the conversation on to other topics.

Sandor had just stuffed his mouth full of his second chicken taco when he nearly choked as Sansa spoke.

“Sandor has asked me to go to Boston with him next weekend. We would stay overnight.” He whipped his head to the side to stare at her but Sansa’s eyes were focused on Arya’s face. She looked completely calm and sure of herself. “Would you be okay with watching the boys until Sunday evening?”

He hadn’t expected Sansa to tell the kids even before she told him if she would come. Based on her reaction he had expected her to not want to go but that she didn’t know how to let him down easy.

Arya seemed to mull it over and then her eyes narrowed. Sandor wasn’t sure why but that look made him uneasy.

“Can Gendry spend the night?” Arya finally asked and Sansa nodded before Sandor had a chance to protest.

“Sure. By the way, do you need more condoms?” Sandor started coughing so hard that his face was turning red and his lungs screamed for air while his mind begged for him to pass out so that he didn’t have to witness this conversation.

“No, I’m good. Do _ you _need condoms?” In the corner of his eye Sandor saw Sansa’s cheeks flush red and with a sharp inhale of air he flew to his feet and gave Rickon a pleading look.

“You wanna kick my ass in that videogame of yours?” Arya rolled her eyes at him as he and Rickon practically ran to the couch. Sandor didn’t give a shit, he could not sit there and listen to the sisters having that type of conversation.

He knew it was a good thing that they could but was it so strange that he didn’t want to hear it? To him Arya was a kid, he knew she would be turning 18 in a few months but he still didn’t want to think of her as a woman. That might be stupid of him but he just wanted her to be a kid for a little longer. The world was a shitty place and he just wanted to keep her from seeing all the ugly sides of it all.

_ She already has seen plenty of ugly, you idiot. _

He turned his head back towards the kitchen table and saw that Sansa and Arya were still talking in low voices. He wondered if Sansa was telling Arya that she did need condoms. Should he bring condoms?

Fuck, had she thought that him asking her to Boston and to spend the night that they were going to have sex? Not that he would mind it, quite the opposite. He wanted her, badly, but he didn’t want her to feel pressured.

After a few minutes of Sandor getting his ass handed to him Arya came and sat down at the couch while Sansa stayed in the kitchen.

“Here, take over,” Sandor said as he threw the controller in her lap. He walked over to the kitchen and hesitated by the counter.

Sansa was putting the dirty dishes in the washer and he just watched her for a while. He knew that he didn’t deserve someone as good as her, as kind and as beautiful. But for some reason she wanted to be with him and he wasn’t going to allow himself to fuck that up. He needed to do what he could to keep her.

“Hey, about Boston…” She turned around with a startled gasp and he wished that the sound didn’t make him think about how she had made a similar sound when she was beneath him barely an hour ago. He wanted to keep a cool head but it was hard when she moved closer. She tilted her head up to meet his eyes and he held him back from leaning down and kissing her. “I didn’t ask you to come just because we would spend the night. I want you there because I want to spend time with you.”

With a soft smile she reached a hand out to cup his cheek and the soft touch somehow settled his raw nerves and worries. He had no idea how she could calm him so with just a touch but he reveled in it.

“I know. And I want to spend time together, just us.” He released a sigh of relief as she wrapped her other arm around his waist and his hand found its place at the small of her back. He leaned down to press his forehead against hers and saw the smile that filled her face. It was that soft, happy smile that made him feel amazing because he had put it on her face. 

“If you guys are done sucking face we are going to watch a movie if you want to join us!” Arya called out from the couch and Sansa huffed out a laugh against his face.

“I’m really looking forward to it just being us.” She pressed a soft kiss against his lips before she pulled out their embrace. “Okay! What snacks do you guys want?”

As the kids on the couch yelled out different snacks Sandor watched Sansa shake her head in amusement and as he moved to help her he pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head.

“I am too.”


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a big busy day for our new couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> I hope you guys are healthy and safe! I am getting a little stir crazy but it also helped me finish this chapter. We aren't in quarantine or self isolating here in Sweden but it's still recommended that we only go out when we need to so I've spent my days at home with my 1 year old and 3 year old. Love it but also need a break. Thank god for the SanSan community! 
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy this big chapter, it's long and there is a lot going on but hopefully you will have fun reading it! 
> 
> Lots of love and care to every single one of you ❤️
> 
> Also - I made a little picset on tumblr if anyone is interested. 
> 
> [Picset Chapter 17](https://islandida.tumblr.com/post/613684039898005504/doing-the-best-we-can-chapter-17-so-i-uploaded)

“So… how are things with you and Sandor?” Sansa looked up from her salad and met Jeyne's eyes across the table. Her friend had asked her out to lunch with her and Sansa thought it would be nice and a distraction from how nervous she felt about tomorrow. With Jeyne asking about Sandor it did the opposite of calming her.

“Really good.” Sansa kept her answer light and made sure to smile but Jeyne’s eyes narrowed.

“I know I wasn’t especially understanding or supportive in the beginning and I’m sorry.” Her words took Sansa by surprise and this time her smile was genuine. “I haven’t seen you this happy like ever so I am all for it. Now tell me what has gotten you stabbing your salad like you want to kill it.”

Sansa’s mind instantly went to tomorrow and what she hoped would happen. She felt her cheeks grow warm as her mind wandered to how he kissed her like he needed her more than air or how his hands were strong and calloused against her skin and how she couldn’t wait to feel those fingers everywhere.

“I’m just nervous I guess… We are going to Boston this weekend and we will spend the night at a hotel.” Jeyne nodded at her to keep going and Sansa sighed. “I think we might… you know… and it would be the first time for us… And I guess I am nervous.”

Jeyne’s eyes turned soft then and she reached out her hand to put it on top of Sansa’s that was resting on the table. 

“I get that you are a little nervous, that’s perfectly normal with it being the first time together and all. Just make sure that you are comfortable with everything and that you communicate.” Sansa nodded but she still felt that set of nerves in her stomach and she wasn’t sure if there was anything that could make it go away.

“I know… I am just worried that I’ll mess it up or something.”

“Oh honey, you could be wearing a burlap sack and you would have that man eating out of your hand. Or other parts, which he should if he knows what’s good for him.” Jeyne smile turned almost Cheshirecat like when Sansa blushed and she wondered what idea her friend had just had. “But if it’s a confidence issue I know just the thing to boost it.”

With Jeyne’s urging they finished their lunch quickly while Jeyne texted someone before she dragged Sansa out the door.

“What do you have in mind?”

“We are taking a long lunch. We need to do some shopping.” She led Sansa down the street and didn’t stop until they reached a lingerie store. Sansa felt herself blush as she took in the intricate lace and straps that the manikins wore.

“Nothing over the top right?” Sansa whispered to Jeyne as her friend held the door open for her.

“Sweetie, the whole point of this is to make you feel confident and sexy. For that to happen you have to feel comfortable with what you are wearing.” Jeyne’s soft smile assured Sansa and as they started browsing she found that the nerves transformed into butterflies.

_ It feels fun and exciting. Finally. _

* * *

“Hey, you okay?” Sansa jolted as Sandor’s deep voice filled the silent truck and her cheeks flushed with where her thoughts had lingered. “Where did you go?”

His voice was soft and teasing and when she turned her head to look at him he threw her a quick smile before returning his attention to the road. 

“Nowhere. Just feel a bit tired.” It wasn’t an outright lie but she still noticed how his brow furrowed and she wondered if he knew that she was dodging his question. In hopes of not having to tell him what was packed at the bottom of her bag she decided to change the subject. “So, what’s the plan for today? Do you have practice straight away?”

“No, I don’t have to be at the stadium until noon. I figured we could check in and then head out a bit. Maybe get some brunch?” She smiled happily at him and reached out her hand to squeeze his arm. His lip twitched in a small smile and she loved the idea of them exploring Boston together. They had both been there before but it was different this time because they were going together. She had never stayed at a hotel with a boyfriend before and she was excited.

“Brunch sounds great.”

Once they parked at the hotel and got checked in they hurried back outside. It was still winter and pretty cold but she didn’t care when Sandor took her hand as they walked down the street. She could have walked for hours as long as she got to hold his hand but it turned out that the brunch place that the concierge had recommended was only a few minutes walk away. 

When they stepped inside the first thing that struck her was the amazing smells and the soothing ambiance. The walls were painted in a soft turquoise and the tables and chairs were light wood. It felt bright and warm and Sansa was relieved when the waitress greeted them with a big smile and didn’t even react to Sandor’s scars. Sansa understood that situations like these made him uncomfortable and she appreciated him even more for doing this for her. The waitress led them to a corner table that gave them a bit more privacy and Sansa smiled gratefully. Sandor must have noticed that too because once they were seated at their table his shoulders relaxed and he started listing the items on the menu that he wanted. Sansa had to stifle a giggle as the waitress' eyes kept widening for every item Sandor ordered and when she turned to Sansa she gave her an amused smile.

“The worst part isn’t that he will eat it all. It’s that he will eat it all and somehow still stay fit.” The waitress laughed as Sandor threw Sansa a dark look but she knew there was no real anger behind it. He didn’t mind her teasing. “Oh gosh, all of those Belgian Waffles sound amazing. I’ll have the blueberry compote and lemon curd waffle, and a latte please.”

“Maybe I should have gotten something a bit healthier,” Sansa said once the waitress had gone to get their coffees and Sandor shook his head as he reached out for her hand.

“It’s Saturday and we are away from home. It’s like a mini holiday, everybody knows that you can eat what you want when you’re on holiday.” He grinned at her as she entwined their fingers and she couldn’t help but smile back. “Besides, you can try some of my food if you want.”

“Oh yeah? I know what you are playing at. You just want a taste of my waffles,” she joked and her heart skipped a beat when he lifted their joined hands to his lips and pressed a soft kiss just beneath her thumb.

“Maybe… So what do you want to do after we’ve eaten? Anything in particular?” Sandor asked as their waitress came back with their coffees. He offered her a polite nod but didn’t release Sansa’s hand.

“I don’t know. It’s such a lovely sunny day, maybe we could just walk for a bit and see what we pass?” He nodded and just then a waiter came with their food. Sansa’s eyes widened as he put down three plates of food as well as her waffles.

“What? I am going to burn it all off during practice,” Sandor said defensively when he noticed her look of disbelief and with a small smile he tucked in and groaned. “These Eggs Benedict are amazing.”

Since the waffles on her plate were huge she forgoed tasting his food in order to finish her own. 

“You’ve never told me when you started playing hockey. What got you into the sport?” She asked between bites and as soon as the question left her mouth he tensed and she could have kicked herself. He had been in foster care since he was six and she knew nothing about what that had to be like other than it must have been hard. What if she was ruining their nice time by bringing up something painful? “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to pry or make you uncomfort…”

“Sansa,” he cut her off with her name spoken so softly that it made her mouth slam shut. “You can ask me anything. I just might not have great answers…”

“I was just curious. I just want to know things about you. It might be a little silly…” She felt her cheeks flush as his eyes turned soft. She felt relieved when he put his fork down to reach out and take her hand in his.

“I think I was seven. I was at this new foster home and the father of the family loved hockey. I remember him always watching games on the tv during the weekends and if I was quiet I was allowed to watch too. I just loved the game and I decided that I needed to learn to skate.” Sansa’s heart ached for the image of a little boy with sad silver grey eyes finding something that he wanted to for himself. “I didn’t really have any money for equipment but there was this community centre with a rink close to the foster home and they let you borrow skates. I was there everyday.”

“You taught yourself?” she asked and he nodded. Somehow that didn’t surprise her, it sounded just like something the stubborn man across the table from her would do. She was pretty sure that he had been born stubborn and determined.

“I got sent to a new foster home and the new school had a hockey team. Even as a kid I was bigger than the rest and I could skate circles around them.” His lip twitched as he spoke and she squeezed his hand to show him that she was listening. “I moved around a lot but once I got to High School I was actually approached by a school. The coach thought I had potential so despite moving homes four times in High School I commuted to school so that I could stay in the same team. I wasn’t that great of a student but I was good at hockey. I was good at something and people valued me for it so I knew that playing professional was the way to go.”

She couldn’t imagine what it was like having such an unstable upbringing, not knowing how long you would stay in a certain place before you had to move again. Sansa had lived in the same house all of her life until college and she had never doubted that her parents had wanted her and loved her. He had shared with her about how his mother had died when he was too young to remember her and that his father hadn’t been a good parent. Yet he had somehow become this strong, caring man despite his hard childhood. Or maybe it was because of it? Was his rough childhood the reason for him caring so much about her siblings? Did he see himself in them? The thought made her throat thicken and she took a big sip of her coffee to try and sooth it.

“Hey, I got drafted at 20 so it all worked out in the end. I played in the AHL for few seasons before they moved me up to the NHL. Sure I fucked that up but that worked out too, in the end.” There was something in his eyes then that made her frown. A hesitation that she couldn’t help but feel concerned about. Was there something he wanted to talk to her about but he didn’t know how to?

“I am proud of you.” His eyes widened in surprise as she held them with her own. “You’ve overcome so much. It's just a testament to your strength. I admire that.”

“You shouldn’t be. I have done horrible shit. I ruined my career. I was in prison.” She saw him pale as if he hadn’t intended to share that information and he dragged his hand across his scarred cheek while he avoided her eyes.

“I know.” Her words were spoken softly but he flinched as if she had shouted and his whole face was twisted in disbelief. “I googled you. How could I trust you with my siblings if I didn’t know who you were?”

“You know? You knew the whole time and you still allowed me to be around you guys? How could you still…” His words died in his throat but she knew what he was afraid of asking out loud. How could she still want him if she knew what he had done?

“I see the man you’ve become, the man you are today and I know that you’ve worked hard to better yourself. You are a better man because you hit rock bottom and built yourself up again.” She smiled at him when she felt his large thumb stroking the back of her hand and it sent a wave of butterflies fluttering inside of her. “I trust you because I’ve seen the way you are with them, how you care about them.”

“I care about you too,” he said in a half whisper and Sansa couldn’t keep the blush from spreading across her face with the heated way he looked at her. He looked at her as if he couldn’t believe that she was real and as if he wanted to devour her before she disappeared. She knew she wouldn’t mind being devoured by him.

He had shared a part of his past that was painful and for a moment she contemplated telling him about Robb, maybe he would understand why she had acted the way she had and why she kept him at a distance still, despite it being two years. But then he lifted their joined hands to his face and pressed a warm kiss to the inside of her wrist and it sent a surge of need low in her core and she couldn’t make herself break this moment.

Instead she found herself caressing his fingers with hers and his breath hitched when she bit her bottom lip. It gave her the opportunity to pull their hands to her face and in an unusual bold move for her she nipped at his knuckle. The way his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open slightly sent a thrill of power through her. Knowing that a simple touch from her could pull such a reaction from such a large man was an addictive feeling and she couldn’t wait until she had a chance to see his reaction to other things.

“Maybe…” his voice cracked and she stifled a giggle as he cleared it. “Maybe we should finish our food and continue our walk?"

She knew they only had a limited time before he had to go to practice and she did want to make the most of it so she agreed. By the time she had finished her food, and Sandor somehow miraculously had finished all of his, they were stuffed but very happy.

As they stepped up into the winter sun Sansa took Sandor’s hand and they just walked for a while, chatting softly and sharing stories of their previous visits. She didn’t realise that he had suddenly stopped until she was tugged back by the hand that was still in his. As she turned her head to look at him she noticed that he was staring into a shop window.

His eyes were dark and his brow furrowed. She quickly stepped up to stand in front of him and raised their joined hands to her chest. She tilted her chin to look up at him but his eyes were still turned towards the shop window. It was a hair salon she realised and he didn’t seem to be staring into it, instead he was staring at his reflection in the window.

“Sandor?” She said his name softly and he sighed so deeply that she stepped closer until their chests were pressed together and the proximity made him turn his head towards her.

“Do you think I should cut my hair?” The question came so unexpected that she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say, with the way his eyes seemed distant she wasn’t sure that it mattered.

“Do you think you should cut your hair?” He scowled at his own reflection and she reached up to cup his scarred cheek. It made him flinch before he took a deep breath and leaned into the touch.

“I can’t remember the last time I cut it.” She knew why he didn’t. She had seen him pull it over his scarred side often enough to understand that he hid behind it. With a soft smile she pushed his long strands away from his face and held his eyes with hers.

“I don’t think you should change anything you don’t want to.” Sandor gave her a small smile and leaned down to press a quick kiss to her lips.

“Maybe just a trim then.” She couldn’t hide her surprise as he tugged her in to the hair salon. There weren’t that many customers in the salon so as they stepped up to the counter the women looked up.

A woman with long beautiful dark hair walked up to them with a bright smile that was so infectious that it instantly put Sansa at ease. She squeezed Sandor’s hand and she heard him take a deep steadying breath.

“Hi there sweethearts. What can we do for you guys today?” She asked and she had a slight accent that Sansa couldn’t place. Sansa turned her head towards Sandor when he didn’t answer and he looked unsure again.

“We were wondering if you could fit in a quick haircut? Just cutting some split ends,” Sansa asked and the woman beamed again as she reached out her hand to touch Sansa’s hair, her lack of boundaries taking Sansa a bit off guard but her kind smile calmed her somewhat.

“You have gorgeous hair, you don’t really seem to need a haircut,” she said with a shrug and Sandor cleared his throat.

“I’m the one who needs a cut,” Sandor rasped out and the woman’s dark eyes moved up his chest and up to his face.

“Oh big man, I’m gonna take good care of you,” Sandor’s eyes widened as the hairdresser grabbed his arm and dragged him towards a chair. With a pleading look over his shoulder at Sansa he sat down and the force of nature that was this woman started dragging her hands through Sandor’s hair. “You’ve got some damaged ends.”

With a soft smile towards Sansa she nodded for her to sit in the free chair next to Sandor’s and with her hands she showed Sandor where she thought she would cut to get rid of all the damaged hair. It would mean that his hair would end just beneath his jawline and Sansa could tell by the strain in his jaw that it was shorter than what he had pictured. The hairdresser seemed to sense his hesitation because she smiled indulgently.

“How about we cut some soft layers and give it a little life? That way we can keep a little more length in.” Sandor’s eyes found Sansa’s in the mirror and she smiled encouragingly.

“Alright.” Sandor agreed with a huff of air and the hairdresser tapped his shoulder to make him look at her. Sansa wasn’t sure why he was doing this when it obviously made him very uncomfortable but she wasn’t about to question it. Instead she tried to offer her silent support, hoping that he would know that she was there for him like he had been for her.

“Let’s get your hair washed. Do you want anything done today, sweetie?” The last part was directed at Sansa who quickly shook her head. “You could get your nails done while you wait. Nothing wrong with a little pampering.”

Just then Sandor stood and the smile he gave her was encouraging and it was tempting. She couldn’t remember the last time she had pampered herself with something as wonderful as a manicure. She couldn’t keep from smiling as the hairdresser ushered her towards the other half of the salon where a woman with vibrant purple hair greeted her with a bright smile.

“Hi. I’m Mya and don’t worry, Shae will take good care of your man,” the woman said as Sansa sat down across from her. It sent a thrill through her to have someone refer to Sandor as her man and she couldn’t help but turn her head to look at him.

The hairdresser, Shae, was talking away as she washed Sandor hair and Sansa could tell by the way his jaw was clenching that he was uncomfortable but he didn’t say anything. He huffed and grunted in response and it made Sansa smile.

“Do you have any idea what you want?” Mya asked and Sansa almost answered “Him” before she caught herself and looked over the extensive variety of nailpolish on the wall behind Mya.

Her eyes caught on the soft matt blue shade and by the time her nails were done so was Sandor. As he stood and Sansa took in all of him her heart started beating rapidly in her chest. He hadn’t cut that much hair off but the difference was still big enough for her to want to run her hands through it. It looked softer and like an intentional haircut instead of looking like he just let his hair grow out so he could hide behind it. She held back from dragging her hands through it though, because she didn’t want to overwhelm him. He seemed a little unsure and Sansa figured that having made such a big change he would need time to get used to it.

“Thank you Shae,” he said low as he paid and the other woman grinned up at him as he handed her his card. “Put her manicure on this too.”

“Sandor, no. I can pay for myself.” Sansa's protest was met with deaf ears from both people and she huffed out an annoyed breath.

“I know you can. I just want to.” Sandor reached his arm out to pull her to his side and it placated her somewhat. The way he held her so intimately in front of other people had her heart singing.

“Good for you sweetie, you deserve someone who wants to spoil you,” Shae said with a wink at Sandor and any lingering annoyance simmered out when Sansa saw the way Sandor flushed. “You guys have a great weekend!”

Once they stepped out on the sidewalk Sansa turned towards him and ran her hands through the ends of his dark hair. He ducked his head down and she happily met him halfway and pressed a soft kiss against his lips.

“It looks really good,” she said softly against his lips and the huff of air that he pushed out against her seemed relieved. “You look really good.”

He pulled back and took one of her hands in his much larger ones. He gently traced her hand with his calloused fingers and the touch sent a jolt low in her gut.

“I like the colour. It matches your eyes.” She couldn’t believe that this large, imposing man that she at first glance had thought rude and judgemental turned out to be this soft, caring and kind man that now held her in his arms.

_ I am so lucky. _

“I need to get to practice.” His reluctantly spoken words ended their embrace but as they walked hand in hand back towards the hotel she felt giddy and happy. It had been a great morning, stress free and indulgent. She hadn’t realised how much she needed until she was in the middle of it. Having shared it with him just made it feel even sweeter.

The great feeling in her chest was enhanced when he held her against his chest and pressed soft kisses against her lips as they rode the elevator to their floor. He kept kissing her neck and cheek as they stumbled through the hallways and she giggled when she almost tripped on her feet from how dizzy his kisses made her.

Once they got into their room she turned around and pushed him against the door. His hands instantly went to hold her hips and she pressed herself flush against him. His tongue pushed inside of her mouth and she moaned when he gently nipped at her bottom lip.

“I really don’t fucking want to, but I got to go,” he grunted out against the side of her face as he pressed hot kisses across her cheek until he reached her ear. “I’ll be back around five, six at the latest and we can go out for dinner after I get back.”

She had to bite her lip to keep herself from gasping out a moan when his teeth grazed her earlobe and her grip on his shoulders tightened. She had never felt this weak in the knees and turned on before simply from kissing. A part of her wanted to tell him to skip practice, to stay here with her and not leave this room until tomorrow. She knew that would be selfish and she wanted to support him in this second chance that he had earned.

“I’ll be ready.” With a few more heated kisses, that turned into even more kisses, he finally pulled away with a sigh and grabbed his duffel bag.

“I’ll see you soon.”

As he closed the door behind him Sansa did something she hadn’t done in such a long time. She shimmied out of her jeans and with a happy squeal she jumped onto the double bed. She burrowed beneath the soft covers with a happy sigh and grabbed the remote to log into Netflix to watch one of the shows she had waited forever to finally see.

_ This is the life. _

She must have fallen asleep because when she woke up she felt so well rested that she almost purred as she stretched out in the large bed. She picked up her phone from the side table and gasped when she noticed the time. She had slept a lot longer than she had thought and if she wanted to be ready by the time Sandor got back she needed to get going.

She hung up the midi length black dress she had brought and the nice boots she planned on wearing with it. Then her hands grabbed the bag with the lingerie set and she felt herself blush. Should she wear it underneath her dress or should she wait and slip into it once they got back from dinner?

In her mind she tried to picture the look on Sandor’s face when he saw her in the black laced number and it sent a fluttering low in her core. She hoped that she wouldn’t wear them for long after that and she figured it wouldn’t hurt to wear them during the evening. Maybe it would give her the confidence boost Jeyne had talked about.

With a determined nod she got into the bathroom and started the shower. It was one of those luxurious kinds where the water came out of the ceiling and it was big enough that she and Sandor would fit in it at the same time.

_ Maybe I can convince him to shower with me later. I doubt it would take that much convincing. _

She caught herself singing as she washed her hair and with a huge grin she started bellowing out “I’m walking on sunshine” and she kept humming it even after she got out of the shower. Sandor had obviously made an effort in getting them a beautiful room at a really nice hotel and she couldn’t help but feel like he wanted to spoil her. She didn’t need him to spend a lot of money on her but she knew he did it because he wanted to and she couldn’t even put into words how nice it felt to have someone who wanted her to feel cherished. 

As she started putting on her makeup she couldn't stop grinning at her reflection and she looked almost crazy with how wide she was smiling. She knew it was a mix of being here with him and the feeling of getting a piece of herself back. The piece that could have happy moments where she didn’t worry about her siblings, moments where she could just enjoy the things around her. And the person with her.

Once she got dressed she looked herself over in the floor length mirror. The black dress complemented her soft red curls and the soft smokey eye made the blue of her eyes seem even brighter.

She still had a few minutes to kill before he got back so while she waited she texted her sister and instantly got a response that everything was okay and that Arya had packed a few condoms in her bag, just in cause. It made Sansa laugh and shake her head. Arya was impossible sometimes but it also felt beyond good that her sister was okay with this. With Sansa being with Sandor, it felt like a huge step when it came to them building their trust in each other.

Sandor had said that he would be back at six at the latest but when the clock had well passed that time he still hadn’t gotten back. There was no call or message from him so Sansa figured that practice must have ran late. She convinced herself that it was no big deal even when the clock turned seven but by the time it was almost eight she was worried. She forced herself to stay calm and not let her mind go to the worst case scenarios. It was probably nothing. He was fine, just running late.

_ Really late… _

Her tight dress suddenly felt constricting, making it hard to breath so she took it off and wrapped herself in the soft hotel robe instead. The soft fabric helped calm her a little. She had just sat down on the bed when her phone rang and she almost dropped it with how hard she flinched.

“Sandor!” she exclaimed as she answered and a relieved breath left her chest.

“I’m so sorry. They rescheduled the physical so we had it before practice today because some reporter is coming in tomorrow. I tried to text you but apparently it didn’t go through because there’s shitty reception in the locker room.” His voice was coming out between ragged breaths and she couldn’t help but wonder if he was running. “I am so sorry. I’ll hurry and we’ll still have time to go out to dinner. I promise.”

“It’s okay, Sandor,” she tried to assure him but he cut her off with an angry growl.

“No it’s fucking not. It’s fucking not.” She heard the sound of the truck door slamming shut and after a moment she heard the rumbling of the engine. “I’m sorry. I’ll make this up to you I swear.”

“Sandor. Just get here and it will be fine.” He mumbled something beneath his breath that she couldn’t make out but before she could ask what he had said he had hung up and she put the phone away.

She took a deep breath and it calmed her. She had been really worried that something was wrong and now that she knew that it wasn’t she finally could relax again. For a moment she felt annoyed with the whole thing. Annoyed over the fact that despite her trying hard not to, her mind had gone to the worst case scenarios and she hated feeling that crippling worry. It scared her that she cared so much about him already. She wasn’t surprised though, he had made his way into her family and slowly a space just for him had been made in her heart. She knew that caring about someone meant worrying about them, it was just two sides of the same coin.

It wasn’t that late, barely past eight and she knew that she should put her dress back on but she didn’t want to. It wasn’t that she was angry with Sandor and didn’t want to go to dinner with him. It was just that they had such precious little time, just the two of them and she suddenly didn’t feel like going out into the world. She wanted to be with only him.

When the hotel room door opened and Sandor stepped inside to find her on the bed in her robe she smiled at him. His face was a little red and his hair stuck to his face. He was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt that was darker in the middle of his chest, with sweat she realised.

_ Did he not shower after practice? Did he come straight here? _

“I am so fucking sorry. I’ll have a quick shower, get dressed and then we’ll go?” he asked and was just about to walk into the bathroom when he seemed to finally register that she was wearing a robe instead of her dress. “Don’t you want to go out anymore? Did I ruin it?”

Sansa quickly stood and walked over to him when she saw the distraught look on his face and shook her head as she placed a hand on his chest in hopes of calming him.

“You haven’t ruined anything. We can still get dressed and go out if you want,” she told him and shyly looked down before she lifted her eyes to look at him through her lashes. “Or you have a quick shower while I order room service and we stay here.”

“But…” He looked at her with a confused frown and the surge of excitement that went through her made her bite her bottom lip. His eyes zeroed in on that action and with a sharp inhale of breath his eyes turned a darker shade of grey. “Oh…”

“It’s up to you Sandor…” She kept her voice low and velvety and it was such a rush to see the way he visibly swallowed and clenched his fingers as if he was trying to keep himself from reaching out to touch her.

“Let’s do what you… said...” His voice was a gravely rasp and she felt goosebumps rise on her skin because of it and she couldn’t keep in her pleased smile.

“Get in the shower then. I’ll order.” He nodded so firmly and she had to stifle a laugh when he started pulling at his clothes even before he was inside of the bathroom. It gave her a full view of his broad muscular back and now she was the one who had to fight the urge to reach out and touch him.

To keep her mind off making her earlier fantasy of showering together a reality she turned towards the phone.

_ Not that I am bold enough to just walk into the shower with him. _

“What do you want me to order?” she called out towards the bathroom.

“Whatever meat and potatoes they got!” he called back and remembering the amount of food he could pack away she ordered their largest steak with roasted potatoes for him and a pasta dish for herself. Before she could overthink it she also ordered chocolate covered strawberries. Just because she loved strawberries and felt like spoiling herself, she just hoped that Sandor wouldn’t find it cheesy.

After having ordered room service she wasn’t sure what to do with herself, Sandor was still in the bathroom and her nerves were getting the better of her. She didn’t want to build things up too much in her head which was what she tended to do. She didn’t want to end up disappointed if things didn’t turn out the way she hoped they would.

He had just had two workouts back to back so she couldn’t blame him if he just wanted to eat and then watch tv in bed. The thought of snuggling together in the large bed and finding out what his favorite shows were made her smile. That wouldn’t be the worst end to their day.

“The food here yet?” With a surprised gasp she turned around and if she would have had any air left in her lungs it would have been stolen from her at that moment. Sandor had stepped out of the bathroom, his hair still damp, with only a towel wrapped around his hip.

Her eyes moved across the broad expanse of his shoulders and continued down his chest. It was covered in dark thick hair but beneath it she could make out firm muscles and inked skin. The thick hair continued down his abdomen. It wasn’t made of defined abs like a six pack, instead it was firm large muscles and her eyes were drawn to the sharp v of his hips. When she realised that she had been staring at the line of his towel for far too long her eyes snapped up and she found him looking at her with a worried frown.

“What?” her voice came out in a squeak and he strode up to her which only made things worse because now she could smell him. He smelled of the hotel soap but beneath it was a muskier scent that she knew was all his and she desperately wanted to drag her hands across his shoulders and scratch her nails along the lines of his chest.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I get it if you’re pissed…” he said softly with a worried frown on his face and she felt herself flush bright red. He was concerned with her being angry, how could he not have a clue how mouthwatering he looked right now? 

“I’m not angry. I was worried but you’re here now.” Unable to deny herself anymore she reached out and placed a hand on his chest. His chest hair was surprisingly soft and she couldn’t help pushing her fingers through it. A surprised groan vibrated through his chest and she smiled when she felt it beneath her hand.

He ducked his head down and just as their lips met there was a knock on the door that made Sansa try to pull back. Sandor’s large hands instantly grabbed her hips, keeping her close and she loved the feeling of his strong large hands holding on to her.

“It’s the food,” she offered softly and with a reluctant huff he allowed her to pull back.

“I guess I’ll put some clothes on,” he said and with a grin Sansa threw a robe at him. He raised his eyebrow at her in question and she smirked at him before heading towards the door.

Sandor disappeared inside the bathroom again as the staff member set the food down on the small round table by the window and didn’t come out until he was heading out the door again.

“Thank you,” Sandor said softly and Sansa had to bite her lip when she saw the other man’s eyes widen as Sandor took up the doorframe. He quickly collected himself and accepted his tip with a big smile and once the door was closed Sandor turned towards her and scowled. “I look fucking ridicilous.”

The laugh she had tried to hold in escaped her then and his scowl darkened as she took him in. He was wearing the same kind of white fluffy robe as her and while it reached her calves it barely reached to his knees. Once her laughter had died she stepped up closer to him and took a hold of the lapel on his robe and smiled up at him.

“I think you look cute,” she said with a smile and he grunted in displeasure. But she caught the way the scarred corner of his mouth twitched.

“Cute. The word every man wants to be described as by the woman he… likes.” Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed how his eyes widened before he caught himself. She wouldn’t allow her mind to dwell on what he had been about to say, she would drive herself mad if she did. Instead she put her other hand on his chest and dragged her fingers up and down along the soft fabric.

“What about handsome? Or manly?” she asked in a soft purr but he only grunted in disbelief. She moved her hand up to trace the taught lines of his neck and smirked when she saw him visibly swallow. “Or sexy?”

She held his eyes with hers as she stood on her toes and carefully nipped at his jaw. His breath escaped him in a rush of air and it felt like that rush surged right through her with how her stomach trembled. One of his large hands pressed at her lower back, pushing her closer against him and in response her mouth moved along his jaw, leaving a trail of soft kisses until it reached the spot beneath his ear.

“That’s how I would describe you.” He pulled back to look down at her and his mouth was turned down in a frown that made her hesitate. He placed his large hands on her arms and dragged them up and down in a soothing manner and she couldn’t help but feel like he was trying to put some distance between them. Her thoughts were confirmed when he stepped back and with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes he pressed a featherlight kiss against her forehead.

“Let’s eat before the food gets cold.” She couldn’t argue with the logic of it so she grabbed her bowl of creamy pasta and got on the bed. He chuckled at her when she grinned at him and he threw the remote next to her as he climbed into bed with his own plate.

“What type of shows do you like?” she asked and he shrugged before he stuffed his face with potatoes.

“Crime, thriller or horrors,” he answered once he finished chewing and she sighed. “But I enjoy comedies too. I really like MASH and Schitt’s Creek.”

“Ooh Schitt's Creek! Have you seen New Girl?” she asked and when he shook his head she quickly put on the first episode. She ended up mostly watching his reaction and biting her lip when he scrunched his face up in confusion or huffed out a surprised laugh.

“I didn’t think this through,” he grumbled as he looked down at the stake on his plate. He tried to balance the plate in his lap as he started cutting it up but the plate kept sliding on the soft comforter and after a bit of struggling he grunted and stuck his fork into the centre of the stake. She threw her head back and laughed as he started biting off chunks of meat. “Oh knock it off.”

His words had no real heat behind them and she only smiled at him. He grinned back and continued eating while she put her plate on the end table. She kept throwing glances towards him as they watched another episode and when he put his plate away she felt her heart rate spike. She waited for him to turn towards her or put his arm around her and pull her closer but instead he leaned against the headboard with a heavy sigh. She couldn’t help but feel confused. She had seen the way he looked at her, felt the way his hands held her, how he kissed her. She knew he wanted her. Or at least she had thought so yet now, at their first real chance to be together he made no move to act on it.

_ I guess I have to make the first move, again. _

She took a deep breath to try and calm the trembling in her gut as she turned to the side and scooted closer to him. She kept her touch soft and innocent as she rested her head against his shoulder and softly traced her finger along the sliver of skin of his chest that was exposed by the v of his robe. She hid her smile against the side of his neck when she heard him drag in a ragged breath and she softly traced the line of his neck with her lips.

“Sandor…” His name came out of her mouth in a husky whisper and when he turned his face towards hers his eyes were dark and heated. That look of need on his face sent a rush through her and it pulled back her older fantasy of how he would look at her when she undressed for him and revealed her lingerie.

Just as he leaned down, as if to kiss her, she pulled back and moved to the centre of the bed and got up on her knees. He looked at her with a confused frown and she bit her lip nervously. But as she took in the large presence of a man that was sitting there in a fluffy robe and watching her with dark needy eyes, as if she was everything, it gave her confidence enough to unwrap the robe and let it fall off her shoulders.

“Seven hells.” His grey eyes raked over her body so heavily that she could almost feel it. A rush of arousal sent a heat between her legs as his eyes greedily took in every detail. His eyes lingered on the black sheer lace bralette before they moved slowly down her stomach and stopped when they reached her matching panties. “Sansa…”

She gave him a soft smile and with a loud exhale he pushed up on his knees as well so that they were facing each other on the bed. His eyes darted down to her chest and she felt her nipples tightening simply because of his eyes on them.

Sansa wanted to see him too and she pulled at the string holding his robe closed and as soon as he realised what she wanted he shrugged it off and now she had him before her in nothing but a pair of black boxers. Sansa allowed herself to take her own look and he was even more mouthwatering up close. His arms were large, hairy and strong and she wanted them around her. Wanted his large hands all over her body and she wanted to know what his chest hair would feel like against her naked skin. Most of all she wanted to kiss him. Kiss all of him and have him kiss all of her.

He just watched her watching him, his hands twitching at his sides and her heart warmed at the fact that he was waiting for her to take the lead. He didn’t want to push for more than she wanted to give but as she looked at him she didn’t want him to be careful. She wanted to know that he wanted her as much as she wanted him, she wanted him to show her how much. With a soft smile she moved closer and placed two fingers beneath his chin, drawing his face closer to hers.

“Sandor. Kiss me.” The words came out in a breathless sigh against his mouth as she kept her mouth hovering against his. A second passed and then she saw the change in him. How his shoulders relaxed and his jaw clenched and before she could react one of his hands were on her hip and the other grasping her neck. 

His kiss was brusinging, hot and needy as his mouth claimed her. She could only cling to his shoulders as he stole her breath away. The large hand on her hips moved to the small of her back and pushed her flush against him, making her moan as she finally felt the heat of him against her skin.

“You’re so fucking beauiful,” he rasped out as he placed open mouthed kisses down her neck and she gasped as his teeth nipped at her clavicle. He soothed the sting with his tongue and she couldn’t keep herself from pushing her hands into his hair. With a gentle but strong hand on her chest he guided her down on her back and hovered above her. The sight of him looking down at her made her smile as she grasped the back of his head. She pulled his mouth down to hers and as she pushed her tongue into his mouth he hummed in pleasure. His large hand caressed her side, drawing goosebumps in its wake and she whined in protest when he pulled his lips away from hers. Then she felt the hot press of them against her neck and the slight scrape of his beard as he kissed his way down and across her shoulder.

She turned her head towards his and pressed a kiss against his scarred cheek. The skin was hard and raised and for a second her heart ached for the little boy who had to go through such pain. She quickly blinked a few times to push the thought away and focus on the present. On this strong man who’s rough, calloused hands were caressing her with such tenderness that it amazed her. As she kissed her way to his scarred ear she felt him stiffen.

“Sandor…?” His name came out soft and tender, the way she felt about him reflected in her voice and he visibly shuddered.

“You don’t have to… touch it I mean…” he rasped out as he hid his face against her neck. Without a moment of hesitation the fingers in his hair tightened around the strands and pulled at them to make him lift his head. The growl that vibrated from his chest was a deep, primal sound that sent a wave of heat to her core and she tugged at his hair again.

“Sandor.” This time her voice was demanding and she was relieved when his eyes met hers. With a tender smile she cupped his scarred cheek and caressed it with her thumb. He released a shaky breath and to distract him she tugged at his hair again. His eyes darkened and one of his large hands grabbed her hip forcefully. The firm press of his fingers had her arching her back into his chest and he grunted something unintelligible in that deep set voice of his.

Instead of asking him to repeat himself she lifted her head and took his bottom lip between her teeth. She needed him to get out of his own head and to be there with her. As she pulled at his lip her other hand grasped his and pushed it up her stomach until his hand cupped her breast.

She let out a moan as his thumb grazed her stiff nipple and a growl came out of his chest. The sound was so raw and full of lust that she had to rub her thighs together to sooth the sudden ache there. He growled again and she gasped as he pulled her breast out of the cup and pinched her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. His tongue pushed inside of her mouth and she eagerly returned the kiss with the same amount of heat. She was panting for breath by the time he started kissing down her neck again.

“Tell me to stop and I will,” he told her as he gently traced the line of her clavicle with his tongue. She hurriedly nodded when he lifted his head and gave her a serious look. 

“I know, but don’t you dare stop right now,” she demanded and with a soft chuckle he sent a breath of air against her straining nipples and it made her arch her back. Without a moment of hesitation he sucked a nipple into his mouth and the overload of sensation made her rake her nails down his wide back.

As her hands explored the wide expanse of his shoulders and back his hot mouth kissed a trail across her chest until he pulled her other breast out. When his mouth closed over her nipple she couldn’t keep her hips from thrusting up. His large frame above her was even better than she had imagined and when his large hand moved down her stomach she felt lightheaded with need. His touch was heavy and greedy and she loved the way he squeezed her thighs before he pushed them open.

With a sigh he suddenly rested his forehead against her stomach and she instantly pushed her fingers through his dark hair soothingly. The sound that he released sounded almost like a purr and it was followed by the hot wet press of his lips against the line of her underwear.

“Can I take these off?” he asked softly as his finger traced the line of her underwear and she raised her hips without a moment of hesitation. As he dragged her underwear down her legs he held her eyes and it was one of the most erotic sights of her life. 

He stole her breath again when he pressed featherlight kisses up the inside of her thighs and she couldn’t look away as he moved his mouth towards her centre. He placed a gentle kiss against her lower lips and a shocked gasp turned into a moan when he pressed his open mouth against her. His mouth and tongue went into overdrive then, every press of his mouth and lick of his tongue demanding and firm as if he had set out to devour her.

Her hands in his hair tried to tug him back but his fingers dug into her thighs and a low growl erupted from his throat, sending a jolt through her core.

“Sandor…” She threw her head back when he suddenly sucked her clit into his mouth. It was too much and too fast, making her feel overwhelmed and she tugged at his hair again in hopes of catching his attention. “Slow down. Please, slow down.”

Her pleading tone must have registered with him because he pulled his face away from her core and looked up at her. His eyes were filled with concern and she quickly smiled to calm him. She softly dragged her hands through his hair and he held her eyes as if he was searching for something.

“Just go a little slower, okay?” her voice sounded breathless and needy but she didn’t care. She wanted him to know how badly she wanted him. He moved his mouth down to her core again but this time he held her eyes as he slowly dragged the flat of his tongue from her entrance all the way to her clit and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. “Sandor! Oh!”

He made a happy humming sound against her and the sensation of it against her most sensitive part sent such a jolt of pleasure through her that she released a strained whimper. This time he kissed her core more leisurely and his tongue caressed her. Every touch sent her closer to the edge and when he pressed a thick finger at her entrance she groaned and pushed down hard. His breath hitched as his finger entered her and he slowly started pumping it in and out of her as his mouth kept kissing her. She felt herself getting closer to the edge, making her cries louder and shorter in between.

“What…?” she asked in a whiny whisper as he pulled his mouth and fingers away. She opened her eyes when she felt him crawl up her body and found his face hovering above hers. His eyes were the shade of melted silver and the smirk he gave her was positively wicked.

“I want to be inside you when you come.” His heated words came out in a raspy growl that had her insides clench down and she felt the emptiness his fingers had left acutely. “I want to feel it around me.”

“I want that too,” she gasped out. It was as if her body was humming from his touches. She felt overwhelmed and touch deprived at the same time. Sandor’s mouth crashed against hers when she smiled at him and she dragged her hands down his back until they reached his boxers. She nipped at his lips as her fingers pushed inside his boxers, making his breath hitch when she dragged her nails across the top of his ass.

“Sansa.” His voice was deep and desperate and it sent another wave of need in her. Instinctively her leg hitched up to wrap around his hip and she rocked her core against the straining in his boxers. “Fuck…”

His large hand grabbed her buttcheek and he kneaded it firmly as he rocked himself against her. She pulled her mouth away from his in order to take his earlobe into her mouth.

“Take them off, Sandor.” Her voice was demanding and thankfully he quickly rolled off her to pull them down. Sansa’s hands reached back to unclasp her bra and she threw it haphazardly across the room just as Sandor knelt between her legs. His erection stood wide and long against his stomach and she reached a tentative hand out to trace the thick line of it.  He hissed out a curse as he twitched beneath her fingers and the smile that pulled at her lips then was pleased. She couldn’t help but repeat the motion and he rocked against her hand, making her smile widen.

“Better not smile at me like that,” he grunted out when she wrapped her hand around him and she raised her eyebrow in question. “I might lose the tiny bit of control I have left.”

“Maybe I want you to,” she countered as she squeezed him firmly with one hand while the other pushed through his chest hair. “Actually, there is no maybe about it.”

He chuckled deeply as he slowly leaned down and pressed a warm kiss against her lips. She released him in favour of wrapping her arms around his strong back and dragging her nails all the way down to his firm backside. She grasped it in one hand and squeezed and in response his hips rocked against hers.

“Just go slow, it’s been a long time,” she whispered against his mouth when she felt his tip at her entrance. His soft eyes held hers as he brushed a few strands of hair away from her face.

“For me too.” He carefully pushed the tip inside and the intrusion made her gasp but it didn't hurt. There was a slight burn as he slowly pressed his hips further but it felt good. He trembled from the strain of moving slowly and her hands caressed his back in hopes of showing him that she appreciated it.

He pressed his forehead against her shoulder and breathed heavily and his hot breath against her skin heightened the sensation between her thighs. An experimental roll of her hips had him sliding further in and a strangled sound escaped him in time with her moan.

“Fuck… you feel so…” he grunted out and she rolled her hips again, making him bottom out inside of her.

“So good,” she agreed and gasped when his teeth scraped her shoulder. Sandor nipped a little harder the second time and she couldn’t keep herself from pushing her hips up against his. With a grunt he lifted himself up on his forearms and stared down at her as he slowly rolled his hips. Her lips turned into a silent o as her insides clenched around him and his eyes widened.

“Please, don’t stop,” she pleaded and the words had barely left her mouth before Sandor pulled his hips back and then pushed forward again, filling her completely. “Yes!”

She tried to rock her hips in time with his and at first it felt a little awkward but whenever she did he made such a raw sound of pleasure that she couldn’t stop. Soon they found a steady rhythm together and she realised that she really enjoyed it when his large hands grabbed her firmly, like he couldn’t stop himself. When one of his large hands held on to her hip and squeezed it she involentarly pushed her hips so hard against him that she saw stars.

He seemed to be spurred on by her soft cries of pleasure since the roll of his hips took on a firmer pace that had her panting loudly.

“Shit, you feel so good. Sansa, Sansa.” She loved the way her name sounded coming from his lips in that moment. Twisted with raw need and reverance, as if he couldn’t decide if he wanted to fuck her senseless or worship her.

“Kiss me.” Her earlier request left her mouth again and the kiss they shared then was more than lust and need. It was tender and loving even as their hips movements reached a frantic pace. It was the kiss that pushed her over the edge and with a moaned gasp into his mouth she came hard enough that she forgot herself and pushed her nails into the skin of his back.

With another snap of his hips she clenched firmly around him and she saw his face twist in wonder before he came with a low growl. 

For a long time they just laid there, panting into each other's mouths as they stayed joined, and she loved the intimacy of watching him come down from his high. It gave her a chance to see the heat in his eyes make way for tenderness and his mouth twist into a shy smile that made her heart jump. With a soft smile of her own she pushed his hair behind his ear and reached up to press a soft kiss against his swollen lips. 

With a happy sigh he rolled off her and got off the bed to dispose of the condom. With a smile she admired his naked butt and then she gasped when she saw the red scratched her nails had left on his back.

“What?” he asked with concern and she felt herself flush all over, both by the answer and the fact that he turned towards her completely unfazed by his naked state. Maybe it was silly of her to think that he would show some modesty after what they had just shared but she still found herself reaching for the covers.

“I scratched you, I’m sorry,” she said as he grabbed a bottle of water as well as the bowl of chocolate covered strawberries and got back into bed. There was an amused glint in his eyes as he pushed the covers away from her body and wrapped an arm around her hips to pull her against him.

“I don’t mind you marking me,” he said with a teasing tilt to his voice that had her fighting her own smile.

“Oh? So are you mine now then? Since I marked you?” She teased back as she grabbed a strawberry and bit into it with a happy hum as the mix of chocolate and fruit mixed in her mouth.

“Already was,” he said with a shrug and the casual, sure tone he said it in made her smile from ear to ear. His large hand grasped hers and with a smirk he pulled it towards his face and she shivered as his lips enclosed her fingers as well as the strawberry.

“Wanna watch another episode of that weird show?” he asked before opening the water bottle and offering it to her.

“It’s not weird,” she protested before taking a big sip of water. He smirked at her again as he accepted the water bottle back and took a long pull. “And no, I’d rather talk.”

She saw him stiffen and in hopes of calming whatever worry that suddenly put a small frown on his forehead she shuffled closer and rested her head against his chest. With a sigh he leaned back and wrapped his arm around her.

“What do you want to talk about?” he asked as his fingers dragged slowly up and down her arm. She loved the way she could feel the vibrations of his voice in his chest, with her cheek pressed against it, and she dragged her fingers across his chest as she savoured that feeling.

“Anything. Tell me something.” He nuzzled his face into her hair and she giggled when he inhaled deeply.

“What? Like a story?” She hummed affirmatively as she bit into another strawberry and offered him the other half. He closed his mouth around it and she shivered again. She would never be able to think of his mouth innocently again, she would only be able to think of how he had kissed her and driven her to amazing heights with her tongue. She couldn’t help but wonder when he would do it again.

_ Calm down Sansa. Don’t be needy. _

“Sure. As long as it’s about you,” she finally answered and he was quiet for a long time. She didn’t mind though because it was a comfortable silence and she felt like a cat basking in affection with how his fingers caressed her back and she gave his chest the same attention. As she waited for him to start his story she noticed the purple and blue ink across his heart. Her fingers traced the compass rose and she took a deep breath to quell the wave of emotions that the tattoo filled in her. He didn’t have to explain what it meant or who it symbolised, she understood the moment she saw it.

_ North Star. _

She felt Sandor take a deep steadying breath and she knew that he realised that she had noticed and that she had understood. The hand on her back pushed her more firmly against him and she threw her leg across his hip to get as close as she could.

“When I was fourteen I chipped my front tooth. And it wasn’t on the ice,” he said and she lifted her head to rest her chin on his chest in order to look up at him. “I had snuck into this underground punk concert and I had a few beers. And then I got the brilliant idea that I was going to do a stage dive. But no one caught me. I can't blame them. I was already a bigger fucker by then.”

Sansa gasped before clamping her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. He gave her an amused look and rolled his eyes at the memory.

“My first concert was Kelly Clarkson. I came home with all my teeth so it was a bit tamer than yours.” He chuckled and pinched her side, making her squirm against him.

Sansa couldn’t remember the last time she had felt as happy and content like she did with them entangled in each other's arms, taking turns telling each other things about themselves and feeding each other strawberries into the late hours of the night.

She could get used to having someone whom she could share her day and thoughts with, someone who’s arms she could fall asleep in.

_ No, not someone. Sandor. I want him to be that person, my person. _

She couldn’t help but smile into the soft skin of his neck as he pressed her closer even as he drifted off to sleep and he hummed as she pressed a kiss against it.

_ Maybe he already is. _


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the second day of their Boston trip. Sandor has a lot to process and deal with. Will Sansa being there help or make things harder?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I hope everyone is doing well considering the state of the world.
> 
> I wanted to thank you all for your support of this story and me as a writer. You make these weird times a lot lighter and happier. Thank you for that.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!
> 
> [Small picset](https://islandida.tumblr.com/post/614897843660062720/patrick-petitjean)

Sandor wasn’t sure how long he just laid there, holding her in his arms and watched her sleep. Maybe it was a creepy thing to do but he didn’t care because he couldn’t stop himself. Her eyelids fluttered as she dreamed and he found out that she mumbled in her sleep and that he loved the way she wrapped herself around him.

His eyes moved to the clock on the bedside table and sighed. It was just mere minutes left before he had to get up and get ready. He didn’t really want to go back to the stadium, what he wanted was more time with her. He lifted his hand to her face and brushed his thumb across her cheekbone. She was so breathtakingly beautiful and he still couldn’t believe that she was real and here with him.

“Sansa…” her name came out in a whisper but she must have heard him because she shuffled a little and pressed her face more firmly into his chest.

“No. Just a little bit longer,” she mumbled against his skin and how could he deny her anything? Instead he allowed himself a few more minutes of stroking her back. The skin of it was impossibly soft and he could only marvel at the difference between his skin and hers. His hands were sunworn, scarred and calloused but she still seemed to like his touch.

His mind wandered to last night and how wrecked he had felt after he had ended up late and sure that he had ruined everything. He still couldn’t believe that she had been so understanding and then the night had turned out better than he could ever have imagined. He hadn’t wanted to assume or push her to do something she wasn’t ready for so having her take the lead and show him how much she wanted him had been the hottest moment of his life.

He had woken up hard, like he did every morning, but thinking of last night while Sansa pressed her naked body against him made it almost painful. He wasn’t going to assume that she wanted to have sex first thing in the morning so he figured the best thing would be to extract himself and take a cold shower.

He turned his face down to look at her, her vibrant red hair splayed across his chest and he didn’t even try to fight the smile that split his face. He had never met anyone that he had wanted to change for, never had someone he wanted to be a better man for. As he looked at the woman in his arms he didn’t feel like he had to try to be. He was already better because of her. It wasn’t like she had changed him, she just brought out the best in him. The caring side that he didn’t know that he had. She and the kids, they showed him that he was better than he thought and maybe he was deserving of the affection they showed him.

He suddenly felt a little overwhelmed and as his eyes started stinging he tried to slide off the bed. Despite him trying not to jostle her Sansa grumbled in displeasure and opened her eyes as his feet hit the floor.

“Sandor?” her voice was raspy with sleep and confused, her blue eyes looking at him with concern. She was so god damn amazing and he had to bite his tongue hard as to not blurt out something stupid and way too soon to put out there, instead he cleared his throat nervously.

“Gotta take a piss.” He was amazed that his crude words made her blush despite them both being naked and it lightened the tightness in his chest. With a soft hum she closed her eyes again and he darted into the bathroom and for once he didn’t avoid his reflection in the mirror.

The scarred side of his face was just as hideous as always but relaxed as it was in this moment he didn’t look as horrifying as he remembered. He sure wasn’t pretty but Sansa didn’t seem to mind. His chest tightened again as he remembered how she had kissed the scars without hesitation, as if even that ruined part of him was precious to her.

“Shit,” he spat out at his reflection and threw water on his face in hopes of calming down.

He wanted to give her everything, everything that he had or could get her but if he did that he would probably scare the shit out of her. She couldn’t help that her showing him affection got him attached for life. She didn’t need to know how deprived he was of simple human care and how it fucking needy for her it made him.

_ She deserves the world. Instead she got me. What a shitty deal. _

Then his mind wandered to how she had looked at him when they were joined, the warmth and amazement and maybe it wasn’t that far fetched that she didn’t think it was a completely shitty deal. He just needed to remind himself of that and make sure that she got everything she deserved.

With a determined glare at himself he turned towards the phone on the wall and for the first time ever he finally understood why hotels put them in the shitter.

“Room service, how may we help you?” an overly cheerful voice answered despite the early hour and Sandor forced himself to not bark out what he wanted.

“Eh… hi. I was wondering if I can have breakfast sent up to my room?” he asked hesitantly.

“Certainly. What would you like?” With horror Sandor realised that he didn’t know what Sansa’s prefered breakfast food was and he was already fucking failing at this relationship shit.

“Fu… What do you have?” His own question made him groan.

“We have a wide range of breakfast options, sir. You should have a menu on the table in your room.” The female voice sounded too cheerful for him to deal with but he gritted his teeth and decided to go with the truth.

“I… I want to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed and I can’t get to the menu right now.” The fact that he could call Sansa his girlfriend made his lip twitch into a half smile. “Do you think you can send up a few options? Like scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, an omelette, bacon and maybe some bread? Oh, those croissant things, do you have those?”

He figured it was better to be safe than sorry and whatever she didn’t like or didn’t finish he would. He wasn’t much of a picky eater anyway.

“We do. Perhaps a fruit salad as well?” the woman offered and it took a moment before Sandor realised that she couldn’t see him nodding.

“Yeah, she likes fruit. And we need orange juice. And coffee. One black and one latte.” At least he knew how she liked her coffee. Some fucking boyfriend he was. “Oh, and don’t knock. She’s still sleeping. I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Very well, sir. Anything else?” she asked and he could have sworn there was an amused tint to her voice but he chose to ignore it.

“No, that’s all.” He was just about to hang up when he caught himself. “Thank you.”

He had never spouted as many pointless niceties in his whole life like he had since he met the Starks. He figured it was worth it since he noticed the way it made Sansa smile when he did. That shit, for some reason, was important to her.

He wasn’t sure what to do with himself while he waited for the food. He didn’t dare get in the shower and accidentally miss it so instead he tiptoed back into the room and the sight of her splayed across the bed in all her pale naked glory made him freeze and stare.

His fingers twitched with the memory of how soft her skin had felt against them and she looked even more beautiful in the first light of day then she had last night. He snapped himself out of his admiration of her form and realised that he was himself just as naked. It wasn’t like he could just step into the hallway and flash the poor room service staff and since he still needed a shower he opted to retrieve the ridiculously sized robe. 

As he did a small black piece of fabric fell to the floor and he bent down to retrieve it. With a smug grin he held up the flimsy lace and he was tempted to stuff the item in his pocket like some perverted momento. The one thought that stopped him though was that if he did then he would never see Sansa in it again, and he sure as hell wanted that. He ended up gathering the matching top and placing them on the chair next to the table while his own underwear he stuffed into the side compartment of his bag. 

Just then he heard shuffling outside the door and pushed it open a sliver. A young man pushed a cart towards the door and his face split into a smile as his eyes met Sandor’s. 

“Good morning, sir.” Sandor only grumbled in return before he hurried to open the door and grabbed the cart, pulling it out of the other man’s hands. “I can help you with that, sir.”

Sandor’s mind instantly went to the amazing and very naked woman in his bed and shook his heat heatedly.

“I got it. Just wait a minute and I’ll come back with the cart.”

The woman at room service had not disappointed with her selection of breakfast foods and as Sandor moved the plates from the cart to the table his mouth watered. He glanced over at the bed when the plates clattered against each other and Sansa shifted but didn’t seem to wake. He held his breath as he pushed the cart back outside to the waiting man and Sandor just had no idea how much he should tip the man for something like this but what he gave made his face split into a wider grin than before so maybe he had overdone it. 

Sandor closed the door and as he turned his eyes caught in something blue. Sansa was sitting up on the bed with the covers wrapped around her and her smile was so wide that it riveled the fucking sun.

_ When the hell did I become a sappy idiot? _

“What’s all this?” she asked and he didn’t care if he was a sappy idiot. He was her sappy idiot and for some reason, unbeknownst to him, she wanted him. He was the one who had made her smile like that, no one else.

“Figured you deserved to be spoiled a bit,” he offered with a shrug and when she held out her arms towards him he practically ran up to the bed and threw himself on it. With a light bell of laughter she draped herself across his chest and he wished that he had the foresight to remove the robe so he could feel her skin against his again.

“You are too sweet,” she said softly as her fingers dragged against the exposed skin at the top of his chest and he wondered if she could read his mind or just felt the same. He pushed her hair over her shoulder so that he could get a clearer view of the way the covers had slid down enough to hint at one dusty nipple. The sight made him stiffen, all over, and he cleared his throat nervously.

“I’m not going to be dumb enough to argue eventhough you’re wrong.” He hissed when she pulled at his chest hair but lost his breath when she leaned down to press a kiss over the same spot. “Fine, woman. You’re right, you’re always right.”

His words were rewarded with the softest of kisses against his lips and he instantly threw his arms around her to hold her close. She hummed in the back of her throat and he had to pull away before he lost his last sliver of sanity.

“I didn’t know what you wanted for breakfast so I got a few different options.” Her eyes were impossibly soft as she kept staring at him and he didn’t know what to make of it. It felt a little overwhelming having her look at him like he was the light of her day. It felt like whatever feeling that was threatening to burst out of his chest was reflected back at him.

_ You know what that feeling is. You are just too much of a coward to even think it. _

“Most mornings I just have time for a quick piece of toast and a coffee to go. But I love a good omelette. But whatever you chose will be great.” Sandor was freaking close to pumping his fist in the air in triumph but caught himself and instead jumped off the bed to get her the omelette. 

“Do you want toast? Or a croissant?” he asked and when he looked over his shoulder at her he could have sworn that her eyes had turned heated.

“A croissant, thank you.” He grabbed the scrambled eggs and bacon for himself as well as buttered two slices of toast and put the bowl of chopped up fruit on the comforter. “Do we have coffee?”

When she accepted her cup he leaned down to press a soft kiss to her lips and he didn’t even care if he looked stupidly happy when he grinned at her. This was turning out to be the best weekend of his life.

“So, you said something yesterday about a reporter coming?” she asked after a few minutes of eating in silence and he nodded.

“Yeah, Lannister’s doing. He wants to garner some attention to the game and they are apparently doing a whole centre spread in the sport section as well as the cover. Old guys vs the young guys sorta thing.” He didn’t like the press, mostly because his experience with them had always been negative. They had always published pictures where his face looked horrendous and he hated seeing his face in the papers. Looking back now he had probably deserved most of the shit they threw at him but he hadn’t given a shit what they thought of him then. He wasn’t sure that it mattered now either but he hoped that they wouldn’t write anything too negative this time around. He didn’t want to disappoint Sansa and the kids.

“I don’t think you’re old,” Sansa said softly and he smirked at her.

“Old enough to know what I’m doing and still young enough to have some stamina left you mean?” He knew the suggestive look that accompanied his words would make her blush and grinned when her face turned pink.

“You’re terrible!” she scolded without any real heat and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ll have to leave for the stadium in about an hour. I have to be there a little earlier than the rest because apparently they want to interview me. Another one of those so called perks of being Captain.” He had chewed Lannister out for that yesterday, he would have argued it some more if it hadn’t been for the fact that Sansa was waiting for him. Now he just had to suck it up and hope that the reporter actually wanted to talk about hockey and not his past. Even though he doubted it.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence as they ate their breakfast and once he was finished he looked over at the bowl of fruit in Sansa’s lap and frowned.

“Why aren’t you eating the bananas? Is there something wrong with them?” he asked and she looked up at him with surprise.

“Oh, no. I just don’t like bananas that much,” she offered in reply but that only made him frown deeper with confusion.

“Then why do you keep making banana muffins?” She ducked her head down for a second, drawing his attention to her blushing cheeks before she lifted her eyes and held his.

“Because you like them.” She said it like it was such an obvious thing, like he should have understood that himself but he hadn’t. He didn’t know what to say to make of that, he didn’t know how to make the sudden knot in his chest less tight.

He almost said  _ it _ then, the words on the tip of his tongue but stopped himself at the last second. Instead he took the bowl away from her and with one firm tug he pulled the covers off her. She opened her mouth to gasp but before she could his tongue pushed inside and he swallowed every sound with a bruising kiss.

A low growl vibrated out of her throat as she pushed the robe off him and it made him pull his head back to look at her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips red from his kisses but what struck him the hardest was the way her blue eyes were wide and heated as they held his.

“I’m gonna go shower.” Sandor’s eyes widened as she pulled away from him and got off the bed. It felt like someone had clubbed him over the head as he watched her walk towards the bedroom in all her naked glory. Just as she was about to enter the bathroom she threw a look at him over her shoulder. There was a soft smile on her face but her eyes were heated and pointed.

He leapt to his feet and entered the bathroom just as she stepped into the shower. She smiled at him through the glass wall and he opened the shower door slowly.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked carefully. In response she reached her hand out to him and when he took it she pulled him in and pressed herself flush against him.

He gasped when she turned on the shower and a rush of cold water hit them. She giggled at his reaction and there was a glimmer in her eyes that made his heart ache. She looked so happy and beautiful as the water turned her hair into a darker shade of red and made her skin glisten. With a soft sigh he took her face in his hands and gently dragged his thumb across her bottom lip.

His breath hitched when she gently bit down on his finger and with a low growl he pressed his mouth against hers. She hummed into his mouth before she pushed her fingers through his now wet hair. The sensation of her fingers running through it sent a jolt both in his chest and between his legs.

The twitch of his cock against her stomach made her pull her face away from his lips and he tried to chase her mouth with his. He was stopped by the heated look in her eyes and his hand ran down the soft wet skin of her back slowly. Sansa pressed herself closer and made his breath hitch when she started pressing open mouthed kisses along his clavicle and up towards his neck. He happily leaned down to give her better access and groaned when her teeth grazed his jaw.

_ I need her. It’s insane how much I do. _

“Hold on.” She pulled her face back to look at him, her face twisted in confusion for a split second before his hands made their way down to her ass. He grabbed it firmly and she released a shaky squeal when he picked her up against his chest and her legs instinctively wrapped around his hips. It pushed their cores together and the heat of her made him groan as he twitched against her again.

Her slim hands grabbed his shoulders and he couldn’t keep in a whimper as she pressed her mouth back against his neck and nibbled at the skin there. As her mouth moved across his skin he was quickly losing control.

“Fuck, I want you so bad.” His voice sounded strained and rough even to his own ears and it amazed him when she wiggled her core against him in response. “Sansa…”

“Take me. Don’t make me wait,” her panting words in his ear almost made his knees buckle and his cock twitched against her hot core when she bit his earlobe. “Yesterday I couldn’t help but fantasize about having you in the shower with me. How it would feel to have your wet naked skin against mine.”

_ Oh fucking hell. _

He used his grip on her ass to pull her a little further up and he grunted when she snaked a hand between them to line him with her entrance. Her eyes were hooded as she looked at him and he held them as he slowly lowered her down onto him. 

She released a low moan as he entered her and her hand moved back up his body until it grabbed a hold of his neck. When he was fully inside of her he wasted no time to pull her up again. She gasped when he stopped just before he pulled out and pushed her down again.

“This okay?” he asked as he kept his firm pace and she nodded before closing her mouth over his. Her tongue took charge of the kiss and it was so intense that it had his head swimming. He pulled back and moved his mouth to her neck where he licked and kissed every spot he could reach, the pace of their coupling slowing a little in pace but he didn’t relent in his firm strokes. Because every time he hit her core firmly she made this amazing mewling sound that had him almost losing himself far too soon.

“Sandor.” There was a firm and demanding tone in her voice that made him lift his mouth away from her neck and wait for her to continue. “Look at me.”

The breathless needy desperation in her voice made him want to quicken his pace and bury himself as deep as he could inside of her but the actual words made his heart swell and his eyes fill with disbelief.

She sounded and felt so close, her walls contracting around him, and she wanted him to look at her? She wanted to have his scars in front of her? How could that be the thing she wanted most when she was so close to her peak?

He couldn’t make himself look up, too caught in his disbelief. The hand at the back of his neck moved to grab his jaw and she forcefully tilted his head up. Her eyes were heated and striking as she held his. There was a tremble down her body and it made him trust up a little harder. She gasped out a moan that made him do it again and he could tell that she was almost there. He felt it in the way she was clenching around him and in the way her hands tightened on his skin.

“Sandor. Look at what you do to me,” she groaned out and suddenly he didn’t want to look away. He wanted to see her fall apart for him and know that she didn’t mind the face that came with it. That she chose him, all of him, for who he was.

“Sansa,” he grunted out and with a few more firm pumps she cried out and he followed close behind.

She slumped against him and he had to press her back against the shower wall or he’d risk dropping her. She gasped when the cold tile pressed against her skin but she didn’t berate him for it. Instead she pressed a soft kiss against his lip and he wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve her. Perhaps there had been a mistake in the twists of fate but he didn’t care, cause he sure as hell wasn't giving her up for nothing or noone.

He gently lowered her feet to the floor again but he didn’t release her out of his arms. He wrapped his arms tight around her back and smiled down at her.

“Want to shower for real now?” she asked and he smiled as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Despite all the things that they had shared this weekend he had never experienced a more intimate moment than them washing each other. She hummed happily when he washed her hair and when she made him bend down so that she could do the same with his there was a stinging in his eyes. He had never felt so cared for before, never felt so cherished. 

It was followed by getting ready together. He couldn’t stop grinning at her in the mirror as they brushed their teeth and then when she applied her makeup he just watched her from the corner of his eye.

It was insane, they had only just started this relationship but he felt so sure that this was what he wanted. This shared domesticity was everything he never knew he had been missing and a part of him wanted to have them spend the beginning of every day like this. Together. In a home of their own.

_ There I go again, getting fucking ahead of himself. _

As they were packing their things her phone rang and he turned his head towards the sound. Her hand snatched out to pick it up from the bedside table but he was able to see the name of the caller.

_ Robb. _

He watched as she dismissed the call with a frown and when she noticed him watching her, her cheeks flushed.

“Everything okay?” he asked hesitantly and she nodded before heading into the bathroom for her toiletries. 

Sandor decided to let it slide, perhaps it was someone at work that she didn’t want to deal with. Perhaps it was the idiot who had blown his date with her. If it was he was shit out of luck because she was with Sandor now. She had told him, and shown him, that she wanted no one else.

Once he had packed everything he picked up his own phone and frowned down at the screen when he noticed a message from Tyrion Lannister.

_ Bring a suit. _

Why the fuck would he need a suit? It was just a practice where they probably would take some pictures of the team on the ice. Unless…

With a sinking feeling of dread Sandor read the message again and he just knew that there was more to it. It had to be the reporter. He felt his heart rate accelerate as he started thinking about them wanting to put a fucking camera on his monstrous face. He had always hated having his picture taking and it made his anxiety flare up. The worst of it was that Sansa was coming, she would see him break down over having his fucking picture taking.

“Sandor?” He had been so lost in his worries that he hadn’t noticed her standing in front of him. As she came into focus he noticed the worried look on her face and he forced himself to put on a calm face.

“Sorry, I just got lost in thought.” It was a lame excuse but at least it wasn’t a lie. “You ready?”

When she nodded he took both their bags and carried them over to the elevator. Sansa followed close behind and in the elevator ride he felt her looking at him but he couldn’t make himself turn his head to look back. He was scared that she would see the panic he was trying to fight.

_ Don’t fuck this up. Don’t fuck this up. _

He didn’t say a word during the whole car ride and he could feel her glancing at him from time to time but she didn’t say anything. He knew she was smart and she could probably read him like an open book. He was just grateful that she didn’t ask him what was wrong.

Once they entered the stadium his fears and worries were realised. Because there was a big grey backdrop and a camera set up just as they entered. It made him stop in his tracks and stare.

“Clegane! There you are!” Lannister’s voice was far too cheerful to be sincere and Sandor understood why when a sharp dressed female came up to stand next to the short man. She had red hair that she had tied away from her face and sharp green eyes that seemed to take in and process everything around her. Lannister tried waving him over to where they were standing by the backdrop but Sandor couldn’t make himself move.

“What’s the matter?” Sansa’s whispered question in his ear made him flinch and he gritted his teeth.

“Nothing, fucking nothing.” He knew he was far from convincing and when her hand grasped his he felt like he could breath for the first time since reading that text. Holding on to her hand, he steeled himself and walked over to Lannister and who had to be the reporter.

“Clegane, this is Ygritte Wild from the Boston Globe,” Lannister said and the woman reached out her hand for him to shake. Her grip was firm and strong and Sandor was pretty sure she was sizing him up with that hard stare of hers. “We were thinking that we start with the photoshoot and then we do the interview. A few portrait shots should be enough.”

“Not fucking happening,” Sandor growled out. His voice was low and menacing as he felt the anger flare up inside his chest. “I didn’t sign up for this game to have my fucking picture taken and put on display for the fucking world to point and glare at. I signed up to play hockey.”

The reporter's eyebrow shot up in surprise and her eyes narrowed in on Sandor. He probably should have cared what she thought of him since she would be writing about him. His mind couldn’t focus on that though, it could only focus on having his face put on display like some kind of attraction at a freak show.

“Might I remind you that you did sign a contract stating that you would participate in promoting the team and the game.” Lannister’s voice was cold but his dark eyes were glaring at him. Sandor only glared back.

“Doing this interview and partaking in the team’s photoshoot would more than qualify for promoting the team and the game. Unless you specified in said contract that he had to do one on one promotions where he had to feature his picture?” Sandor’s eyes widened as Sansa spoke. Her voice came out calm and collected and he couldn’t help but turn his head and look at her in awe. She was defending him with steele in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Lannister asked with a frown and Sandor could have kicked himself. He had been so occupied with his own anxiety that he hadn’t even introduced her.

_ Fucking asshole. _

“I’m Sansa Stark,” Sansa said and offered her hand for the other two to shake before Sandor had the chance to fix his mistake. Sansa gave them both polite smiles and Sandor felt even more like a raging fool with her being so calm next to him.

“Stark? As in Eddard Stark?” Lannister asked and that made Sandor frown in confusion. Who was Eddard Stark?

“You knew my father?” she asked and Sandor held her hand a little tighter when he saw her shoulders stiffen.

“I met him once or twice. He was a damn fine sports lawyer,” Lannister said and Sansa gave the man a small smile. “I am sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.”

“You followed in your father’s footsteps then?” Lannister asked and Sansa softly shook her head.

“I am not a lawyer. But I work as a receptionist at a law firm.”

“But then… why…?” His eyes caught on her hand in Sandor’s and his eyes widened. “Oh.”

Sandor knew why the other man, who usually noticed everything, hadn’t registered their joined hands. Because he had never thought that they could be together. How could someone as beautiful as her want to be anywhere near someone like him? An angry raging freak.

Sansa looked up at him then, as if she could tell where his mind had gone, and the look in her eyes was tender and warm. It instantly calmed him.

_ I’m not that man anymore. Sansa knows that. I’m just Sandor to her. Hers. _

“I still need a photo for my article.” The reporter cut in and Sandor clenched his jaw to keep himself from telling her off.

“Well you’re not getting mine,” he growled out and Lannister’s face turned into a scowl again.

“Give us a minute,” Lannister asked the reporter who with a sharp nod walked over to the photographer. Lannister’s eyes narrowed in on Sandor but he met it head on.“If you aren’t willing to participate I am going to have someone else be Captain. That’s who she needs to interview.”

Lannister’s words made Sandor bristle and he wanted to bite the other man’s head off but Sansa’s hand in his kept him from acting out his anger. He didn’t want to embarrass her or make her uncomfortable. 

“Selmy picked me as Captain.”

“If I tell him to pick someone else he will.” Lannister’s voice had turned annoyed and Sandor wanted to tell him to get fucking over himself. He might have been the one incharge of putting this whole thing together but no one got Barristan Selmy to do something he didn’t want to do.

Sandor felt his anger rise again at the unfairness of it all. What did having his fucking picture in the papers have to do with his ability to be Captain? He had fucking earned that title through his hard work. It stung to have that taken away from him because the idiot couldn’t understand that having his picture taken wasn’t something Sandor wanted. He had enough of people staring, pointing and whispering on a daily basis. Knowing that there would be thousands of people doing it in the comfort of their own home felt crippling. And now he was going to disappoint Sansa and the kids. How the hell did he tell the kids that they had taken the title of Captain away from him?

“Could we have a minute, please?” Sansa asked after Sandor had been quiet for a long time and with a tired sigh Lannister walked over to the reporter. Sansa instantly stepped in front of Sandor and her free hand came up to cup his cheek. “How are you?”

“I can’t… I can’t have them staring at me and seeing the freak…” Sandor bit his tongue to stop his anxiety-filled ranting as he lifted his chin to stare at the photographer but Sansa tilted his face down to look at her instead. “But if I don’t then how can I prove that I earned the title of Captain?”

He hadn’t planned on telling her any of the thoughts swirling in her head but the way her blue eyes held his, he couldn’t help himself. It calmed him to talk to her about it, he realised.

“You don’t have to. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” Her voice came out so certain that he almost believed her. “We can leave right now if that is what you want. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

It was tempting to just take his stuff and leave. Let them think whatever they wanted about him. But he knew that wasn’t what he wanted. He had made the decision to partake in the game and he wanted that. For himself, to prove that he was a changed man. Yet here he was, acting out in anger like he always had.

“I just don’t know how to do this…” His admittance was a low whisper that was met with a tender smile from her.

“What if we ask to do a photo from the waist up where you can be turned a little to the side?” she offered and that still felt daunting but doable. “And you get final say on what picture is used?”

“I can try.” He felt a little lighter as Sansa reached up to press a soft kiss against his lips and he couldn’t keep himself from deepening the kiss. The moment felt separated from the rest of the world and it allowed his heart rate to slow enough for him to be able to go over to the reporter and Lannister. He offered the terms that Sansa had suggested and was relieved when the reporter nodded.

“Go put on your suit so we can get started,” the photographer said and with one quick look to check if Sansa was alright he hurried to one of the locker rooms. When he came back the photographer, who was a tiny platina blonde woman, grabbed his arm and pulled him to the spot she wanted him in.

He stared down at her in disbelief as she turned his body slightly to the side and then reached up to do the same to his face. He flinched back and she gave him a sympathetic look and without a word she tilted her own face to show him what she wanted from him.

“Alright, let’s do a few where we check the lightning,” the photographer offered and turned towards Lannister. “I’m going to need a stepladder. This man is huge.”

He wanted to scowl at her for making fun of him but the room filled with Sansa’s light laughter and he couldn’t find it in himself to do so when she sounded so happy. That feeling slowly died in his chest when the flashing lights started to blind him and the skin of his scars pulled at his features whenever a flash went off.

“Can you try not to scowl?” the photographer asked but that only made his scowl deeper. What the fuck did the expect? That he was going to turn into a freaking model the minute they put a camera in his face?

He fucking hated this, hated all of it. The attention, the way the bright lights probably made his scars even more hideous. Most of all he hated that he felt so fucking vulnerable and weak and that Sansa was there to see it.

“Sandor? Sandor.” He was so far in his head to hear her call out to him. She would never want him now, knowing how weak such a mundane thing as getting his picture taken made him. “Honey, look at me.”

The term of endearment spoken in Sansa's soft tender voice made him snap his head to the side and his eyes found her standing just slightly to the side of the camera. She gave him a soft encouraging smile.

“Just look at me and breath, honey.” He had never been called someone’s honey before. He had never had a term of endearment spoken to him with such sureness. Like it was obvious that she meant him. It made his chest feel lighter and had it not been for all of the people around them he would have smiled at her.

Instead he did as she asked and held her eyes as the photographer snapped a few more pictures. Sandor felt blown away by the woman she was. She hadn’t hesitated to defend him and then comfort him. She had done it all without him asking it of her. He had wanted her and the kids to rely on him but she had just shown him that he could rely on her too. It sent an unexpected tightness into his chest that only lightened when the photographer declared that she had gotten enough pictures. 

“I’m proud of you,” Sansa said as she walked up to him with a small smile meant just for him. He grabbed her hips in his hands in order to pull her closer and leaned down to press his forehead against hers. Her closeness made him relax and he allowed himself to have this sweet moment with her before he knew he had to do the interview. There was a snap from the camera shutter and it made Sandor lift his head.

“I’ll send that one to you later,” the photographer said with a grin, making Sansa blush. 

“Time to get this interview started, don’t you think?” The reporter Ygritte said and Sandor reluctantly pulled out of Sansa’s embrace to face the other redhead.

She led them to the side where someone had placed two stools next to the boards of the rink and he sat down with a sigh. She took a moment to pull out a notepad and a pen before setting her phone down between them and pressing record on her phone.

“So. You were very reluctant to do this photoshoot, why is that?” He raised his eyebrow at her before shaking his head with a sigh.

“Really? I mean, look at me. People stare, whisper and point enough in real life. I don’t like getting my picture taken because I can imagine what people think or say when they see me.” She nodded as if she wanted him to name examples but he just stared at her, daring her to ask the question instead.

“You have never publicly gone out and explained the accident behind your scars. Why is that?” He gritted his teeth to keep from snapping at her and instead his eyes turned to look at Sansa who was standing a little to the side. The angry glare in her eyes told him that she had heard the question and her protectiveness made his lip twitch.

“Because it’s nobody’s business, that’s why. All I’ll say about it is that I’ve had them since I was six. I’ve been judged because of them since I was a kid.” He kept his voice level and calm. The reporter had already seen him freak out, he didn’t need to give her any more ammunition to use to write a negative piece about him.

“That must have been rough.”

“Life is rough,” he said with a shrug and his eyes darted to Sansa again. “But sometimes, if you learn from the rough parts, it can get better.”

The reporter gave a slow nod and looked down at her notes before narrowing his eyes at him.

“Last time we saw you at an NHL game things didn’t exactly go well for you.” Sandor couldn’t help but scoff at that and he saw the slight twitch in the reporters lip as she fought a smile.

“You could say that. I am not going to make excuses for my actions because they were wrong. But I have learned from them and I think that I have grown a lot since.” Sandor watched with a frown as she scribbled down a few notes and he couldn’t help but wonder what was going through her head.

“What have you been doing since?” she asked. He figured she already knew but wanted him to tell her in his own words.

“Well I’ve been coaching kids for a few years now. I’m coaching a High School team as well as a peewee hockey team,” he said and couldn’t help but feel a little more at ease as he spoke about them. “There are some really talented kids out there and hockey is a great outlet for them.”

“You’ve coached your High School team to two state championship titles. Is coaching not enough though? Did you decide to play in this charity game in hopes of reigniting your own career?”

“Hockey has been my life for years but I have no disillusions. I am getting older and I am happy coaching. I decided to play in the game because it’s for a good cause and because the people in my life convinced me that I had to do it.” Her eyebrow rose in question and he smirked at her. “I mean, have you seen the line up? I get to play with Martell, Mormont, Baratheon. They were some of the greatest in their time and to top it off Selmy Barristan is our coach. I would have to be stupid to let a chance like that pass me by. Or so I was told, repeatedly.”

He lifted his eyes and smiled at Sansa. Her face split into a returning smile and he knew she was thinking about her siblings reactions just like him. The humming of the reporter pulled his attention back to her and she looked at him for a moment.

“What do you think of the other team then? Have you had a chance to check them out?” she asked and he nodded.

“They’ve got some great players. It’s going to be interesting to play against a grinder like Khal Drogo. And Loras Tyrell is a very aggressive and agile forward, it’s going to be fun trying to keep him out of our zone.” She did give him a smile then and he wasn’t sure why but it made her almost seem dangerous.

“Will they really stand a chance against the Hound?” she asked and he shook his head.

“The Hound is dead.” That seemed to surprise her as she leaned forward in her seat. “I hope that people will want to come and see Sandor Clegane play. If not, they at least have about 39 other players that are worth the ticket prize.”

Just then his teammates started entering the stadium and he saw the way Sansa’s eyes widened with every familiar face that entered. It made him smile to see her so blown away. She might not be as hockey crazy as the rest of her family but they had obviously influenced her. His smile disappeared when he saw Greyjoy fixing his eyes on Sansa. The other man’s smirk made his blood boil and when he made his way over to her it took all of his control not to jump up and place himself between him and Sansa.

“So. I think I got what I need for now. We planned on just having some personal info as well. Like what they do now, which we know. And family information.” He reluctantly turned his attention back to the reporter but his eyes kept darting over to Sansa and Greyjoy who was blatantly flirting with her.

“I have my girlfriend and our family.” It made his chest all warm to be able to call her that but he didn’t have time to revel in that. He also didn't give the reporter a chance to explain further than that. Instead he got up and walked over to her just as Greyjoy reached a hand as to touch Sansa’s hair. She took a step back to avoid his touch and backed into Sandor’s chest.

She turned her head to look up at him and he could see the relief in her face. He placed his hands on her arms in hope of comforting her and she leaned into his chest. Greyjoy’s eyebrows rose in surprise before he covered it behind his usual smirk.

“What have we got here? The Hound did find himself a little girlfriend after all?” Greyjoy said with a chuckle. Sandor's jaw clenched with anger and the only thing keeping him from snarling at the other man was the woman who turned halfway in his arms and pressed her side to his chest.

“He sure did,” Sansa said softly and it made Sandor look down at her. Her eyes pulled him in and the rest of the world disappeared. He smiled down at her and she reached up to press her lips against his.

He heard a scoff from Greyjoy but Sandor didn’t care. He didn’t even react when there were a few catcalls. He just raised his hand to hold her face and she hummed happily against his mouth.

“Sansa…” she pulled back enough to look up at him and he thought about telling her then. She should know how much it meant to him to have her there with him. How much she meant.

“Clegane! It’s time to change into your gear!” Barristan’s voice cut through everyone’s whistles and cheers and he very reluctantly pulled away from her.

“I’ll watch from the away team's player bench,” she said and he allowed himself to kiss her one last time before he hurried after the rest of his team.

“My, don’t you look sharp,” Martell commented the minute Sandor stepped into the locker room but Sandor only grunted in response.

“He has to. Did you see the girl he brought? Man if I got my hands on someone that fine…” Sandor whirled around and snarled in anger towards Thoros who quickly raised his hands in defeat. “I would respect her and treat her right. What did you think I was going to say?”

The other men chuckled but that only made Sandor glare at them. He knew they were only teasing like they tended to do in the locker room. Normally he would just have ignored it but he did not want them to talk about Sansa.

“Just ignore them. That’s what I do,” Mormont offered and Sandor scoffed but nodded.

He was doing a good job of ignoring them until he removed his shirt and heard a low whistle.

“I always knew that the ginger’s were wild in the sack. Looks like the hound has a hellcat in his bed.” The words had barely left Greyjoy’s mouth before Sandor had him pushed up against the wall. Greyjoy didn’t even have the sense to look worried. Instead his smile turned into a wide grin. “She sure got you wrapped around her finger. Or maybe it’s her pus...”

“If you don’t want your balls shoved down your throat you better shut the fuck up right now,” Sandor growled out and Greyjoy stayed quiet even if his smile remained on his face.

“Euron, shut the fuck up already. This cock envy is getting ridiculous,” Martell said once Sandor let the other man go. “We share a locker room. We all know Sandor’s is bigger.”

Laughter rang out in the room but Sandor focused on quickly putting on his gear. He was the first one out of the locker room and as he got onto the ice he turned towards the opposition bench and Sansa was there, leaning on her forearms on the board with a smile.

“Hello there All-Star,” she called softly when he skated over and he couldn’t keep himself from grinning.

“Hi, darling.” Using a term of endearment himself made his stomach shake with nerves but the way her face lit up made him happy that he had dared to.

“Clegane!” Barristan’s voice rang out from the centre of the ice and Sandor gave her an apologetic look.

“Better get over there before he beats my ass.”

“That would be a shame. I am rather fond of that ass.” Her retort had his head spinning just as much as the heated look she gave him and he must have looked as gobsmacked as he felt because she giggled as he slowly skated across the ice.

_ That woman is too good to be true. And she’s mine. _

“Okay fellas. They want you guys to line up so that they can get a picture of the whole team,” Barristan called out and he looked about as annoyed as Sandor felt about having the reporter there. “Let’s do this so that we can get on with what we are actually here to do.”

He wasn’t sure if it was because Sansa and the reporter were watching but he felt like Barristan pushed them harder than he had before. By the end of it Sandor was panting heavily as he skated over to the side where Sansa was standing next to Lannister. 

“You did really well,” Sansa said softly once he had removed his helmet and he pushed the sweaty strands away from his face. From the corner of his eye he saw Lannister’s eyes widen as Sansa leaned over the board to press a kiss to his lips, as if she didn’t mind the sweat on his face and beard. “Hit the showers and I’ll take you out to eat.”

“You sure know how to treat a guy,” he joked and she gave him a happy smile before heading towards the entrance to wait for him. 

Just before Sandor could open the door to the locker room Lannister stepped into his path, looking up at him with bewilderment.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were dating Sansa Stark?” he asked and that made Sandor frown.

“Why the hell would I?” He hadn’t seen Lannister in years, he couldn’t seriously think they were friends? They had never even liked each other.

“You have to realise what this could mean for your image! The Hound, NHL biggest bad guy dating a woman who is raising her three orphaned siblings?” Lannister’s eyes were beaming with excitement and it made Sandor clench his fists tight.

“You leave them the fuck out of this,” Sandor growled in a low warning. Lannister looked about to protest but before he could Sandor took a step closer, towering over him. “They are not a fix for my image. If you so much as breathe their names to anyone I…”

“Alright, alright! Point taken,” Lannister said with a sigh. “Just think about it.”

“Nothing to fucking think about.” 

They had a great dinner, did some sightseeing and then it was time to drive back home. Sandor was more than a little reluctant to leave the bubble they were in but at the same time he was missing the kids. It was a strange sensation, missing people the way he did with them. It wasn’t a familiar feeling for him. He turned his head to the side to look at Sansa who was looking out the window with a thoughtful look on her face. 

Sandor reached out a hand and placed it above the one she had resting on her thigh. She turned her head to look at him and lifted her hand, allowing him to thread his fingers with hers.

“Everything alright?” he asked as their joined hands rested on her thigh and she nodded, making her red hair fall like a curtain around her. 

“Yeah. It’s just… I’ve had such a great time and I am a little sad that it’s over, you know?” He nodded softly and squeezed her hand. It made his heart jump in his chest to know that she had enjoyed their time together as much as he had.

“I get it. But we will do something like this again, just you and me. I like having alone time with you.” Her face flushed at his words but he saw the way her eyes brightened and yet again he couldn’t believe how he got so lucky to be the one to make her happy. “But I really like the everyday time with you too. With all of you.”

“Yeah?” Her voice sounded a little emotional and he wished there was something he could say or do to make her understand how much he meant it. But he had never been good with words and he didn’t even know where to start.

“Yeah.” Thankfully she seemed to lighten a little with just that small agreement and her smile widened.

“The kids are going to be so jealous that I got to meet your teammates.” Sandor couldn’t help but chuckle at that and she held his hand a little tighter. “I can’t wait to rub it in their faces.”

“That’s not very nice,” he countered and it made her scoff.

“I’m their older sister. I am supposed to torment them a little.” That made him throw his head back and laugh and she gave him a wide smile.

There was a sudden sinking feeling in his chest when her phone rang and she picked it out of her purse only to decline the call and shove it back into her purse. He knew it wasn’t his business but it was the second time in a day that the same name had appeared on her screen and both times her mood had dampened because of it.

Before he could ask about it she lifted their hands and pressed a soft kiss to the back of his hand. He was pretty sure that she was doing it in hopes of distracting him from asking about the phone call and no matter how sweet she was being, that stung. She obviously didn’t want to talk about it so during the rest of the drive he kept his thoughts to himself. Even if it was only the same thing mulled over and over again.

_ Who the hell is Robb? _


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our couple is back home again and things are back to normal. Or a new normal... They are stil trying to figure things out and somethings makes it harder at times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Gosh, I am sorry this chapter took me so long to get done. Life has been... well... You know the expression "When it rains it pours?" In my case it's "When it rains there is a puddle on my dining room floor" So that's been fun to try and sort out. I have been living in a half constructions site for the past two months, with two small children and I have been going half insane. But I digress... Finally got back into writing. I sure hope you guys will enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Also - If you haven't heard there is this new discord server for SanSan shippers. It and the people on it are what have kept me sane these last few weeks. Please join us: https://discord.gg/mgV9zDn

The sound of a ringing phone jolted Sansa awake, she turned her head with a groan as she took in her surroundings. She must have fallen asleep on the couch during the movie she had been watching with her siblings because the tv was off and the room empty. There was a blanket on top of her so she suspected that one of her siblings had tucked her in. 

Another shrill call came from her phone and she pulled herself up to a sitting position in hopes of locating it. She hissed in pain as the movement strained the tender skin beneath her shoulder blade and made sure to move carefully when she reached down to pick it up from where it had ended up on the floor.

“Hey,” her voice sounded rough with sleep and she quickly cleared it as she leaned back against the couch cushion, mindful of her tender skin.

“Shit. I woke you up, didn’t I? Fuck, sorry.” The deep raspiness of Sandor’s voice made Sansa close her eyes with a deep breath. There was an ache in her chest from missing him and hearing him but being unable to have him with her made that ache rawer.

“No, it’s okay. I dozed off on the couch but I am glad you called.” The first few days after they had come back from Boston Sansa had felt like she was walking on clouds. She felt happy and smitten, even if she only dared to think it and not say it yet. Sandor had been so sweet and caring and she had felt so cherished. She had also loved that she had a chance to support him when he had a rough time with the photoshoot. It had brought them closer and it felt like they had become a real solid couple then. 

That was why it stung now, just shy of two weeks later and she had barely had a chance to see him. She knew he was busy with his practices and coaching. The one night he was free he had gone to a meeting, at her urging. He had offered to skip it, to see her instead but she couldn’t let him do that. No matter how much she wanted to.

They had talked on the phone every night and she found out that he wasn’t that much of a talker over the phone, not that she had expected him to. But he had slowly gotten more comfortable and there was something very intimate about lying in her bed at night, knowing that he was doing the same, and just talking. It just wasn’t the same as having him there with her. She missed him holding her close. Over the course of a weekend she had gotten addicted to the feeling of sleeping in his arms and she knew it was too much too soon but she still couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to get to fall asleep in his arms every night.

_ I would need a bigger bed, that’s for sure. _

“You haven’t been working too much have you?” he asked and the mix of irritation and concern in his voice pulled the corners of her mouth upwards.

“I think out of the two of us, you’re the one who’s been working too hard,” Sansa said as she decided to head into her bedroom. It was dark out anyway and she would rather spend her phone call with Sandor in the comfort of her bed, no matter how small it was. “Hold on, I’m just going to change into my pyjamas.”

She put the phone down after putting it on speaker and hissed as she pulled her sweater over her head. There was a displeased grunt coming from her phone and she couldn’t keep in a giggle before pulling a thin t-shirt over her head.

“Okay, I’m back,” she said softly as she laid on her stomach. 

“What happened? Did you hurt yourself?” Sandor’s concern was so palpable that she was almost tempted to use it in order to get him to come over. But she knew he must have just gotten back from Boston and he had an away game with the high school team tomorrow afternoon. He needed to rest.

“I’m alright. I’m just a little sore.” When she closed her eyes she could almost picture the frown that would pull at his face then and she wished that she could kiss it away. “I went to see Osha today.”

There was a long silence on the other end and some shuffling that she liked to imagine being him getting beneath his covers. She felt almost as giddy then as she had when she had finished her consultation with Osha and then having done her session this afternoon.

“And?” His voice was lighter, almost vibrating with excitement and the sound of it made Sansa’s heart flutter in her chest while a warmth spread low in her core. It was just something with the way his voice moved through her and having him sounding so on edge and expectant made her bite her lower lip.

“Well… I’ve been able to check off another item on my bucket list.” The huge exhale of air that he released made the line scramble in her ear as she giggled softly.

“Can I see it? Do you have a picture?” he asked eagerly and she smiled into her pillow.

“You’re just going to have to wait until we see each other again.” Her answer was met with a loud groan in complaint but the sound reminded her of how he had sounded when he was inside of her and she knew that the lack of time together was going to drive her insane. She missed him, missed having him over for dinner, missed spending time with him and now that she knew what it was like having him she didn’t want to go without him.

“But that’s not for another two days,” he complained with an angry huff. “I fucking hate this. I fucking miss you.”

“I miss you too. But things will slow down. It’s only a few more weeks,” she tried to offer in comfort but he scoffed as soon as the words left her mouth.

“It’s six more weeks until the game. It’s not worth it,” he grunted and Sansa felt her chest fill with warmth. “I’ll just tell Lannister I’m backing out.”

“Don’t you dare!” She cried in outrage before remembering to lower her voice. “You’ve worked so hard for this and you have earned it. We will all be there, supporting you. And we will all be here the whole way there.”

For a long while all Sansa could hear was Sandor breathing on the other end of the line and she worried that she had overwhelmed him. She knew he wasn’t used to having people in his corner, people who cared but who also pushed and expected things from him. She was terrified of putting too much pressure on him or making him feel overwhelmed with the severity of it all. 

He had a life, independent of them and Sansa didn’t know what placed they had in his life. Her whole family had become so dependent on him, not in a demanding way, but he had ingrained himself in their lives on a level that they all missed having him with them. He was a part of their day to day now and Sansa didn’t want it any other way. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t.

He was saying that he missed her and that he wanted to be with her and she knew he wasn’t lying but it was such a monumental thing to take on her situation. He couldn’t just choose her, he had to choose her whole family and what man wouldn’t think twice before doing that?

“Sansa… “ The breathless sound of her name pulled her out of her thoughts and she wiped the corner of her eye where a stray tear had escaped. “I… eh… Lannister told me that the article will be out tomorrow.”

Sansa felt fairly certain that that was not what he had been about to say but she didn’t want to put him on the spot. Instead she took a deep breath to settle the nerves in her stomach and her fingers played with the fringes of her throw blanket.

“How do you feel about it?” she asked hesitantly and even though she couldn’t see him she was certain that he was shrugging.

“I haven’t read it and I’m not sure if I will. Just wanted you to know.” That made Sansa frown but she reminded herself that he did not have a positive history with the press and she couldn’t fault him for being cautious. “I told them not to write about your or the kids. But they might still mention something and I wanted you to be aware.”

There was a sting in his chest at her words and she needed a moment to try and make sense of why it was there. Was it because he had told them not to write about them, hiding their relationship from the world, that it stung? She didn’t want notoriety or fame, far from it. She just didn’t like the idea of hiding them from the world. Maybe he didn’t want it to be known that he was seeing someone with such a messed up life as her?

_ Now you’re just being stupid, Sansa. This is Sandor. Not anyone else. Sandor. _

“Sansa?” Her silence must have made him uncertain and she tried to sound carefree and casual as she forced her mind back to the conversation.

“Yeah?” Sansa could have cursed herself with how small and sad she sounded and she wanted to curl into a ball and hide beneath her covers. No, what she really wanted was to bury her face into Sandor’s chest and have him wrap his strong arms around her, but he wasn’t there.

“Lannister wanted to use you guys as a publicity stunt, to help my image. I told him no, because you guys are so much more than that. You know that right?” Hearing him sounds so sure made her heart swell in her chest and she pressed the phone harder to her cheek, as if it somehow would make her feel closer to him. 

“I know, Sandor.” She heard him try and stifle a yawn and it made her lips twitch into a small smile. “You should go to sleep, you must be exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” he said as he yawned again. “I just want to hear your voice a little longer. Tell me what you and the kids have been up to.”

“Since yesterday?” she asked with a chuckle and he hummed in response. The deep vibration made her close her eyes as she tried to imagine him there with her, burrowing his face into the back of her neck. Holding her close. 

“Yeah, how did Bran’s biology test go?” he asked and she felt her smile split her face at the concerned tone of his voice.

“He said he felt it went well, we will just have to wait and see,” Sansa told him and the grunt he released sounded pleased. “Oh, Arya had a fight with Gendry.”

“Mm… she texted me. He was being a needy bitch. Her words.” A bubbly laughter escaped her then and he chuckled. “Why did he think asking her to prom was a good idea? Does he even know her?”

“He asked her because he wants to go with her. And being in a relationship means that sometimes you do things the other person wants. To make them happy.” His only response was a soft hum and she wondered if he was processing her words or if he had fallen asleep.

“You’re better at the advice thing then I am,” he finally said in a slow sleepy drawl that made her chest tingle with affection. She could imagine him fighting sleep just for the sake of having a few more minutes with her and she missed him so badly it hurt. “I told her that she should never let a guy make her do anything that she didn’t want to do. And that if he tried anyway she should kick him in the balls.”

The snort that she released made Sansa slap her hand over her mouth and she snorted again when Sandor’s answering chuckle turned into an outright belly laugh.

“You give good advice too,” she managed to stutter out between her laughter and she sighed happily when they finally calmed down.

“I’m about to pass out. Talk to you tomorrow?” Sandor’s voice was even more gravely than usual enabling her to hear how tired he actually was.

“I work the late shift at the diner tomorrow so I won’t be home until really late.” 

“Fucking hell.” He grunted out something else that she couldn’t make out before he sighed heavily. “I’ll see you Saturday for Rickon’s game then?”

“We’ll all be there.” 

“Good. Good. I really miss you, you know?” Sansa rolled onto her back to smile at the ceiling and she felt such a strange mix of happy and sad that she couldn’t make heads or tails of. She knew there was no way she was going to either, not until she could see him again and that just added another element of fear to all these emotions. Fear of being so attached and committed so fast. It felt like being exposed to being hurt and left again and she felt her eyes water.

_ Stop, don’t be stupid. Don’t go there. Don’t do that to him, it isn’t fair. _

“I really miss you too, honey.” She forced herself to sound lighter then she felt and with one last big sigh he said goodnight before hanging up and she was left staring up at the ceiling, ignoring the slight burn on her back because it took the edge of the worried constricting of her chest.

* * *

“Okay, grumpy. I’ve got something that will cheer you up.” Sansa looked up from the counter she was wiping with a frown. She wasn’t grumpy. She was just a little down. Ros, one of the diner’s waitresses, slammed down a newspaper on the counter with a big grin. “A customer left this. Thought you might enjoy it.”

Sansa’s frown didn’t let up as her eyes moved to where Ros’ bright fuschia nail was tapping at a certain headline.

_ Is The Hound really dead? NHL’s biggest bad guy returns to the ice. _

With a gasp Sansa grabbed the newspaper and opened the sport’s section to the right page and there looking back at her was Sandor’s stoic face. The picture she had helped him pick was of him with his head slightly turned, just enough so that the focus was on the unscarred side of his face. It was the one where he looked the most relaxed and his grey eyes were piercing. Her heart jumped in her chest as she traced the lines of his nose only to flushed bright red when Ros snickered.

“Seems like I was right,” Ros said and Sansa didn’t even bother with trying to protest. Instead she just smiled and turned her attention to the team picture.

Sandor stood almost a head taller than the rest and he was looking slightly off camera and she wanted to imagine that the softness in his eyes was because he was looking at her. Sansa reminded herself that she was at work and despite it being a very slow Friday night she knew that the rush would come in about an hour. She didn’t have time to daydream. Instead she focused on Sandor’s interview.

_ We have all come to expect a certain level of ferociousness from Sandor “The Hound” Clegane. After his disgraceful behaviour on and off the ice almost six years ago he was forced to leave Boston Bruins and after that The NHL never saw his like again. He was known for being ruthless and aggressive and that ruthlessness was what cost him his career. _

_ My first impression of the man is that he does not live up to the legend. Yes, he does show signs of that anger and animosity in the first minutes of us meeting but there is something more to him. He shows restraint where before he would have lashed out without hesitation. He might be reluctant to partake in this interview and the photoshoot connected to it but he relents and is calm and collected during our conversation. Perhaps old dogs can learn new tricks? _

_ He is surprisingly open where before he used to be tight lipped. He shares that hockey had always been his life and even after leaving the NHL it still is. He has taken his talent for reading plays and assessing opponents into coaching. The large imposing man softens visibly twice during our interview. The first time is when he talks of the kids he coaches. You might have difficulty picturing The Hound as a peewee coach but he is. He is also the coach of the two time state champions team The Quiet Isle Stingrays. A team that had never even made it past regionals before Clegane took the reins. He talks of hockey being a great outlet for kids and perhaps he is speaking for himself as well. _

_ With him being known as a very reclusive and private person I was surprised when he brought his significant other to this interview. It only takes a few minutes of watching them together to understand why though. His eyes keep going to her, drawing comfort and strength from her whenever he seems uncomfortable or unsure and it is apparent that she grounds him. It’s as if there is a silent communication between them with only looks and in those moments I see the man, Sandor Clegane, clearly. He has become more than The Hound we all loved to hate. Perhaps she is the reason for this change. Could she have brought the Hound to heel and tamed him? It would not have been a small feat and when I ask him about what to expect of the coming game Clegane states in his own words that The Hound is dead. This might come as a disappointment to those fans who wanted to see the ferocious player wreak havoc at the charity game in March. I was at first. _

_ However, after having watched the All-Star team’s practice I can tell you that there is a reason such a seasoned coach as Barristan Selmy chose Clegane to be Captain of a team made up of players who all were great in their day. The Hound could read players and intercept them with his ferocious plays and tackles. Sandor Clegane anticipates, reads and adapts his plays within seconds, skating circles around his opponents. He doesn’t need to use violence to stop them, instead he uses skill. The Hound might be dead but Sandor Clegane is one of the players to watch in March’s game.  _

“That’s not fair,” Sansa said with a frown, making Ros look at her in confusion. “She made it sound like I was the reason why Sandor turned his life around. I wasn’t. He did that all on his own.”

Sansa couldn’t help but feel annoyed at that. Sandor had been through so many hard times and he had been strong enough to push through them and come out a better man. He deserved all the credit for that, not her. 

“Personal information. Clegane resided in Wintertown with his girlfriend and their family,” Ros read out loud and her eyes darted to Sansa who gasped.

“He said that?” Sansa’s heart was jumping out of her chest as she read the square with personal information next to Sandor’s picture. And sure as day there it was.  _ Their family. _

Sansa felt her eyes tear up and she desperately tried to blink them away. He had called them their family. Not her family. Theirs. How could he be so wonderful? How could he be real?

She wanted nothing more than to see him right then and there and she was tempted to ask Ros to cover for her while she drove to his place but she knew he wasn’t home. She just had to wait until tomorrow to talk to him about the feelings threatening to burst out of her chest.

* * *

Sansa was slightly giddy as she drove the whole family to the rink. She was finally going to see Sandor again and maybe her excitement was showing. At least it seemed like it with how both Arya and Rickon were glaring at her.

“What?” Sansa asked once they parked the car and Rickon gave her a stern look.

“Don’t embarrass me.” Sansa could only gape at her youngest brother as he threw his bag over his shoulder and headed into the rink. Arya gave her an unamused glare as she followed, leaving Sansa and Bran to carry the cookies she had made.

“He’s just in a phase.” Bran’s words were meant to comfort her and they did a little but it still stung that Rickon treated her like she had treated her parents. She wanted to be the cool older sister who he could always come and talk to. She knew she was becoming more and more of the parental figure and it was a good thing, but it also made her sad to think of all the things she would miss out on as being just his sister. 

She didn’t say that to Bran though, she only gave him a small smile and then they headed inside. Instantly her eyes searched for Sandor’s but she couldn’t find him. Since he often towered over everyone else he should have been easy to spot, which made her think that he probably was in the locker room talking to the kids. 

Tormund was there, chatting with a group of parents and when he waved she nodded back. Sansa always felt a little like the odd one out with the parents, simply because she wasn’t one and it felt like they all thought she didn’t belong because of it. Tormund tried to include her whenever she came to practices and games but the other parents were always a bit more standoffish, always polite but a little distant.

Sansa dropped off the cookies to the two parent’s incharge of manning the coffee stand in between period breaks and she tried to pass the group of parents on her way to the stands where Arya and Bran were waiting but before she could Tormund looked up and grinned.

“Sansa! We were just talking about the article about our dear coach,” Tormund told her with a grin and Sansa felt her cheeks flush. She and Sandor hadn't talked about how they would act around people in these situations. He had called her his girlfriend in a nation wide newspaper but had not named her. Would he want it to be known that he was together with a relative of a kid he was coaching? Sansa didn’t want to overstep so she figured the best thing to do was to talk to Sandor about it first.

“I for one had no idea that he had a girlfriend,” one of the mother’s said and Sansa felt her blush spread down her cheeks. “Not that he ever says a word to me. He barely talks at all to be honest.”

“She must be something to put up with him,” another woman interjected and now Sansa’s cheeks flushed with anger instead of embarrassment.

“Or perhaps she gets to see a side of him that he doesn’t show most people,” Sansa said sharply, making all of them turn their heads towards her. She felt her cheeks flush bright red when Tormund’s face split into a Cheshire cat like grin.

“And what would you know of this other side of him?” he asked suggestively and Sansa flinched. She didn’t know if Tormund meant to just tease or hint at what he suspected but the feeling that settled in Sansa’s chest was one of worry. Sandor had said that he had told Lannister to not talk about her and whether or not it was to protect their privacy, she would follow his lead.

“I was just… I just meant…” Sansa turned her eyes to the ground when her cheeks flushed even deeper and she felt like a blubbering idiot.

“Sansa!” The sound of Arya’s voice calling her felt like a lifeline and she threw the people of the group a polite smile before hurrying over to the stands where Arya was waiting. Her sister gave her flushed face an inquisitive look but Sansa only shook her head and felt relieved when Arya didn’t push or prod. 

Sansa would never admit it to anyone in her family, Sandor included, but the game wasn’t really that exciting. Not because she didn’t enjoy hockey, she did. But watching one team of 10 year olds practically outplay the other team of 10 year olds wasn’t her definition of fun. By the end of the second period Rickon’s team was in the lead with 7-0 and she needed some sugar to pump her up.

“I’m gonna go by something at the stand. You want anything?” Sansa asked Arya who nodded while keeping her attention on her phone.

“One of your cookies,” she said and Sansa looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“You’ve already eaten like four of those this morning. You sure you don’t want to try something else?” Sansa asked her sister who just shrugged without looking up from her phone. At least she put it away and cheered her brother on during the game.

“None of the other stuff will be as good as the stuff you’ve made,” Arya said it casually but it hit Sansa’s in the chest as if she had shouted it. Her sister was giving her praise, technically she was knocking on the other people who had baked for the stand but indirectly it was praise.

Sansa almost reached out to wrap her arms around her sister but caught herself before Arya could notice and ask her what the hell she was doing. That would definitely take away from the elated feeling in Sansa’s chest. 

Instead she hurried over to the line and while waiting for her turn her ears caught on to the conversation between two women at the front of the line.

“I mean, I don’t understand what she would see in him.” Sansa recognised the voice to belong to one of the judgy moms and she tried to keep her face away so they wouldn’t see her.

“The poor thing is all alone trying to raise three kids. He is older and perhaps he has some money left from his NHL days.” Sansa felt her cheeks flush with anger and she had to bite her lip to not release a gasp in outrage.

She was more than a little tempted to tell the women to mind their own business but she didn’t want to cause a scene. Besides, Sansa knew that Sandor didn’t think that of her. What did it matter what other people thought of their relationship?

“Do you really think that she would be that desperate? She is young and pretty, she could find someone else to take care of them if she wanted.” Sansa felt angry tears well up in her eyes and she turned and hurried back towards the stands before anyone would notice them.

How could they think so little of Sandor? They had no idea how much he had done for her family, for the kids. How he had been there for all of them. As she made her way towards their seats Sansa felt sick to her stomach with guilt. She should have stood up for Sandor, she should have defended him. She knew he would have if the roles had been reversed.

“Where is our cookies?” Arya asked when Sansa sat down heavily next to her.

“There was a line.” Even with her effort to try and sound normal Arya’s head whipped around to look at her with her grey eyes narrowed at Sansa.

“What happened?” Arya asked sharply and lifted her head to look towards the line, as if she was scanning for the reason behind Sansa’s distress.

“Nothing.” Sansa tried to sound casual but the wobble in her voice was enough to tell that she was lying. Even without it Arya was far too good at reading people to be fooled.

“Did someone say something?” Sansa’s eyes widened as she looked at her younger sister who sighed. “You’ve always cared too much about other people’s opinions.”

Sansa felt Arya’s word like a sting in her chest but she also knew it was the truth. Perhaps that was why she was unable to say anything, instead she just stared at her sister before Arya sighed. Arya followed her sigh by rolling her eyes and getting up.

All the happiness and excitement Sansa had felt earlier that day was evaporated and the only thing she knew would make her feel better was Sandor. But he was on the other side of the ice, ushering the kids back into the player’s booth.

She watched him as he spoke to the kids, his broad back covered by his black sweatshirt and she wished that she could wrap her arms around him and feel his muscles beneath her hands. Sansa had never been in a relationship where she could find such comfort in her partner. It was an addictive feeling and she hoped that Sandor felt the same with her. At least it seemed like it and knowing she could be that person for him made her eyes well with another wave of tears.

_ Gosh, why am I so emotional all the time? _

Maybe he felt her eyes on her because once all the kids had sat down he turned his attention towards the stands and his eyes caught on hers. Instantly his face pulled into a frown and she felt suddenly worried that her emotional state was so apparent that he could see it from across the ice. Sansa forced herself to smile at him in reassurance but that only made him frown harder. He was far too good at reading her.

Sandor mouthed something but she couldn’t make out what it was. She waved her hand at him dismissively and wiped her cheeks in case a stray tear had fallen. The motion made his eyes widen and he looked as if he was ready to run across the ice to where she was sitting. Just then Arya sat down next to her again and without a word she handed Sansa a brownie and her tears nearly fell as she bit into it.

_ We are in this together. No matter what people think. _

When the game was over Sansa hurried through the crowd of people, not caring if people were watching and caught up with Sandor just as he was ushering his players towards their locker room. His sharp instincts made him turn his head towards her direction but before he had a chance to register what was heading towards him Sansa flung her arms around him and he caught her with a grunt. Sansa tilted her head back and couldn’t help but smile up at him as his grey eyes held hers. His lip turned up slightly in return and he squeezed his arms a little tighter around her. 

“You okay, darling?” The term of endearment had her stomach fluttering and she didn’t care if the judgy mother’s were watching. She moved one of her hands up to his face and smiled when he leaned into her touch. 

_ Let them watch, let them see how much we care about each other. _

“Yeah. Just missed you.” Sandor’s pupils widened as he leaned down close enough so that their noses brushed, the softness in his grey eyes almost overwhelming to her emotional state.

“Missed you too. So fucking much.” She giggled happily at his words and there was a small smile on his lips before he pressed them against hers.

She should have known that Sandor didn’t care what other people thought about him, or them. He had never shown her anything other than that he wanted to be with her completely. 

_ He called the kids our family. We are not just together. We are a family. _

“I just gotta make sure that the kiddos get changed and check some stuff with Bronn, but then I’ll come over. That alright?” he asked and she nodded before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. She didn’t want it any other way, she wanted him with them where he belonged and it made her so relieved and happy to know that he wanted the same thing. 

“Tell Rickon to hurry up,” Arya complained as she pushed Bran through the gathered crowd and Sansa blushed when she realised that a lot of people were watching them. Sandor didn’t seem faced by the attention, or he simply didn’t care, because he acted just like he always did with her. He lowered her feet gently to the ground and pressed a kiss to her forehead, drawing a sigh from her before he left to head to the locker room.

“Let’s wait for Rickon in the car, it will be calmer,” Bran suggested and Sansa nodded. She felt prodding eyes on her but she kept her eyes forward, ignoring the curious glances and outright stares.

She would not spare them another thought. She had her family and those people were the ones who mattered, public opinion be damned. As they got into the car Sansa hoped that she would be able to keep thinking that and not allow her mind to twist her emotions up. She knew those issues really didn’t have anything to do with Sandor, but because of how she had lost everyone else in her life. She was terrified of losing Sandor, but before the fear could take hold of her she brought out the new memory of him kissing her so tenderly. It made her feel happier and by the time Rickon got into the car Sansa smiled at him and felt lighter then she had in days.

Perhaps that was why she didn’t check the caller ID on her dash before accepting the incoming call. Because if she had she would never have answered.

“Sansa.” The voice ringing out in the car caused Sansa to flinch and she could feel the sudden tension in her siblings. “Thank you so much for answering my call.” 

_ Oh no. No no no no no no no…  _

All the colour drained from Sansa’s face and she couldn’t keep herself from turning her head to look at Arya. Her younger sister’s eyes were wide in shock, but her mouth was in a thin angry line and she was so tense that she was almost shaking.

A quick glance in the rearview mirror gave her a good look at Bran’s pale face and Rickon’s shock. This couldn’t be happening, this had to be a bad dream. There was no way that this was happening right now.

“Robb… I can’t talk right now,” Sansa said in a shaky whisper and Arya jumped in her seat.

“What the hell?!” Arya’s shout made Sansa’s face pull into a pained grimace and she felt her chest constrict with fear.

“Arya? Holy shit,” there was a tremor in Robb’s voice as he took a shaky breath before speaking. “How are you? How are the practices going? I was so happy to hear that you are playing again and…”

“You have been talking to him?!” Arya’s voice was a shrill angry scream and Sansa felt tears well in her eyes as she practically felt the feeling of betrayal Arya was radiating.

“I haven’t…” Sansa tried to explain but the snarl coming from Arya cut her off.

“The hell you haven’t! After what he did?!” Arya was screaming now and Sansa was struggling to keep her emotions in check enough to drive. Her eyes were tearing up and her chest was constricting so tightly that she could hardly breath.

“Hey… Arya, don’t go off on Sansa like that,” Robb’s voice carried out from the speakers and Sansa flinched, because she knew it was the wrong thing to say.

“You shut up! You don’t get to fucking talk to me!” Arya was seething, her face red with rage and Sansa felt her tears start to fall as she finally parked the car outside of their apartment. 

“Arya…” Sansa pleaded but that only made Arya turn her head towards Sansa and her eyes were filled with fury.

“Don’t you fucking talk to me either! How dare you talk to him about me?!” As Arya flung her car door open Sansa heard another car door shut and she closed her eyes when she saw Sandor’s large form moving towards them. “I fucking hate you!”

With one last angry scream Arya jumped out of the car and ran towards the apartment, slamming the door so hard that Sansa was sure that their neighbours would be complaining about it the next time she saw them.

“Sansa… shit… I…” Sansa inhaled shakily as she released the whiteknuckled grip she had been keeping on the steering wheel.

“I can’t talk now Robb,” she said with a sob as she disconnected the call. The following second Sandor pushed himself inside the car from the passenger seat and seeing her distress made him lean over to cup her face in his hand with a worried frown.

“What happened?” he asked, his voice and face filled with concern and Sansa couldn’t form any words. She only managed to shake her head with a trembling sob.

“Arya blew up at Sansa,” Bran offered in a low voice from the backseat and the reminder of her brother’s being right there brought Sansa out of her own despair. She turned around in her seat to look them over. Bran seemed calm, but stiff, as if he was trying to control the emotions he was emitting. Rickon on the other hand had tear stained cheeks and a distraught impression.

“Sandor…” Sansa said softly and he caressed her cheek with his thumb before nodding and pulling out of the car.

“I’ll go talk to her,” he offered and Sansa felt so grateful that the following tears that fell had nothing to do with the pain in her chest. Once Sandor had left Sansa got out of the car and moved over to the backseat. 

When she opened the door she saw that Rickon was trembling and she instantly wrapped her arms around him. Rickon’s hands clutched tightly into the fabric of her shirt as he shook in her arms.

“Rickon, breathe. It’s alright, just breath.” Sansa tried to keep her voice calm and steady as she held him close but her voice betrayed her own distress.

“I did it… She will hate me…” Rickon hiccuped out between sobs and Sansa pulled back to look at him with a confused frown. “I need to tell her that you didn’t tell Robb about her. I did.”

“Have you been talking to Robb?” Sansa asked and a mix of anger and hurt flooded her chest. She knew that it wasn’t fair of her to be angry with her younger brother but she couldn’t help it. Why had he been talking to Robb? How could Robb reach out to him without her knowing? How could Rickon keep this from her.

“I… I missed him… I found his number online and I called and we talked. We’ve been doing that a lot lately,” Rickon explained with a distraught look on his face and Sansa wiped his cheeks with a gentle stroke of her hands. “Now you hate me.”

“We could never hate you,” Sansa assured him as she carefully pulled back a little more in order to look at him. “And Arya absolutely won’t. She’s just upset right now, she will understand when she calms down.”

“What if she never forgives me?” he asked and Sansa smiled tenderly at him.

“She will. You’re her brother and she loves you.”

“So was Robb.” Sansa didn’t know what to say to that. What was there for her to say? She didn’t want to give him empty words so instead she pulled him into a tight hug that he eagerly returned.

“Let’s head inside.”

Once Sansa got Rickon and Bran inside they headed towards the couch and Sansa slowly made her way towards Arya’s room. Her door was slightly open and Sansa leaned her head against the wall next to it.

“You can’t fucking talk to your sister like that.” Sandor’s voice came out rough and harsh but there was a tint of concern in it too.

“Just because you are fucking her now it doesn’t give you any right to tell me what the hell I can or cannot do,” Arya spat out and even through the door Sansa could hear the growl coming out of Sandor’s chest.

“Watch it, girl. We both know that she has busted her ass for you. Show some fucking gratitude for it.” Sandor’s voice was a deep rasp and Sansa’s heart clenched at the protective and caring nature of the man, her man. “Tell me what’s got you so fucking heated.”

“None of your fucking business,” Arya growled and Sandor sighed heavily.

“You’re wrong. It is my business because I care about you guys. So spill.” Sansa found herself clutching her chest, dreading what other words would leave Arya’s lips. 

She had planned on telling Sandor all about Robb she just hadn’t found the right time, she justified for herself. Now having Arya tell Sandor her version of the events that lead them here Sansa felt terrified. This would be the one thing, the one time, where he looked at her with distaste. She just knew it.

“You should ask Sansa,” Arya hissed out and Sansa couldn’t help but peek into the crack at the door. Arya was sitting on her bed while Sandor had pulled her desk chair close, his back turned to the door. “Get the fuck out.”

“Not happening, girl.” A heavy sigh came out of Arya and it sounded so full of hurt that Sansa’s eyes welled up with another round of tears.

“I just need to be alone. Please.” Arya’s grey eyes finally looked up at Sandor and they were shiny with tears. “I don’t want anybody seeing me like this.”

A tear fell down Sansa’s cheek in time with the one falling down Arya’s and Sandor reached out a large hand to rest on Arya’s shoulder. He squeezed it gently and with a strangled sob Arya pressed her chin to her chest.

Sandor moved to sit next to her on the bed and he slowly wrapped his arm around Arya's shoulders, allowing her to lean on him if he wanted to. His grey eyes met Sansa’s and she saw that his own eyes looked glazed. He nodded once, barely noticeable but to Sansa it meant the world. He was there, not only for her, but for her siblings and somehow Sansa knew that there was nothing she could do for Arya in that moment that Sandor couldn’t.

“I am so angry all the time. Because it’s so unfair. Everything is so unfair. They are supposed to be here. All of them! But they are gone and he… Fuck…” Arya’s words came out between shaking sobs and Sansa knew that she should give them their privacy.

She didn’t know what to do with herself so just to do something Sansa heated some leftover stew and brought two bowls to her brothers. They barely touched the food and Sansa couldn’t blame them. She had completely lost her appetite too.

“I know you guys must be wondering why he called…” Sansa started to try and explain but Bran cut her off with a sharp shake of his head.

“I think it’s better if we talk about this tomorrow. All of us,” he said in a calm voice that made him sound older than his 14 years but Sansa saw the hurt and confusion in his eyes. Even though she would worry and stress all night about this she couldn’t deny him time to process what had happened.

“Can I go to my room?” Rickon asked and Sansa nodded silently. As he passed her he hesitated and she made herself smile up at him.

“I love you, Ricky. Always will. You know that right?” With a shaky inhale he threw his arms around her neck and she held him tight for a long moment. Once he loosened his vice like grip on her he gave her a sad smile that made her chest hurt.

“I love you too Sansa.” He spoke the words softly, carefully and then he left the room leaving Sansa to look after him.

“I think I will go to my room too. Good night Sansa,” Bran said as he lifted himself on to his wheelchair and when he passed her she reached out to squeeze his shoulder.

“I love you too Bran. So much.” Bran’s perseptive blue eyes held hers before he nodded and then she was alone in the living room.

The silence of the apartment felt deafening, as if the laughter and lightness that had been there these last few months had been snuffed out. It felt like it had the first weeks they had lived here. Everyone separate, silent because they were all hurting and didn’t know what to say to each other. Sansa hated it, she hated that all the progress they had made was threatened now. 

The sound of heavy footsteps alerted her to Sandor’s presence and she turned her head to look at him where he was standing, leaning against the wall. There was concern and worry etched all over his face and eyes and without thinking about it Sansa got up and moved over to him. It was her pure instinctive need to be close to him that made her step right into his arms, pressing herself to his chest and she felt so relieved when his arms wrapped around her tightly. This was what she needed, the constant that she craved. 

“Sansa… what happened?” he asked in a low whisper against the top of her head and she felt fresh tears wet her cheeks and his shirt. “Talk to me.”

“I… can’t. Not now Sandor, please.” Her voice cracked as she begged and in an instant she was off the floor and held tightly in his arms. “I just need you. I can’t think about it right now. Please.”

She buried her face in the space where his shoulder met his neck and she felt the low hum in his throat vibrating against her as he carried her to her bedroom. With the utmost care he put her feet down on the ground and started undressing her, carefully, tenderly. Like a small child she raised her arms to help him pull off her sweater and when he grabbed her shoulders to turn her around in order to unzip her dress she complied. His hands froze as the dress fell off her and she felt the heat of his fingers as they hovered above her skin.

She knew what he was seeing and it made more tears well over. Following the inner line of her shoulder blade was a flock of small hummingbirds in flight. The five of them looked as if they were painted in watercolour, bright and colourful in their delicacy.

“My beautiful little bird,” he whispered and his breath hit the back of her neck, making her shiver as he pressed the gentlest of kisses against her skin. She then felt his fingers carefully pushing her knitted tights down her legs and she lifted her feet so that he could remove them.

Once she stood in only her underwear she turned back towards him and watched as he threw his own shirt and sweater to the floor. His warm inviting chest was all she could see and with a sob she stepped closer until she could feel it against her cheek.

“Let’s put you to bed, little bird.” His voice sounded softer and more soothing than she had ever heard it, somehow easing some of the pain in her chest just as much as his soft caresses did.

“Don’t go,” she pleaded as he pulled the covers over her. He shook his head softly, making his dark hair fall in his face.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He only pulled back long enough to remove his jeans and then he burrowed beneath the covers with her, pulling her almost on top of him in the process. Sansa felt almost content then, as if her worries and fears weren’t as acute there in his arms. As if he was her safe place where nothing could ever hurt her.

“Thank you Sandor. For being here,” she whispered into his chest and he released a heavy sigh.

“We are going to have to talk about all this Sansa,” he said softly, sounding almost scared. As if he was worried that she would deny him. She knew she couldn’t do that, not if she truly wanted them to be a family. He deserved to know what she had done.

For now though, she chose to be selfish. She chose to have this one last moment of him not thinking less of her. A moment where she could simply be held by him. Where she could imagine that he loved her as much as she loved him.

“I promise we will, tomorrow.” His arms tightened around her and she didn’t mind the slight sting off her back. It was just another physical reminder that he was there with her completely even after the mess this day had turned into. She allowed the emotional exhaustion of the day pull her closer to oblivion. She was so far gone so soon that she almost didn’t catch the words he released in a soft exhale.

“Tomorrow then, love.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to talk about Robb. How will Sandor handle the news of the brother who left them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> I am sorry this has been so long in the making. Life had gotten in the way of writing and I was not in the right head space for a while. Also, I have been editing this chapter for way too long so it's just time to share it with you guys!
> 
> I truly, from the bottom of my heart, want to thank you all for the encouraging comments and love I have received while you guys waited for me to get this chapter ready. Thank you ❤️

Holding her in his arms was the one thing that kept Sandor from getting up and starting to pace as his mind raced with possibilities. He couldn’t wrap his head around the state he had found Sansa and the kids. Everything had seemed fine after the game. Although he had thought Sansa looked emotional as he watched her from across the ice and then he had been blown away when she had ran to him after. Showing everyone that they were together and even though he didn’t really care about people’s opinion it had made him happy to know that she wasn’t ashamed of him. It had been such a high to know that and then it had come crashing down hard when he had caught the end of Arya’s outburst.

He hadn’t known what to do with himself and for a moment he had just stood there, trying to process the scene as it had unfolded. Then he had heard Sansa’s voice and it had sounded so pained that it had forced him into action. He had tried to be patient, tried to not push Arya but he was pretty sure he had fucked that up. He didn’t know how to deal with emotions, especially those of a teenage girl.

He might not be the best one to go to for comfort but Arya hadn’t demanded much and after a while she had asked to be alone he had deemed it best to listen to her request. He couldn’t force her to talk, no matter how badly he wanted her too. No matter how badly he had wanted answers he hadn't pushed Sansa either. She had asked to wait until the morning and as the first lights of dawn pushed between the blinds Sandor wasn’t sure how much longer he could lay there and wait.

He was scared, he realised. Scared to know what had made them all react so emotionally. And selfishly he was scared of what it would mean for his relationship with them. For his relationship with Sansa.

He buried his face into the soft auburn mess that was Sansa’s hair in hopes of calming his racing thoughts but holding her like this only made the pounding of his heart even stronger. He realised that he couldn’t just stay there and hold her. A big part of him wanted to but he worried that he would end up waking her just to stop the churning of his mind. She needed her rest and he needed to occupy himself with something.

Sandor carefully slid out of bed and as he grabbed his pants and t-shirt he heard a low groan from the bed. With his heart in his throat he turned to watch Sansa splay out in the narrow bed, her naked back on display. The bright colours of her tattoo stood out against the paleness of her skin and just as he had been last night Sandor was amazed with the delicacy of it. She had done it, she had checked another thing off her bucket list. He felt proud, he realised. Of her but also over the fact that he had helped her with that.

With one last press of his lips to her head he snuck out of the bedroom and headed towards the kitchen. He figured the one thing he could do, in hopes of easing everyone’s morning, was breakfast.

He wasn’t as good of a cook as Sansa but he figured he could at least make some scrambled eggs and bacon. He probably made more than they could all eat but he needed to keep himself occupied.

“You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.” Sansa’s voice made Sandor jump as he spun around with the spatula still in hand. Sansa stood in their doorway, her fluffy pink robe wrapped tightly around her and he could see the hesitation in her stance and the look in her eyes.

“It was no trouble,” he offered softly and tried his hardest to give her a reassuring smile. He was pretty sure it was shit, but it caused Sansa to take a step closer and he turned back towards the counter. “I made coffee, but if you’d rather have tea I can put the kettle on.”

“I… I think a cup of tea would be lovely, thank you.” Sandor hurried to pull out a cup and a bag of the lemon and ginger tea he always saw her drink. As they waited for the water to heat up Sandor could feel the tension in the air and he hated it.

“Sansa…” he said softly and after taking a deep breath Sansa turned her head to look at him. Her blue eyes were filled with worry and he could see the tension in her shoulders and he couldn’t help but reach out his hand to take hers. As he wrapped his fingers around her hand a small smile pulled at her lips and Sandor took it as the encouragement he needed. “We should talk about yesterday.”

“We will, I just think it’s best that the kids are here too.”

“Well, we are here.” Sansa’s grip on Sandor’s hand tightened as they both turned towards the doorway and watched as Arya and the boys came into the kitchen. They all sat down at the table while Sandor placed the food on it.

He carefully placed the hot cup of tea in front of Sansa and as she looked up at him he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. Partially because he could and partially because he needed the assurance the soft smile that came to her lips gave him.

The mood around the table was heavy and as they ate silence reigned. Sandor hated it and wanted to say something, tell them to say something, anything. Instead of having this shitty feeling of dread in the air. It made Sandor’s nerves stand on end and he wanted to curse out loud. Instead he shoved food into his mouth, food that for some reason felt bland and dry even though he had never fucked up scrambled eggs before.

“I… I was the one who talked to Robb.” Rickon’s voice was small and scared and as their attention snapped to the boy Sandor saw the fear and pain in his eyes.

_ Shit.  _

“Why would you do that?” Arya’s voice split the air sharply and she looked as she was about to chew out her younger brother but then her eyes turned to Sandor’s and he felt proud of her when she stopped herself.

“I missed him… And none of you want to talk about him.” Rickon turned his head towards Bran who simply looked down at his plate. The other boy's silence made Sandor feel worried. He knew Bran wasn’t one to share what he was feeling openly, but the stiffness in the boy's shoulders told Sandor that he was fighting his emotions.

“He doesn’t deserve to know shit about my life. He gave up that fucking right years ago.” Arya’s eyes were hard but Sandor caught the tremble in her chin and his head was spinning in his effort to make sense of what they were talking about.

Sansa’s eyes caught his and the hesitation he saw in them made him want to press his concerns and questions even harder. That hesitation scared him. And as she took a deep breath Sandor held his.

“Robb is our older brother.” Sansa’s voice was barely above a whisper but to Sandor she might as well have just shouted into his ear. Because all he could hear was a loud ringing noise, as if a bomb had gone off. He could see Arya’s lips moving but for the life of him he couldn’t register what was being said.

There was a heaviness setting inside of him, threatening to burst out and he wondered if the rage that he thought he had dealt with and overcome only had been bottled up inside, waiting to burst out of him at this moment. He took one glance at Sansa and suddenly he understood what it was that she was saying. Both in the words she had said out loud and the once she chose not to, and in the way her whole demeanor was dimmed.

She had a brother. An older brother that was supposed to have been there to protect her, to love her and help her in the worst moments of her life. He had abandoned her, abandoned them all and forced her to deal with all the responsibility and heartache on her own. Here he had thought that she had no one, that she had to be the one to step up but the fact was that there had been someone and he had chosen to leave. He had left her all alone and by the looks of it he had never looked back.

“That cunt.” The words were a twisted snarl as it escaped his lips and he was so caught in his rage that he didn’t notice the way the kid’s faces paled. “That fucking selfish bastard.”

“Sandor!” Sansa’s gasp of his name would probably have brought him back from the edge his rage had him walking in normal circumstances but this rage was for her so it only spurred him on. He didn’t know what to do with himself and it caused him to push his chair back and take a step back.

“He left because I told him to. He was broken and I pushed him away!” Sansa’s voice trembled as she spoke but Sandor’s attention was on the outraged look on Arya’s face.

“That’s bullshit!” Sansa opened her mouth as if to protest but Arya cut her off. “I was there when he left. I had skipped school because I knew you’d be at the lawyers and he came rushing in and started to pack his bags as if I wasn’t even there. When I confronted him he said he had to leave. That he couldn’t be there anymore. That he couldn’t be who we needed him to be. I begged him to stay. I begged him and he just looked at me and said that we were better off without someone as broken as him. We were all broken but we didn’t run away!”

Sandor hated the man with his whole being then. He hated him so badly when he watched the tears on Arya’s face, the tears that Robb had caused. Sandor felt himself shaking with anger and he didn’t know what to do with his trembling hands, other than clutch them into firm fists.

He knew far too well what it was like to have your brother hate you, he knew what harm that kind of hate brought. But being abandoned by someone you spent your whole life loving and trusting? He could not understand that. Nor could he understand how someone could leave when his family needed him most. How could he do that to them?

“That fucking coward. That fucking selfish cunt. Does he have any idea what you guys had to do to keep this family afloat? How fucking hard you has been forced to work to be there for the kids? Does he have any idea what you had to sacrifice because he abandoned them?!” He was screaming now and in the back of his head there normally would have been a voice to tell him that the others were watching with wide scared eyes but he was too far gone in his rage to stop himself. “Does he know?! Does he know and just doesn't care?!”

“Sandor stop! Stop!” Sansa said heatedly and he snapped his head to the side to look into her furious blue eyes. The one good thing was that Robb wasn’t there. If he had Sandor would probably not have been able to hang on to the little amount of control he still retained.

“He’s right! Robb didn’t give a shit then! And he doesn’t give a shit now! He is just trying to make up for the guilt he is feeling! And that’s fucking bullshit!” Arya’s angry voice made Sandor look at the young woman and he saw the deep hurt in her eyes and he understood her so much better then. This was why she was so guarded, why she was so scared of getting close to people. Because it meant that there was a possibility of losing them. Like she had lost the brother she thought she would be able to rely on.

“He left you. He abandoned you. He should know that what he did is…” Sandor’s voice turned into a growl as he dragged his hands through his hair, pulling painfully at some matting. “He should know the pain he caused! If he was here I would fucking kick his tee...

“Don’t go there!” Sansa’s words came out strong and sharp and it felt like a knife to the gut. His head turned to look at her again and the tears he saw brimming her eyes hurt even worse than her words. “You can’t just explode over something that has nothing to do with you!”

_ Nothing to do with me?! _

Sandor took an involuntary step back. His eyes were locked on Sansa’s and he wasn’t sure why her words hurt him so badly, but they did. He hated it, hated the way his heart was clenching painfully. He knew he had to get away from the pain and the only thing he figured was that it was connected to her so if he got away from her maybe it would hurt less.

“Fuck this,” he growled out and without throwing a look at the others for fear of what he would see on their faces, he strode through the apartment.

He made it out the front door and down the first step when he felt a delicate but firm hand grasping his arm. He knew that he could just shrug it off, he was so much stronger that it wouldn’t take any real effort. But it didn’t matter that he was stronger or that his truck was just  _ there _ , her touch made him stop. He couldn’t help himself.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” the words came out of her mouth in a low hiss as he turned around to look at her and even in her furious state she was so goddamn beautiful. It was just his shit luck that he’d care for someone so out of his fucking leauge.

_ Focus on the anger instead of the hurt. The anger I understand. _

“There is nothing wrong with  _ me,” _ he bit back and she pulled her hand back. He was able to stop the urge to grab it and hold onto it for dear life. Instead he crossed his arms over his chest, creating a barrier between them as well as forcing his hands away from her.

“You were the one who went off, screaming and threatening our brother in front of them!” she bit back and he glared down at her.

“How can you not be angry? How can you defend him?” He growled and the fury on her face became even more intense.

“It’s not your place to act like judge and jury! You have no idea what we went through! You have no idea what happened!” She was shouting now and it flared his anger in an intoxicating way. He wanted to pull her close, press himself close to her and tell her to shut the hell up. Or maybe even make her, with his mouth.

_ Fucking hell. _

“Not my place?!” In hopes of shaking the path his mind had taken he forced himself to zone in on the hurtful words she had thrown at him now. “I’m the one who has been here! I’m the one who has cared and helped any fucking way you’d let me! Where the fuck was he?!”

His outburst shook her, he saw it in the way she took a step back and her eyes flicked away from his face to stare down at her feet. What really made him feel like shit was the way she wrapped her arms around herself. He hadn’t meant to yell, hadn’t meant to do any of this but it wasn’t like he could undo it. It was who he was and no matter how hard he seemed to try he couldn’t shake the mean part of him. Not even with her.

“He was hurting and I ignored it. I pushed and I broke him.” Her voice was so low that Sandor had to lean down to hear her words. A part of him wished he hadn’t because her voice was so raw and full of pain that it almost made his eyes tear up for her. “He cracked and he needed me but I pushed him away. I told him to leave and he did.”

He couldn’t help himself now. On their own accord, his arms wrapped themselves around her and pulled her tightly against his chest. He thought she might be uncomfortable with the force of his hold on her but she only pushed closer, pressing her face against his chest. His heart clenched painfully when he felt her tears soak his shirt and he didn’t know what to say or do. He could only hold her in silence and allowed his anger and own hurt take a backseat to the pain she was reliving.

_ I don’t know what to do. Is there anything I can do about something that happened in the past? _

“I resented how quickly he accepted my offer. I resented him for how much harder it made everything for me because he was my older brother, he was supposed to be my support. He was supposed to take care of me, but I know now that if he had stayed I would only have had another person to rely on me. Another person who depended on me for everything and it might be selfish but I am so relieved that didn’t happen.” Her shoulders started shaking with the weight of her tears and he couldn’t keep his hands from moving up and down her back in what he hoped was a soothing fashion.

“You are the least selfish person I know,” Sandor rasped out, the words pushing past the heavy emotions in his throat.

“I understand that you care Sandor, you’re a good man. But you can’t act like that around the kids.” She pulled back and he reluctantly allowed her to step back and the sting of her words made his breath hitch. "You can't."

“I’d never want to do something that hurts them. You know that,” he said heatedly and she sighed.

“But you just did.” He knew that it was the truth. He wasn’t foolish enough to try and convince himself that Arya, Bran and Rickon hadn’t been affected by his anger. They had been in the room with them. He felt almost sick to his stomach as he tried to imagine what the boys were thinking. But instead of telling her what he was feeling he stepped back and allowed the comfort of anger to replace the worry and hurt.

“Maybe it’s better that I step back then. Leave you the fuck alone so that I don’t hurt you guys again.” Even as the words left his mouth he regretted them. What if she took him up on them? What if she told him that was for the best? What if she called his fucking bluff?

“Sandor, that’s not what I’m saying…” she said softly and the pity in her eyes made his blood boil. He couldn’t take pity, not from her.

“No, what you’re saying is that _he is_ _family_ while I am on the outside looking in,” he growled and the shock and hurt written on her face made him sick to his stomach.

Like the coward he was he left her there, hurting on her front steps as he practically ran away. What an asshole he was. Getting hurt as fuck when he was the one who had hurt her first.

_ Yeah, she’s definitely better off without me. They all are. _

* * *

Saturday’s had become Sandor's favorite days. He would have practice with the kids, who were getting really good, and then he’d drive Rickon home and stay the night. These last few weeks he had been so busy with the All Star’s practices that those days had become less and less frequent. He would never admit it out loud, but the way it made him feel to be included by them was the best feeling in the world and he hated not having those moments every day.

He hadn’t spoken with any of the Starks during the following week out of fear of being rejected outright. He had been busy with work and the team and practices but that was no reason to not contact them. He knew that and he also knew that he was being a coward. But what could he do? What if he called and they told him to get lost? Or worse, ignored him completely? It wasn’t as if any of them had reached out or tried to contact him either but the naive part of him thought that maybe today would be his chance to make things right, to apologise. Because no matter if he tried to deny it to himself or not, he knew he needed them, probably more than they needed him and it scared the shit out of him. He needed the kids but he also needed Sansa. He had realised as he had fought every urge to contact her during the week how ingrained into every moment of his life she had become. Everytime something funny happened or he wanted to share something it was her name his finger hovered above on his phone screen. Some things he only wanted to share with her because he thought it would make her laugh. She had the most amazing laugh.

It was as his thoughts had wandered to that point that he realised that he was in deep shit. He missed holding her, missed kissing her. It was as if she was a part of him and had been ripped apart from him and he was slowly bleeding out. He had known that he was happy, that she had made him happy but he hadn’t realised how much she was ingrained within him until he didn’t see her. He knew that he had wanted their relationship to grow, to evolve. Now it felt as if he didn’t know if there even was a relationship left.

Sandor had thought they would be better off without him, with him fucking things up like he had the last time. But as the days passed he realised that even if they were better off without him, he was not better off without them. Without them is life was fucking empty and he needed to make things right, he needed to try.

He had been set on fixing things, to apologise and hope that Sansa’s big heart would have room to forgive him. So after practice he planned on driving Rickon home and apologising profusely to all of them, he was even prepared to grovel if he had to. But it was with his heart jumping out of his chest that he realised that Rickon was leaving the rink without him.

“Rickon!” Sandor called after him and Sandor knew the kid had heard him, yet he kept walking. It wasn’t until Sandor had caught up, his legs a lot longer than the scrawny kids, and turned the boy towards him that Rickon gave him a hint of his attention. “My truck is parked on the other side of the rink, you ready to go?”

“Astrid’s dad is driving me home,” Rickon said and the dark look the boy gave him made Sandor’s heart drop into his shoes.

“What? But I always drive you home.” Sandor hated how weak his voice sounded but he had never been exposed to the anger Rickon was radiating towards him at that moment. If anything he had always thought Rickon would be the one who’s affection he’d lose last.

Rickon didn’t even bother with answering him, he turned back around and started walking towards the Giantsbane’s red minivan and Sandor found himself intercepting the boy. He couldn’t leave it like this, he couldn’t lose the kid’s friendship. Had Rickon been this upset with his behaviour?

“Hey, is this about what happened at your place? About your brother?” Sandor asked and watched as Rickon crossed his arms over his chest. It was so much like something Sandor himself would do that during other circumstances it would have made him both proud and laugh at the absurdity of having a kid take after him.

For a long time Rickon only stared up at him, anger and hurt so apparent in his blue eyes that Sandor didn’t even dare to breath. He was terrified of what was going through the kids mind. Could he even fix this? Unfortunately he got his answer in the boy's next breath and he wanted to crawl into a ball and die because of them.

“You made my sister cry.” Rickon’s voice was dangerously low and it made the hair at the back of Sandor’s neck stand on end.

“Rickon, listen… Sansa and I…” he tried to explain but the glare Rickon gave him made him lose his train of thought.

“I’m a kid but I’m not stupid. I was there, I heard everything and she was angry at you. And then she followed you outside and when she came back without you she was  _ sad _ . She tried to hide it but I could tell.” Sandor’s chest clutched painfully at the image of a teary eyed Sansa trying to pretend that she was fine. For everyone else’s sake, like she always did. “And then that night I heard her. She was in her room and she was crying. Because of you.”

“Rickon, I didn’t mean to hurt her,” Sandor said softly, honestly but the protective nature of the Starks when it came to their own wasn’t easily swayed with words. Sandor knew this and he also knew that he felt the same about the Starks. Because during these months they had become his too. But he was still on the outside looking in, even with Rickon.

“But you did. You hurt my sister. No one gets to do that. No one, Coach.” 

Sandor didn’t have any more fight left in him so when Rickon tried to step around him he let him. He just stood there, watching as the red minivan drove away. He had thought he’d have to work for Sansa’s forgiveness but at that moment he wasn’t sure if he’d ever get it from the youngest Stark.

_ I hurt them with my own fucking issues. I did this to myself. Worse, I did this to them. _

* * *

Some people might call what he was doing wallowing, and Sandor would probably not contend that. He was sitting in his apartment, on the couch staring at the tv without really seeing what was on the screen.

He couldn’t believe that this had been his life, his Saturday nights, before the Stark’s had knocked his life off kilter. It was strange, and terrifying, to think that a life he had been alright with suddenly felt so fucking empty. Fuck, he had always thought he prefered being alone but now he hated it. He fucking hated it.

And for a split second he had been tempted to go out and get himself a glass of scotch and just stare at it. But he was scared that if he did that he would actually drink it this time. Because how else would he deal with this pang of hurt that kept throbbing in his chest? He hated that feeling almost as much as he hated himself for hurting them. 

_ Why do I always fuck things up? _

Perhaps he should talk to Ray, but the man would only say what Sandor already knew. That he needed to take responsibility for his actions and face the people he had hurt. That he had to ask for forgiveness and be prepared to not get it. That he needed to respect that they might not want to forgive him. But the mere possibility of that happening made Sandor terrified. So instead of calling Ray he called Bronn.

“Hey! What’s up?” Bronn answered cheerfully and Sandor cleared his throat in hopes of sounding calmer then he felt before answering.

“You wanna come over and watch a game or something?” Sandor thought he sounded pathetic with how his deep voice dragged but Bronn didn’t say anything.

“Sure! I’ll pick some pizzas up on the way!” Sandor wasn’t sure what he had hoped. Perhaps that Bronn’s cheerfulness would make him feel less of a miserable fuck but instead it made him feel even more of one.

So he only grunted before hanging up and looked around the small space. His apartment wasn’t much but at least he hadn’t gotten so far into his wallowing that the place looked like shit. Bronn wouldn’t care that there was a pile of laundry waiting to be folded or that there was a stack of dishes in the sink.

The sharp knock on the door had Sandor almost regretting asking Bronn to come, he wasn’t going to be very good company but he also knew that having Bronn there would keep him from digging deeper into the shitshow that was his scarred mind. So with a heavy sigh he got up from the couch to open the door.

The sight of a slightly red faced Sansa on the other side of the door felt like a punch to the gut. He was struck dumb, not only by her unexpected apperance but also by the fierce determination in her eyes.

“Are you done with us?” The words left her mouth so suddenly and so sharply that he flinched back. She stared at him as if she waited for an answer but Sandor was unable to speak. “I need to know because I can’t let my siblings wait around for you if you’re not coming back. I won’t let them go through that.”

If her unexpected appearance had felt like a punch to the gut those words felt like a knife to the heart. Was she really asking if he didn’t want anything to do with them? How could she think that?

_ Because you blew up like the fuck up you are and then you didn’t reach out to anyone for days. That’s why. You deserve every bit of her anger, you fucking cunt. _

He knew he needed to say something, anything, to make her realise that that was the farthest from what he wanted. They were a part of his life, fuck they were basicly all of it, and he didn’t want that to change. But he knew he needed to think before he spoke, because he couldn’t afford another fuck up.

In hopes of giving himself a moment to collect himself he stepped back from the door and was grateful when she followed him inside. As he reached past her to close the door he had to fight the urge to wrap his arms around her and never let go. Maybe if he could just hold her again, this fucking gaping wound in his chest would heal.

“Are you going to answer my questions?” He nodded solemnly before pushing his hand through his hair as he took a shaky breath.

“I thought you guys were done with me…” She scoffed at that, causing him to stiffen as his eyes darkened. He was getting angry again but he took a deep breath to keep himself calm. His anger didn’t do anything but ruin things.

“You were the one who left,” she said with a firm tint to her voice that made him clench his jaw.

“You didn’t exactly try to stop me,” he interjected and for a moment she looked like she was second’s from snarling at him in anger.

“You are a grown man. You didn’t want to listen to me. I thought that you might need time to process things and calm down but then you didn't show up after practice. Not a word for a week, Sandor.” His lip twitched and as she took a deep breath he saw the mask of calmness fall over her features. He knew that mask well, it reminded him of how she had acted around him in the beginning. Acting strong and fine, when everything was far from it. He hated that she felt the need to protect herself like that from him. He hated himself for making her feel like she couldn’t be open. “I am not here to talk to you about that. What I am here to talk to you about is if you are done. You are allowed to be but I need to know.”

He averted his grey eyes from her to keep her from seeing the pain that suddenly flashed through him. He realised then what she was doing, she was trying to give him an out. He just couldn’t understand why. He would have understood if she had come here and been angry and yelled at him. That he deserved, he wasn’t sure why the fact that she wasn’t angry scared him. But it did. It scared him that she wanted to act like all that mattered was what he wanted. Because it didn’t. And it wasn’t okay.

“I had planned on coming over today and apologising but Rickon was so angry with me…” He was taken back by the dark dry laugh she released and he glanced at her with a confused frown on his face.

“Oh, a ten year old boy was angry with you for doing something wrong and you decided that it was too much and ran for the hills?” He flinched at the anger in her voice but he was also relieved by it. He would take the anger over the forced calm. Because then he knew that she still cared. That it still mattered, that he still mattered.

_ What the fuck am I supposed to say to make her realise how sorry I am? _

“I didn’t know what to do…” With a heavy groan he dragged his large hand over his face and she sighed softly making him wonder if he looked as defeated and tired as he felt.

“He’s the child and you’re the adult. You are the one who has to put in the effort if you want to have a relationship with him. It’s on you and I can promise you that it won’t be the last time he’ll be mad at you. Just wait until he’s a teenager.” Sandor shuffled his feet and he knew he needed to be honest. He needed to just say something, anything.

“I have no idea what I am doing… I have zero experience with dealing with kids like this.” His admittance seemed to lessen her anger somewhat and when she gave him a soft smile he had to fight himself from pulling her into his arms. He knew that having his arms around her would help him, would make him feel a hundred times better but he was too scared of the possible rejection to act on the urge.

“That’s okay Sandor. I get that and if it’s too much for you I get that too. You are allowed to pull back but if you don’t want to but I need you to understand something. This can’t become a recurring thing. Either you are there for the good times and the bad or you aren’t there at all. I won’t allow them to start leaning on you only for you to disappear when things get rough.” Her words were spoken so calmly and he tried to process them with the same level of calm. But he couldn’t, because his mind was screaming at him to do something. That he had to make her understand how much they meant, how much she meant and he couldn’t have her think that he wanted out. When it was the opposite, he wanted to stay with them forever. Why wasn’t his mind and tongue connecting? “And you can not blow up like that. You can not act like that around them.”

“I get that.” His voice was low but firm. She kept quiet for a moment, just watching as he thought and after a while he took a deep sigh. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck up again. You guys deserve better than someone who fuck things up.” 

It sounded painfully similar to what he had said before, and more than inadequate. When she took a step backwards towards the door his heart lurched in his chest and instinctively his hand wrapped around hers to keep her from leaving. Her big blue eyes looked down at her hand in his and there was a flash of pain in them that made him terrified to let go.

“Nobody is perfect and I am not asking for perfect. I am asking for you to make a choice. Whatever it may be I will always be grateful for what you have done for us.” She gave him a soft smile that showed that she meant it. 

“I chose you, all of you.” His voice trembled as he spoke and he squeezed her hand. “I fucked up and I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say… I just…”

Sandor tried to pull her closer but before he could the door to the apartment opened and Bronn stepped in. His eyes widened as he took in the scene before him and Sandor knew it had to look as painful as it felt. He could only imagine how pitiful he looked, and when Sansa pulled out of his grasp he had to bite back a whine.

“Prove it with actions and not words.” Tears stung Sansa’s eyes as her whispered words filled the pressing silence before she turned towards the door. With a polite nod to Bronn she hurried out and Sandor could only stare at the door as it closed behind her.

“What the fuck are you doing you cunt?” Bronn asked sharply and Sandor turned his head towards the other man with a confused scowl on his face. “Go after her, you fucking idiot!”

For what felt like a second and a lifetime all rolled into one Sandor just stared out into thin air before snapping himself out of it and hurried to grab his jacket and his keys. Before leaving he turned back towards Bronn who gave him an encouraging nod.

“Get the fuck out of here and fix whatever the fuck you did. I’ll look up after the game.” With a firm nod Sandor practically ran down the stairs.

He had no idea what he was going to say or do but he knew he needed to show them that he wasn’t running away. He wasn’t leaving them. He just hoped that despite his behaviour this last week that they believed him. 

He had to hope that what he had said and done wasn’t unforgivable. He had to take the risk of being rejected. He just had to hope that they would want him to stay.

_ I need to fix this. I can’t fucking go back to life without them. I don’t fucking want to. _


	21. Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Sansa and her siblings be able to forgive Sandor for leaving? If they can’t what does it mean for Sansa’s relationship with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> So I am back with another chapter. Life happens, I guess. I am just happy to be able to share another chapter with you guys!  
I truly hope you enjoy it!

Tears stung her eyes as she walked out of Sandor’s apartment building and Sansa couldn’t help but wonder if it was the last time she would see him. Perhaps he would nod politely at her at Rickon’s practices or games but would that be it? Her heart was screaming in agony in her chest at the thought but she forced herself not to cry. She wasn’t going to cry over something that might not even happen. He might choose them.

_ Don’t. Don’t get your hopes up. _

She gave herself a moment to breath after getting in the car. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back and her hands trembled with the effort of restraining her tears. She knew she had done the right thing, she had confronted him and asked him point blank what he was thinking. What he wanted.

She had waited for days, hoping that with time he would calm down and be able to handle a discussion as adults but he hadn’t made any efforts to contact her. For every day that passed she had started losing hope and she had seen the same thing in her siblings. Bran hadn’t said anything but she had seen the way he had struggled to keep his disappointment off his face when she had told him that she would be the one taking him rock climbing. Rickon had been unusually quiet and hadn’t wanted to do anything but stay in his room after school. Arya had been moodier then she had been in a long time and Sansa had been too afraid to bring up Robb again. She knew they all needed to talk about him but everyone seemed the most focused on Sandor. Or rather the absence of him.

She couldn’t believe how he had reacted. She had expected him to be upset and even judge her. She had not expected the level of anger he had reached nor the way he had expressed it. Sansa had known that Sandor had anger issues in the past but she had never seen that part of him before. She wouldn’t say that she was afraid of him, but rather that she feared for him. It wasn’t healthy to have such anger bottled up inside of him and she hoped that he had been to a meeting. She couldn’t help but worry that with the big game coming up he didn’t take time for them. Seeing him look so broken and uncertain now had made her want to wrap her arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. But that wasn’t up to her, he had to prove himself to the kids. Sansa knew they missed him but she wasn’t sure if that would outweigh the hurt he had caused.

Once she felt calm enough Sansa started the car and drove towards home, trying to convince herself that telling Sandor that he could choose if he wanted to go had been the right thing. Even if it would hurt horrible if he actually decided that they were too much.

When she returned to the apartment she found her siblings sitting on the couch watching a movie and she sat down next to them with a heavy sigh, not even trying to mask how tired she felt.

“Everything okay?” Arya asked hesitantly and Sansa tried to give her a reassuring smile, even if she was pretty sure it wasn’t convincing.

“It will be.” And it was the truth, no matter what Sandor decided they would be okay. Maybe not right away but they would get there, together. They would move forward, because they had before and even though Sansa hated the idea of being alone again she knew she would survive it. She would survive without Sandor. Even if the idea of simply surviving again instead of living made her want to cry. She had gotten used to feeling happy again and losing that feeling and knowing she would have to work hard to reclaim it made her feel tired and sad.

Once the movie ended Sansa suggested that they played a board game and perhaps her siblings realised that she needed their company because it was one of the few times that they didn’t grumble or protest the idea. They were in the middle of a heated game of Clue when Arya got up to make some tea and she suddenly stopped by the window staring out long enough for Sansa to grow concerned.

“Is that Sandor’s truck?” Sansa jumped up so fast that she bumped her knee on the table and with a wince she moved to where her sister stood, looking out the living room window.

Parked at the end of the driveway beneath a streetlight was Sandor’s black truck. Sansa could make out him sitting in the driver's seat, his shoulders slumped and she saw him pushing his hands through his hair, making it look like a wild mess. He was definitely nervous.

“He’s been sitting out there for about an hour now.” Rickon’s words made Sansa look at her little brother with a confused frown.

“Why didn’t you say something?” The boy shrugged as if it was no big deal but Sansa could see the anger in his eyes. Sansa knew that Rickon had been hurt by Sandor’s actions but she was surprised by the fierceness of his anger.

“Why would I? If he wanted to come inside he would.” Her younger brother's voice was tinted with hurt and Sansa felt her chest clench.

“Rickon…” Sansa spoke softly but he gave her a firm angry look.

“Don’t make excuses for him.” She didn’t know what to say to that so instead she turned her attention back out the window and saw that Sandor’s head was now resting against the steering wheel.

“This is ridiculous.” Arya said with a scoff and Sansa couldn’t agree with her sister more. With a firm nod she wrapped a cardigan around herself and put on her boots before stepping out into the cold evening.

She hurried over to the truck and he must not have seen her coming because when she opened the passenger door he jumped like he was startled. He turned his head and looked at her wide-eyed. She could see that he took a deep breath as she climbed into the truck, unintentionally revealing his nervousness. Not that he was doing a very good job of hiding it. There was a heavy silence between them once she had closed the door and she couldn’t take it. She couldn’t just sit there and wait for him to decide to speak. She had given him so much time, she was done waiting.

“Were you planning on sitting out here all night?” Sansa asked which he answered with a shrug. She shook her head at him angrily and released a tired sigh. She was running out of patience and decided that it was best that she left before she said something she would end up regretting. 

As she reached out her hand to open the car door again Sandor’s hand shot out and grabbed her other hand. She turned her face towards him and saw the way his grey eyes shone with a mix of fear and hope. She didn’t speak because she figured he had a reason for being there and he needed to talk to her. He must have something he wanted to tell them so instead she looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to talk. His grey eyes were prodding hers pleadingly, as if he wanted her to understand what he wanted to say without him having to say it. But she had no idea what he was about to say and she had no desire to play the guessing game. She was too tired of waiting and hoping.

“It fucking hurt when you told me it wasn’t my place. That I was nobody while he was family. I know that we aren’t blood or something like that but you are family to me. All of you are.” His words made her heart swell and she allowed the spark of hope to egnite instead of trying to suffocate it. He took another deep breath before he leaned towards her over the centre console. “I don’t want out. I just haven’t had a family in years and I’m going to need someone to knock sense into me when I fuck up, because I know I will.”

“I’m sure that if I am not around to do it Arya would be more than happy to help with that.” Her little joke was met with a twitch of his lip and she felt lighter than she had in days. It seemed like her family weren’t losing him, instead they were earning a new permanent member. She had told her heart to not hope for something that might happen but it was betraying her as it increased its speed as he stared into her eyes, his deep grey open and honest.

“I am sure she will. And I would like to apologise to them all, if you’ll let me.” She nodded at that and she couldn’t keep the relieved smile on her face then. “I don’t regret what I said, because it was the truth, but I regret losing my temper in front of the kids. I regret how I acted then and after, with hiding away. I fucked up I know.”

She figured it was a part apology and she felt it was honest and heartfelt. She should have told him about Robb before it had turned into this emotional situation but she hadn’t been able to make herself speak about it, because it hurt too much. 

“I understand.” He seemed relieved too then and he even gave her a slight smile that had those traitorous butterflies coming back to life. “And we do see you as family, Sandor. It was hurtful of me to make you think otherwise. I’m sorry.”

She squeezed his hand and felt relieved when he quickly entwined their fingers. He didn’t shy away from her touch and the familiar comfort spread through her instantly. His hand squeezed hers as he lifted their joined hands to his chest. The look of their entwined hands resting over his heart felt so intimate and romantic that she couldn’t help but blush.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Robb?” Sandor whispered the question and despite knowing that it was a fair question Sansa wished that she could avoid answering it. As she looked at their joined hands she knew she couldn’t.

”I was ashamed. I was ashamed of how I had pushed him away. How relieved I was when he left. I knew that once you knew you would look at me differently. You would know how selfish I truly were.” Sandor’s face twisted into a scowl and Sansa steeled herself for the words that were surely going to leave his mouth.

”I would never think that. You were protecting the kids. He was the one who made a choice. He is the selfish one. Not you, little bird.” Her eyes welled with tears and she tried to fight them back but failed terribly. His free hand cupped her cheek as he tenderly wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb.

“That’s not how it felt when it happened. Nor how it has felt ever since. He was hurting and I didn’t help him,” she said with a shaky whisper and Sandor sighed.

“There is nothing I can say to fix the pain of the past, there never is. But you were hurting too and you chose to put that aside for them. You are allowed to hurt too, Sansa.” His words struck a nerve in her and it felt like the little control she had trying to keep was quickly slipping away from her. She didn’t want him to see her turn into a complete emotional mess so she forced a smile onto her face as she squeezed his hand. She decided that she needed to focus on what was important. On the other people who needed to talk to him too.

“Do you want to come inside and talk to the kids?” She asked, trying to keep her voice light and her stomach dropped when he scowled at her.

_ I don’t want to break down. I can’t, not now. _

“Sansa…” he said carefully, gently and she felt her bottom lip tremble and it scared her how well he seemed to read her. She shook her head at him and before he had a chance to react she pulled out of his grasp and jumped out of the car. She set a quick pace towards the apartment door and she heard his hurried steps before he caught up to her.

“Sansa.” Her name was a tender plea and as he spun her around to face him she worried that he would push and prod and she would break. She couldn’t break, she had to have it together to be able to handle the situation between him and the kids.

But he didn’t say anything. He wrapped his arms around her and held her against his chest. His grip was firm and as he held her as close as he could she buried her face into him, drawing in his scent and warmth.

“I hurt you too. I know I did and I can’t say how fucking sorry I am enough times. Just please…” his voice was spoken against the crook of her neck in a shaky breath and she clutched him as hard as she could. “I know I can’t miraculously fix it, fix us. But please tell me there is still a chance to. Please tell me that I can try.”

She wanted to tell him that he could, that of course he could try. But the words stuck in her throat because she needed to know that her siblings were open to still having him in their lives. That they could be able to move past this. If they couldn’t, would it even be possible for her to have a relationship with him?

“I… Sandor…” she whispered against this chest and his grip on her was almost desperate with the strength and pressure he applied. “I can’t talk about this now.”

“Why not?” he demanded and she pushed away from him. She knew that he was strong enough that had he not allowed her to push away from his grip she would not have been able to. She had trusted him, believed that he cared so much that she dared to let her guard down. But he had left her, just like how everyone seemed to leave her.

_ He came back. He’s here now. _

“I just can’t,” she answered and his face twisted into a pained grimace but she didn’t look away. She needed him to know how badly his actions had hurt her but she was afraid that she would break and her siblings needed her more then she needed to resolve things with him. “You need to deal with the kids, then we will talk about everything.”

“Alright.” His answer was a deep sigh but he followed her inside without protest and as Sansa entered the kitchen she wished that her siblings would understand that Sandor’s behaviour had nothing to do with them.

The kids were all seated on one side of the kitchen table and their faces were void of any emotions as they watched Sandor enter the kitchen. Sandor’s eyes traveled across all their faces and Sansa could make out the tension in his shoulders and the set of his jaw. But she also saw pain in his eyes.

“Hey,” he said softly but none of the kids answered him. They simply stared and Sandor sighed before dragging his hand across his face. “There is no other way to say it then that I fucked up and I am so fucking sorry.”

Arya’s eyes narrowed on him before she lifted her eyes to Sansa’s, who gave an encouraging nod. The kids needed to do or ask whatever they needed to be able to trust him again. Sandor took a hesitant step towards the table and grabbed a hold of the back of one of the chairs. Sansa took a step towards them but stopped when she realised that she was torn as to which side of the table to sit on. She could either sit next to Sandor to offer him support but she also wanted to show support to her siblings to show that she always put them first. She hadn't completely forgiven Sandor either so she decided to sit down next to Bran at the end of the table. Sandor followed her example as he dropped down on the chair in front of him.

No one spoke for a long time and Sansa could see the way Sandor tensed more and more for every silent moment that passed. He turned his grey eyes towards her and she gave an encouraging nod.

“I… I shouldn’t have blown up like that. I should have listened and…” Sandor clenched and unclenched his hands on the table and Sansa fought the urge to reach out and hold one. He needed to do this and she needed to support her siblings. “There is no excuse, I’ve struggled with my anger for a long time and I am ashamed of how I lashed out.”

Sansa turned her head slightly and tried to read her siblings faces. Arya’s face wasn’t as hard set as before, her mouth slightly more relaxed but her eyes were still cold. Rickon was glaring at Sandor and she was sure he would be the hardest to convince. Bran’s face was emotionless but Sansa saw the way he was nervously twisting his hands beneath the table.

“I was put into foster care when I was six. I’ve not been a part of a family for a long time and growing up I didn't have any healthy role models. I don’t know how to deal with stuff as a part of a family. But I want to learn.” Sansa felt her eyes well up and she bit her lip to fight them from falling. Sandor’s face was raw and open and she hoped that his honesty would be well received by her siblings. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck up, because chances are that I will. And I have no right to ask you to forgive me because what I did was shitty. I shouldn’t have left and I shouldn’t have stayed away.”

“Then why did you?” Rickon’s voice was challenging but Sansa could see the frown on her youngest siblings forehead that told her that he was fighting his emotions. Sandor looked at the boy with a soft but intent look and sighed before answering.

“I was scared. I knew that I had fucked up and I was scared that you guys wouldn’t be able to forgive me. I was scared to come back only to be told to leave. It was selfish I know.” 

“And fucking stupid,” Arya interjected and Sansa didn’t even care about chiding her for her language. Because she was right. It had been fucking stupid. Sandor looked at Arya with a slight twitch of his lip and nodded solemnly.

“Yeah, that it was. I’m going to do stupid shit, I’m going to say the wrong thing and I am going to fuck up. Everyone does but knowing you guys have taught me one thing and that is that family supports each other and sometimes that includes telling someone they fucked up. I am probably going to fuck up most of all of us.” 

“What if you lose your temper again? Will you leave?” Bran’s voice was small and Sansa reached out to grasp his hand in hers. He didn’t squeeze back but he allowed her to hold his hand.

“I am probably going to lose my temper again, but I will try my fucking hardest to not lash out like that. Because that was not okay, and it wasn’t fair to you guys.” Sandor’s voice shook as he hesitated and then he met Bran’s eyes head on. “And I don’t want to leave you guys. No matter if you forgive me or not, or if you don’t want me around anymore I’d still be there if you ever need me. You are my family and I don’t want to lose that. But if you don’t want me around I get it. You have to go with how you feel is right for you, not with what I want. That’s fucking important.”

The room filled with a heavy silence and as it lasted she saw the last of the restrained emotions on Sandor’s face crack and his eyes filled with the fear he had tried to hide. He put his face in the palm of his hands and Sansa couldn’t bare to see him so distraught. Just as she was about to stand and move over to him Arya did. Sansa held her breath as Arya went to stand beside him. Sandor turned his head towards her and Sansa couldn’t see his face but Arya frowned at him and then she punched his shoulder hard.

”You are an asshole.” Sansa was about to reprimand her but before she could Sandor released a small chuckle and then it was as if there was a silent exchange between the two. Sansa didn’t know how the two of them could communicate through just looks but after a moment Arya nodded and turned towards Sansa to offer her a small smile. ”He’s our asshole.”

Sansa fought the smile that Arya’s words brought and turned her attention towards Bran and Rickon. Rickon was glaring at Arya while Bran looked torn. It was as if his mask was slipping and it unsettled Sansa because she had no idea which way Bran was going to go. Would he be able to forgive Sandor?

”You forgive him just like that but you won’t even talk to Robb?” Rickon asked angrily and Sansa felt her heart sink at the anger that she could hear in her brother’s voice and the hurt she could see on his face.

”Rickon…” Sansa tried to sooth him but he turned his face away as she reached out towards him.

”It’s bullshit!” The young boy cried out and Sansa flinched.

”It’s not the same Rickon.” Bran’s voice was firm but low as he spoke and they all turned their attention towards him. Bran had his eyes locked on Sandor and the way his jaw clenched made Sansa worried that he was fighting tears. ”Sandor came back, Sandor apologied. Robb left and he hasn’t really tried. Calling once in a while isn’t really trying. If he wanted to be here he would be. He made a choice. Sandor shouldn’t be pushed together with him. That’s not fair.”

Sansa wanted to hug Bran but she wasn’t sure how he would react and she felt the situation too delicate. She needed to focus on Rickon, who still exuded anger and hurt. As she looked at him he turned his blue eyes towards her and the sadness there made her own eyes well up.

”He made you cry. Have you forgiven him too?” Sansa felt everyone's eyes on her then and she knew the heaviest of the eyes belonged to Sandor. She knew the answer he wanted, the answer the others probably expected but Sansa decided to go with the truth. Her little brother deserved to know the truth.

”I haven’t, because we haven’t talked everything through yet.” She could almost feel the way Sandor deflated but she didn’t take her eyes away from Rickon, he was the one who needed her attention the most. ”But that doesn’t mean that I won’t forgive him eventually. Forgiveness can be a process and sometimes it takes times. Sometimes the trust you had for that person is broken or lost. I am willing to give Sandor a chance to earn it back. You have to decide what is best for you, Ricky.”

The boy looked at her for a long time, his blue eyes shining as he seemed to process everything she had said with as much seriousness as she had ever seen from him. He then nodded towards her before turning towards Sandor.

”You can have another chance. But we aren’t okay.” Sandor gave the boy a solemn nod and Rickon didn’t wait for a response before he got up and headed towards his room. Once the door closed behind him Sandor released a heavy sigh.

”He’s just a kid.” Bran said softly and Sandor gave him a slight smile.

“Yeah but he’s allowed to be mad. And so are you.” Sansa felt Sandor’s eyes on her and she knew that he wanted to talk about them. She knew they needed to but she suddenly felt scared.

She knew that she was damaged and had scars on her heart that she doubted would ever completely heal. They caused her to doubt things, doubt him, and she knew that the scars on his heart was what had made him think that they were done with him. He had lost his temper and acted horribly but she realised she wasn’t angry with him for that. She had been hurt by how he had so easily put distance between them. She was scared that he would do it again, scared that it would hurt even worse next time. But most of all she was scared of how scared of losing him she was. Caring this much for someone, after having lost so many, was the scariest thing she had experienced in a long time.

She couldn’t handle the well of emotions that those thoughts brought up in her, she couldn't break down in front of the kids. She tried to fake a smile as she got up and started pulling out ingredients for a cake. She needed to occupy herself with something but as she started measuring the flower she noticed that her hands shook.

“Sansa…” Her name left Sandor's lips in a soft whisper that she didn’t respond to. She kept her back towards him and she heard Arya and Bran speak in soft whispers. She guessed that they must have gone to their rooms because there was the sound of closing doors and then she felt Sandor’s heat against her back. ”Sansa.”

She shook her head and tried to step away but he was standing so close that she had to push against him and the contact made her eyes well with tears. She had missed being this close to him but instead of sweet and comforting it felt hurtful and sad. Hurtful because it wasn’t the same now, she had been worried about his reaction to Robb and even if it hadn’t turned out the way she had expected it had been just as bad.

”Will you look at me?” He asked and the pain she could hear in his voice made her lift her eyes to his face. His mouth was in a hard line but his eyes were filled with worry. Her heart ached to reach out and hold him, to be held by him but she couldn’t make herself do it. She knew she would break if she did. How could he ever want her then?

Sandor’s hand reached out towards her and she flinched away sharply. Fearing that his touch would make her break.

”Please don’t touch me,” she said with a voice shaky with fighting tears and his face twisted into a painful scowl. She hated herself for her reaction but she had to protect herself. She had to keep the last of her guard up, how could she be there for her siblings if she broke down?

”Sansa, please talk to me. I don’t know what to do.” He spoke softly, as if afraid of spooking her and she shook her head.

”I don’t… I need to finish this cake,” Sansa interjected and turned back towards the counter.

”Forget about the fucking cake, no one wants one right now. Just please talk to me.” She knew he didn’t mean to sound harsh but she felt herself bristle at his exasperated look and she turned around to glare at him.

”Maybe I need it! Have you thought of that?!” As her voice rose he took a step back and in her anger she threw out her arm and accidentally tipped the bowl over. As it hit the floor and splattered batter everywhere she only stared at the soggy mess with wide eyes.

A strangled sob escaped her as she sank to the floor and she couldn’t contain the tears anymore. She cried so hard that she was shaking and struggled to catch her breath. It felt like all the tears she had kept bottled inside for so long finally was spilling out of her and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t make them stop.

“Sansa…” She whimpered at the sound of Sandor’s worried voice and hid her face in her hands. Now he would know how broken she was and this time when he left it would be for good. “Little Bird... Can I touch you?”

His question made her lift her eyes and she found him crouched in front of her, seemingly not caring that he was getting cake batter all over his socks and pants. His face was filled with concern and even in this moment she was amazed at how open he was with her, how he no longer tried to hide his scars from her. His grey eyes were glistening, as if he was fighting tears too and the way he kept a slight distance between them made her cry harder. She had done that and she hated herself for it. She knew he was trying, that he wanted to make things right and she wished that there was an easy fix. But life wasn’t easy, and she was so damaged that she worried that she might never get over this.

_ I want to though, I really want to. _

It was that thought that made her throw herself against his chest and when he wrapped his arms around her without hesitation she cried harder, making his neck wet with her tears. Her nostrils filled with the familiar scent of him and the grip she had on his shirt was hard enough that she wasn’t sure if he would have been able to pry her off if he tried. He didn’t though, instead he held her to him just as desperately and she felt him press his face into her hair, inhaling deeply. 

She wasn’t sure how long she clung to him but when he carefully pulled back it didn’t feel like long enough. She tried to hide her face against his chest but his large hand cupped her cheek and turned her face up towards his. Sansa figured she had to looked a fright, with her makeup smeared like a raccoon's mask, her eyes red rimmed and her nose runny. Yet when he looked at her the tenderness in his eyes told her how beautiful he found her, how much he cared. Perhaps even loved her. Yet he hadn’t said that to her, he hadn’t told her the extent of his feelings for her and if he indeed did love her wouldn’t this be the right time to tell her? To assure her that he wasn’t leaving her, that he was going to stay. But he didn’t speak, he just looked at her and Sansa knew it was perhaps stupid to be disapointed in his lack of declaration when she hadn’t made one of her own either.

“I… I need to clean this mess,” Sansa said weakly and tried to push out of his grip but he tightened his and stood with her in his arms.

“Fuck the mess,” Sandor said but she shook her head vehemently and with a sigh he put her down on the counter. She was so surprised by it that she didn’t even protest when he got down on his knees and started wiping up the batter from the floor. They didn’t say a word as he cleaned and once he was done he simply picked her up again and with her cradled to his chest he made his way to her bedroom.

Once inside he put her down on the floor and she wrapped her arms around herself in order to stave off the sudden chill the lack of his heat brought on. His cupped her face in his large hands and her heart ached when she met his pleading eyes.

“I… don’t know what to say to make things right,” Sandor’s words were spoken in a soft gravely whisper and Sansa closed her eyes against the fresh wave of tears. “I know I don’t have a right to ask anything of you, but please tell me what you are thinking.”

“You... left. You left.” She hated how strangled her voice sounded and she wanted to turn away and hide beneath the covers. Anything but having to look at him as she bared her soul, yet she was unable to turn away. Not only because of the way he held her face but because of the sharp pain she saw in his. “Everyone leaves me. I don’t understand… Why?”

His only response was a pained groan but she felt it deep in her soul. Her whole body shook as she cried even harder than before and in the next instance she was crushed to his chest. He held her so tightly that it almost felt desperate and she dug her nails into the back of his shirt with the same desperation.

“Little Bird…” he gasped out and another strangled sob escaped her throat. His strong arm held her to him, clinging so tightly that it only made her sob harder with the frantic beating of his heart that she could feel against her cheek. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I know I fucked up. Sansa please, I didn’t mean to. Fuck.”

She wasn’t sure if it was the pain in his voice that matched her own that spurred her on or the fact that he was there, finally, and she had to make sure. Make sure that despite things being strained, he chose to come back. That meant something. So she pulled back enough to be able to look up at him and his eyes took her in with concern. They widened as she pushed her hands into his hair and tugged his face down to hers. 

She pressed her lips against his hard and he grunted against her mouth but didn’t kiss her back. It made her stop and pull away to look up at him. His grey eyes looked conflicted and scared and she tugged at his hair, causing his hands to twitch against where they were holding on to her.

“Sandor… I need to know that you are here,” she whispered softly and he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers with a sigh. “Are you here? Truly here?”

“I’m here, Sansa.” His breath tickled her lips and his words pulled at her heart. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.”

“Then show me.” The words had barely left her lips before he crashed his lips against hers. There was a desperation in the bruising kiss and it fueled the response in Sansa. She dragged her tongue against the seam of his lips and when they parted in a gasp she pushed it inside. He groaned and as his tongue pushed into hers he did it with such vigour that it had her head spinning. His large strong hands were making their way across her back, pushing her flush against him and somehow she found herself calming down emotionally as his kiss made her body heat up. As if her physical reaction to him was influencing her emotional one. 

She needed to feel him, his skin against her hands and his touch against her skin. Sansa started tugging at his shirt and he released a grunt when she pulled her mouth away far enough to pull the shirt over his head. His eyes were blown wide and he had a wild look about him that made her feel powerful. She needed that after having felt so weak just moments before. 

It was both scary and exciting to know that this man in front of her could make her feel weak and strong, all at once. How he had just come into their lives and enriched hers so much, but also put her at risk of getting hurt. And she had gotten hurt, she was still hurting. But most of all she felt powerful, and wanted, when her pulling her own top over her head caused his breath to hitch and his eyes to darken. 

His eyes darted down to follow her hands as they started tugging down her pants but when she stepped out of them he seemed to realise something as he flinched and took a step back. He lifted his gaze to look at her intently and the warmth she saw there made her flash of concern lessen slightly.

“Sansa, I’m here. I’m not leaving unless you kick me out. It’s been an emotional day and I think we both need to process everything.” She understood what he was saying and there was wisdom in his words and the thought behind them but it still stung a little that he was trying to take a step back.

“Will you still stay the night?” she asked and when he nodded she turned to unmake the bed, hearing him undress behind her. 

”I’m just gonna go throw these in the wash, I’ll be right back.” He punctuated his words with a tender kiss to her forehead. The domesticity of him doing laundry dressed only in his black boxers had her almost smiling. 

She quickly got beneath the covers and waited for him to return. When the door opened his eyes instantly went to her on the bed and his eyes softened as he took a step towards her. She pulled the covers back to allow him to get beneath them his breath hitched as he naked chest was exposed to him.

“Fucking hell.” The raspy profanity pulled at Sansa’s core just as much as the heated way he took in her exposed breasts. The heaviness of his gaze pulled them into stiff peaks and she saw his fingers twitch as if he was keeping himself from reaching out to touch them.

There was that surge of power that coursed through her again and she enjoyed that feeling so much more than the sense of helplessness that had been her companion these last few days. She didn’t like feeling helpless or like she was waiting for someone else, him, to decide what he wanted. She wanted to feel this power, she wanted to see the need he had for her in his eyes. Like how he was watching her now. When he looked at her like that she could believe that he wouldn’t leave, that he didn’t want to leave.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” It was strange how the growled out words could make her blush but not the fact that she was laying naked in bed waiting for him. He quickly got beneath the covers as he laid down she moved close enough to rest her head against his chest. With a sigh he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her even closer. She tilted her head to look up at him and he pressed a tender kiss to her lips. She released a soft sigh as she pressed her face against his neck, breathing him in and felt him do the same to the side of her face.

“I am so fucking grateful that you gave me a chance,” he whispered against her hair and her heart tugged at how gravely his voice sounded. All raw and emotional. “I swear I’ll do anything to earn your trust back. Anything.”

She closed her eyes to keep back the fresh wave of tears and she forced herself to not speak, in fear of her voice giving away her emotional state. So instead she just nodded and pressed her lips against his pulsepoint. It jumped beneath her touch, causing her own heart to clench. She was too emotional to speak the words on her mind but she hoped he would understand anyway.

_ I just need you to love me. _


	22. Twenty-two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are things between the Starks and Sandor getting put back together? Or will Sandor's busy schedule and self doubt make him fuck things up before he has a chance to fix them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> This chapter took way too long to get too you guys, I'm sorry! Life has been hectic and honestly, this chapter was hard. Hard to write and hard to get right. But it's here and I hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> Stay safe!

Sandor woke to a strange tickling sensation and it took him a minute to come to enough to realise that it was Sansa’s fingers that were slowly making their way up his stomach to his chest that was the cause of it. His hand reached out to lazily scratch at where her fingers had dragged and the muffled giggle coming from his left made his lip twitch into a small smile.

It felt unbelievable that she was actually next to him, stroking his chest playfully and giggling after how he had handled things. A wave of gratefulness for Sansa’s big heart made his breath shutter and he wanted to freeze time and just stay there in this moment of soft tenderness. It felt like a balm to the shattered nerves he had been carrying around for the past week.

“What time is it?” he grunted out softly without opening his eyes and had to fight a purr as her fingers went from dancing up his chest to stroking it.

“Early.” Her voice was raspy with sleep as she dragged her nose along his jaw and when he felt her breath against his ear it sent a pleasant shiver through him. “You can go back to sleep.”

“Why the fuck would I want to do that?” He carefully turned his head and opened his eyes slowly. Sansa was on her side, facing him, her red hair spilled out around her on the pillow and her eyes watched him with a soft look in her eyes that he never quite knew how he could deserve. Especially after what he had done. “I’d much rather spend time with you.”

A small smile tugged at her lips as he reached out a hand to cup her face. She leaned into the touch and he dragged his thumb across her cheekbone, marveling at the fact that he was still allowed to touch her like this. That even if she had said that she wasn’t ready to forgive him she was still allowing him the chance to earn her forgiveness.

As her blue eyes held his he was amazed with how happy he felt from just holding her. He couldn’t remember ever feeling something as strongly, not even as a child. He had no experience with love, but that had to be what he was feeling for her. There was no other explanation that could make sense. He had almost told her, had almost said the words last night when he begged her to forgive him. But the thought of her thinking that he was just saying it out of desperation had made him swallow the words down. He wouldn’t have been able to bear it if she hadn’t believed him or thought him disgenuin. It wouldn’t have been fair to put that pressure on her when she was already upset.

He thought this moment of quiet closeness might have been a good moment but there was still a twinge of worry in his chest that made him hesitate. What if she didn’t feel the same? Or if his actions might have made her reconsider her feelings for him? He wasn’t sure if he could handle that so instead he made a promise to himself to show her what he couldn’t put into words yet. He started by moving his face close to hers and smiled as he brushed his nose against hers. He felt her smile against his lips as he kissed the corner of her mouth, making his chest feel lighter.

“You couldn’t sleep?” he asked her and he couldn’t hide the worry he felt. If she hadn’t been able to sleep it would be on the account of him and he already felt so guilty it was almost crippling, even though he knew he deserved every piece of it. He wasn’t sure if he was so easy to read because she reached out to cup his ruined cheek. He couldn’t feel it but just knowing that she was able to touch it and look at him so tenderly caused him to swallow shakily.

“I slept fine. I’m just used to waking up so early in the week that sometimes it’s hard to stay asleep,” she explained before pressing a soft kiss to his nose, making his mouth pull into a smile. “How did you sleep?”

He had slept like a rock, as if he was finally able to relax once he held her in his arms. Sleep had always been something he struggled with but since he got the Starks in his life he had started sleeping better and the best sleep of his life was with her in his arms.

“Good,” he offered in answer and snuggled even closer, pressing his face into the crook of her neck. He hummed happily when he felt her hand move to his hair where they started stroking it slowly. “Fucking great, actually.”

That pulled a surprised huff of laughter from her and Sandor again felt so beyond grateful that the woman in his arms was amazing enough to try and look past his flaws and allow him a chance to show growth. He probably didn’t deserve it but he wasn’t about to tell her that. He was just going to count himself fucking lucky to have her. To have all of them.

His heart soared when she started to hum a soft tune against the top of his head and he closed his eyes to enjoy the way she surrounded him, with her body against him, her hands stroking his hair and her voice traveling from her throat into his heart. The song sounded light happy and the thought that she could be feeling a little of that made him relieved.

“What’s your plans for the day?” she asked after she stopped humming and he moved his hand down to trail across her spine. He followed the line of it down to the top of her backside and then continued up again slowly, savoring every inch of her skin that he got to caress.

“Practice in Boston.” He saw the way the shine in her eyes dimmed and not for the first time he hated how much this fucking game was keeping him away from them. She had never been anything but supportive but he still hated how he couldn’t be there as much as he wanted, and he knew they felt it too. “But I’m free tomorrow. I could cook dinner after work?”

Sansa’s blue eyes looked at him softly and when she moved her hand from his hair down to caress his cheek he leaned into the touch. It was ridiculous how much he craved every slight touch, every second of slight pressure against his skin but he did. There was no doubt in his mind that he needed her more than he had ever needed anything in his life.

“Maybe… you should go to a meeting?” He couldn’t help but flinch back and scowl at her. She looked at him, no hesitation or regret in her eyes, and he bit his lip so as to not snap at her that he would go to a meeting if he needed to. That she shouldn’t tell him what to do. The fact that the thoughts even crossed his mind made him hang his head and take a deep breath. He scrunched up his face when he felt her push his hair away, exposing him to her.

“Yeah, I think maybe I should.” His voice was a raspy grunt and he hesitantly looked up at her, wondering if there would be judgement or smugness on her face. As his eyes caught hers there was only tenderness in them and he didn’t know why he had thought that she would show him anything but support.

_ My fucking stupid doubting mind. _

“What are you doing today?” he asked in hopes of drawing the attention away from his reaction. Her mouth tilted up into a small smile and that made him feel less of an asshole and his free hand moved up to follow the line of her jaw with his thumb.

“Arya’s game. If they win they move on to the playoffs. She is really excited, even if she is trying to act like it’s no big deal.” Sandor couldn’t help but flinch. He should have remembered that, had he not been so far up his own ass. It was a big deal, they were a completely new team and had done this well in their first season. Sandor had wanted to be there for more than the handful of games he had been able to and the thought of missing this one made his gut twist. 

He grunted out a protest as she pulled out of his arms and got out of bed. He put his weight on his forearms to lift himself up to watch her as she went to her dresser. She pulled on a pair of white shorts and a matching camisole and when she looked over her shoulder at him and smiled he wouldn’t have been able to fight the smile that pulled at his lips, even if he had wanted too.

“I’m gonna put on some coffee,” she said softly and headed towards the bedroom door. When the door closed behind her he fell back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He dragged his hands over his face and he wished there was an easy way to make this uneasy feeling go away. This fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, and this time it wouldn’t just end with her being upset with him. There was a big chance that if he messed up again it would be it. She could be done with him.

“Don’t you dare fuck this up.” With a heavy sigh he got himself out of bed and he realised that Sansa had put a pair of dark sweatpants on top of the dresser. He recognised them as one of his that he must have left behind one of the nights he had spent there and had brought clothes for work the next day. The fact that she had washed them and put them in her dresser made his throat constrict. With a shake of his head he put them on as well as his t-shirt.

He tried to be as quiet as possible as he made his way down the hallway and stopped in the doorway to the kitchen. Sansa was standing by the coffee machine, humming softly to herself and for a moment he just leaned against the doorway and listened. His heart felt lighter as he recognized the same melody as before.

She didn’t stop humming until she had poured two cups of coffee and turned around to smile at him. She nodded her head to the couch and he followed her silently and sat down once she had handed him his cup. She smiled down at him and the sudden need to have her close made him reach out a hand to grasp her hip. His thumb caressed the sliver of skin that was visible where her top met her shorts and with a soft sigh she put her cup down on the table before she placed her knees on either side of his legs. When she moved her hands to cup his face he nuzzled her neck.

“What song was that?” he asked in a whisper against her skin and he was amazed at how he could feel the shiver as it went through her. Her hands moved down to his shoulder and he sighed against her skin. Maybe she felt the same need to be close and touch him as he did for her. Perhaps it was because of the lack of contact this last week. His own fucking fault, but that fact didn’t stop him from craving her touch and being allowed to touch her.

“Remedy by Adele,” she answered to the top of his head and he pressed his mouth against the juncture of her neck and shoulder. He had never heard the song before so he put the name to memory so that he could look it up later. He doubted anyone else could sing it as sweetly as his Little Bird but he knew that the melody would bring him comfort from that moment on.

He lifted his head to look at her and he felt the smile tugging on her lips as she pressed them against his softly and he knew he was a lucky bastard. Because he was the one she had chosen, he was the only one who got to hold her like this and he wanted it to stay that way.

He would do anything to stay the one close to her heart. At least he hoped that he was close to her heart. The extent of those feelings he doubted was as strong as what he was feeling, because how could someone like her care about him the way he did her?

When she pulled away from his lips she almost stole the words out of his mouth, those big ones that he felt had been sitting in the back of his throat for weeks, but before they had a chance to slip out she turned around and his focus was on not spilling the coffee that was still in his hand. She settled again in his lap with her side against his chest, her head leaning against his shoulder and her own cup in her hands. He wrapped his free arm around her back and held her hip, pressing her even closer and released a content sigh.

They didn’t say much as they sat together drinking their coffee but Sandor felt lighter. As if the heavy sinking feeling in his gut was slowly dissipating. The fact that they were even able to sit together like this and both still felt comfortable enough with each other to enjoy the silence and not fill it with nervous chatter made his heart sore. So much so that he didn’t mind it when Rickon stumbled into the room, his hair a mess and his eyes scrunched up with sleep.

“Let me guess, you’re hungry?” Sansa asked the boy who seemed to take in the closeness between Sandor and his sister for a long moment before he nodded his head with a grunt. “I’ll make pancakes in a bit, okay?”

“I can make them,” Sandor offered, hoping that his words would elicit some response in the kid. Rickon looked down at his feet for a split second before they turned back to Sandor who held his breath waiting.

“Sansa’s doesn’t stick to the pan.” The comment was enough to make Sandor’s lips twitch into a small smile and he caught the same twitch in Rickon’s before the kid schooled his features. The jab made Sandor feel like even if he was still upset with him and rightly so, maybe Rickon would be willing to actually let him do the work. That he would let him try to earn his forgiveness.

”Maybe I’ve improved since then?” Sandor said and the look Rickon gave him was pure scepticism.

”Have you been practicing?” Sansa’s question was whispered in his ear and he swallowed hard as her warm breath hit the shell of his ear. He felt a heat rush to his cheeks and he tried to fight it but knew that she had noticed with the way her eyes softened. Her lips met his in a soft kiss and somewhere in the background Sandor barely registered the sound of disgust from the kid but it was enough to make Sansa giggle against his mouth.

Rickon left the room and Sandor took the opportunity as he pressed his lips firmly to Sansa’s, swallowing her giggle. He moved his hand to hold the back of her head and as his tongue pressed into hers she hummed. He fucking loved that small happy sound and answered it with one of his own. Their kiss was interrupted by the clanging of a pan in the kitchen and Sandor chased her lips as Sansa pulled away from him.

“I’d better check what Ricky is doing,” she said between the kisses Sandor peppered on her lips and he grunted non commitically as he kept kissing her. “Sandor.”

The sound of his name spoken so breathlessly made him push closer and Sansa’s hand pushed into his hair and tugged lightly, causing him to gasp. He wasn’t prepared for the hard kiss she gave then. Her tongue pushed into his mouth, his senses going into overload as her teeth nibbled at his bottom lip and it felt like his head was spinning as she dragged her nails across his scalp.

“Fuck,” he gasped out against her lips and the smirk she gave him knocked him off kilter. He stared at her wide eyed as she climbed off his lap and headed to the kitchen.

“Isn’t Sandor going to help?” he heard Rickon ask and knowing that the kid wasn’t too angry at this moment made Sandor feel better.

“Oh, he will. He just needs a minute.” He could hear the amusement in her voice and he couldn’t even frown, he was too damn happy.

_ Fucking minx. _

He hated that he had to leave, hated that he had to wish Arya good luck and head out. Hated how she tried to hide her disappointment and hated that he had to kiss Sansa goodbye so soon after having earned his second chance. He knew they didn’t blame him, he knew that but it didn’t mean that he hated himself any less. How could he ever earn their forgiveness and show them that he was there for them when he never fucking were?

He forced those thoughts away as he drove to his apartment to get his stuff and didn’t linger there. The space felt empty and after having spent every night there alone this last week he didn’t want to be there more than he had to.

He was halfway to Boston when he remembered the name of the song Sansa had hummed as he used his hands free to find it. As the lyrics filled his truck he drew in a shaky breath. He hated that he had to be away from them, hated that he couldn’t be there. The farther away from them he got the darker his mood became. The distance made his chest clench in a way that scared him. He felt so good when he was with them, with her, that when he wasn’t it hurt and made him feel like shit. As the song’s final notes were followed by silence he had to fight the wave of emotions that washed over him. He didn’t understand how Sansa could have been humming this song to him after what he had done, after how he had handled everything. He didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve any of them. 

_ How can she hold me and hum a song about giving me comfort after what I did? There is never a way for me to undo that. How can I ever make sure she feels like I am her safe space? How can she ever trust me with her hurts when I am the one who caused them? _

Sandor was clutching the cup of shitty coffee a little too tightly in his hand but he couldn’t make himself relax. He was on edge and he knew why. The other people sitting in the circle with him were all looking at him expectantly and Sandor knew that they expected him to share but what the fuck was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to explain why he hadn’t been there these last few weeks? His only hope was that Ray wouldn’t prod him. 

“So Sandor, it’s been awhile since we saw you last. Why don’t you share first?” Sandor glared at the older man who only had his trademark soft smile on his lips. He showed no signs of being deterred by Sandor hostility and Sandor knew there was no point in trying to fight it. Because the harder you protested the harder Ray prodded.

“I’ve been busy,” he grunted out and the disbelief on the other people’s face made him want to storm out. But he knew that that was the reason he was here, he couldn’t just run away from everything or lash out. It had done him no fucking good his whole life and now he had something good and he needed to do what he could to keep it. “I have been practicing for the big game I’ve told you guys about and well it’s been stealing my time and energy. A lot of times I regret saying yes. I’ve been frustrated over missing stuff with the people I care about and well… last week I…”

“Yes?” Ray said with an encouraging nod and Sandor took a deep breath. “What happened last week?”

“I fucked up… I got some information that upset me and I… lashed out. I screamed and I yelled at the people closest to me and I hate myself for that but I hate myself most for what I did after.” The soft smile on Ray’s face dropped and turned into a concerned frown. Sandor knew what he was thinking and expected the question before it came.

“Did you drink?” There was no judgement in Ray’s voice, only worry and Sandor knew he was asking out of concern but it still stung that he would never get past the status of alcoholic. It was what he was, no matter if he had been sober for years.

“No, I wanted to. But I didn’t.” Sandor dragged his hand down his face trying to fight the shame his behaviour made him feel, although he deserved every piece of it. “I left and I didn’t go back. I stayed away.”

“Why did you do that?” Ray asked and Sandor sighed. He didn’t want to answer that but he knew that the old man was like a dog with a bone.

“I don’t know. I…” Ray gave him a pointed look and Sandor knew he was calling him out on his bullshit. “I was scared shitless. Scared that I had fucked it up and that they wouldn’t be able to forgive me.”

“Well, have you gone back? Have you asked for their forgiveness?” Ray asked and Sandor nodded. “That’s good. That’s a start.”

“Yeah, well I wasn’t the one who went back. San… my girlfriend confronted me after a week of me hiding away like a coward.” 

“But you decided to take the step? You asked for forgiveness because you wanted too? Or did you do it because you felt obligated to?” Ray asked and Sandor shook his head. “Then why were you hiding?”

Sandor looked down at the murky liquid in his cup and the answer welled over him painfully and he knew he was selfish and an asshole, but it was made so much more apparent in that moment. He hadn’t done it because he thought they were better off without him. He hadn’t done it to keep from hurting them.

“I was so sure that they were going to be done with me. But as long as I didn’t try to ask for forgiveness there was no risk of rejection. I could pretend like it had all ended on my terms.” Sandor felt his eyes sting and rubbed them angrily with his thumb.

Ray nodded with a soft look in his eyes and turned his attention towards the rest of the group. Relief filled Sandor at having the attention of the group deflected away from him.

“I think a lot of us use the excuse of them being better off without us because we need this sense of control. We can’t control everything around us but we can control that we are the ones who leave. That way we can tell ourselves that it was our choice, and that way it would hurt less.” There were a lot of nods from the group and Sandor bent his head down in shame, the impact of Ray’s words hitting him hard. “But leaving when you want to stay isn’t painless. You will still hurt. That’s life. You have to ask yourselves what the possibility of happiness is worth compared to a lifetime of protecting yourself from possible hurts where you miss out on that happiness.”

Ray turned his eyes back towards Sandor who met the older man’s hard eyes head on. He knew he couldn’t hide, that he needed to hear what Ray was about to say.

“Was being without them, protecting yourself from their possible rejection, painless?” Sandor shook his head so hard that he almost spilled his coffee. “The way back, earning their forgiveness won’t be painless either. But maybe it will be worth it in the end?”

“I just don’t know if they’ll ever forgive me,” Sandor said weakly and Ray sighed.

“That’s their prerogative. You can’t force their hand or their heart. Sometimes we will have to live with the hand we have been dealt. And sometimes we just have to try harder. You are the only one who can decide which approach to have.”

The rest of the meeting went by in a blur, Sandor being too caught up in the guilt and self disgust he felt to be able to hear anyone else. As he was heading out Ray stopped him with a hand on his arm.

”I know you will want to punish yourself by acting like what you did is unforgivable but if you do the only thing you will succeed with is pushing them away.” Ray’s eyes were stern as he looked at him and Sandor wanted to duck his head to escape them but he knew he shouldn’t because it would only make things worse.

”I’m not sure I would have gone back if she hadn’t come for me.” Admitting it outloud made him want to throw up, the guilt making him sick to his stomach, knowing that he had put his own insecurities and fears above their feelings. Above them counting and depending on him. What kind of man did that? How dare he say that they were family? Who treated their family like that?

“I know that through your life you’ve never felt safe.” Sandor opened his mouth to argue but Ray’s eyes told him to shut up and listen. “I mean with your heart. The few people you have trusted have all left you. And it’s terrifying putting yourself at risk of having that happen again. Self sabotaging is a defense mechanism Sandor. It’s what you are doing right now.”

“How do I stop myself when it can’t fucking help it?” Sandor asked frustrated and Ray gave his arm a slight squeeze.

“Be brave and entrust your heart to them. You have to give in order to receive. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.”

After the meeting Sandor felt drained and untethered. Ray’s words rang in his head and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with that. He knew why he had acted the way he had and he regretted it. He was just so fucking scared. Scared that he would never make things go back to what they were. Scared that moving forward might mean that they would move forward without him.

He hit the steering wheel as he drove and cursed himself for doubting everything all the time. Cursed himself for being a coward who didn’t dare say what he was feeling. Who was so scared of rejection that he couldn’t tell the woman he loved about how he felt. About how he wanted to build a home with her and the kids. How they already felt like the centre of his world and he was terrified of losing that. Terrified that without them grounding him he would just fall into the darkness. The kind of darkness that had consumed him when he lost his sister. The kind of darkness he could never truly shake, because it came with the fear of being left. The fear of losing them the way he had lost her. He hated himself for putting that type of pressure on them, even if he never actually told them. Because they didn’t deserve to be responsible for his mental wellbeing. They couldn’t help that he was a dysfunctional fucked up cunt who put all his hopes for the future on them and would be shattered if they were taken away. They were not responsible for his dark thoughts and he shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on them. But he couldn’t fucking help himself.

He didn’t realise where he was until he ran out of road. As he stepped out of the car he walked up to the edge of the cliffs and looked down at the whirling water. The ocean was about as calm as he felt and the high waves and harsh winds somehow connected with him. He was about to sit down at the edge when he noticed that there was a narrow path winding down the side of the cliff to the small bank of sand beneath the cliffs. It wasn’t that far down and soon he was walking with sand beneath his feet. He didn’t care that he was only wearing a henley in February. The biting cold made him feel alive and he needed that. He needed the slight pain that it came with because it reminded him of what Ray had said. Life wasn’t painless and he had to stop trying to outrun it. He needed to be in the now, enjoying what he had instead of worrying when he would lose it. He couldn’t live like that.

_ Be vulnerable. _

He for sure felt helpless and small and all he wanted was to wrap himself around Sansa and take the comfort he knew he would find there. Maybe he could, maybe she wouldn’t judge him for it. He fished out his phone and he wasn’t sure what he was going to say until he heard the soft sound of Sansa’s voice on the phone.

“Sandor, hi.” He closed his eyes and despite the biting wind he felt a warm spread through him. “How was the meeting?”

“Sansa…” his voice came out shaky and trembling and he closed his eyes in hopes of calming himself. “I know it’s late and you have work tomorrow but I… I need you.”

There was some shuffling on the line as Sansa talked to him in a soothing almost cooing voice. His chest stung with the startling need to be with her, to be able to hold her. He needed her, just her and despite how terrifying it was to admit he couldn’t help himself.

“It’s okay, Sandor. Why don’t you tell me where you are?” Her soft voice enabled him to take a deep breath and he opened his eyes to look out at the ocean. “Sandor?”

“I’m at your spot.” He knew she would understand where with those simple words. He heard the telltale sound of a car door opening and the relief he felt from knowing that she was coming to him. No questions asked, just acceptance of his need for her. How could she be willing to give him that? How could he possibly have deserved it?

“Okay, so why don’t you head to your place and I’ll meet you there?” Sansa offered and he started the trek up the path with her voice in his ear. “How are you feeling?”

“I’d rather not… I just need to see you,” he said with a sigh. He hated how he couldn’t seem to get his head to cooperate with his mouth. He should be able to talk to her and he was going to make sure that he did, once he had her in his arms. 

“Okay, I’ll be there soon. Please drive safe.” He promised her as they hung up and he made sure to honour that promise even though all he wanted was to put his foot on the gas and not let up until he reached his apartment building.

Once he parked he could make out her car and he hurried inside, taking the steps three at a time and as he saw her leaning with her back against his door his heart thumped as if it came back to life in her presence. She must have heard his footsteps because she turned her head around and her face split into that soft smile that he had come to crave. Before he was able to say anything she walked right into his arms and he wrapped them firmly around her, pulling her even closer.

“You’re here.” He whispered the words out against the top of her head as her hand came to rest at his back. “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me for being here, Sandor. Of course I’m going to be here when you need me.” There was no way she could understand how much those words meant to him and he wasn’t sure there was any way he could actually explain it so he settled for burying his face in the crook of her neck and pressed a soft kiss to the exposed skin. “You’re freezing, let’s get you inside.”

He didn’t argue when she pulled his keys out of his pocket and ushered him inside. Because he was blown away by the care she was showing him. She ushered him to the couch and was about to grab the blanket when he instead put his hands on her hips and pulled her onto his lap. With a deep hum he pressed his face into the side of her neck, breathing her in. Her arms came up to wrap around his shoulders and he pressed her even closer. As all his senses filled with her he felt himself calming down. Never in his life could he ever remember relying on another human being to comfort and steady him. Yet somehow that was what she did, she steadied him when his mind wanted to drag him down those dark narrow trails that had been his path most of his life. 

He would like to think that he had gotten himself out of the darkest parts on his own, before he met them, but he felt like he had only managed to turn his life from black to grey. And then he had met the Starks and they had brought colour into his life. It was both terrifying in it’s unfamiliarity but at the same time so fucking exciting and bright. Overwhelming, so holding her like this made everything new seem less scary because through everything she was a constant.

“I’m going to run you a bath. You’ll be chilled to the bone otherwise.” He grunted in protest when she tried to get out of his embrace but relented when she pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. He didn’t bother with trying to argue that he never took baths. That the tub had already been there when he moved in and he only showered. Granted having to slightly kneel when you showered wasn’t ideal but with his height he was used to it. He was pretty sure he was too tall to even fit in the tub properly. But he knew there was no point in trying to tell her that baths wasn’t his thing because she had that determined crease between her eyebrows that told him it would be a lost cause.

While she was in the bathroom he just sat there on his couch, listening to her move around in there and he knew that he didn’t want to live like this anymore. His place was empty, void of anything personal and he didn’t feel home there. He never had, perhaps because he didn’t know what it meant to feel at home in a place after having moved around so much as a kid. It wasn’t until now, until he met a woman and her three siblings that he learned the true meaning of making a house a home. 

“Come on Sandor!” Sansa called and instantly he was on his feet. He stopped in the doorway to the bathroom to take her in, her auburn hair shining in the dim light as she turned to smile at him. Her blue eyes were impossible soft and the affection in them still managed to take his breath away. He had thought he had ruined that, he had thought he had taken away the possibility of her ever looking at him like that again. “Well?”

She motioned to the tub that to his surprise was filled with bubbles as well as water. He didn’t own any bath bubbles so he couldn’t help but frown at it. Where had that come from? His eyes darted to a small opened box on the basin and he realised that Sansa must have brought it especially for his place. They didn’t have a tub in their apartment so why else would she buy a bath bomb?

“It smells… like lemon trees,” he said after a long silence and she smiled as she walked up to him. 

“Let’s get you in there while the water is still hot.” With a soft smile she opened the buttons on his henley and he obediently lifted his arms to help her remove it. They both chuckled as she had to stand on her tiptoes and as he leaned down to make it easier for her his hair fell into his face and he closed his eyes when he felt her fingers on his skin, brushing the strands away. “Pants off too.”

“Only if you join me.” The boldness of the words took even himself by surprise because it wasn’t how he had meant it. It sounded like something he would have said before he fucked everything up. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to act like that yet but his nerves were soothed when Sansa chuckled and shrugged. Ray’s words rang in his head and he took a deep breath before putting his hurts out there. “I don’t want to be alone.”

He was grateful that her only reaction was the soft way her eyes held his, he wasn’t sure he would have handled it very well if she had wanted to talk about it.

“You’re not alone.” Without hesitating she pulled her sweater and t-shirt over her head and his breath wooshed out of him at the sight of her pale skin encased in a soft blue brah. He just stood there staring as she shimmied out of her pants as well and he couldn’t understand that this beyond beautiful woman somehow became his.

“Sandor?” There was a worried tint in her voice and he wanted it gone. So he quickly pulled his pants and underwear down in one go and twitched when there was a sudden flash of red across her cheeks. He felt himself hardening as she removed her own underwear and his fingers twitched as he fought the urge to reach out and caress every inch of her pale skin.

Instead he turned his attention to the bath she had put effort into making for him. He carefully stepped into the tub and lowered himself down in order to sit. The water was borderline too hot but as the warmth spread it soothed the chill in his bones that he had been trying to ignore.

“I have no idea how I am going to fit,” Sansa said as she looked down at him with tender eyes. A soft smile filled Sandor’s face as he reached his hand out for her.

“I’ll make room,” he promised and once she had stepped into the tub he pulled her down to sit in his lap with her back pressed against his chest. She sighed as she relaxed in his arms and he couldn’t keep himself from wrapping his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

“This is nice,” he said after they spent a long moment in companionable silence. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a bubble bath before.” 

“What?” the surprised gasp made him chuckle as he scooped up some bubbles into his hand and held it up.

“You’ve brought a lot of new experiences into my life,” he admitted and before the heaviness of what he said could take hold he blew at the bubbles in his hands. As they fluttered in the air Sansa threw her head back and laughed, causing him to do it again.

“I bet you are going to be having plenty of bubble baths now that I have introduced you to the wonder of them,” she said and he couldn’t help but smile as he hugged her even closer, reveling in the way she fit against him.

“Only with you.” She hummed softly and leaned her head back against his shoulder. She pressed her forehead against his cheek and he sighed happily as she leaned into him. For a long time the only sound was their breathing and Sandor allowed himself to relax into her closeness. His fingers caressed the soft skin of her abdomen and her fingers dragged along his arms in slow strokes, soothing his nerves with every caress.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay. I just want you to know that if you do I am here to listen.” The words lingered heavily in the room and Sandor sighed as he felt himself tense up again.

“I… I just… The meeting made me realise something and it just hit me pretty hard.” He could feel Sansa’s eyes on his face but he couldn’t make himself look at her, not until he had said what he needed to say. “I… was selfish and cowardly with how I handled everything… I think that I don’t deserve the chance to earn your forgiveness.”

Sansa’s hand grabbed his chin firmly and tilted it to the side, forcing him to look at her. Her blue eyes were hard and he felt suddenly afraid. Because if she agreed with him this was it, it would be their final moments together and he would be alone again. And he knew, just like Ray had said, that that was what had held him back to begin with. What had held him back from going back to them and beg for their forgiveness. The fear of finally knowing that they didn’t want him around anymore. The fear of losing the people he cared about, again.

“You do deserve it, Sandor. You deserve a second chance.” With a shaky breath he leaned his forehead against hers and her hand moved from his chin to cup his cheek. “Everyone fucks up but what matters is what you do to fix it. But if this is you wanting an out…”

“No!” His outburst made her flinch back and he made his touch as gentle as he could as his hands ran up and down her side, holding her close still. “No, I just… I just needed you to know what I’m feeling so that you understand why I am being a total fuck up.” 

“Sandor Clegane, you listen to me.” He nodded at the serious note in her voice and held his breath as she turned around in the tub to face him. Water sloshed over the edge as she straddle his lap, all without releasing him from her glare. “I think we have been really bad at expressing how grateful we all are for everything you have done for us. How you’ve changed our lives for the better.”

“I haven’t done that much…” he tried to protest but was stopped by her grabbing his face in her hands.

“You have done so much. I can’t even express how much our lives have changed for the better thanks to you. And you’ve never done it to get something from us. You have never asked for anything in exchange. That’s why you deserve a second chance.” He watched as her eyes welled with tears and his hands moved to her hips in order to pull her against his chest. “And you do get to ask Sandor for help or support. You get to need things from us too.”

“I only need you guys,” he said as he tilted his face down in order to hold her eyes with his. “I just need you, Sansa.”

“You have me.” An involuntary strangled sound escaped his throat and he pressed his mouth firmly against hers in order to silence it. Her response was instant and he got lost in the way her soft lips felt against his and he couldn’t help but dart his tongue out to taste them. The humming sound she made in response made his cock twitch where it was nestled between her thighs and he had to fight the urge to thrust upwards.

“I think we’re done with this bath, don’t you?” Her words came out as a warm whisper against his lips and he wrapped one arm around her ass as the other reached out to grab the tub’s edge. Her startled gasp as he stood with her in his arms made his cock twitch again and when she wrapped her legs around his hips he was nestled tightly against her core.

He growled out a curse as her hands pushed their way into his hair, dragging her nails along the nape of his neck, drawing goosebumps on his skin. He carefully stepped out of the tub, not bothering with draining it, as he made his way out of the bathroom and across the apartment towards his bedroom.

“Sandor wait, we need towels!” Sansa exclaimed between giggles and he voiced his protest by pressing kisses along her jaw.

“Fuck towels, I need you now,” he growled out and she pushed her core against his cock so roughly that he almost saw white. “Woman.”

“I don’t want to sleep in a wet bed,” she protested against this ear and punctuated her words with tugging at his lobe. His eyebrow raised in question and she smiled. “Arya will take the boys to school tomorrow so I can stay. If you keep the bed dry.”

He released a frustrated growl as he put her down on the floor in the centre of his bedroom and practically sprinted back to the bathroom to grab towels. When he returned he couldn’t help but stop in the doorway and stare at Sansa. Her skin glowed in the moonlight and the water had turned her red hair into a deeper shade of auburn and there was nothing about her that could ever have given him the slightest inkling that she would ever be his. Yet she was, and he was a fucking lucky bastard for it.

He saw the question in her eyes and offered only a smirk before he stepped up to her and started drying her off. He intentionally made his movements slow, lingering at her breasts and hips before he kneeled to the floor to dry her legs. He felt her quiver beneath his hands as he pushed the towel up her leg and when his knuckles brushed against her core she gasped. He repeated the actions with a slight smirk as her hand came down to grab at his shoulder to steady herself.

“Lay down on the bed,” he demanded once he had toweled her dry and she hurried to obey. He quickly dried himself before he stepped up to the edge of the bed and looked down at her. Needing the relief he grabbed himself at the base and squeezed. He was surprised when the action pulled a needy groan out of her.

Her cheeks flushed beautifully as he climbed onto the bed and he leaned down to press a kiss against one flushed cheek. His mouth then made its way across her jaw before closing around her earlobe and tugging slightly. The gasp that escaped her made him do it again and he chuckled when she tried to turn her head to do the same to him. He couldn’t help but grin at her before he nudged her cheek with his nose and started trailing kisses down her neck. They started off as soft, gauging her reaction to his actions and when she hummed happily he dared to open his mouth slightly to dart out his tongue to taste her skin.

”Oh.” Spurred on by the soft sound that escaped her he kissed her more firmly, leaving open mouthed hot kisses all the way down to the juncture of her shoulder where he scraped his teeth along that soft sensual line. The first time he had been allowed to kiss her like this he had been overeager and a little crazed but he had since registered the spots that drew the strongest reaction from her and what different types of touches and kisses she enjoyed. He dragged his stubbled jaw against the delicate skin of her throat and fought a smile when a poorly stifled groan escaped her.

His mouth continued its downward path and with a gentle touched he caressed her sides with his large hands. Her soft ink nipples stood at firm peaks as he hovered above them and he made himself be gentle as he cupped the underside of one breast, dragging his tongue along the edges of it. Her breath became strained and her eyes wide as she looked down at him and the need in them made him close his lips around one nipple. She whimpered when he sucked firmly and the sound had him grunting as he felt himself growing painfully hard. As her hand came down to grab a fistful of his hair he relented and kissed his way across her chest to take the other nipple in his mouth.

Sansa darted her eyes down his chest and her hands pushed their way through his thick chest hair to where he was throbbing needily and he felt a sense of pride in the way her eyes darkened. It felt amazing to see the apparent desire she had for him, knowing that there wasn’t any way to mistake it as anything else. It was there plain as day in the way she looked at and touched him.

Not wanting things to escalate and end too quickly he stopped her hand from grabbing him and instead started kissing down her stomach. When he reached the curve of her hips he could smell her and he almost forgot about being gentle as he trailed hot and heavy kisses down to her mound. He lifted his head slightly to be able to look up at her and found her chest and face flushed and her eyes wide with her desire for him. With a needy whine she grabbed onto his head and pushed him downward. He was more than happy to slide down and groaned when she spread her legs as wide as she could to make room for him.

“Sansa,” he growled out as he looked at her glistening core and when she lifted her hips he met her halfway. The kiss he pressed against her clit was wet and firm and he felt a rush so strong that it almost made his ears ring. He softened the pressure as he kissed his way from his clit to her entrance and the gasps and moans she was giving him for his efforts made him want her to come like this. He needed her to come like this. 

He dragged his tongue against her lips and growled when it reached her clit again. He knew how much she enjoyed the sound of his voice and the vibrations of it against her most sensitive spot had her arching her back.

“I want you to come like this Sansa,” he rasped out against her core as he pushed one finger inside of her. “Just let go and let me make you come.”

She nodded furiously and he withdrew his tongue in order to press open mouthed kisses along her slit, knowing how it drove her wild.

“Another finger Sandor, please,” she begged and he had to close his eyes and hold his breath for a second or else the needy desperate rasp in her voice would make him come against his fucking matress.

He granted her request and crooked his fingers the way she had taught him and with just a few thrusts he felt her starting to tighten around them. As he sucked her clit between his lips she released a strangled sob before crying out. He kept up his pace until she came down and didn’t stop until she reached a hand out to stop him.

He pressed a soft kiss to the inside of her thigh as she smiled down at him and brushed his hair away from his face. He moved up her body and eagerly met her mouth in a firm needy kiss. He grunted in protest when she pulled away but the protest died on his lips when she pushed him over to his back and quickly straddled him. He stared wide eyed at the goddess of a woman that was sitting on his lap in all her naked glory and there was nothing he could say to put the need he felt to be inside of her into words. So instead he used his hands and grabbed her hips, lifting her up enough to be able to use one hand and align himself with her entrance. As the head of his cock slowly pushed inside of her he groaned and threw his head back. Her hands moved to his chest and as her fingers carted through the hair there she pushed her hips down flush with his. Being enveloped in her wet heat was almost too much and he grabbed her hips firmly to keep her from moving or else he’d come right then and there.

“Shit Sansa, I’m not gonna last.” He should be embarrassed by it and maybe he would be afterwards but it felt like he hadn’t been inside of her for ages and it was just too much. He wanted to slam into her and never pull out again, being inside of her felt too good. 

“It’s okay,” she assured him as she started to rock her hips above him. Her movements were rough and frenzied as if she was trying to drive him insane and soon he couldn’t keep himself from using his grip on her hips to lift her up and slam her down onto him again. Everytime he did she cried out and the sound made him hopeful about being able to draw another orgasm out of her.

His large hand spanned across her hips and by angling his hand slightly he was able to press his thumb against her clit. 

“How do you want me to touch you? Fast and hard or soft and gentle?” he asked as he rubbed her and her head fell back in ecstasy. “Tell me what you need from me, Sansa.”

“Hard. Sandor, hard.” She gasped and when he picked up the pace of both his thumb and hips her nails dug into his chest, making him cry out in pleasure.

“Fuck, Sansa!” he growled as he felt himself being pushed towards the edge and he surged up to press his lips against the spot on her neck that always made her moan. A shuddering breath was the only sound she made but he felt the way her cunt clamped down around him and this time he actually saw white as her orgams pushed him over the brink. 

With a needy growl his back hit the mattress again and Sandor revelled in the weight of her collapsing against his chest and as both their breaths steadied he dragged his hand up and down her back in a soothing caress. He could feel her breath even out against his neck and when she placed a tender kiss above his heart he felt his eyes water up.

_ If she thinks I deserve a second chance I am going to take it. I told her I’d do anything to earn her forgiveness. I won’t make her regret it. I won’t make myself into a liar. _


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are moving forward and the game is on the horizon.   
Are things between Sandor and the Starks getting back to normal?  
Will Sansa be able to trust Sandor with her heart again? More importantly, will she be able to tell him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> So I finally have a new chapter ready. It's been slow going, to be honest. Not because I don't love this story. But it's on the heavier side emotionally and it takes a bit more to write it and to get it right. With the state of the world I have been struggling to find the right mindset. But finally, finally I feel like I have something worth sharing with you guys.  
Thank you all for your support and for sticking around despite my irregular updating. ❤️

“So are you going to go looking for a new dress or just pick one out of your closet?” Sansa lifted her eyes from her phone to look at Arya as her sister sat down across the table. “I mean for the charity dinner?”

If she was honest Sansa hadn’t made up her mind. She hadn’t been able to justify spending the amount of money needed to get a new dress with all the bills that needed paying. Sandor had told her about the charity dinner that was being hosted after the game and he hadn’t given her that much notice since he claimed to have completely missed the part about it being mandatory for him to attend. He had made sure she knew she didn’t have to go even if he was obligated to attend since people had paid for the tickets in order to have a chance to meet the players. With the price of the tickets Sandor had said they would be rich assholes expecting to get their asses kissed by everyone.

She knew he would hate it and that he would feel uncomfortable the whole time and she had assured him that she would be there with him. He had tried to hide the relief he had felt at that but she had been able to tell. It had been in the way his shoulders relaxed and the way he had kissed her so tenderly, and she wished that he had felt comfortable enough to ask for what he needed from her. He was making progress though, with how he was trying to be there for them even more than before and admitting when he had a bad day and even on those bad days he reached out and sometimes he would just show up late at night, straight from practice in Boston and just ask to hold her as they slept. Even with the tight space her bed made she always slept the best when she was in his arms.

“Do you think I should? I was thinking about wearing one of the dresses I have in my closet.” The way Arya’s face scrunched up made Sansa feel uneasy. There were only a few days left until the game, she didn’t have a lot of time.

“I mean… that would work. Sandor told me he got a new suit and shirt, tailored, you know since he is a fucking giant.” Sansa tried to scramble through the memory log of all the dresses in her closet and she felt a sudden sense of panic well up inside of her. “I mean, I was just wondering because I figured I could come and look for a dress to wear to prom while you looked for one for the dinner.”

Sansa’s frazzled mind suddenly stopped as it registered what Arya was saying and her face split into a shocked but happy smile.

“No! Don’t get all excited and mushy! If you are going to be like that I’ll bring Sandor dress shopping instead!” Arya threatened with a dark glare and Sansa’s eyebrows raised all the way to her hairline.

“You’d really prefer Sandor’s company over mine for dress shopping? I have so much more experience than he does!” Sansa protested and Arya shrugged.

“Yeah, but he would be as miserable as me the whole time so that would make me feel better.” Sansa threw her head back and laughed and caught the slight twitch of her sister’s mouth. “Okay, so we’ll go dress shopping tomorrow then?”

“Sound’s good.” Arya nodded and pushed her chair back as if to leave and Sansa reached her hand out across the table and placed it above her sister’s.

“Wait, I wanna know what Gendry said or did to change your mind about prom.” Arya sighed and got to her feet but didn’t walk away. Instead her grey eyes held Sansa’s with a seriousness that reminded her of their father.

“He didn’t do or say anything. I asked him.” Sansa imagined that the surprise on her face was as strong as what she was feeling on the inside because Arya rolled her eyes. “Sandor said that sometimes you do shit you don’t want to do because it makes the people you love happy. And I figured if it made Gendry happy I can put up with terrible food and music for one night. He’s worth the effort.”

Sansa knew that tearing up and choking back a sob was probably not the rational reaction to such a statement, yet here she was, pressing her hand to her mouth and fighting back tears. Arya looked horrified and wide eyed but there was nothing Sansa could do to stop herself. Her little sister was getting so big, so mature and the tip of it all was that it was Sandor who had guided Arya in this direction. Sansa knew she would always be grateful for the bond those two shared and she didn’t even feel jealous because she had been the one Arya came to for dress shopping. She was allowed to keep a sense of sisterhood with her despite everything and Sansa assumed that was why she was crying now.

“What the fuck happened?” Sandor’s worried voice came from the doorway to the kitchen and as Sansa turned her face towards him another shaky sob escaped her. In an instance this gentle giant of a man was on his knees in front of her, turning her chair towards him so that he could cup her face in his hands. “Why are you crying? Little Bird?”

“You and Arya... You guys are just so cute,” Sansa pushed out through shaky lips and couldn’t help but giggle through the tears. Sandor’s eyes widened in confusion as he turned his head to look at Arya.

“Don’t look at me. She’s weird and I’m stuck with her because she’s my sister. You’re the one who chose her and who’s still sticking around. Despite all… _ that. _” Sansa knew her sister was only teasing and it made her laugh again as Arya headed towards her bedroom.

“I am weird.” Sansa agreed only to have Sandor smile softly and wipe her tears away with the pad of his thumb. “I’m so happy that I’m crying."

“Hey, I like weird.” Sandor’s voice was a soft whisper and she couldn’t help but lean down and press her lips against his. The kiss, as well as his soft touch was enough to quell her tears and when she pulled back she wiped her cheeks with an embarrassed laugh.

“Arya and I are going dress shopping tomorrow. She needs a dress for prom and I need a dress for the charity dinner. Do you know how fancy it will be? Do I need an evening gown or will a cocktail dress be fine? Arya said you had gotten a new suit. What colour is it? Do you want us to match?” Sandor’s face flashed into different levels of confusion and surprise as he tried to process her rapid round of questions. After a moment of silence, as if he was making sure she was finished he took a deep breath.

“Whatever you decide on will be perfect. You are beautiful in everything and I am just the lucky bastard who gets to have you with him.” He gave her a small smile when she gave him a stern look. “I am just very grateful that you will go with me. Without you it would be fucking torture.”

She knew he wouldn’t feel comfortable with making his statement a big deal but to her it was. Instead of saying anything she cupped his cheek and smiled down at him.

“What about your suit? What colour should I wear?” He leaned into her touch and turned his face to press a soft kiss against her palm.

“It’s all black. So you wear whatever colour you want.” She gave him a big smile and she was going to get a really pretty dress. Not because she needed to impress the people who would see her with Sandor. But because she wanted his eyes to go wide as he saw her. She wanted to blow his mind and perhaps a part of her wanted him to look at her like he couldn’t believe she was real and his. Because when he did she could imagine that he did love her but he hadn’t been able to find the right way to tell her yet.

After three hours of dress shopping Sansa wished that she had taken up Arya on having Sandor do this with her instead. Arya had rejected what felt like thousands of dresses, some by just a quick glance and others by frustrated growl from the dressing room. So far Sansa hadn’t been allowed to see a single one and no matter how many stores they went to Arya didn’t seem to find what she was looking for. Not that she would tell Sansa what it was, so that she could help. 

Sansa had found her own dress in the third store they had entered and as soon as she had tried it on she knew it was it. She felt beautiful and knew that Sandor would think so too. She had blushed as she had tried to imagine the look in his eyes when he saw her in it. It would be dark and heated and she imagined how he would tell her how gorgeous she was in that deep rasp of his. How he would reach out to touch the soft pink coloured fabric and perhaps he would tell her how he couldn’t wait to take it off her.

“Not appropriate Sansa, focus,” she scolded herself as she waited outside of the dressing room. 

“What?” Arya called from inside it and Sansa felt her face flush red.

“Eh… any luck?” Sansa called back and the only response was an angry grunt. With a sigh Sansa decided to take another look through the racks. She had barely taken a few tentative steps when a dress caught her eye and she gasped in relief when it was Arya’s size. She hurried back to the dressing room and knocked before opening the door enough to put the dress through the gap. 

“What are you…?”

“You need to try this on,” Sansa interrupted and when Arya released a resigned sigh that was followed by shuffling fabric Sansa tried to contain her excitement, just in case Arya hated it. When the door to Arya’s dressing room opened and her sister stepped out Sansa gasped. It was followed by a shaky breath and Arya’s eyes turned stern.

“Don’t you dare cry! Then we won’t ever get out of here and we don’t have time for that. You know we need to get back and finish the sign before Sandor comes home.” Sansa knew that Arya was trying to scold her into keeping her tears at bay but her words, combined with how beautiful she looked in her dress, made her efforts all in vain. “Do you think Gendry will like it?”

“Gendry will love it. Because he loves you. How do you feel about it?” Sansa asked and the smile that split Arya’s face as she looked at herself in the mirror made Sansa blink furiously to keep back the tears.

“Yeah, I love it.” Arya turned around to look at her and the smile she gave Sansa made her want to hug her but she knew if she did she would crack and only annoy her sister. “Sansa, thank you.”

_ Oh well, that’s that. _

Arya sighed as Sansa quickly wiped the corner of her eyes, trying to stop herself from ruining her makeup. She gave Arya an apologetic smile but her sister’s eyes narrowed at her.

“You’re not pregnant are you?” Sansa looked at her sister in shock and vehemently shook her head. “Just checking, you’ve been so emotional lately.”

She had made precautions so she was sure of her answer. Not only was it far too soon to have a baby with Sandor, it was far from the right time. But as the thought of having a child with Sandor grew in her head it turned her chest warm. Imagining the large man holding a tiny little human against his chest while he talked softly to them told her that she did want that, with him, someday. The realization made her come to terms with the fact that she needed to tell him that she loved him. She had been waiting for him to say it first, needing to know that she wasn’t putting herself at risk of being left again. Now she however knew that he felt the same fear and she feared that if she kept waiting for him they might never get there. 

* * *

“Can you pass me the yellow marker?” Bran asked Rickon who threw his arm out in his brother’s direction without lifting his focus from where he was drawing on the top right corner of the banner.

They were almost done and it was truly down to the last minute since they were all heading to Boston tomorrow. Sandor had to be there for one last team meeting and then the following day was game day. Sansa hadn’t wanted him to make the drive back and forth, he would need his sleep, and he had claimed that he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he wasn’t with her. So tonight they were packing up their things and getting an early start so that they could all do some sightseeing in the morning. Just thinking about the game made Sansa’s stomach do somersaults and she didn’t even want to imagine how nervous Sandor had to be. He didn’t say it but she could tell by the way he sometimes seemed lost in thought or how he held onto her a little tighter whenever they talked about it. 

The slamming of a truck door made all their heads snap out and the panic in her siblings eyes made Sansa jump to her feet.

“Shit, he’s early!” Sansa called out and in her panic she forgot to think about her language. Thankfully the others were too busy with trying to put away all the things on the table to notice it. “The banner still needs to dry before we can roll it up!”

“Go distract him!” Arya exclaimed and Sansa looked at her with wide eyes and Arya growled. “Don’t make me say it out loud, just do what you usually do that makes him look like he was knocked over the head!”

Sansa blushed furiously and in an effort to both intercept Sandor before he could walk in on them and to escape the conversation, she hurried into the hallway just as Sandor pushed the door open. Her stomach fluttered in that familiar way when he ducked through the doorway and as their eyes met and his face split into a huge smile she jumped and threw her arms around his neck. With a low chuckle he wrapped his arms around her, holding her pressed to the hard strong planes of his body. Had she been a cat she would have purred but she settled for nuzzling his neck and pressing a soft kiss to the spot where his neck and jaw connected.

“Sansa.” The way he said her name, so softly with an edge of amazement made her feel like she was the most precious person in the world to him and it made her hold on even tighter. 

“How was your day?” she asked against his neck and one of the hands that held onto her moved up her back until it cupped the back of her head. 

“Alright. I had planned to be home sooner but the guys decided to give me a send off so that I was pumped up for the game. So I had to take a shower.” Sansa lifted her head and saw that the dark hair that he had tied away from his face was damp and she raised her eyebrow in question. “They dumped a whole bucket of slushy on me. They really made an effort too, two guys were on step ladders behind the door and got me.”

Sansa threw her head back and laughed as he kept her feet off the ground. Once her laughter settled he pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss. She hummed happily against his mouth, drawing another chuckle out of him.

“How did it go today?” he asked after having put her feet down on the ground. He leaned down far enough for her to find her balance before she released her grip on him but remained close.

“We both found our dresses,” Sansa told him and he nodded before he stepped past her, heading towards the kitchen. Sansa could still make out the sound of frantic movements and grasped his arm before he reached the doorway. “We were thinking about getting pizza for dinner. Could you come with me to get it?”

“Why didn’t you just tell me to pick some up on the way?” he asked with a confused frown and she felt her cheeks flush.

“Eh… Well we hadn’t decided on what we wanted until a moment ago. How about the Night's Watch?” The hungry hum that left his lips reminded her of how he sounded when he was between her legs and the thought made her cheeks flush bright red.

“Okay, let’s get everyone's order and head out.” Sansa used her grip on his arm to turn him towards the door and before he could protest she opened it and led him through it.

“They’ll text it to me. Come on, I’m starving.” She was relieved when he didn’t prod even if he gave her a long look before he started the ignition of his truck. 

There was quite a crowd for a Thursday night so they had to wait a while for their order. Sansa didn’t mind since it meant time alone with Sandor. She enjoyed how she could lean against his chest, standing between his legs as he was seated on a barstool, making their faces almost level. His eyes were soft and seemed only to see her as she dragged her fingers up and down his jaw. His large hand was holding onto her hip, his fingers spanning almost her whole back and she couldn’t help but smile up at him.

“Oh my god! Are you The Hound?!” The loud exclamation came from the left and was so sudden it made Sansa jump slightly. She felt the way Sandor’s grip on her tighten as he turned his head towards the sound and in hopes of calming him she placed one hand on his chest.

The loud voice belonged to a woman, around Sandor’s age, who was staring with wide eyes. It was the first time Sansa had ever been witness to him being recognised in public and she was unsure how Sandor would handle it. The use of his old moniker she assumed put him on edge by the tension she could see in his shoulders and the clenching of his jaw. It wasn’t too unexpected though, with the game just two days away.

“I used to be,” he grunted out and the woman took a step closer, almost close enough that she was mere inches from touching him. Her sudden close proximity had Sansa stiffening and the way Sandor’s eyes darted to her told her he had noticed. “Do you want me to sign something?”

The woman shook her head but pulled out her phone from her purse and held it out to Sansa.

“Could I get a picture with you?” She asked and without thinking Sansa reached out to accept the phone, taking a step away from Sandor. It wasn’t until she saw the dark look on Sandor’s face that she realised her mistake. He didn’t like having his picture taken and here she was practically accepting it on his behalf.

“You don’t have to do that,” Sandor said in a low rasp and Sansa made herself smile at him as she stepped up close to him again.

“I don’t mind. But if you don’t want to take the picture you can say no. Or if you want me to act like the possessive girlfriend and take the heat for turning her down, I’m fine with that too,” she whispered in his ear and the slight twitch at the corner of his mouth made her feel relieved.

“Just one.” Sandor said and stood to his full impressive height, making the woman’s eyes bug out before she gave a dazzling smile.

“Great, if you put your arm around me I’ll do the same to you,” she said but Sandor stared her down before crossing his arms over his chest and stood next to her. For a second the woman’s face fell but as Sansa held up the phone she produced a megawatt smile. “Thanks.”

Sandor having accepted her request seemed to lure out other fans and Sansa lost track of the number of pictures she took. Sandor kept the same pose while some people copied it, other’s mostly females, dared to put a hand on his arm or turn to lean against him. It bothered Sansa, not in the jealous kind of way but it annoyed her that people would disregard his personal space and take liberties. And it angered her to see the way Sandor stiffened at every touch yet he didn’t say anything. That made Sansa unsure if she should either so she kept silent until Edd called out that their order was ready. She grabbed Sandor’s hand and pulled him away from the group of people who seemed to hover around him. He was still stiff as they headed towards Edd and she hated that. In hopes of comforting him she lifted his arm over her shoulder and pressed her side into his, with her hand caressing his back.

“Are you okay?” he surprised her by asking and she frowned up at him only to find a serious concert on his face. “I know it can be a lot and with all the touching… I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or the least concerned. I would never…”

“Oh honey, don’t worry about that,” Sansa said with a soft smile and reached up to cup his cheek in order to pull his face down towards hers. “I know your mine.”

In an effort to drive her words home she pressed a firm kiss against his lips and when the heat of it pulled a gasp out of him she pushed her tongue inside of his mouth. As the taste and smell of him filled her senses she forgot about them being in a public space or the fact that Edd was waiting just a few feet away from them with their food, that was going cold as the kiss dragged on.

“Damn straight I am,” Sandor said in a growl once their lips parted. “I’m fucking yours, always.”

* * *

“You can’t be serious? You guys never heard of Led Zeppelin?” Sansa had to look out the passenger window in order to hide her smile at the look of outrage on Sandor’s face. The sun was slowly rising in the horizon, painting the sky in beautiful shades of orange and purple. They had all shuffled into Sandor’s truck early in the morning and Sansa was grateful that he had offered to drive.

Now Sandor and the kids were debating on what music to listen to and Sandor’s shock at them not knowing the band he suggested was only made worse when Rickon and Bran shook their heads where they were sitting in the backseat while Arya shrugged.

“I’ve heard the name but I don’t think I’ve heard any of their songs,” Arya said and Sandor turned his head towards Sansa. 

“What the hell? Can you put one on right now?” He nodded towards his phone that was sitting on the dashboard and Sansa raised her eyebrow at him. “Please?”

With a slight chuckle Sansa humored him and as _ A whole lotta love _filled the car Sansa turned her head in order to see the kid’s reactions. She noticed that Sandor couldn’t help but glance in the rearview mirror. Arya was tapping her foot and fighting a smile while Bran had a neutral look on his face, telling Sansa that he wasn’t enjoying it but didn’t want to show Sandor. Rickon didn’t look impressed at all but Sansa wasn’t sure if it was an effort to not make things easy on Sandor. Things were getting better but Rickon was still keeping a distance, as if he was afraid of getting hurt again and just thinking about it made Sansa’s heart ache.

When the song ended Sansa could tell that Sandor was anticipating their reaction and when there was only silence she saw his shoulders tense.

“They were good,” Arya offered while Bran shrugged again.

“What kind of music do you like, Bran?” Sandor asked and Bran looked deep in thought for a moment.

“Raleigh Ritchie.” Sandor gave Sansa a small smile and since she had never heard of the artist before Sansa put on the first song that came up on Spotify. The music that filled the car made Sansa smile and she noticed how Sandor’s fingers was tapping to the beat against the steering wheel.

“Yeah, Bran is the dj for this trip,” Sandor said as the song wound down and the smile that split Bran’s face made Sansa’s heart jump.

“Hey! Don’t we all get a turn?” Arya protested and Sandor scoffed.

“It’s too early in the morning to listen to Mannequin Pussy”, Sandor said and Sansa stared at him with a wide eyed angry glare. “What? It’s the band’s name.”

Sansa shook her head and when the kids started bickering in the backseat about what to play next Sandor reached out his hand and put it on her thigh. A smile tugged the corners of her mouth upward as she turned his hand over and intertwined their fingers. She turned her head to look at him as he lifted their hands to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. Their eyes met and Sansa felt happy, truly happy. Because this felt like moving forward, together. As a family.

Once they had gotten to the hotel and checked in it was hard to contain Rickon. He was practically jumping where he stood and when Sansa suggested they visit the New England Aquarium first he threw his hands up in the air in triumph.

His excitement was infectious and as they took in all the marine life they were all smiling. Even Arya was excited over the penguins and wasn’t even trying to hide it. The whole time Sandor held Sansa’s hand and the connection, the unity, was more than she could have ever hoped for. He had chosen her, chosen them and despite how he had acted when he had found out about Robb, he had made an effort to mend what he had broken. She knew as she watched him lift Rickon so that he could look over the edge at colourful fish that she trusted him, that she could trust him with her heart.

“What?” he asked as he walked back to her and she threw her arms around his waist.

“Nothing,” she answered and he chuckled before pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

After a quick lunch Sandor had to head to the stadium for a meeting with the team and one final pre game press junket. Sansa could tell by the tension in his shoulders that he wasn’t looking forward to it and the way he held her tightly as they hugged goodbye made her wish she could do something to comfort and calm him.

“We’ll meet at the hotel after and all go to dinner together right?” Sansa asked and instead of answering he pressed a hard kiss to her lips and hummed into her mouth.

“Are you guys done with sucking face?” Arya said with an exaggerated gagging noise.

“Yeah, we ain’t got all day,” Rickon added but Sandor just kissed her again and she wasn’t sure if it was in order to annoy them even more but she felt the slight twitch off his lip when they groaned.

The day went by fast with them doing some sightseeing and then going to the movies. Once they got to the hotell it was time to get ready for dinner. Sansa had just gotten out of the shower when her phone dinged with a text from Sandor telling her that things were running late and that he would meet them at the restaurant instead. 

Sansa walked down the hall towards the boys’ room and just then Arya stepped out from hers. Sandor had gotten Arya her own room, despite Sansa trying to tell him she could share with the boys, mostly in case Bran needed help at night. He was usually fine on his own but you never knew. Knowing it was next to Bran and Rickon’s eased Sansa’s mind a bit. 

“Sandor will meet us at the restaurant,” Sansa said as they had gotten the boys and walked towards the elevator. 

The restaurant was just a short distance from the hotel and the family friendly atmosphere of the place made Sansa smile. It smelled divine and by the time her siblings had devoured all the complimentary breadsticks and there still was no Sandor, Sansa knew she had a short window before she had to deal with three hangry kids.

“Hey, let’s order some appetizers to share while we wait for Sandor?” she suggested and Rickon eagerly picked up his menu.

The waiter had just put the food down on the table when Sandor finally strode through the door with a hard scowl on his face. The tension in his back and shoulders were even more palpable now and when he sat down next to her he did so with a heavy sigh. 

“You guys already ordered?” he asked with a grunt and Sansa looked at him with a raised eyebrow. There was no apology for being late, no kiss hello and Sansa’s instincts told her this was more than just him being tired. Something was wrong.

“Just appetizers, we didn’t know how much longer you would be.” She answered with a firm tone and he lifted his eyes from the menu to look at her. His face softened with a sigh and his hand found her knee.

“Let’s order then, I’m starving.” He squeezed her knee and Sansa decided to let his blunt behaviour go.

As the dinner progressed Sansa was more and more certain that something was wrong because he was uncharacteristically quiet, which for him meant that he mostly just sat there and only hummed or gave short answers if he was asked a question. It worried Sansa and when they got to their hotel room the worry increased when he discarded his clothes haphazardly on the floor and climbed into bed without saying a word. 

“Are you okay?” she asked and he looked up at her with surprise in his eyes, as if he had forgotten she was there.

“I’m fine,” he hummed out and Sansa decided to give him a moment as she got ready for bed. From the bathroom she could hear his slight shuffling and sighs as she removed her makeup and brushed her teeth.

She found him staring up at the ceiling with a frown maring his forehead. She understood that tomorrow was a big day for him and she couldn’t imagine the kind of nerves he must be experiencing. She just wished he would talk to her, allow her to try to comfort him. Without saying anything she climbed into bed and Sandor held up the covers for her. When she laid down he pulled her against his side and she rested her head on his chest. She heard him sigh into the top of her head and she decided that she needed to say something.

“Sandor…” She tried to make her voice soft so as to not make him feel forced to share and when his large hand started stroking up and down her side she pressed a soft kiss to his chest. 

“I got these really bad nerves on the nights before a game. I would question everything, my worth and my purpose.”He pushed the words out in a rush as he held her closer and she tilted her head to look up at him. He still had his eyes on the ceiling as he worried his jaw. “It was stupid but I actually thought that with the years, that shit would have gone away or at least become easier. But it fucking hasn’t.”

“How did you deal with them before?” she asked and he closed his eyes with a truly heavy sigh. He kept them closed as he answered her.

“I used to drink, until I couldn’t feel the nerves anymore.” His voice sounded almost pained and Sansa didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She doubted there was anything she could say but she still wanted to try to comfort him somehow.

“I… I can’t act like I know what you are going through. But I do know that no matter what happens tomorrow I am so proud of you.” She put her hand on his chest in order to prop herself up so that they could be face to face. He opened his eyes slowly and the tenderness in their grey depts made her smile at him. “We are all so proud of you.”

He didn’t say anything but she hoped that the way he looked at her meant that he believed her. The frown was still there on his forehead and she wished that there was something she could do to pull him out of his head. She gently touched her lips to his cheek and he exhaled heavily. With a tender smile up at him she moved her mouth along his jaw, stopping to nip and kiss along the way. His breath hitched as her lips started to make their way down his neck and the sound sent heat directly between her legs. Her teeth grazed the spot where his neck and shoulder met and he hissed when she bit down but she felt the following shiver as it went through him. She pushed his underwear off him swiftly, making her intent clear.

Sansa pressed open mouthed kisses down his chest and the small sounds he released spurred her on. She loved how responsive he was and the way he pushed her hair out of her face and held it in his fist made her moan. There was no force in his grip, he just wanted to be able to see her, she was in complete control over him and they both knew it, but there was something very arousing about the way he held onto her. Knowing that he was so strong yet so gentle with her but walking the edge of desperation as his throat bobbed as he looked at her.

She turned her eyes down to look at him where he was twitching against his stomach and knowing that the large man beneath her had such a visceral reaction to her made Sansa rub her thighs together to stave off the ache there. Her fingers made a path up his stomach as she caressed his hard chest and then dragged her nails back down. The slight growl that vibrated out of his chest made her smile devilishly up at him and his grey eyes turned almost black. 

“Fu…” he gasped out when she dragged her tongue down the thick trail of hair on his stomach and when she reached it she swirled her tongue around the tip of his erect penis. She blew gently at him to make it twitch and when it did she rewarded him by pressing open mouthed kisses down the shaft. “Sansa… you…”

She didn’t want to give him the possibility to fall out of the moment so she wrapped her hand around him and squeezed lightly. Her eyes darted up towards his face as she dragged her tongue along the thick protruding vein all the way to the head. She took a deep breath before closing her lips around it. There was no way she could ever accurately describe the sound that was torn out of his throat. It was pain and pleasure mixed together in a deep rasp and it made her take more of him in her mouth. He was far too big for her to be able to take all of him but she used her hand to caress the part her mouth couldn’t handle. Sansa hollowed out her cheeks as she started dragging her mouth up and down him in steady but slow pulls. 

“Sansa…” His grip on her hair tightened for a second as the moan escaped him and it had her quicken her pace. She used her free hand to drag her nails up and down his thigh before cupping his balls. “You… That feels so.... Fuck…”

His face was pulled into a wide expression of pleasure and seeing him so disheveled caused a smile to pull at the corner of her lips and his eyes widened. She felt the way he pulsed against her tongue and she hummed in response.

“Fucking hell… You can’t smile like that with my cock in your mouth.” The dark lustful look in his eyes sent a wave of pleasure across her skin and she couldn’t help but smile at him again. With a grunt he thrust up and the wild look of pleasure that crossed his face had her moaning around him. “Sansa, I’m gonna… I need…”

To tell him that it was alright, that she wanted him to lose himself she quickened the movement of her hand and pulled him harder and faster in and out of her mouth. She kept her eyes on his face, not wanting to miss the moment when he was thrown over the edge. It came with a twist of his face and the stiffening of his back followed by wet heat as he twitched in her mouth. Once it was over he slumped down and when she released him and sat up he released her hair and dragged his hand through it so that it was kept out of her face.

“You alright?” she asked as she returned to her spot against his side. With a low chuckle he turned on his side to look at her and as his hand cupped her jaw his thumb stroked along her cheekbone tenderly.

“I should be asking you that.” He frowned at her before leaning down to press his lips against hers. The kiss was soft and filled with such warmth that Sansa couldn’t help but moan. Sandor pulled back to look at her and she smiled at him. His hand moved to the back of her head and trailed down her neck, drawing goosebumps on her skin. When his large hand dipped beneath the lace of her panties to cup her buttcheek she failed to hold in a groan of pleasure. “I think it’s your turn.”

Sansa’s eyes darted up to him and she could see the exhaustion that he was trying to hide from her and she shook her head. Her goal had been to get him out of his own head and that had been accomplished. The ache between her legs was insistent but she would be alright even if it wasn’t dealt with.

“I’m okay, that’s not what this was about. This was about you,” she told him only to have him surge forward and claim her mouth in a headspinningly fierce kiss.

“This is never about me,” he growled against her mouth as he nipped at her bottom lip. “It’s always about us.”

“You’re tired,” she tried to protest as his hands pushed her panties down her legs. His large hands grasped her thighs firmly, his fingers digging deliciously into her skin and she couldn’t help the way her hips rolled in response. 

“If you don’t want to then that’s fine. But if you do, then use me Sansa.” His grey eyes searched her face for the slightest hint of protest before his hand dragged it’s way up between her thighs. When the pressure of his large hand came against her hot center she rolled to her back and spread her legs so wide that had she not been so high from desire she might have blushed. “Fuck, you wanted me to leave you be when you are this wet and needy?”

Sandor’s face was pressed against her cheek and his voice hit her ear with such an intense heat that it caused a wave of wetness to flow out of her and coat his fingers and palm. His large fingers started working in a slow circle on her clit that had her head reeling.

“You sucked my cock so fucking good that I couldn’t think straight. You have the sexiest mouth and seeing it wrapped around my cock made me almost lose my mind.” His filthy words hit her with such an intensity that she couldn’t help but reach down and grab his wrist. He stopped his movement and with a frustrated growl she pulled it down to her entrance.

“I wanna ride your fingers,” she told him and as an amazed _ fuck _ left his mouth she pushed two of his large fingers into herself. “Hook them a little.”

He instantly obeyed and hit that spot inside of her that her own fingers rarely were able to reach. With an amazed gasp of his name she started rocking her hips against his hand and when he matched her rhythm with the way he pushed his fingers in and out of her she was reaching her peak faster than she could have expected. As if he knew that she just needed a little more Sandor pressed his thumb against her clit as he started sucking at that sensitive spot on her neck and it tipped her over the edge.

“Sandor!” she gasped as wave after wave of pleasure had her arching her back. 

When her breathing had started to steady he withdrew his hand and pulled her close to his chest. She tilted her head up towards him and he pressed his mouth against her in a tender kiss that had her heart swelling in her chest.

“Thank you,” he whispered against her lips.

“What for?” she asked teasingly and he pressed his forehead against hers as the kiss ended.

“For being you. For being mine.” Sansa’s heart jumped in her chest and she thought about telling him then and there. Tell him about how much she loved him. But she decided against it, she had her plan. She was going to tell him after the game and the party. When everything else was done and behind them so that his focus would be completely on her. That way the moment was just about them. Instead of saying anything she kissed him again and caressed his cheek.

“Always.”


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four: Gameday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's gameday! Sandor's hard working is finally coming to a head, the big game is happening. How will it go and what will the Stark's support mean to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> It's been a while! No matter how long it takes me, know I will never abandon this story.  
Don't judge my hockey writing too harshly! I tried to keep it simple and easy to follow for those who aren't hockey fans.  
I might have gotten some terms wrong though, since english isn't my first language. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the new chapter!

He woke before the sun and the tingling in his skin instantly reminded him of what day it was and it caused a ripple of nausea through his system. With a frustrated huff he dragged his hand over his face and pleaded with himself to not fuck it all up. He wanted, needed, to prove that he wasn’t the same man anymore. He had thought he had wanted to do it for the Starks, to show them that he was changed, that he wasn’t a fuck up. Perhaps that was part of it, but most of all he wanted to prove it to himself. Prove that he had changed and make any lingering doubt evaporate. As he turned his head to look at the woman in bed next to him he feared that it probably wasn’t that easy, life had never been fucking easy for him, but maybe it could be a start. A chance to show himself that he was allowed to be happy. Because he was and he wanted to feel that happiness without the slight lingering of guilt that came with it.

He rolled to his side in order to mold himself against Sansa’s back and pressed his face into the wild mess that was her hair. The scent as well as her warmth steadied the nerves slightly causing him to wrap an arm around her and pull her closer. He laid there holding her for a long time, feeling like he was holding his future in his arms. It was both scarry and comforting, all wrapped into a confusing mess and yet he wouldn’t want to give it up. Because in all that confusing mess Sansa was his constant, her presence the one thing he felt certain about.

“Sandor…?” she hummed with her voice heavy and slow with sleep. He pressed a soft kiss to the spot where her neck met her shoulder and took a deep breath.

“Go back to sleep,” he whispered but that only caused her to turn on her back to look at him.

“You okay?” she asked and he nodded because even if he was nervous as shit he felt okay. More okay then he had in years. Because of them, his family. He realised that more time had passed then he had expected as his eyes darted to the clock on the bedside table.

“I have to get going soon.” He said and with a whine she turned into his chest and wrapped her arm and leg around him, causing him to chuckle against the top of her head. “You can sleep some more.”

“What about breakfast?” she asked, her breath warm against his chest and he caressed the line of her spine with his finger, finding comfort in the softness of her skin.

“I’m going to eat something at the stadium. We’re all doing warm ups and I am sure Lannister will want us to do some last minute social media promo so I need to be on time.” He felt her lips press over his heart and he held her a little tighter before reluctantly pulling away.

He felt her eyes on him as he got his clothes and headed into the bathroom. He avoided his reflection as he washed his face and got ready. When he returned into the room he saw that Sansa was fighting sleep, her eyes heavy, as she smiled at him.

“You should really get some more sleep,” he said softly and she smiled.

“I will, but I wanted to see you off properly.” With an amused huff he shook his head and walked up to the bed. He crouched down to be at eye level with her and her hand cupped his cheek gently. “You will do great today. We believe in you and no matter what I am so proud of you.”

“Sansa…” he said with a slight tremor to his voice and her eyes softened even more.

“You should be proud of yourself Sandor. You are amazing and this opportunity, you made happen. You are playing today for a reason, you got this far because of your determination. Your strength got you here, no one else's.” He wanted to argue with her but found that he couldn’t. Because her words created a warmth in his chest and it canceled out some of the nerves. “Show them who Sandor Clegane is.”

The warmth in her eyes, the affection so plainly written on her face made his heart swell and he felt the words almost on his tongue then. But the thought of telling her then, like this, made his nerves return even stronger. Because she deserved so much more, then it being spit out minutes before he had to leave. So instead he held his tongue and pressed a kiss to her lips, hoping that he could convey a sliver of how much she meant into it.

“I’ll see you there?” he asked, making her laugh softly.

“Yeah, I’ll see you there.” With a final hum he pressed his lips to her forehead and then rose to his feet. He offered her a small smile that she returned with one of her amazing ones and then he was off. It was time to get to work and as the elevator made it’s slow trek down floors he felt like if he could survive this game with some pride left he’d call it a win.

* * *

“You guys hear that?” Oberyn was grinning from ear to ear as the sound of a stadium filled with people came closer as they headed towards the doors that would allow them to make their grand entrance on the ice. “Let’s give them a good show.”

Sandor ignored the sound of the crowd as well as his teammates. He knew that in just a few seconds those doors would open and he was supposed to lead his team onto the ice. His mind needed to be on that yet it wandered towards the Starks. They were out there, waiting and knowing that they would cheer him on made his lip twitch in an almost smile.

Suddenly the doors flew open and the music they had only been able to hear slightly suddenly was at full volume and for a second the noise of the stadium took him back. He grunted out a profanity before taking off towards the ice. As they came onto it the noise grew even louder and Sandor skated as fast as he could past the fireworks, his heart thudding hard in his chest. Everything but the ice was dark, all of the spotlights focused on the teams as they skated across the ice. Sandor skated towards their booth and Barristan gave him a nod of understanding.

As the other players skated across the ice to warm up Sandor was flanked by his defense partner Dondarrion and the first line consisting of Baratheon, Martell and Mormont. They were the starting lineup and they were strong, as long as they all communicated. Dondarrion was a good defenseman, hard working and fearless. Despite not having played in years he still threw himself in front of pucks without the least bit of care for his own pain or possible injury.

“Looks like they put the Clegane fan club on the first row,” Dondarrion said with an amused smile and Sandor turned his head to follow his line of sight. His face split into a surprised grin as he took in the large banner with his name and number on it. He couldn’t make out all the details from across the ice but he could make out the people holding the banner and clapping and shouting loudly.

Sandor had gotten the Starks seats on the front row so that they could all sit with Bran and he had had a feeling that they were up to something but he had not expected this much effort. Even from across the ice he could make out that they were wearing team jerseys and he wouldn’t be surprised if they had his number on them.

“That’s not a fanclub. That’s my family,” Sandor said with a smile that seemed to take Dondarrion by surprise before he smiled back.

Sandor turned his eyes back towards the Starks and they all waved at him. Knowing that he had their support made his chest swell and his veins pump with adrenaline. He was going to fucking win this game for them. As he skated past where they were sitting they cheered even louder and he couldn’t help but grin at them. He slowed his pace as his eyes held Sansa’s and when she blew him a kiss his heart jumped in his chest.

“Lucky bastard,” he heard Dondarrion mumble next to him and he knew it was the truth. No matter what happened today, win or lose, he was one lucky bastard for having them to love. It was time for him to tell them that too. To tell Sansa. 

* * *

It was strange how easy it felt to turn his game face on. How quickly his mind started analyzing the players he was opposing. It had been years and he had expected it to be a struggle but it was actually easy. What wasn’t was keeping up with the other team’s speed. They were in his zone far more than he would like and one of them was slick as an eel, always skating past him whenever he moved to check him. The name on his shirt said Greyjoy so he surmised it was Euron’s nephew, which made him even more eager to take the kid on.

It made him realise that he needed to use his brain and not just his brute strength and it pulled a smirk to his lips to know that he was going to be able to play as himself, as Sandor Clegane. He needed to even, in order to deal with the opposing team because they were all expecting him to act like The Hound. It became especially clear when he was facing a young forward who was trying to play the puck behind the goal. As Sandor sped up to skate up towards him he caught the way the younger man flinched and at the last moment Sandor decided to steal the puck instead, leaving the young man staring after him in surprise. It created an opening for Oberyn, who confidently shot the puck into the goal.

The volume of the stadium grew even louder then and the rush of adrenaline that surged through Sandor then made him skate over to Oberyn and pat his back.

“We can fucking take them,” he growled out and Oberyn’s only response was a toothy grin.

“For fuck sake Baratheon! Slynt was open, you need to pass the fucking puck!” Sandor yelled out as Stannis Baratheon skated back to the booth after the other team scored their first goal. Baratheon didn’t argue with him, he only nodded solemnly and Sandor didn’t know if that meant the other man had heard him or if he was just ignoring him. For Stannis sake Sandor hoped it was the first one.

It was Sandor’s turn to hit the ice and before getting in position for the face-off in their defence zone he skated up to Thoros and grasped his goalie mask.

“Stop fucking flopping, alright?” The other man gave a court nod and Sandor took a deep breath. “Your doing a fucking great job.”

“Just keep that fucking giant Dothraki away from my goal.” Thoros said and Sandor smirked before turning his attention towards the face off between Martell and Tyrell. Sandor’s eyes darted towards the wingman and the younger Greyjoy looked at him with a challenging grin that had Sandor cracking his neck with a slight twist to his mouth.

The puck had barely hit the ice before Sandor saw the signs for the other teams play. Greyjoy was too focused on the far side of the end zone and as they won the face-off Greyjoy skated towards it, obviously going for a backdoor play.

The second Sandor saw Tyrell facing towards his team mate he skated as fast as he could and as Greyjoy’s stick caught the pass Sandor was on him, checking him into the boards hard. The younger man went down onto the ice with a grunt and Sandor turned his head to see that Mormont had intercepted the puck and he and the rest of the line was headed towards the opposite goal. 

Sandor looked down at the young man who was now on his knees on the ice and he reached out a hand towards him. The young man turned his head towards him and Sandor expected to be cursed out or have his hand slapped away. Instead he was taking off guard by the huge grin on the younger man’s face.

“You got me,” he said with a wild glint in his eyes as he took Sandor’s offered hand. Once he was on his feet, still with that fucking grin on his face, he skated over to his team’s player booth and Sandor shook his head as he tried to get his head back into the game.

_ Another fucking crazy Greyjoy. _

“Clegane!” Coach Selmy shouted and Sandor head spun around to see that Drogo was crossing the blue line into their end zone and Sandor prayed that Thoros would flop down on the ice. 

The goalie didn’t, he stood his ground, and Sandor hurried over to try and push the opposing player out of the goal crease so that Thoros could get a handle on the puck. He was almost as large as Sandor but Sandor had more speed and it was enough to push him away enough to expose the puck and Thoros lightning quick placed his glove on it.

The game was a close one, both teams playing their hardest and Sandor was glad to know that the people who had bought their tickets and supported a good cause was getting their money’s worth. While he was sitting in the booth his eyes darted over to where the Starks were sitting and they all looked absorbed in the game. There was a slight crease of concentration on Sansa’s forehead as she followed the puck and in the next second she jumped to her feet and screamed. Her reaction pulled Sandor’s focus back to the ice and he just caught how Baratheon passed the puck to Greyjoy who drew his stick back and with one of the hard slap shots he was known for during his career he scored.

Sandor reached his gloved hand out over the booth’s edge as the player’s came to celebrate and made a point of turning towards Baratheon as he got into the booth.

“Really nice pass,” he commended and Baratheon gave him another one of his solemn nods.

“You have a good eye for the game.” Hearing the compliment coming from one of the legends that had played while he was still a kid had his mind reeling but he didn’t have a lot of time to process it.

The fact that they were now behind by one goal seemed to light a fire in the other team and Sandor and Beric had to work their asses off to keep them out of their zone. Sandor felt like he barely got a chance to catch his breath before it was time for him to get on the ice again, Coach Selmy choosing to play him every other change as the clock ticked down to the end of the third period.

As the final buzzer went off the crowd became so loud that it caused a ringing in his ears. Or perhaps it was the exhaustion cursing that. Dondarrion was saying something, pulling at his arm but Sandor couldn’t hear him. His eyes were darting around the crowd trying to find the people who mattered most. There was too much happening, too many people around him suddenly, and as the cheering grew louder someone thrusted a trophy into his hands.

For a second there was nothing but silence, as if he had suddenly lost his sense of hearing. He was holding a trophy, his team had won. They had done it, he had played as himself and they had won. As if on instinct, or perhaps his heart knew she was there, he turned and saw her watching him, standing close by the glass with the rest of the Stark’s behind her cheering and jumping. Sansa was smiling at him, her smile so wide and filled with joy that it pulled one to his face too. Her eyes were shiny with tears but there was no sadness there and the fact that she was reacting so strongly to his achievement made him fill with such warmth that he knew for sure, despite never having felt it before, that it was love.

“Starks!” With a roar he lifted the trophy above his head and stared as the people he loved started screaming and jumping even more.

As he stepped off the ice he was stopped by the flashing of cameras and people calling his name. Lannister was waving him over but Sandor stopped to take in the people leaning over the player aisle with their posters and memorabilia. During his career he never stopped to sign anything, being too busy with his own shit. Either being pissed after a loss or riding the high of a win. No matter the outcome of the game it would always end the same way, with him piss drunk. He wasn’t the same man now but he still hesitated. Because why would anyone want him to sign anything?

“Clegane! Clegane!” The sudden shouts made him jump and he walked over to the people who were suddenly shouting his name and not his old moniker to get his attention. With a surprised huff he started signing things and suddenly people were pushing things into his face. There seemed to be no end to it and for the first time ever he actually felt relieved when Lannister walked up to him.

“We have some people who want to talk to you.” He said with an annoyed tone that made Sandor bristle. “Don’t forget to mention the auction.”

“The one at the dinner?” Sandor asked confused and Lannister dragged his hand down his face.

“Did you even read the emails I sent you?” he asked and Sandor shook his head without hesitation. “For fuck sake. There will be an online auction at the same time as the one at the dinner. You signed a jersey for it.”

Sandor huffed in acknowledgement before taking a deep breath as he stepped in front of the camera.

“We are here with Sandor Clegane, who just had a resounding success at his comeback game.” Sandor avoided looking into the camera, keeping his side turned towards the reporter to keep his scars off camera. “How are you feeling after the big win?”

“Tired,” Sandor said deadpanned and the reporter gave a nervous laugh. “I’m not as young as I used to be and those guys on the other team are fucking fast. So I am pretty beat.”

“There has been a lot of hype for this game and for good reason. The fans were not disappointed by this display of talent from both teams, but what do you take away from the game?” Sandor noticed that the reporter kept his eyes slightly over Sandor’s shoulder and the fact that the man couldn’t even look him in the eye made Sandor want to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible.

“That I am too old to do this on a regular basis. So I wouldn’t call it a comeback. I am here because of the charity this game supports. And I hope that all the fans who enjoyed the game also want to make a difference for the kids and their families.” Sandor caught how Lannister nodded encouragingly towards him and he had to keep himself from rolling his eyes. “Go check out the auction on the charity’s website, there will be some cool items that you can bid on.”

Without another word Sandor headed down the aisle, walking past the rest of the press, ignoring their calls as well as Lannister’s. As he finally put the press behind him as well as the loud noise of the crowd he felt the adrenaline pass through him and he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

“Sandor!” His head twisted around to see the Starks standing by the security station and he felt so relieved to see them, as if he could breathe again and he hurried over to them.

“They are with me,” he growled out to the security guy who hurried to let them pass and he wasn’t prepared for it when Arya and Rickon ran straight into him. 

“You did it!” Arya released him out of her sudden embrace as quickly as she had hugged him and he felt a bit dazed as Rickon’s arms stayed around him for a bit longer. The kid released him after Sandor put his still gloved hand on his head and as he stepped back Bran pushed his wheelchair closed.

“You were awesome!” he said with a big smile and Sandor couldn’t do anything but return it. “That intercept you did on Greyjoy was epic!” 

“Yeah and that tripping call Dondarrion got was bogus but you handled the box play great!” Rickon added but Sandor was only half paying attention to what they were saying. His eyes were focused on Sansa as she walked towards him and his hands itched to reach out and grab her. Knowing that he could he pulled his gloves off, quickly followed by his helmet, as she reached him.

“I… Sansa…” he said softly and the smile that split her face rivaled any sunrise he had ever seen. Since he was still wearing his game gear and on his skates he was even taller than usual but it didn’t seem to deter her from reaching up on her toes and grabbing the back of his head. He followed her willingly as she pulled his face to hers and when her lips pressed against his with a surprising amount of need his hands wrapped around her back.

“Ew…” He wanted to ignore them and just spend the rest of the night kissing her like this, feeling as if she and him were two pieces of the same puzzle but the incessant gagging noises performed by her siblings pulled him back to their surroundings and with a sigh he let her go.

“Can we get out of here or are you guys going to suck face for much longer?” Arya asked deadpanned and Sandor gave her a long stern look.

“I guess you guys don’t want to meet some of the players then…” He said it casually but caught the way her eyes widened and the loud gasp from the boys. “Come on.”

He led them down towards the locker rooms and saw that some of the players were greeting fans and signing things in the hall. Sandor suspected most of the people there were friends and family of the players or the crews. Some even politely asked Sandor to sign things and he did it without hesitation.

“Holy shit that’s Khal Drogo!” Sansa threw Rickon a stern glare that caused the kid to duck his head. “I mean… Wow it’s Khal Drogo.”

Just then the large Dothraki man turned as if to head back into the locker room and Sandor caught the way Rickon’s face fell.

“You wanna meet him?” Sandor asked and for a second there was a flash of hope on the kid’s face but it was wiped away when the large man closed the door behind him. 

“Nah, it’s okay.” Rickon did a shit job of hiding his disappointment and Sandor knew with their relationship being fragile he didn’t want to push the kid. But he also knew this was something he could give him. The selfish part of him hoped it would mean he could slowly be earning his forgiveness.

“Give me one sec.” 

Without hesitation Sandor strode over to the other team's locker room and opened the door unceremoniously. There were some angry shouts but Sandor ignored them in favour of searching out the large foreign man whom he knew was Rickon’s favourite. He was pulling his gear off but stopped as he caught Sandor making his way towards him.

“What you want?” he asked in that thick accent of his, his dark eyes showing no emotions other than steele calm.

“Do you mind stepping outside for just a moment? There’s someone who’d love to meet you.” Sandor expected the man to protest or make him beg, he had after all beaten them and some people were sour fucking losers. Yet he did no such thing, instead he just shrugged and nodded.

“Okay.” Sandor was about to thank him but Drogo simply walked past him and out to the corridors, only wearing his undershirt and underwear. Not seeming in the least bothered by his lack of clothing. Rickon’s eyes went wide as saucers as he took in the large long haired man and Sandor caught the way Sansa smiled at her brother’s obvious delight.

“Your son?” Khal asked as he came up to where Rickon was standing. The question made Sandor tense up, remembering the strong reaction Rickon had had to a similar assumption at The Wall.

“Eh… No… He’s my…” As Sandor hesitated Rickon took a step forward and held out his black marker towards Khal.

“I’m his brother.” Sandor’s chest clenched so hard in his chest that it made him gasp and the emotion surge was so strong that he was unable to form any words as Khal found an empty spot on the kid’s jersey to sign on.

“Thank you,” Rickon said as the player pulled away and he only grunted in response before heading back into the locker room. The second the door closed Rickon turned his face towards Sandor and the beaming smile on his face made Sandor’s mouth twitch into a similar one.

“This is the coolest thing ever,” Bran said as he rolled up to them pointing to a signature on his jersey. “I got Stannis Baratheon’s signature. He was dad’s favourite.”

While the brother’s happily showed each other the signature’s they had collected, Sandor lifted his head and caught Sansa staring at him. Her cheeks flushed prettily but she didn’t look away, instead she held his eyes and it had his feet moving towards her. As he stopped in front of her she walked into him, her chest against his while her arms wrapped around his shoulders. Just holding her like this, wrapped in his arms, made him feel content in a way he didn’t think he would ever feel and he wished he had a way to show her how much this meant to him. How much their family meant, sure, but how much she meant. Just being affectionate like this, and craving it, was still new to him but he was quickly realizing he was never going to be able to go without it again.

“I… I’m so happy for you Sandor.” Her sweet voice spoke such sweet words that he couldn’t help but try to steal them with his mouth against hers. She hummed happily against his lips and that sound made him feel weak in the knees.

“I couldn’t have done this without you, without any of you.” She gave him a tender smile as he held her a little tighter.

“Yes you could have. You can do anything.” He was about to argue with her but when she put a finger to his lips and it caught him off guard enough to shut up any hopes of arguing. “You’ll never have to though.”

He felt his throat clog up and he could not tear up outside of the locker room. He would never hear the end of it from the other players. So instead he gave her a quick kiss and pulled out of her embrace.

“I should hit the shower. I’ll see you at the hotel in a bit and we’ll get ready for the charity dinner together?” he asked and she nodded with one of those warm smiles of her’s that he never could wrap his head around that they were meant for him.

* * *

It was later than he had wanted when he finally made it back to the hotel and he assumed Sansa was in the bathroom getting ready since he didn’t see her in the room as he opened the door. He heard a soft humming from the bathroom and the sound of her voice made him smile as he hurried over to the closet where his black suit hung. He was struggling with the tie when he heard the bathroom door opening.

The vision that stepped into the room had his heart jumping in his chest, threatening to escape. He could only stare as his eyes tried to take in what he was seeing. Sansa was gorgeous, her hair in a braid over one shoulder and wearing a floor length dress. The dress was a soft sparkly pink and it complemented her pale skin, making his head spin. She was such a natural beauty, always beautiful no matter what she wore, but knowing that she had made this effort for him made the impact even greater.

“You look amazing,” he pushed out breathlessly once he realised he had been quiet for too long and Sansa gave him a bashful smile before she stepped across the room to grab the ends of his tie that he had completely abandoned in favour of gawking at her.

“Thank you. And you look very handsome.” He smiled down at her as she tied his tie and the domesticity of the whole moment made his breath skip.

“Sansa.... I… I lo…” the words were at the tip of his tongue but were interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. She gave him an apologetic smile before she walked over to the table to pull her phone out of a small clutch.

“Yes Arya?” she asked with a long look at him and he had to suppress a chuckle when she rolled her eyes. “No, I said you guys could order dinner and something for dessert, not order the whole room service menu.”

Sandor couldn’t help himself as he walked up to her and held out his hand, silently asking for the phone and she handed it to him with a raised eyebrow.

“Hey Arya,” he said with a slight smirk and the girl hummed in acknowledgement on the other end. “Order whatever the hell you guys want from room service. My treat.”

“Awesome! Have a great night!” Arya said and he could hear the excited chatter on the other end of the line before it was cut off and Sansa gave him an exasperated look.

“What? Let them enjoy themselves.” Sansa hummed as she took her phone back and he pressed a kiss to her cheek in hopes of staving off any annoyance his rash decision could have caused.

“Remember you said that when they show you the bill,” she offered with a smirk and he grabbed her hand as they headed towards the door. She smiled up at him and he wished that he could have kissed her senseless in the elevator but he didn’t want to ruin her makeup before the night had even started.

“Wow, they are not holding back,” Sansa said as the driver opened the car door for them. Sandor bit back the comment about how Lannister could have donated the cost of the car to the charity instead. He knew it was the truth but he didn’t want to ruin the light mood that seemed to have filled Sansa. Instead he moved to sit close to her and nuzzled her neck, pressing open mouthed kisses down the column of her throat.

“Sandor…” the tone of voice told him she was trying to be admonishing but the breathless quality of it had him moving down to her clavicle, slowly moving his mouth along it. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he rasped out against her skin and he could feel the shiver as it went through her. “I can’t keep my hands, or my mouth off you.”

His hands moved to rest on her thighs and she sighed as his thumb drew lazy circles against her flesh. He almost purred when her hands pushed into his hair and her mouth came to rest against his ear, drawing goosebumps on his skin.

“Behave,” she chided as her lips closed around his earlobe. He grunted happily but the giddy feeling in his gut was stolen from him when the car stopped and he realised they were there. As he turned his head to look out the window he stiffened. There were people everywhere, people shouting and waving signs, people with cameras and microphones. “Sandor?”

“Of fucking course Lannister had to turn this into a spectacle. He couldn’t just support a charity? He had to fucking turn it into a redcarpet event?” Sandor turned his head to look at Sansa and saw the apprehension on her face and he wished that he could punch Lannister in the face. “It’s okay, we can turn back. You don’t have to go out there if you don’t want to. The press can be… vicious…” 

Her blue eyes darted up to his face and a confused frown twisted her face and he wished he knew what to say or do in order to make it go away.

“I… I am fine with doing whatever you want. If you don’t want to go out there then we won’t. But will you tell me why?” she asked and he sighed heavily. 

“The press, people, will know what you look like. They might look you and the kids up. There could be scrutiny. I don’t know how much interest there could be about my life these many years later but you shouldn’t have to put up with that shit because of me.” Sansa’s hand reached out to rest over his where it was clenched into a fist on his lap and the simple touch made his anger lessen somewhat.

“I don’t care about that Sandor. What I care about is being here for you. Being with you.” He knew she was being sincere. It was just hard to wrap his mind around the fact that she didn’t mind that people would know that someone as beautiful as her was with someone like him. The public would question what the hell she saw in an ugly fucker like him but there was no hesitation in her eyes. He lifted her hand to his lips and she gave him a small smile as he pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles.

“Let’s go then.”

Flashes went off as soon as he opened the door but Sandor focused his attention on helping Sansa out of the car. Once she was she wrapped her arm around his and as they walked down the blissfully short carpet he realised that she had placed herself on his scarred side so that whenever they had to stop for a photo he could turn towards her and hide his scars from the camera. The fact that she even thought to do that, to make him a little bit more comfortable told him he didn’t deserve her. But he was going to be sure to do everything he could to one day be.

“Clegane! Who’s your friend?!” The reporter kept shouting the same question as the flashes kept going off and Sandor turned his head towards Sansa. She gave him a soft look and he couldn’t stop the words even if he would have wanted to.

“This is Sansa, my girlfriend.” Sansa beamed at him and Sandor felt done with the whole thing. He just wanted to be alone with Sansa but he knew he had hours of painfully awkward socializing ahead of him. 

It was beyond painful. The awkward stilted conversations he felt forced to partake in grated against his soul. It was made worse by the fact that despite these rich assholes wanting to talk to him none of them had the decency to look him in the face while doing so. They kept their eyes on is chest, as if he couldn’t fucking tell the difference. The only one who looked him in the eyes were Sansa and he was beyond fucking grateful for her being there. 

The whole event was horrid, an exuberant show of wealth. Lannister had gone all out with the decor, gold accents everywhere, because what the fuck else could you expect from a Lannister? The decor was so extravagant that Sandor was terrified of accidentally tipping something over.

“Champagne?” Sandor flinched back as the waiter held out the tray close to his face and he felt Sansa’s hand on his back, steading him.

“No, thank you,” she said sweetly at the waiter as she with just her light grip on his arm led Sandor away from the throng of people and towards the bar in the back. Once they reached it she smiled at the bartender. “Could we have two glasses of soda water with slices of lemon?”

“You can drink if you want to,” Sandor interjected but she shook her head and a look of understanding flashed across the bartender’s face as he poured their soda water in high drink glasses. 

“You want to find our seats?” Sansa asked once they had their beverages and he nodded. He felt relieved that they were sitting with Beric and Oberyn and their dates. He didn’t even bristle as Oberyn bowed and kissed Sansa’s hand in greeting, not that much at least. Oberyn only grinned at him but Sandor knew he didn’t mean anything by it.

They were also sitting with Khal Drogo and his date and Sandor didn’t realise that she was the photographer from the interview until she asked Sansa if she received the photo of him and her. Sandor turned his head towards Drogo but the large man’s focus was completely on the petite photographer.

“So… how did you guys meet?” Sansa asked and the blonde woman blushed while Drogo smirked.

“Well, while doing the interview photoshoot actually.” She gave Drogo a soft smile and the man reached out a large hand to caress her cheek. “Since he was the captain of the other team we did a similar set up like for Sandor’s interview.”

“Dany very beautiful. I flirt, she flirt back. I knew, she is it.” Sansa turned her head to look at Sandor then and the tenderness in her eyes made him reach out a hand to squeeze her knee.

“The language barrier was a struggle at first but thankfully there are other ways to communicate, which we are very good at.” Dany gave Sansa a meaningful look and Sandor flinched when Sansa released a surprised giggle before clamping her hand over mouth. Sandor couldn’t keep in a dark chuckle as he saw her neck flush pink.

“I’d say we are pretty fluent in that type of communication. Don’t you?” Sandor whispered against the shell of her ear and despite the admonishing squeeze she gave his thigh he caught the way her skin rose in goosebumps.

“I’ve already told you once tonight to behave.” He was tempted to tease her further but before he got the chance to, the food was served and suddenly a voice was speaking in the sound system. Sandor sighed as he realised that there was some sort of ceremony being started. 

_ Fucking pretentious shit. _

As they ate, Sandor didn’t really put any attention to the stage, he could make out people talking and some polite laughter but his focus was on his food and on Sansa. She was chatting amicably with Dany and the other ladies at the table and from time to time she would reach out a hand to touch him. A fleeting hand on his thigh or squeeze of his arm and he relished in those small moments of affection. So when she whipped her head to look at him with wide eyes and gripped his arm hard he flinched, realising that he must have missed something.

“Sandor!” she exclaimed and he frowned in confusion. He darted his head around as he realised that everyone was staring at him and Beric was giving him a meaningful look.

“What?” he grunted out and turned his head back to Sansa.

“You won the MVP award, that’s what!” Oberyn exclaimed as he pushed him to get out of his chair and with an annoyed huff Sandor rose to his feet. Sansa was beaming at him and he didn’t know what the fuck everyone was expecting of him.

“Clegane! Come up here!” Sandor’s attention turned to the stage where Lannister was waiting along with Coach Selmy. Somehow his feet carried him over there and up the short steps and in the next second a smaller version of the trophy he had held earlier today was thrust into his hand.

He still couldn’t wrap his head around what was happening as he read the plaque engraved with “Most Valued Player” and he frowned. He lifted his eyes and the fact that everyone was staring at him expectantly made him feel like a cornered stray. He wanted to jump off the stage and run off but then his eyes caught Sansa’s and she was smiling, looking proud enough to burst. He held her eyes as he leaned down to the microphone and took a trembling breath.

“I’d say this was unexpected but I think by my reaction you could all already tell.” The slight chuckle from the crowd made his raising heart slow down a bit and he offered Sansa a small smile. “I don’t have much to say. Other than that this belongs to my family. Without them I’d never even have considered playing in tonight's game.”

He was about to step away when he caught the camera focused on him and he realised that it was probably streaming the whole event and the fact that they had wasted money on giving him a fucking trophy when they were supposed to support a charity made him bristle.

“While we are all here enjoying ridiculously pricey food there are families who are struggling. Much like the families most of you claim to be here tonight to support. So this trophy should belong to them, and not me.” Sandor looked right into the camera then. “Therefore I will donate this trophy, signed by me, for the online auction. Come on and spend your money on a good cause.”

Without another word he stepped down the stage and as he came back to their seats Sansa was on her feet hugging him and he didn’t care if they were all watching. He pressed his lips against hers because he really wanted to. He needed to.

“I’m just gonna go make sure this ends up on the auction site, I’ll be right back okay?” he said and kissed her again before heading off.

By the time he came back the tables had been cleared in order to make room for a dance floor and people were walking around again, making it hard for him to locate Sansa. He scanned the room and was making his way around a corner when he heard her voice.

“It’s good to see you too Margaery.” Her voice sounded polite but emotionless and Sandor wondered who Margaery was and why she caused Sansa to put her guard up.

“I am so thrilled to see you so happy! I mean, was I surprised to see you in the company of The Hound? Of course, but with the way you two look at each other I am just thrilled.” Sandor felt wrong listening to their conversation but he also didn’t know if Sansa would want him to interrupt them. “I am so glad you found someone, after everything. Is it serious?” 

“I… Well… Yes.” Sansa said and despite not seeing her face he could tell by the tone of her voice that she was blushing. “It’s very serious. We… I mean… I…”

“Love truly helps with healing, don’t you agree?”

Love? The word felt like a punch to the gut and Sandor couldn’t wrap his mind around what he was hearing.

“It does. Sandor… he’s been there for us, for me and I... love him.” He heard Sansa release an embarrassed laugh and he had to take a step backwards in order to lean his shoulder against the wall, suddenly overcome with dizziness. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to just spill that out to you. I apologize.”

“Never apologise for being in love.” 

Sandor didn’t even make the decision to step around the corner, he just couldn’t take standing there, knowing she loved him, and didn’t realise he had until he was standing in front of Sansa and a brown haired woman who gave him a polite smile despite her eyes never lifting high enough to look him in the face. Sandor didn’t even care at this point, his sole focus was on Sansa.

“Speak of the devil,” she said with a smirk and Sansa wrapped her arms around his. The closeness made his head feel even dizzier and he couldn’t really understand what he was feeling. It felt like the only thing keeping him from floating away was Sansa’s hold on him.

“Sandor, this is Margaery Tyrell. She and I went to college together, before… everything. You played against her brother Loras tonight.” Sandor gave a slight nod in response but his eyes were glued to Sansa. He wished that they were somewhere private so that he could talk to her about what she had admitted to the other woman. 

“Ah… I see my brother waving for me. It was truly lovely to see you again Sansa. Let’s get in touch, alright?” He heard them exchange some pleasantries and when she finally left Sansa turned her full attention to him.

“Are you alright?” He didn’t know what to say to that? Was he alright? The woman who had his heart had admitted to someone that she loved him. He had heard what he had hoped for, what he had wishfully suspected that he could see, feel and read in her touches, her looks and her smiles. He desperately wanted to hear her say it, but to him this time but it wasn’t like he could just demand it. He didn’t even know what he had done to deserve it.

_ She loves me. How the hell does she love me? _

“Sandor?” He reached his hand down to cup her cheek and when she leaned into the touch he exhaled heavily.

“Can we get out of here?” he asked and without hesitation she nodded and he allowed himself a short kiss before he pulled her by the hand out the backdoor.

He was grateful that they caught a cab quickly and he could tell by the way she was looking at him that she knew something was off and he suspected she was dying to ask him what. The only thing keeping her was probably the fact that they weren’t alone.

She tried to seize the opportunity when they were alone in the elevator but Sandor used his mouth to keep her distracted and as he kissed her desperately he couldn’t keep from chanting the words in his head.

_ You love me. You love me. _

She squealed in surprise when he picked her up and laughed as he carried her down the hall towards their hotel room. The surge of adrenaline running through his veins made him feel almost high yet he knew that the only thing making him feel like that was Sansa. He gently put her down on her feet as the door closed behind them and she reached up to hold his face in her hands.

“Sandor… What is going on? Are you okay?” He closed his eyes as he tried to make his racing heart slow down but she knew him so well that she could tell something was off, she knew him better than anyone in this world and she loved him. He knew that now and it both exhilarated and terrified him. He knew he loved her, he knew that he had given her heart long ago. But knowing that she had given hers in return scared the shit out of him. What if he stopped being deserving of it? Worse, what if he hurt her irrevocably? He wouldn’t be able to live with himself. “Sandor!”

The demanding tone in her voice made his eyes fly open and her blue eyes were shining up at him and now he knew that what he was seeing was love. Her love for him and he couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“You love me.” Her eyes widened in surprise and there was a flush growing on her cheeks but she didn’t look away. There was no hesitation in her eyes or voice as she smiled at him.

“I do. I love you, Sandor.” Hearing her saying it, to him felt like he was suddenly under water. The world quieted and all there was this moment of serenity until it split, like he was breaking the surface, into a moment of absolute bliss.

His mouth surged down towards hers and despite him instigating the kiss she was the one claiming him. She owned him, heart and soul, and he wouldn’t want it any other way.

“I love you,” he grunted out against her lips. “I love you so fucking much.”

“Sandor,” she gasped as he hid his face in the crook of her neck as his emotions started to overwhelm him, breathing her in as she stroked the back of his head. It was the first time he had ever said those words to anyone and he had thought they would be hard to speak out loud. They came surprisingly easy though, because they were the truth and they were meant for her. All for her.

“I love you Sansa.” A sudden happy laugh bursted out of her chest and it’s twin escaped from him and he reveled in the fact that he got to experience this. A moment of pure happiness, a moment of love.

_ She loves me. How the hell did I get so lucky? _


End file.
